Hopeless spiritual crisis

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Galnaros]

I am still a 100% sure that it was a valid revelation and I know that it was timed exactly at the right moment. The things that were revealed to me during this awakening process are the evidence for that. And on the truth..I have been digging into the truth which can be found in the Bible for the last 7 months without revelation, and I have prayed and prayed and prayed but that didn't do anything either.

When nothing else is left, the truth remains. You can't fight against the truth and win – you realize that? Many people ignore the truth and can't be bothered to think about it, but you are considering it.

Jesus is the truth (John 14: 6): He, the Son of God, was born a man, and by the power of His eternal spirit He atoned for our sins on the cross and rose from the dead!

If someone approaches the truth, he or she is offered mercy, atoning grace of God, because that's the only truth there is. Nothing can be done about this. So when you find yourself in a hopeless place, where everything is lost, you're faced with the truth, Jesus Christ.

It's not a sin to choose not to pursue to become a Pope or wanting to get married one day. I agree with the others who say it probably wasn't a revelation from God (that you are to become a Pope of RCC).

If God has destined you to become a Christian leader of some sort, He'll make it happen the right way and in the right time. I'd advice you to begin by trusting the truth, Jesus Christ.

 

[Galnaros]

Have you tried cutting off the thoughts?

I have tried anything that was adviced to me including cutting of the thoughts. I can't cut off the thoughts because they have become a part of me. The only way I can cut off the thoughts is by consciously focussing on not thinking, but that's not something I want to do all day. I don't really mind having those thoughts. I am more concerned about me being an absolute zombie. I haven't had a joyous moment for a long time. I haven't been happy,sad,afraid,amazed,surprised,etc for all this time and it's driving me crazy(sad part is that it's not actually driving me crazy because I can't get frustrated or mad either). I used to crack up when scrolling through my facebook feed. I used to laugh when someone made a silly joke, now it's all gone into nothingness.

 

[truefiction1]

I have tried anything that was adviced to me including cutting of the thoughts. I can't cut off the thoughts because they have become a part of me. The only way I can cut off the thoughts is by consciously focussing on not thinking, but that's not something I want to do all day. I don't really mind having those thoughts. I am more concerned about me being an absolute zombie. I haven't had a joyous moment for a long time. I haven't been happy,sad,afraid,amazed,surprised,etc for all this time and it's driving me crazy(sad part is that it's not actually driving me crazy because I can't get frustrated or mad either). I used to crack up when scrolling through my facebook feed. I used to laugh when someone made a silly joke, now it's all gone into nothingness.

Have you tried cutting off the thoughts by praying in their place? Have you been taught how to use the "Jesus Prayer"?

 

[Galnaros]

Have you tried cutting off the thoughts by praying in their place? Have you been taught how to use the "Jesus Prayer"?

I pray the Jesus Prayer in the Dutch language from time to time

 

[JohannaSK]

I am still a 100% sure that it was a valid revelation and I know that it was timed exactly at the right moment. The things that were revealed to me during this awakening process are the evidence for that. And on the truth..I have been digging into the truth which can be found in the Bible for the last 7 months without revelation, and I have prayed and prayed and prayed but that didn't do anything either.

I would still advice that you shouldn't expect the truth to come to you as some kind of "revelation-experience". In my comment I expressed the truth from the Bible: It's Jesus Christ.

He's the only hope anyone of us has.

May God guide and bless you!

 

[truefiction1]

I pray the Jesus Prayer in the Dutch language from time to time

The Jesus Prayer is meant to be prayed unceasingly as a goal. The mind is to remain attentive to the meaning of each of the words of the prayer. We can't attend to useless thoughts if we are attending to the words of the prayer.

Since it is prayer, we are in the very presence of the One we call upon with our words. He sees the thoughts and movements of the heart. Say the words and mean them, and don't be carried away by any thoughts into fantasy.

 

[truefiction1]

"Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."

 

[truefiction1]

Oh, and if you begin using the Jesus Prayer as I explained above, both your own fallen human nature and spiritual enemies (demons) will resist it violently. Your weakened spiritual nature will cause you to make excuses for not dedicating your time and effort to this prayer. The demons will entice you with thoughts connected to passionate impulses in order to get you to listen to their lies and accept the lies into your heart. For this reason, it might be benficial for you to read a little on spiritual delusion. There are some good articles on it here: What Is Spiritual Delusion (Prelest) - О духовной прелести

 

[ExSoldier]

Hello all,

My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.

