Hopeless spiritual crisis

Galnaros

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God will either deliver you from suffering, or if not, will give you the strength and grace, to pass trough it and endure it.

Difficulties make you do or discover some good things which you would not do or discover otherwise.

When you worry about the future, which you do not know, it prevents you to function and enjoy living in the present, which you know.

We all have reasons, to be troubled, but the Word of God, gave us a greater reason, not to be troubled.

The Holy Spirit is called a Helper! Therefore, no Christian can be helpless again!

Psalm119:50,52,92,93,107, Isaiah 61:1-3, Psalm 68:19, 2Corinthians 1:3-11, Psalm 115:3-8, Psalm 107:41, Psalm 116:6-9, Psalm 22:24, Psalm 94:17-19, Psalm 142:2,3, Romans 15:13, Psalm 121:1,3,7, Psalm 50:15, Psalm 34:6,17,18,19, Psalm 69, Psalm 37:24,39, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 30:11, 31:6-10, Psalm 62, Psalm 6, Psalm 147:3, 4:16-18, 7:6, 12:8,9,10, Lamentations 3:1-66, Psalm 138:7, Psalm 43:5, Psalm 118:5, Psalm 12:5, Psalm 22:24, Psalm
18:27,28, Psalm 20:1
I have given up on God already. No way that I would even want to spend eternity with a God that allows the mental anguish I'm going through.
Also, I find no comfort in Bible verses anymore. The big problem is how my mind has become such a barren place now because of me avoiding God when I was still filled with the Holy Spirit. I've stopped praying a couple of days ago because it doesn't fix anything anyways. I'm just done with living life this way and will end all of it once I get a good opportunity.
 
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Strong in Him

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I have given up on God already. No way that I would even want to spend eternity with a God that allows the mental anguish I'm going through.

Surely you don't want to spend the whole of eternity feeling as you do now?
 
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Galnaros

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Surely you don't want to spend the whole of eternity feeling as you do now?
I know for sure that my situation won't become any better. I am sure that it won't because of what I learnt during my Holy Spirit phase. I would gladly get rid of my physical body and then just suffer the mental part only. I don't believe in a hell with fire and flames and whatever but I do believe that I can fix my problem in the afterlife.
 
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Strong in Him

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I know for sure that my situation won't become any better.

Well I know for sure that it could do, because I've read similar testimonies.
I'v given you some Biblical examples of people who were serving God, denied, disobeyed or even cursed him and who were forgiven after they repented. What do you make of these?

I don't believe in a hell with fire and flames and whatever but I do believe that I can fix my problem in the afterlife.

The thing is that what you believe may be wrong. Your latter statement certainly is; people can't repent after they die. God wants people to believe in, and accept him, now through faith. Once you die and see him face to face, there will be no need for faith; anyone can believe in God when they can see him, and repent when they know that they need to.
If you feel that your main problem is your messed up mind, and are prepared to suffer mentally in the afterlife - what makes you think you'll be able to fix it then, by yourself, while you're suffering mental anguish?
 
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Galnaros

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Well I know for sure that it could do, because I've read similar testimonies.
I'v given you some Biblical examples of people who were serving God, denied, disobeyed or even cursed him and who were forgiven after they repented. What do you make of these?



The thing is that what you believe may be wrong. Your latter statement certainly is; people can't repent after they die. God wants people to believe in, and accept him, now through faith. Once you die and see him face to face, there will be no need for faith; anyone can believe in God when they can see him, and repent when they know that they need to.
If you feel that your main problem is your messed up mind, and are prepared to suffer mentally in the afterlife - what makes you think you'll be able to fix it then, by yourself, while you're suffering mental anguish?
I have learnt that I'm clearly not one of those people you gave me examples of after living a life more holy than Mother Teresa in the last 7 months. My repentance doesn't have any effect because it's not heartfelt due to my heart being darkened up to the point of no return.

I'm not going to spend more time praying and crying to God to restore my mental state and give me my faith back as it just won't happen. I am done with God as is He is with me and I accept my fate, which is death. In my current state I really couldn't care less about how I will have to deal with my problems after I die, I just wanna die already.
 
