Hopeless spiritual crisis

thecolorsblend

If God is your Father, who is your Mother?
Supporter
Jul 1, 2013
9,199
8,425
Gotham City, New Jersey
✟308,231.00
Country
United States
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
Trust me, I have no reason to lie about all of this, my life is in shards and I'm pulling the plug very soon. I am 100% sure that becoming a Pope was my destiny. I was elected and I sure as hell understood God's message for me correctly.

I have repented, but my repentance does not come forth from heartfelt sorrow for what I've done, so it's all in vain. I didn't expect God to punish me with death for this and now it's time that I complete the punishment and off myself. Seven months of prayer have resulted in nothing, not a piece of progress. God wants nothing to do with me anymore and I should just accept that I am going to hell.
Becoming Pope is nothing to which one should aspire. I wouldn't wish that much responsibility on anybody.

Apart from that, do not harm yourself. There are suicide hotlines you can contact for assistance but do not give up.
 
Upvote 0

Jacob Deng

Active Member
Dec 21, 2016
59
31
27
Melbourne
✟20,062.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Isaiah 53:4-5 AMP
"But [in fact] He has borne our griefs,
And He has carried our sorrows and pains;
Yet we [ignorantly] assumed that He was stricken,
Struck down by God and degraded and humiliated [by Him].

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our wickedness [our sin, our injustice, our wrongdoing];
The punishment [required] for our well-being fell on Him,
And by His stripes (wounds) we are healed."
 
Upvote 0

Galnaros

Active Member
Nov 23, 2016
122
44
the Netherlands
✟24,327.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello Sinan, my name is Michael and I live in the United States. I intend this to be a fairly long post, so perhaps a little background on my experiences will help you have the patience to read the entire post through. Like you, I was an atheist/agnostic as a young man. Like you, I did drugs, smoked, and drank. I, too, came to the Lord Jesus after growing up, and I was in my mid-twenties when God called me to be His. I, too, had an early period of great joy and the wonderful feeling of being filled with the Spirit (the best I can describe it is it was like a great bright liquid white light was in my chest/heart), and I could not contain it and the joy I felt. For me, this lasted for several years. I also felt called into the ministry and I went to Bible college to begin my training. Yet while I was in my 2nd year I began to slowly lose my mind, but I managed to finish my degree. My problem was that I believed that everyone could hear my thoughts and feel what I felt all the time, and this all stemmed from an LSD trip I had shortly before becoming a Christian, and this problem slowly eroded my faith and I ran away from my church friends and hid in a hotel room for almost a year. Living there, my problem only became stronger. Eventually I told God: "If this is salvation I don't want it", and I said three times, for emphasis, "I renounce my salvation". Of course, I felt totally lost and was constantly thinking of killing myself, and I even had a shotgun in my mouth at one point, but God granted me a vision of my parents grieving terribly and I could not bring this pain to them. But my problem persisted. I sought psychiatric help again (I had briefly before running away to the hotel), and went through a time of trying different medications. Finally, even though none of the drugs completely got rid of my problem, the fog began to lift (after 2 and 1/2 years), and I began to be able to explore life again. At that point I remembered what I had done in the hotel room, renouncing my faith, and I feared that I had committed blasphemy of the Spirit. My parents convinced me to go to their church, and despite my fears and doubts I began attending. Slowly, over the course of a few years, my faith came back to me. Now, looking back on it, I realize that there had been some habitual sin in my life that God had tried to deal with me about, but I had that feeling and felt that nothing could come between me and God, so I ignored the warning signs. I am still healing, and still have habitual sin in my life that I am wrestling with, and I wish I could say that feeling of joy in the Spirit was back again, but it's not, and I don't think it will be until I deal with the habitual sin. But, minus the feeling, God is blessing me again. He has gifted me to teach, and despite my sin He is still using me to lead a small Bible study.

So that is where I have been.



This sounds very much like my early experience. I have to ask, though, how did Jesus communicate with you?



Who were your spiritual counselors at the time, and what did they think of this revelation?



It sounds like things went downhill much faster for you, but I can't help but relating somewhat. I am not going to confirm nor deny that your call to be Pope was from God or not, but you have to admit it does sound pretty wild, right? I am out of time for today, but I'll finish my response tomorrow evening.

As a parting message, may I encourage you to go again to seek out psychiatric help? Your thoughts of suicide are not healthy. Prayers your way;

Mike
Hey Mike, thanks for your reply.
I am sorry about your difficult times in life.

