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Featured How to find a boyfriend for a person like me

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by sheamiao, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. sheamiao

    sheamiao Newbie

    162
    +108
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I reach the age everyone is trying to ask me about my marital status .by everyone I actually mean parents, friends and families. I am self rejoice and sufficient to be single but when it is exposed to people I feel ultimately embarrassed. I feel ashamed .

    I think I need a fair amount of self analysis. I love ❤️ God , so he is my top boyfriend. But I do need a second copy on earth. To be intimate, to enjoy life, to partner together, to love people or do charity together. I like to help people with severe mental or physical diseases by using scriptures , or materials things . He need to be a firm believer of anti-premarital sex. But I don't know how to find him, i send these words as signals to hope he is going to receive them with his antenna. I don't go to bars, I excises outdoor so I don't go to public places. My close friends from college went on with their lives with kids and husbands, I don't have close friend afterward.

    Any advice?
     
  2. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,423
    Christian
    Married
    The standard advice is if you want a Godly husband then you need to work on being a Godly Women so you can attract the right man for you. If people ask then tell them that you're waiting for the right person for you and you do not want to compromise your values by settling for less than the best of what God wants and has for you.
     
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  3. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yagna Mukkamala Supporter

    368
    +478
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    You are a wonderful creation in the Lord Jesus Christ. If you desire a boyfriend that's wonderful. But you don't need one honey :). You are complete in Christ. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and He'll bring a godly boyfriend in to your life. Resist family and peer-pressure and you'll discover His will. God bless :)
     
  4. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

    +517
    Christian
    Married
    Here are some tips.

    Internet Dating
    Opposite to popular belief Christian Internet dating is actually a very good way to meet local singles. It is the way I met my wife, but I will leave the discussion of our meeting to a different category. Every person I met while internet dating were very good Christians with good walks with God. The trick with internet dating is to pick profiles that share similar spiritual interests to you. If you like to talk about God, find some one who talks about God in their profile. But don’t pick some one who you think is too spiritual for you. There were people who talked about going on mission trips, that was too spiritual for me, they were very good people, and although my walk with God has been one of outreach to unbelievers going on overseas mission trips is not my thing. Pick people who sound like they are at your level. My wife did not have much success with dating men online, so experiences may vary, just test people out.

    Expect Rejection
    Many people date more than one person, or when online dating have communication with multiple different people. This means that in the dating world a person may leave you for some one they see as better. I once dated a really nice Christian girl who I met on a dating Website, we got on really well together, and had a good time. But eventually she found another man and went out with him, he was better looking than me. So be prepared for rejection, and don’t take it personally.

    Be Prepared to make friends
    There was a Church I attended where there were quite a few girls that I liked. I found that over time I made friends with all of them. We were friends for years. I also got to know some of their parents. This was not something I had to force but it just happened naturally. Be open to natural connections. But be aware that you may need to actually ask one of them out, I hid my feelings for years, so never really will ever know if one of them would have dated me. Friendships are good, but because the goal of friendship is not marriage it is hard to know where you stand. After a season of genuine friendship if you do like some one I suggest ask them out. But be prepared for your friendship to end some girls get spooked if you bring up the relationship word. It has happened to me once.

    Mission Trip Meetings
    Often Christians meet their partner on mission trips. Or during church out reaches or groups. Often a Christian partner will have a similar desire in God to you. My brother met his wife on a mission trip. God spoke to him and told him he was going to marry a person on the trip. He thought it was the devil, so ignored it. But the girl who God mentioned took an interest in him, and they started dating, they then got married, they now have a happy family life.