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Strong in Him

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I have learnt that I'm clearly not one of those people you gave me examples of after living a life more holy than Mother Teresa in the last 7 months.

Do you think these people knew, at the time they messed up, that they would get a second chance? I suggest they did not. Jonah was in a fish's stomach - i.e had been eaten - and if Peter KNEW he would be forgiven, why did he weep bitterly, run off and hide and then go back to fishing?

My repentance doesn't have any effect because it's not heartfelt due to my heart being darkened up to the point of no return.

Sorry, but it sounds to me that either you're so depressed that you believe you are the worst person ever and there is no hope, or you are full of pride, believe that you are the worst sinner ever, that no one can beat you for badness and that even God can't help you.

I'm not going to spend more time praying and crying to God to restore my mental state and give me my faith back as it just won't happen. I am done with God as is He is with me

So you keep saying; but I repeat, why then did you come on to this forum in the first place, asking for help?
God does not give up on people when they mess up once - I have already shown you that, and it's a fact. It also means, to be honest, that you don't know very much about God if you think he would. I've messed up heaps, and yet God loves me and is awesome.
If you were utterly convinced that God called and has a plan for you; he hasn't given up on that plan for your life.
As I said, I think you're relying too much on feelings and letting feelings rule; telling you what to think etc.
 
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FireDragon76

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If you are a Catholic, you absolutely need to find a good priest or spiritual director to talk to, and trust his advice, even if it doesn't "feel" right. As long as his character is kind and compassionate, you should trust him to help you. It may also be that you need counselling from a psychotherapist. It is important you learn to trust other people and let them help you.

Do not trust your feelings so much, especially when you are so upset. Part of being a Christian is learning moderation and wisdom, and it's never wise to rush to judgement of ourselves or other people. Our repentance is not dependent on how we feel. It is obvious to me, you are genuinely repentant, even if you do not feel it, because this is upsetting you so much. People that are unrepentant never give these things any consideration at all.

Feelings of desolation are normal, especially when we are trying to hard to be spiritual (which is something that is often completely unnecessary). Don't worry about celibacy and being a priest or pope. That's a rather grandiose thought actually, and I doubt very much it is a thought that comes from God. It's very normal for somebody that has a spiritual awakening to have grandiose thoughts and desires. But these can be dangerous if they tempt us to lose faith and hope. God's plans for us include the deepest desires of our hearts, so we should trust that and stop worrying about what we do, and trust in God's providence.

Focus on the small things to be grateful for, it is there you will find God's love. Go to church, receive the sacraments, be grateful for what you receive there (the forgiveness of all your sins and the body and blood of Christ, not a small thing, you know?). And stop worrying about being a pope or anything else. Just be you, and accept yourself as you are. That is God's will for you.
 
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Galnaros

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Do you think these people knew, at the time they messed up, that they would get a second chance? I suggest they did not. Jonah was in a fish's stomach - i.e had been eaten - and if Peter KNEW he would be forgiven, why did he weep bitterly, run off and hide and then go back to fishing?



Sorry, but it sounds to me that either you're so depressed that you believe you are the worst person ever and there is no hope, or you are full of pride, believe that you are the worst sinner ever, that no one can beat you for badness and that even God can't help you.



So you keep saying; but I repeat, why then did you come on to this forum in the first place, asking for help?
God does not give up on people when they mess up once - I have already shown you that, and it's a fact. It also means, to be honest, that you don't know very much about God if you think he would. I've messed up heaps, and yet God loves me and is awesome.
If you were utterly convinced that God called and has a plan for you; he hasn't given up on that plan for your life.
As I said, I think you're relying too much on feelings and letting feelings rule; telling you what to think etc.

Well, I might not be a horrible person because of the minor sins I have committed but if you put it in another perspective you might agree with me being a bad person.
When I was deeply depressed when I turned 20 I had no idea what to do with my life and just felt so utterly useless. Then God, after me being an atheist for 20 years, came by and threw me a lifeline and a calling which gave meaning to my life and great joy and love and everything positive. And what did I do? I refused all good things given by God because I did not want to give up worldly pleasures and thus rejected God tremendously. Being given a gift and then spitting on it can be considered as something a bad person would do.
Anyways, my mental situation is so terrible after rejecting God's gift and it hasn't improved ever since despite all my efforts to reconcile.
 