I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

Thank you.

Hi Sinan, I have had a very similar experience, which ended up with me being put in a psychiatric ward. Let me just first put your mind at rest, by saying you have NOT committed the unpardonable sin. How do I know? (Because that was the same tactic the enemy used on me to think I was going to hell and couldn't be forgiven, you'd be surprised how many people he's tried to go insane using that. Also be very careful about what you listen to, I left the Army thinking I was hearing from God and receiving instructions from Him, when in actual fact they weren't from Him. I almost lost my faith. The bible talks about deceiving spirits and teachings from demons, so be careful with the whole pope thing my friend.

 

[Galnaros]

Hi Sinan, I have had a very similar experience, which ended up with me being put in a psychiatric ward. Let me just first put your mind at rest, by saying you have NOT committed the unpardonable sin. How do I know? (Because that was the same tactic the enemy used on me to think I was going to hell and couldn't be forgiven, you'd be surprised how many people he's tried to go insane using that. Also be very careful about what you listen to, I left the Army thinking I was hearing from God and receiving instructions from Him, when in actual fact they weren't from Him. I almost lost my faith. The bible talks about deceiving spirits and teachings from demons, so be careful with the whole pope thing my friend.

Thanks for sharing this with me. Though I still believe that I have committed the unforgivable sin , since my 7 month repentance and prayer didn't fix anything.
If we consider that this whole Pope thing was an attack from the enemy(which I know is not true), how did this experience mess up my mind so much that I can't stand living with it anymore. My mind is literally just a fartbox every moment of the day. Why does the real God to Whom I pray not help me despite all my efforts? The mental anguish is just unbearable and I am starting to lose my faith in a good outcome. My hope lays in reincarnation, I believe I can be forgiven if I off myself in this life and get another chance in another life even though Hebrews 9:27 states that we only live once.

 

[ExSoldier]

I know you still believe you've committed the unpardonable sin, and your convinced because of what you said against the Holy Spirit and what the bible teaches. But here's the thing. So did I, and almost went insane. But yet here I am walking with the Lord again. I've been in the British Army for over 20 years, and one of the key elements to defeating any enemy is knowing how he operates. If the devil can use scripture against Jesus by trying to get him to commit suicide, he will certainly use it against you and me. Tell the enemy to do one and get back in the fight man. Never mind listening to his garbage.

 

[ExSoldier]

I would still advice that you shouldn't expect the truth to come to you as some kind of "revelation-experience". In my comment I expressed the truth from the Bible: It's Jesus Christ.

He's the only hope anyone of us has.

May God guide and bless you!

Johanna that is the most sound advice I've heard. When we depart from the Word we can get into all sorts of trouble and error.

 

[dqhall]

I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

Thank you.[/QUOTE]

Pope John Paul II knew eight languages. Your dream of going from university student to managing a very large church seems to have omitted some important job skills you had not yet acquired.

God is real. Finding God's will for you should be your hope. There are other vocations you might consider. These are entry level positions in society.

There were people like you who were lost, wandering, without important places in the community. Some of them found Jesus and are now better citizens supporting themselves by their labors and by the word of God.

 

[ExSoldier]

Listen mate, flinging in the towel is not even an option brother. Instead get up, dust yourself off and be the man you are. You are a soldier for Christ. Learn how to fight. I've got your back brother, now rise up and walk.

 

[mcarmichael]

If you're Catholic, why don't you simply go to confession? Talk to a bonefied Catholic Priest?

 

[truefiction1]

Thanks for sharing this with me. Though I still believe that I have committed the unforgivable sin , since my 7 month repentance and prayer didn't fix anything.
If we consider that this whole Pope thing was an attack from the enemy(which I know is not true), how did this experience mess up my mind so much that I can't stand living with it anymore. My mind is literally just a fartbox every moment of the day. Why does the real God to Whom I pray not help me despite all my efforts? The mental anguish is just unbearable and I am starting to lose my faith in a good outcome. My hope lays in reincarnation, I believe I can be forgiven if I off myself in this life and get another chance in another life even though Hebrews 9:27 states that we only live once.

