Becoming Pope is nothing to which one should aspire. I wouldn't wish that much responsibility on anybody.Trust me, I have no reason to lie about all of this, my life is in shards and I'm pulling the plug very soon. I am 100% sure that becoming a Pope was my destiny. I was elected and I sure as hell understood God's message for me correctly.
I have repented, but my repentance does not come forth from heartfelt sorrow for what I've done, so it's all in vain. I didn't expect God to punish me with death for this and now it's time that I complete the punishment and off myself. Seven months of prayer have resulted in nothing, not a piece of progress. God wants nothing to do with me anymore and I should just accept that I am going to hell.
Hey Mike, thanks for your reply.Hello Sinan, my name is Michael and I live in the United States. I intend this to be a fairly long post, so perhaps a little background on my experiences will help you have the patience to read the entire post through. Like you, I was an atheist/agnostic as a young man. Like you, I did drugs, smoked, and drank. I, too, came to the Lord Jesus after growing up, and I was in my mid-twenties when God called me to be His. I, too, had an early period of great joy and the wonderful feeling of being filled with the Spirit (the best I can describe it is it was like a great bright liquid white light was in my chest/heart), and I could not contain it and the joy I felt. For me, this lasted for several years. I also felt called into the ministry and I went to Bible college to begin my training. Yet while I was in my 2nd year I began to slowly lose my mind, but I managed to finish my degree. My problem was that I believed that everyone could hear my thoughts and feel what I felt all the time, and this all stemmed from an LSD trip I had shortly before becoming a Christian, and this problem slowly eroded my faith and I ran away from my church friends and hid in a hotel room for almost a year. Living there, my problem only became stronger. Eventually I told God: "If this is salvation I don't want it", and I said three times, for emphasis, "I renounce my salvation". Of course, I felt totally lost and was constantly thinking of killing myself, and I even had a shotgun in my mouth at one point, but God granted me a vision of my parents grieving terribly and I could not bring this pain to them. But my problem persisted. I sought psychiatric help again (I had briefly before running away to the hotel), and went through a time of trying different medications. Finally, even though none of the drugs completely got rid of my problem, the fog began to lift (after 2 and 1/2 years), and I began to be able to explore life again. At that point I remembered what I had done in the hotel room, renouncing my faith, and I feared that I had committed blasphemy of the Spirit. My parents convinced me to go to their church, and despite my fears and doubts I began attending. Slowly, over the course of a few years, my faith came back to me. Now, looking back on it, I realize that there had been some habitual sin in my life that God had tried to deal with me about, but I had that feeling and felt that nothing could come between me and God, so I ignored the warning signs. I am still healing, and still have habitual sin in my life that I am wrestling with, and I wish I could say that feeling of joy in the Spirit was back again, but it's not, and I don't think it will be until I deal with the habitual sin. But, minus the feeling, God is blessing me again. He has gifted me to teach, and despite my sin He is still using me to lead a small Bible study.
So that is where I have been.
This sounds very much like my early experience. I have to ask, though, how did Jesus communicate with you?
Who were your spiritual counselors at the time, and what did they think of this revelation?
It sounds like things went downhill much faster for you, but I can't help but relating somewhat. I am not going to confirm nor deny that your call to be Pope was from God or not, but you have to admit it does sound pretty wild, right? I am out of time for today, but I'll finish my response tomorrow evening.
As a parting message, may I encourage you to go again to seek out psychiatric help? Your thoughts of suicide are not healthy. Prayers your way;
Mike
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time.
Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me
Good luck on your journey.
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time. Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me and I am done with Him. I'll just accept going to hell if such a thing even exists.
Farewell people,
Good luck on your journey.
Sinan
Hello all,
My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.
I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.
Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.
Thank you.
Not being able to accept that this communication wasn't from God is the problem. You're not praying to God, you're praying to the false god that deluded you in the first place, which is why you can't get help from the True God. Reject the lie, and the lying demons, and beg the True God to deliver you from the passions of pride and vanity, by which the demons have come to control you, and to deliver you from the demon's tyranny. May the Lord have mercy upon you, Sinan.I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time. Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me and I am done with Him. I'll just accept going to hell if such a thing even exists.
Farewell people,
Good luck on your journey.
Sinan
First of all, you were lied to by a servant of Lucifer, if not Lucifer himself. Second, Roman Catholicism is Luciferian in origin. Third, YAHWEH EL ELOHIM has already said that the current Pope is the last one that will ever be in that particular position, as he will usher in the Antichrist religion, if not head it outright. Fourth, the modern Papacy, among many other false forms of Christianity and Judaism, have become the de facto Pharisees of our time and, as such, you would do well to run, and not walk, away from them in your life. You have a right to marry a woman, but you are correct to avoid alcohol, smoking, and drugs, as they can lead to other forms of idolatry, witchcraft, sorcery, and demonic oppression and depression in your life. Fifth, you were in an intense spiritual battle and you need YAHWEH EL ELOHIM and His Word more than you do all of the corruption from the known evil influences that were blocking your path spiritually/metaphysically and from things like Roman Catholicism
Not being able to accept that this communication wasn't from God is the problem. You're not praying to God, you're praying to the false god that deluded you in the first place,
Because we are trained and experienced in spiritual warfare and are well versed in the wiles and tactics of the evil spirits. We are also gifted with discernment of spirits and can see what is in the hearts and minds of people so as to guide them. I explained to this young man that I have experienced very similar struggles and was guided out of them by the grace of God working in my spiritual father and God's grace working in me. God never tells people they are special. God fills people with a sense of their total worthlessness. This is the blessed "poverty of spirit" that the Lord Jesus tells us we are blessed to have in His sermon on the mount. Poverty of spirit is the beginning of all heavenly blessedness. Only the servants of the evil one convince people to accept the idea that they are someone important. This young man has become spiritually ill because of passions and demons, not because he failed any special calling from God. If He wants to get well he needs to humbly accept that he is nothing and to cry out to God for deliverance from his pride and vainglory, and the demons who are wrecking his mind and heart through these passions. God will deliver Him if he cries out with faith that God hears and will save him.How certain are you that it was not God who was calling this young man; a call which strengthened and enriched his faith and led him to study theology for a while? You think the devil would lead someone to God in that way?