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Galnaros

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If you are a Catholic, you absolutely need to find a good priest or spiritual director to talk to, and trust his advice, even if it doesn't "feel" right. As long as his character is kind and compassionate, you should trust him to help you. It may also be that you need counselling from a psychotherapist. It is important you learn to trust other people and let them help you.

Do not trust your feelings so much, especially when you are so upset. Part of being a Christian is learning moderation and wisdom, and it's never wise to rush to judgement of ourselves or other people. Our repentance is not dependent on how we feel. It is obvious to me, you are genuinely repentant, even if you do not feel it, because this is upsetting you so much. People that are unrepentant never give these things any consideration at all.

Feelings of desolation are normal, especially when we are trying to hard to be spiritual (which is something that is often completely unnecessary). Don't worry about celibacy and being a priest or pope. That's a rather grandiose thought actually, and I doubt very much it is a thought that comes from God. It's very normal for somebody that has a spiritual awakening to have grandiose thoughts and desires. But these can be dangerous if they tempt us to lose faith and hope. God's plans for us include the deepest desires of our hearts, so we should trust that and stop worrying about what we do, and trust in God's providence.

Focus on the small things to be grateful for, it is there you will find God's love. Go to church, receive the sacraments, be grateful for what you receive there (the forgiveness of all your sins and the body and blood of Christ, not a small thing, you know?). And stop worrying about being a pope or anything else. Just be you, and accept yourself as you are. That is God's will for you.
You have missed the big problem. I have actually received a calling to become Pope.
The problem now is that there are no feelings or emotions involved in this whole situation. I don't feel any sorrow or regret or sadness or happyness. I am not even upset about this whole situation, I'm numb to everything. That's the main reason I want to end my life. I dont feel desolated. I don't feel anything at all.
I can't be grateful for the small things in life, simply because I just can't, it's gone. Anything related to feeling or emotions just doesn't exist anymore, my mind just refutes all of it.
Really my mind operates in such a strange way, I can't put into words. My thoughts have nothing do to with life at all, they're just a bunch of self conscious thoughts which serve no goal. That's the closest I can get to describing my thoughts and it's very annoying to have those thoughts all day long.
For example, when I pick up a cup, I think of some thought I had earlier on the day.
When someone opens the door in a certain way, I associate it with something I have seen earlier. Silly thoughts without any meaning all day long.
No more thinking about things that make me happy, because I don't recognize 'happy' anymore. Same goes for all other emotions.
I've had conversations with a priest, but they just can't help me. Throwing Bible verses at me doesn't change anything about how messed up my mind is now.
 
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Strong in Him

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Anyways, my mental situation is so terrible after rejecting God's gift and it hasn't improved ever since despite all my efforts to reconcile.

This suggests to me that, deep down, you long to return to, and reconcile with, God, and yet believe that you are so wicked that there is no chance - hence the turmoil and anguish.
You want to reconcile with God - saying "I'm done with God", many times, tells me that; and you have obviously tried to seek, and reconcile, with him.
So there IS hope.

You say you're done with the Bible, so here are some verses - edit, I mean, to save you looking them up.

37All those the Father gives me will come to me , and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. John 6:37

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Psalm 139 also says that there is nowhere you can go to escape God.

So even in the depths of despair, God is there - nowhere is too deep for his love. And as God did draw you to Jesus and call you, he will never turn you away.
You can choose to walk away - but if you do, it will be your doing and your choice - since you have already said that you KNOW that God can save you.

If you repeated these verses to yourself, instead of all the negative stuff you are saying, it might help - it can't hurt.
If you are unable to, you probably are depressed. If you just don't want to; forgive me, but do you really want help?
 
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You have missed the big problem. I have actually received a calling to become Pope.
The problem now is that there are no feelings or emotions involved in this whole situation. I don't feel any sorrow or regret or sadness or happyness. I am not even upset about this whole situation, I'm numb to everything. That's the main reason I want to end my life.

So you're depressed then.
Whatever psychiatrists might have said in the past, you tell them, or your doctor, that you feel no emotion at all and just want to end your life, and see what they say.