    Direct Revelation from God
    In this section I am going to discuss the care that needs to be taken when entering this realm. I am a Christian who prays a lot and from time to time can hear God's voice. He has used this method for various ministry reasons such as, salvation, or rescue, or finding out special information useful for furthering the gospel. But when it comes to relationships you must be careful. Firstly the devil often will try to deceive people into thinking they are destined for a particular person who will never marry them or even like them, to cause harm to them. The other difficulty is God may set you up in a situation and give you a chance, but ultimately the other person has a choice and that choice may be no. I once saw a really attractive girl on a Christian dating Website, I said to God, "Could you get that person to contact me and let me know you sent them, I am too scared to ask her out". One year latter that girl contacted me asking me out for a date. At the same time some days before she contacted me God gave me a vision of the place where the person had been baptised, and gave me a picture version of their online username. So when this person turned up I though great God has sent me a wife, with out thinking I told the girl that I had had a vision, and though we were destined to be married. This scared her witless, and she said I was being too intense. This filled me with fear, and I sent her an email telling her she was probably right, and told her all my faults. This just scared her off because she probably though I was crazy, and it totally devastated me, the devil used it as an opportunity to blame God, and it caused me to doubt God even loved me or cared for me, to the point I felt God did not even want me to be a Christian. From this you can see that although God may answer your prayer, even provide you with a sign, there is not a 100% guarantee that things will work out. People have a choice. That said I actually received my wife via direct revelation from God. I was on a Christian dating site and I said to God there must be someone on here who could make a good wife for me show me who. I prayed for a search term to enter into the search box, with the word I received I typed it into the search box. My wife’s profile came up first in the search results. I thought she looked ok, so I contacted her. To my supprise she had been trying to contact me, but had been unable to. We were in the same city, so we decided to go out dating, and I told her nothing about what I had done in prayer. We got on well together, went out for a few months to movies, parks, shopping, and decided to marry. We are now happily married and have a son. So God can use direct revelation. But be aware when trying to hear God’s voice, God does not always speak, often the devil will always say something to confuse you. Voices in the spirit realm are very similar. So you may well hear Satan, or both God and the devil. If you start getting confused, just stop, and be aware God has not spoken. If things start working out for good, just use your natural mind to test things out. The spiritual will just lead to the natural anyway. You don’t want to be asking God for every thing, he just won’t tell you, and it will give the devil the opportunity to confuse you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  5. sheamiao

    sheamiao Newbie

    162
    +108
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Thanks, your words sort of released me. I need this attitude of being happy no matter God get me married or not. I am sort of like that if my family do not ask me . But yeah, you are right. Thanks, but why I've served the lord for 3 years and I am still single? I feel I am in a circle. Yes, but ,yes and but.anyone is with me?
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  6. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yagna Mukkamala Supporter

    368
    +478
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    Amen :). My pleasure. See you in heaven if not sooner :)
     
  7. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " We can only go up from here" :)

    +1,583
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    US-Democrat
    Right. You really don't need one. I'm 25 and still single and I'm pretty used to it :)
     
  8. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,013
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Uh...church?!
    If hes not in church then I dont know where he could be. Away on missions, possibly. Just tell your parents, friends and family to stop nagging you about it. To do this, if they ask, do you have a boyfriend, say back no, what has that got to do with the price of fish? And then start talking about the price of fish.

    I think its extremely rude of people to always ask singles if they are married when its obvious they arent. I think people ought to accept people as they are and if their spouse isnt with them then if someone is married they would be wearing a ring or talking about their spouse anyway.

    Anyway enougn rant take heart Jesus wasnt ever married on earth so dont sweat it.

    See 1 corinthians 7:8
     
  9. sheamiao

    sheamiao Newbie

    162
    +108
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Thanks I did signed up for eharmony, unfortunately nothing happen .but thank you for your informative word, I will study it later.
     
  10. Na Nach Oi!

    Na Nach Oi! Embracing paradoxical thinking

    440
    +110
    Messianic
    Private
    If internet dating and joining Youth Church are futile, do this.

    "Ask for your parents to arrange you with somebody."
    Don't hesitate to do this. Listen carefully to your biological clock.

    My another advice is this: Get married and have children. America is so depopulated right now.
     