Because we are trained and experienced in spiritual warfare and are well versed in the wiles and tactics of the evil spirits. We are also gifted with discernment of spirits and can see what is in the hearts and minds of people so as to guide them.
I am very sure that I received a call from God. They way He orchestrated life events to get me to build my faith were just amazing. It's such a beautiful experience. I was in direct communion with God for a long time and he taught me a lot and put me through trials which were orchestrated perfectly.That's as maybe; and don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gift to have.
But this man's testimony was that he believed that God called him to be pope and as a result of that, his faith was enriched and he started to study theology.
As I said, he could well be wrong about the calling to Papacy; perhaps the call was genuine and the man just made a mistake about the direction. I, and a friend, both felt called to ordination. Neither of us are now ordained ministers. In responding to that call, we learnt many things/read certain books/had certain experiences, and now believe we are where God wanted us. Had we brushed aside this call as not being from God, and not started to pursue it, we would not have learnt any of these things.
Also, a call like that may well be followed by a period of doubt/self examination/despair. Partly because someone will naturally doubt themselves and/or if they have heard from God, and partly because the devil may try to throw a spanner in the works, lead them away from God, focus their minds on something else - seeing as he is the thief who comes to kill and destroy.
Which is why I ask - Papacy aside - how do you know that this man did not have a genuine call from God?
I've read testimonies from people who were convinced they were called to become Ministers/clergy - even though they were atheists at the time. The Lord told Ananais that Saul of Tarsus was his chosen instrument, even though Ananais only knew him as a Jew who was persecuting the church.
Personally, I could not be so sure that this man has not received a call, of some sort, from God - whatever he is going through at the moment. And I certainly wouldn't advise him that he was deceived and needed to repent for worshipping a false god.
Hey Mike, thanks for your reply.
I am sorry about your difficult times in life.
You asked me how Jesus communicated with me. Well, when I was awakened in the church during the communion of my little sister, I became very introspective. I began to learn a lot about myself and my relation to God. I recall times where I was actually having conversations in my mind with Jesus. In this higher state of consciousness I was in, some events just struck me as if they were organised by God. So many events were just perfectly timed and basically fitted into my own personal story. Things like me taking up books as a toddler and chanting from them as if I were a priest, and my last name 'Shamun' translating into Simon, as in Saint Simon Peter and me being born exactly 9 months after valentine's day to spread love in this world and many more things which I can't remember which convinced me that I was elected to become a Pope. The Holy Spirit guided me through this process and everytime I found out more about my calling, I felt this huge burst of love coming from the Holy Spirit. I am so so so sure that this was from God and not some evil spirit.
My spiritual counselor was a priest who worked in the psychiatric unit. He believed my story and did not say that it couldn't have been God's work and no one will be able to convince me that it wasn't from God.
About the suicidal thoughts: I am not really having suicidal thoughts per sé. It's just that my mind is totally messed up now, like I'm stuck in a vague limbo with an undescribable way of thinking, really mind numbing and soul torturing. I am not depressed and I'm not having negative thoughts so that's not leading to me thinking I could better kill myself. I am still seeking psychiatric help, but there's nothing they can treat me for. It turned out I did not have a drug related psychosis , I am not bipolar or schizophrenic, I am not depressed. What I'm experiencing is the curse I was warned for when my awakening started and I know that it can't be done. Hell, I did not even post my OP because I thought I could be helped, and my heart has become so darkened that I'm not genuinely looking for God anymore. I know I have forsaken God and that my chances to reconcile are gone and I know I can't take this much longer. I don't even wanna live for a God that let's people suffer in this way. If I were in America I would have shot myself a long time ago already.
It is without a doubt, given his own detailed description of his experiences following his initial calling, and from the spiritual outcome (his falls into sin and his current spiritual state), that he's been lead into a very bad place by some very bad influences. The devil perverts callings by God all of the time, by appearing in the guise of an angel of light. There are countless examples of spiritual people who fell into delusion in this way. I have also had to be subject to this temptation. It is real, and it is the greatest danger to people who embark upon spiritual life. When a believer succumbs to this danger it usually causes the unfortunate psychological distress that Sinan is describing to us here. I have been submitting my unworthy prayers to God that if His servant Sinan is indeed suffering so, that He will send down his grace upon Him and give him peace. Please let us all pray to our great God for his healing and restoration.How certain are you that it was not God who was calling this young man; a call which strengthened and enriched his faith and led him to study theology for a while? You think the devil would lead someone to God in that way?
Hello all,
My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.
I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.
Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.
Thank you.
I am very sure that I received a call from God. They way He orchestrated life events to get me to build my faith were just amazing. It's such a beautiful experience. I was in direct communion with God for a long time and he taught me a lot and put me through trials which were orchestrated perfectly.
Also, I know I have probably committed the unforgivable sin because I don't actually fear having done so. My efforts to reconcile with God are all in vain because the will to do so is not legit. My heart is darkened to the fullest and there's no way I can return to Him.
My heart is darkened to the fullest and there's no way I can return to Him.
I have already found peace in dying without Christ.
Perhaps I can be forgiven at the Day of Judgement, because all of this was just a huge mistake made by a silly 20 year old.
Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this thread...dont get mixed up with RCC.
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