If you are still saying you have a call to be Pope, God hasn't withdrawn it or given up, and wants you to get back on track.
 
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Blade

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Galnaros. you asked.. so in Jesus name I bind the spirit of depression and suicide in Jesus name. I take authority over them. And pray that the JOY of the lord IS your strength.

What we must learn is to NEVER go by feelings. They are up and down and all over the place. We FEEL we KNOW God is not around us, He gave up what not. Yet.. that is all 100% a lie. So when those thoughts pop up.. you KNOW the flip side is true. He is with you never gave up on you.. HE IS IN YOU! And the enemy is JUST lying to you. JESUS IS REAL!

We ALL grow yet not at the same time the same way. He never left you..it is ALL still there. KNOW that HE cant lie and dont go by feelings doubt worry sight hearing. Go by what HE says. FEAR? You SPEAK HIS WORD.. NO! I do not receive the spirit of fear. For God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power love and? SOUND MIND! PRISE GOD!

When the enemy comes in.. find what the WORD says and SAY IT! For it is written HIS word can not come back to Him void. It has to do what HE said! And dont worry think what MAN says. Its what your Father of our lord JESUS Christ said. Your FATHER is GOD..and talk to HIM ask HIM know that you KNOW HE HEARS YOU! If you KNOW He hears you they you HAVE what you prayed for. SIN? Jesus came died for it ALL. So confess it and KNOW He keeps HIS WORD. He said.. if you confess it He is faithful to forgive you and cleans you from ALL unrighteousness!

And you are 100% righteous before the Father right NOW! Yes! Because you BELIEVE in Jesus. THAT is why you right now are righteous in His sight. It is the only way.. and by FAITH! Its ok.. talk TO HIM! He is there.. HE is always listening. He does hear you..this is why you are here asking. Dont go by feelings.. those evil wicked thoughts are gone now in Jesus name.

For whom YOU the son sets free..is FREE indeed. The enemy trys to keep us in chains ..chains that are NOT there. As long as we BELEIVE they are there..they will be. But.. Jesus set you free. He can not MAKE us move... we must do it. And HE gave you all the FAITH you need. Isa 41:10...read it
 
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Gabriel Anton

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Hello, I will answer all your questions.

What kind of drugs do you take? I used to smoke weed, use mdma/xtc, used shrooms like 3 times

How often do you use drugs? I don't use drugs anymore, when I did it was purely recreational. Weed like 3 times a week and the heavier stuff like 1 time per 3 months

Besides believing you ran away from God and your calling and committing unpardonable sins, have you committed any of these sins:

Have you committed incest? No

How many women have you slept with? 1

Have you been a prostitute, a male gigolo, a man-harlot? No

Have you murdered anyone? No

Have you stolen? When I was younger perhaps

Have you looked at a beggar and laughed at his sorry plight and made fun of him? No

Have you ever looked in the mirror and admired your beauty and thought how incredibly gorgeous you look? Not really?

Have you ever plotted to steal another person's wife or husband because you wanted her or him for yourself and carried out your plot? No

Have you ever plotted someone's destruction because you were envious with what he or she had that you wanted for yourself and carried out your plot? No

Have you cursed anyone using blood sacrifices because you hated them so bad and wanted only suffering and misery for him, her or them? No

Have you committed adultery? No

Have you been gay or homosexual? No

Have you committed pedophilia? No

Have you had relations with animals? No

Have you ever made a pact with the devil to fulfil your sinful desires? No

Have you ever loved wealth, possessions and money so much, you were willing to trod and murder people to get them? No

Have you ever plotted to murder someone and carried out your plot? No

Have you ever plotted against a newborn baby in the womb to destroy it just out of selfishness because you were too young to waste your life providing for him or her or just for convenience sake and carried out the plot together? No

I think I do know much and much better than people that haven't had an experience like mine. Really the only thing I have done is continuing smoking weed after I was born again already and by doing so I grieved the Holy Spirit. Other then that I haven't done anything wrong in action, just in thoughts. You see, when I was born again I started thinking in a new way, I had better understanding of good and evil and I became very introspective and I lived in a higher state of consciousness all the time. By not keeping my thoughts on changing my life to become a better servant of God, I totally destroyed my mind because my introspectivity went too deep.