You asked me how Jesus communicated with me. Well, when I was awakened in the church during the communion of my little sister, I became very introspective. I began to learn a lot about myself and my relation to God. I recall times where I was actually having conversations in my mind with Jesus. In this higher state of consciousness I was in, some events just struck me as if they were organised by God. So many events were just perfectly timed and basically fitted into my own personal story. Things like me taking up books as a toddler and chanting from them as if I were a priest, and my last name 'Shamun' translating into Simon, as in Saint Simon Peter and me being born exactly 9 months after valentine's day to spread love in this world and many more things which I can't remember which convinced me that I was elected to become a Pope. The Holy Spirit guided me through this process and everytime I found out more about my calling, I felt this huge burst of love coming from the Holy Spirit. I am so so so sure that this was from God and not some evil spirit.

My spiritual counselor was a priest who worked in the psychiatric unit. He believed my story and did not say that it couldn't have been God's work and no one will be able to convince me that it wasn't from God.

About the suicidal thoughts: I am not really having suicidal thoughts per sé. It's just that my mind is totally messed up now, like I'm stuck in a vague limbo with an undescribable way of thinking, really mind numbing and soul torturing. I am not depressed and I'm not having negative thoughts so that's not leading to me thinking I could better kill myself. I am still seeking psychiatric help, but there's nothing they can treat me for. It turned out I did not have a drug related psychosis , I am not bipolar or schizophrenic, I am not depressed. What I'm experiencing is the curse I was warned for when my awakening started and I know that it can't be done. Hell, I did not even post my OP because I thought I could be helped, and my heart has become so darkened that I'm not genuinely looking for God anymore. I know I have forsaken God and that my chances to reconcile are gone and I know I can't take this much longer. I don't even wanna live for a God that let's people suffer in this way. If I were in America I would have shot myself a long time ago already.
 
Upvote 0

Galnaros

Active Member
Nov 23, 2016
122
44
the Netherlands
✟24,327.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time. Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me and I am done with Him. I'll just accept going to hell if such a thing even exists.

Farewell people,
Good luck on your journey.

Sinan
 
Upvote 0

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time.

Many, many people have been disappointed with God.
Then, when they reach the end of their own resources and tell him so; they find him again.

Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me

He gave his Son for you; how many others have done that?

Good luck on your journey.

We don't need, or walk by, "luck - not if we believe that the God who created the universe from nothing is our heavenly Father and lives IN us. He will never leave us. It doesn't matter a bit what the outward circumstances are, God is with us. Bad times are horrid, but it's only then that we grow.
 
Upvote 0

singpraise

Active Member
Dec 2, 2016
318
345
US
✟18,519.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time. Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me and I am done with Him. I'll just accept going to hell if such a thing even exists.

Farewell people,
Good luck on your journey.

Sinan

I hope you can get over this. You're angry with God. You're suffering. I'm sorry for that. However, think about it this way - you are chosen and you know you are. Those who are chosen WILL suffer more than other people, simply because they have a higher calling. Think of this as a test. You're being tested. It's not over yet. The longer you resist God the longer the test will take. Start resisting Satan, and Satan will flee from you and you'll get some relief.

You need a solid dose of humility, my friend. That's what suffering will do for a person, humble them. Let it humble you instead of embitter you.

If you are to be Pope one day, it will be decades from this time. Decades as in 30, 40, even 50, years from now. Young people do not become Pope while they are still young. Start following your path, the one God gave you. Take the first right step. Then the next. God will slowly, surely illuminate the way for you. It won't be a straight and easy path. But it will be yours to follow.
 
Upvote 0

jal11180

Member
Dec 30, 2016
22
3
44
Minneapolis, MN, USA
✟15,660.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hello all,

My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.

I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

Thank you.