  11. Na Nach Oi!

    Na Nach Oi! Embracing paradoxical thinking

    440
    +110
    Messianic
    Private
    Why did God create Eve to accompany Adam?
     
  12. All4Christ

    All4Christ +The Handmaid of God Laura+ Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +3,405
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    It is perfectly acceptable to not marry someone and be single. Paul was a strong supporter of that lifestyle. One of the worst things is to rush. It is very easy to get into a bad marriage that way.

    If the OP desires to be married, and wants to have her family arrange a marriage, then so be it. If she wants to wait until God brings someone into her life, that also is perfectly fine. Saying "Listen to her biological clock" in relation to finding a man and getting married quickly is not appropriate and is dangerous for relationships. Giving advice to "get married and have children" due to America being depopulated is demeaning to her value as an individual person - a daughter of God.

    To the OP - you are precious to God single or married. I was 31 when I married my husband. I'm so glad I didn't rush and that I waited. It is really important to be whole with God on your own without a boyfriend or husband. In a sense, it is a good thing that you have had time to be close with God without another person fulfilling you in your life.

    Prayer is critical. God will lead you. Our Lord is sufficient for us and will help in times of need.

    On a practical level, could you volunteer at some local charities? Go to some church activities even outside your own church? Some activities are attended by people from various congregations.
     
  13. All4Christ

    All4Christ +The Handmaid of God Laura+ Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +3,405
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Why was Jesus completely fine with women disciples who weren't trying to find a husband?

    This argument only works if you believe men must have a wife as well. To be consistent, you would need to believe that Paul was disobeying God by saying it is good to not marry if you don't desire to do so (assuming celibacy if you choose to remain single).

    That said, as this is Christian Advice, I don't want to debate this here.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  14. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,765
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Depending on how old you are I know there are age range forums on here, CF also. LIke one of Teens, 20 Something's all the way up. THen there are I think a "Singles" and maybe even a College Age but don't quote me on the College Age subforum.

    I think the different areas are here Life Stages | Christian Forums

    Make friends, and then friends have friends. Be blessed.
     
  15. FireDragon76

    FireDragon76 Well-Known Member

    +2,855
    United States
    Lutheran
    Private
    Don't be pressured into a relationship or conformity unless you really want a relationship. Pray to God that he would show you the deepest desires of your heart , and then trust him enough to go with that.

    If this is what you really want, making friendships is always a good place to start. It's important for a long-term relationship. Dating and matchmaking sites on the internet are OK, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there socially. That may require some work on yourself or even therapy if you find it very difficult.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  16. Na Nach Oi!

    Na Nach Oi! Embracing paradoxical thinking

    440
    +110
    Messianic
    Private
    Which women disciples?

    I don't know about Paul, maybe he is asexual or have low sex drive (this is maybe caused by genetic factor), or he is a workaholic in his ministry ("ministry-holic"). Not everyone could accept his message (Matthew 19:11).

    But in reality, many Christians are incels (involuntary celibates). They probably have high sex drive but there is no spouse to fulfill this desire.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
  17. Your Brother In Christ

    Your Brother In Christ Christian YouTuber

    215
    +158
    Christian
    Single
    I will tell you where to find one when you tell me where to find a girlfriend, that is not abusive and a real, well you know. I have done internet dating and it is a joke, I do apologize I could not me more helpful.

    I will pray for your guidance, and good luck.
     
  18. Na Nach Oi!

    Na Nach Oi! Embracing paradoxical thinking

    440
    +110
    Messianic
    Private
    BTW, she is 30s.
     
  19. Na Nach Oi!

    Na Nach Oi! Embracing paradoxical thinking

    440
    +110
    Messianic
    Private
    Internet dating for young woman nowadays is for their "ego-boosting", to feed their own narcissism.
     
  20. Your Brother In Christ

    Your Brother In Christ Christian YouTuber

    215
    +158
    Christian
    Single
    That seems to be the case
     
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