Peace be with you.

I understand what you are going through because I have been through it with one exception I never lost my faith in God because I had my supposed to be daily devotions which I always persevered doing, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes poorly, sometimes well, sometimes I forgot, sometimes I took short cuts, sometimes I hurried, sometimes I thought I did them but did not, sometimes I had better things to do so I deliberately forgot.

For quite a few years after being called by God, I sucked big time at doing God's Will. I would say I suck less at doing God's Will currently. I still suck though compared to Jesus Christ the Incredible of Nazareth.


Your mind, I must tell you is functioning ok. You can answer questions well and can type very good English.

A person with a broken mind, heart and soul, the eyes just stare at nothingness with no communication capability.


I am going to ask you a fews questions.

Answer them Honestly and Slowly, Thinking Carefully before you answer them.

Yes or No will suffice or choose the appropriate one word response.

Galnaros aka Sinan Shamun, 21 years old Male from the region of Netherlands,


Do you want God's Help?


Do you want to get well?


Do you want to live or die?


Do you want to be a useful person filled with Godly purpose?


Are you willing to be instructed to help in your recovery?


When you put your hand on fire, do you feel pain?
Go and try it if you have never done that. Flesh burns heal in time.


Have you ever had a headache?


Have you ever had a stomachache?


Have you ever broken a bone in your body?


The pain that you have felt, would you like to feel that forever?


The reason why I mention this last part to you is, if you terminated yourself for whatever reasons besides God's Will, you will be guilty of Murder which is a Mortal Sin or Capital Sin.


I will come back and read your responses another day. I have to go do my Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary and Almighty God which take a few hours. Just hang in there and keep communicating with all your friends here. They come from all kinds of faith and background so they can offer different kinds of solutions to you and help you see things from different perspectives.


God bless you.
 
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Galnaros

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Peace be with you.

I understand what you are going through because I have been through it with one exception I never lost my faith in God because I had my supposed to be daily devotions which I always persevered doing, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes poorly, sometimes well, sometimes I forgot, sometimes I took short cuts, sometimes I hurried, sometimes I thought I did them but did not, sometimes I had better things to do so I deliberately forgot.

For quite a few years after being called by God, I sucked big time at doing God's Will. I would say I suck less at doing God's Will currently. I still suck though compared to Jesus Christ the Incredible of Nazareth.


Your mind, I must tell you is functioning ok. You can answer questions well and can type very good English.

A person with a broken mind, heart and soul, the eyes just stare at nothingness with no communication capability.


I am going to ask you a fews questions.

Answer them Honestly and Slowly, Thinking Carefully before you answer them.

Yes or No will suffice or choose the appropriate one word response.

Galnaros aka Sinan Shamun, 21 years old Male from the region of Netherlands,


Do you want God's Help?


Do you want to get well?


Do you want to live or die?


Do you want to be a useful person filled with Godly purpose?


Are you willing to be instructed to help in your recovery?


When you put your hand on fire, do you feel pain?
Go and try it if you have never done that. Flesh burns heal in time.


Have you ever had a headache?


Have you ever had a stomachache?


Have you ever broken a bone in your body?


The pain that you have felt, would you like to feel that forever?


The reason why I mention this last part to you is, if you terminated yourself for whatever reasons besides God's Will, you will be guilty of Murder which is a Mortal Sin or Capital Sin.


I will come back and read your responses another day. I have to go do my Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary and Almighty God which take a few hours. Just hang in there and keep communicating with all your friends here. They come from all kinds of faith and background so they can offer different kinds of solutions to you and help you see things from different perspectives.


God bless you.
Hello Gabriel Anton, thanks for replying.
I will answer the questions as you suggested.

Do you want God's Help?
I know that God is the only One that can help me through this, though I don't feel like I really really want it. It's like I'm incapable of 'wanting' things in my current situation.

Do you want to get well?
Yes

Do you want to live or die?
I want to live

Do you want to be a useful person filled with Godly purpose?
Yes, but I'm afraid I have lost my only opportunity already.

Are you willing to be instructed to help in your recovery?
Sure

When you put your hand on fire, do you feel pain?
Ouch, yes
Go and try it if you have never done that. Flesh burns heal in time.