First of all, you were lied to by a servant of Lucifer, if not Lucifer himself. Second, Roman Catholicism is Luciferian in origin. Third, YAHWEH EL ELOHIM has already said that the current Pope is the last one that will ever be in that particular position, as he will usher in the Antichrist religion, if not head it outright. Fourth, the modern Papacy, among many other false forms of Christianity and Judaism, have become the de facto Pharisees of our time and, as such, you would do well to run, and not walk, away from them in your life. You have a right to marry a woman, but you are correct to avoid alcohol, smoking, and drugs, as they can lead to other forms of idolatry, witchcraft, sorcery, and demonic oppression and depression in your life. Fifth, you were in an intense spiritual battle and you need YAHWEH EL ELOHIM and His Word more than you do all of the corruption from the known evil influences that were blocking your path spiritually/metaphysically and from things like Roman Catholicism These things, along with following demonic doctrines, as was stated earlier in this message, are what led you to being put into a nut house. You keep looking at things the wrong way and you will continue to get the results that you do not want in your life. I have heard of many stories that were similar to yours and I also have faced demonic oppression and possession as well as anxiety, fear, and depression in my own life, so I know how that feels personally. However, what you need to do is to get into reading the Holy Scriptures, ask YAHWEH EL ELOHIM for some guidance in your life, ask Him to send the RIGHT people to your path, and THEN act when HE says for you to act in your life and not one second sooner or later than He says for you to do in your life. Does this help you out a bit in your life?
 
Upvote 0
Dec 16, 2011
5,208
2,548
57
Home
Visit site
✟234,667.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Married
I'm not going to put any efforts into reconciling with God anymore. 7 months of praying, periods of fasting and reading the Bible brought me absolutely nowhere and my faith has totally depleted. I know God exists because I have experienced His Grace, but I am very dissappointed in Him leaving me in this state for such a long time. Obviously He gives a rat's ass about me and I am done with Him. I'll just accept going to hell if such a thing even exists.

Farewell people,
Good luck on your journey.

Sinan
Not being able to accept that this communication wasn't from God is the problem. You're not praying to God, you're praying to the false god that deluded you in the first place, which is why you can't get help from the True God. Reject the lie, and the lying demons, and beg the True God to deliver you from the passions of pride and vanity, by which the demons have come to control you, and to deliver you from the demon's tyranny. May the Lord have mercy upon you, Sinan.
 
Upvote 0

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
First of all, you were lied to by a servant of Lucifer, if not Lucifer himself. Second, Roman Catholicism is Luciferian in origin. Third, YAHWEH EL ELOHIM has already said that the current Pope is the last one that will ever be in that particular position, as he will usher in the Antichrist religion, if not head it outright. Fourth, the modern Papacy, among many other false forms of Christianity and Judaism, have become the de facto Pharisees of our time and, as such, you would do well to run, and not walk, away from them in your life. You have a right to marry a woman, but you are correct to avoid alcohol, smoking, and drugs, as they can lead to other forms of idolatry, witchcraft, sorcery, and demonic oppression and depression in your life. Fifth, you were in an intense spiritual battle and you need YAHWEH EL ELOHIM and His Word more than you do all of the corruption from the known evil influences that were blocking your path spiritually/metaphysically and from things like Roman Catholicism

Whoa, hold on a moment!
Firstly, Catholics are Christians - I suppose some of them may not be but what I mean is that they are a Christian denomination,believe the Christian Gospel and are our brothers and sisters in Christ. So implying that it is false and connected with the antichrist, is itself false, and unkind.
Secondly, this young man valued his Catholic faith and was blessed in it. Telling him, when he is feeling low and far from God, that that faith was practically demonic is not at all kind or helpful.

He MAY be wrong about being called to be a priest, and later the pope - stranger things have happened, even if it probably won't be for many years yet. But even if he is, he clearly received some kind of calling which he is adamant came from God. So implying that he may be called to something Satanic, is actually quite dangerous - for you, that is.

Yes, this man should avoid drugs, getting drunk and any evil or negative influences - but I don't believe that the Catholic church falls into the latter category.
 
Upvote 0

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Not being able to accept that this communication wasn't from God is the problem. You're not praying to God, you're praying to the false god that deluded you in the first place,

How certain are you that it was not God who was calling this young man; a call which strengthened and enriched his faith and led him to study theology for a while? You think the devil would lead someone to God in that way?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
Dec 16, 2011
5,208
2,548
57
Home
Visit site
✟234,667.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Married
How certain are you that it was not God who was calling this young man; a call which strengthened and enriched his faith and led him to study theology for a while? You think the devil would lead someone to God in that way?
Because we are trained and experienced in spiritual warfare and are well versed in the wiles and tactics of the evil spirits. We are also gifted with discernment of spirits and can see what is in the hearts and minds of people so as to guide them. I explained to this young man that I have experienced very similar struggles and was guided out of them by the grace of God working in my spiritual father and God's grace working in me. God never tells people they are special. God fills people with a sense of their total worthlessness. This is the blessed "poverty of spirit" that the Lord Jesus tells us we are blessed to have in His sermon on the mount. Poverty of spirit is the beginning of all heavenly blessedness. Only the servants of the evil one convince people to accept the idea that they are someone important. This young man has become spiritually ill because of passions and demons, not because he failed any special calling from God. If He wants to get well he needs to humbly accept that he is nothing and to cry out to God for deliverance from his pride and vainglory, and the demons who are wrecking his mind and heart through these passions. God will deliver Him if he cries out with faith that God hears and will save him.
 