Nope. There is no hope in reincarnation. If you off yourself your torment will get worse. You have not committed the unpardonable sin. You were deluded by evil spirits and sold your mind into bondage to them because of sinful desire. They told you something flattering, you accepted it, and by doing so you invited them into your mind and they have wrecked it and continue to do so. You are not the only young man they have done this to, nor are you the only one that has succumbed to this temptation. Many have, and they suffered as you are suffering. That is how we know that God did not tell you you were to be Pope. God tells people of their unworthiness so that they can receive blessed poverty of spirit. God does not tell people they are special. Only evil spirits do that.

 

[frettr00]

I've been through some rough times too. I went insane in 2014 through months of psychosis. I lost my job and crashed my car because of it too. I got another job and got fired from that one too. I'm now unemployed again and have no idea where I'm going in life. I even worry about becoming homeless and being off my medication. I don't have friends, but I have my parents who let me live with them temporarily. How do I find purpose in a life like this? I pray for others, be charitable and love my neighbor. I get upset and frustrated in my thoughts too, but I know giving up on God isn't going to help me or anyone else. You haven't committed the unforgivable sin either because the unforgiveable sin is dying in a state of unrepentance. It isn't saying some curse words at God. I know suffering in it's various forms is unpleasant, but we have to endure through the trials God gives us.

 

[Vicomte13]

I want to know how to get out of this situation.

For starters, stop saying that God selected you to become a Pope. It's not true. The spirit that grabbed you wasn't God. It was an evil spirit. Understand: the voice that was telling you that was not God. It was Satan, deceiving you, leading you astray.

Second, you have spoken openly of suicide on this thread several times. If you commit that act, the spirit that led you astray will have succeeded in his mission: deceived, you held onto the deceit and you destroyed yourself. The darkness will have won.

You did not turn your back on God. That was not God talking to you telling you such things: it was a demon.

Now, truth is, your spiritual state is a mess and will stay a mess until you realize that it wasn't God you were following, but a malign spirit.

If you're ideating suicide, you don't need the advice of lay religious people on the Internet. You live in the Netherlands and you have mental health clinics available to you, and you need to go to one right away.

Have professional medical people analyze your mental state to try to help you. If you want help dealing with the fact that a demon was running wild in your head, go see a priest and talk about it with him.

But don't skip the medical thing. Do that first. You may have a chemical imbalance.

You're ideating suicide over, at best, a delusion, at worst, a demon that got in your head. In any case, it's a cinch that you're not going to be able to handle this alone. Go see the doctor about the suicidal thoughts and let medical professionals help you nip that in the bud. And go see a priest about what the spirits said within you. He will show you compassion and he will help draw the spiritual poison out of you.

Understand, too, that smoking, for example, is not a sin.

You have not committed the "unpardonable sin" because you raised some mental words at "the Holy Spirit". Because it wasn't the Holy Spirit that was within you telling you the Pope thing. You were cursing out a demon, and God is not going to condemn you for that!

You're dealing with things, medical and spiritual, that you don't understand. Stop pretending you do and get both medical and spiritual help, from professionals. Do not harm yourself and thereby make the demon's victory complete.

 

[throughfiierytrial]

Hello all,

My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.

I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

Thank you.

Sinan, I believe there is a war within you a spiritual war between good and evil. You knew God only in a superfluous way it seems to me. Pope??? Well, forgive me, but I feel the first step you take is to educate yourself in the Bible and sort out which religions are false and which are true or truest. In my view the Catholic church has the Gospel but the additions can negate that Gospel...how much does ones reverence of the Pope and the saints and Mary over-ride the love of Christ.
The Catholics do teach that priests are not to marry contrary to I Timothy 4:1-5:
The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
In my view you are right where God wants you...away from the idea of a Pope for a career and on a Christian site to explore Christianity. In short this must have been God's way of directing you away from Satan's grip...except cussing at the Holy Spirit...don't know if that's viewed as blaspheme...seems you did it in ignorance not knowing how to distinguish the spirits.
My advise is to read your way carefully through a protestant Bible so that you confess as you read of your sins and praise God as you read of your salvation. You will may end up a very solid, mature Christian so that Satan's accusations will no longer harm you.
You may be very married to the Catholic church, but we shouldn't be married to anything but God's Word. I am sorry if our differences of faith and thus different approaches to your problem offend you.