Have you ever had a headache?
Yes

Have you ever had a stomachache?
Yes

Have you ever broken a bone in your body?
Yes

The pain that you have felt, would you like to feel that forever?
No.


God bless you
 
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Galnaros

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Galnaros. you asked.. so in Jesus name I bind the spirit of depression and suicide in Jesus name. I take authority over them. And pray that the JOY of the lord IS your strength.

What we must learn is to NEVER go by feelings. They are up and down and all over the place. We FEEL we KNOW God is not around us, He gave up what not. Yet.. that is all 100% a lie. So when those thoughts pop up.. you KNOW the flip side is true. He is with you never gave up on you.. HE IS IN YOU! And the enemy is JUST lying to you. JESUS IS REAL!

We ALL grow yet not at the same time the same way. He never left you..it is ALL still there. KNOW that HE cant lie and dont go by feelings doubt worry sight hearing. Go by what HE says. FEAR? You SPEAK HIS WORD.. NO! I do not receive the spirit of fear. For God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power love and? SOUND MIND! PRISE GOD!

When the enemy comes in.. find what the WORD says and SAY IT! For it is written HIS word can not come back to Him void. It has to do what HE said! And dont worry think what MAN says. Its what your Father of our lord JESUS Christ said. Your FATHER is GOD..and talk to HIM ask HIM know that you KNOW HE HEARS YOU! If you KNOW He hears you they you HAVE what you prayed for. SIN? Jesus came died for it ALL. So confess it and KNOW He keeps HIS WORD. He said.. if you confess it He is faithful to forgive you and cleans you from ALL unrighteousness!

And you are 100% righteous before the Father right NOW! Yes! Because you BELIEVE in Jesus. THAT is why you right now are righteous in His sight. It is the only way.. and by FAITH! Its ok.. talk TO HIM! He is there.. HE is always listening. He does hear you..this is why you are here asking. Dont go by feelings.. those evil wicked thoughts are gone now in Jesus name.

For whom YOU the son sets free..is FREE indeed. The enemy trys to keep us in chains ..chains that are NOT there. As long as we BELEIVE they are there..they will be. But.. Jesus set you free. He can not MAKE us move... we must do it. And HE gave you all the FAITH you need. Isa 41:10...read it

So many times have I tried to talk to God in the last 7 months. So many times have I read my Bible to gain strength. So many times have I tried to cry and confess my sins.
And so many times have my efforts to reconcile with God gone in vain. I have lost my faith when I avoided God deliberately on my journey. I felt the Holy Spirit dissappear at one point during my journey and I have never ever felt anything since that happened.
I just can't believe that 7 months of asking for forgiveness and a sound mind have not brought any results. I just want to live a normal 21 year old life.

God bless you
 
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Sinan,

The neurocircuitry of your brain that creates the emotions you're lacking has stopped doing what it is supposed to do. If you look below at my signature tag you will see a quote from Jaak Panksepp. He identifies a primary process "affective" (feeling) state that he calls SEEKING. It is this affective state that has become unavailable to you because of a breakdown in your brain's natural ability to produce the required neurochemicals, and or use them, to produce feelings of meaningfulness and hope in you.

I think that your transitions into adulthood over the last couple of years and certain stressors that your mind and body have undergone throughout, have induced physiological stresses within you which have caused this neurological illness to be produced in you.

Now, a proper medication combined with talk therapy with a psychotherapist who is a good fit for your unique personality could help bring you back to being a normal 21 year old. The medication can produce the needed processes in your brain and the talk therapy can help you overcome ways of thinking that were a big part of creating the stress that can often lead to the brain circuitry malfunction.
 
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Galnaros

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Sinan,

The neurocircuitry of your brain that creates the emotions you're lacking has stopped doing what it is supposed to do. If you look below at my signature tag you will see a quote from Jaak Panksepp. He identifies a primary process "affective" (feeling) state that he calls SEEKING. It is this affective state that has become unavailable to you because of a breakdown in your brain's natural ability to produce the required neurochemicals, and or use them, to produce feelings of meaningfulness and hope in you.

I think that your transitions into adulthood over the last couple of years and certain stressors that your mind and body have undergone throughout, have induced physiological stresses within you which have caused this neurological illness to be produced in you.

Now, a proper medication combined with talk therapy with a psychotherapist who is a good fit for your unique personality could help bring you back to being a normal 21 year old. The medication can produce the needed processes in your brain and the talk therapy can help you overcome ways of thinking that were a big part of creating the stress that can often lead to the brain circuitry malfunction.

The whole problem with my mind and emotional status has nothing to do with what I experienced during my teenage years. This is all the result of me not staying in line with God. After 7 months of being treated by psychiatrists and therapists I suppose you could say that I'm not dealing with a neurological illness but an actual curse; the Wrath of God.
I will start taking antidepressants after I asked the psychiatrists. Perhaps they will unscrew my mind a bit.
 
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Sometimes it takes quite a while until doctors can find out what treatments will work for your particular problems. I'm sorry for this.

If God is responsible for your affliction, it is only because He has allowed it for your ultimate benefit, so that by your temporary affliction you may be saved from eternal damnation, which is a far worse lot.

God Loves all of His creatures without partiality. You have become ill (emotionally/psychologically) to such a degree that you yourself are not in possession of any such Love. We cannot understand Love if we ourselves have not had it brought alive within our own hearts. This is why you have false thoughts and reasoning about God's reasons for causing your suffering.

Resisting those false thoughts (which are negative and come from the devil) with True thoughts about God's infinite Love and Mercy (which are positive and of the Holy Spirit in Scripture) is a good place to begin if you want to do something to bring about the start of your recovery.

If you are one who reads books, I also have books about the spiritual life that, as long as you exercise great care in how you understand what things are written in them, can provide you with guidance of the saints who have helped many of us to be rescued from such afflictions as yours. If you need such a book and have a kindle reader I can gift one to you through the online book retailer. Please let me know and we'll make whatever arrangements are necessary.
 
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Gabriel Anton

Exitus Acta Probat Acta Non Verba Deus Vult 11:18
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Hello Gabriel Anton, thanks for replying.
I will answer the questions as you suggested.

Do you want God's Help?
I know that God is the only One that can help me through this, though I don't feel like I really really want it. It's like I'm incapable of 'wanting' things in my current situation.

Do you want to get well?
Yes

Do you want to live or die?
I want to live

Do you want to be a useful person filled with Godly purpose?
Yes, but I'm afraid I have lost my only opportunity already.

Are you willing to be instructed to help in your recovery?
Sure

When you put your hand on fire, do you feel pain?
Ouch, yes
Go and try it if you have never done that. Flesh burns heal in time.


Have you ever had a headache?
Yes

Have you ever had a stomachache?
Yes

Have you ever broken a bone in your body?
Yes

The pain that you have felt, would you like to feel that forever?
No.


God bless you


Peace be with you, Sinan.

I’ll be your Spiritual Shrink to lead you back to God. You are a lost sheep and in need of guidance.

More questions for you. Please answer them to the best of your ability.


How are you doing today, Sinan?


Have you been baptised in the Catholic Church?


If you have, what name did you choose as your baptismal name?


If you have, when were you baptised, on what date?


Do you have a baptismal certificate?


You were an atheist for about 20 years, is that correct?


Is your name Sinan Shamun?


Will you be 21 years old this year?


What do you like about the Netherlands?


Do you currently have a girlfriend?


If you do how long have you been together?


In December 2015, you were very depressed, is that correct?


In February 2016, you experienced something special in your life, is this correct?


What was your job in February 2016?


Were you doing drugs in February 2016? If so what kind of drugs?


In March 2016, you experienced a special event whereby you found faith in God, is this correct?


Were you doing drugs in March 2016? If so what kind of drugs?


What did you understand about life when you found faith in God in March 2016?


How did you know that the Holy Spirit was dwelling in you? Who told you that?


When you were communicating with Jesus like with your best friend, what did you and Him talk about? Be as specific as you can. List everything you can remember.


When you use the word “introspective” what do you mean by that? Please explain as clearly as possible.


This is enough for today. I’ll check back with you another day after examining your answers.


Please take care of yourself, Sinan.


God bless you.
 
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