Upvote 0

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Because we are trained and experienced in spiritual warfare and are well versed in the wiles and tactics of the evil spirits. We are also gifted with discernment of spirits and can see what is in the hearts and minds of people so as to guide them.

That's as maybe; and don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gift to have.
But this man's testimony was that he believed that God called him to be pope and as a result of that, his faith was enriched and he started to study theology.

As I said, he could well be wrong about the calling to Papacy; perhaps the call was genuine and the man just made a mistake about the direction. I, and a friend, both felt called to ordination. Neither of us are now ordained ministers. In responding to that call, we learnt many things/read certain books/had certain experiences, and now believe we are where God wanted us. Had we brushed aside this call as not being from God, and not started to pursue it, we would not have learnt any of these things.
Also, a call like that may well be followed by a period of doubt/self examination/despair. Partly because someone will naturally doubt themselves and/or if they have heard from God, and partly because the devil may try to throw a spanner in the works, lead them away from God, focus their minds on something else - seeing as he is the thief who comes to kill and destroy.

Which is why I ask - Papacy aside - how do you know that this man did not have a genuine call from God?
I've read testimonies from people who were convinced they were called to become Ministers/clergy - even though they were atheists at the time. The Lord told Ananais that Saul of Tarsus was his chosen instrument, even though Ananais only knew him as a Jew who was persecuting the church.

Personally, I could not be so sure that this man has not received a call, of some sort, from God - whatever he is going through at the moment. And I certainly wouldn't advise him that he was deceived and needed to repent for worshipping a false god.
 
Upvote 0

Galnaros

Active Member
Nov 23, 2016
122
44
the Netherlands
✟24,327.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
That's as maybe; and don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gift to have.
But this man's testimony was that he believed that God called him to be pope and as a result of that, his faith was enriched and he started to study theology.

As I said, he could well be wrong about the calling to Papacy; perhaps the call was genuine and the man just made a mistake about the direction. I, and a friend, both felt called to ordination. Neither of us are now ordained ministers. In responding to that call, we learnt many things/read certain books/had certain experiences, and now believe we are where God wanted us. Had we brushed aside this call as not being from God, and not started to pursue it, we would not have learnt any of these things.
Also, a call like that may well be followed by a period of doubt/self examination/despair. Partly because someone will naturally doubt themselves and/or if they have heard from God, and partly because the devil may try to throw a spanner in the works, lead them away from God, focus their minds on something else - seeing as he is the thief who comes to kill and destroy.

Which is why I ask - Papacy aside - how do you know that this man did not have a genuine call from God?
I've read testimonies from people who were convinced they were called to become Ministers/clergy - even though they were atheists at the time. The Lord told Ananais that Saul of Tarsus was his chosen instrument, even though Ananais only knew him as a Jew who was persecuting the church.

Personally, I could not be so sure that this man has not received a call, of some sort, from God - whatever he is going through at the moment. And I certainly wouldn't advise him that he was deceived and needed to repent for worshipping a false god.
I am very sure that I received a call from God. They way He orchestrated life events to get me to build my faith were just amazing. It's such a beautiful experience. I was in direct communion with God for a long time and he taught me a lot and put me through trials which were orchestrated perfectly.

Also, I know I have probably committed the unforgivable sin because I don't actually fear having done so. My efforts to reconcile with God are all in vain because the will to do so is not legit. My heart is darkened to the fullest and there's no way I can return to Him. That's why I'm so mentally numb and why my mind is really messed up in a way that can't even be put into words.

I have already found peace in dying without Christ. Perhaps I can be forgiven at the Day of Judgement, because all of this was just a huge mistake made by a silly 20 year old.
 
Upvote 0

food4thought

Loving truth
Supporter
Jul 9, 2002
2,929
725
50
Watervliet, MI
✟383,729.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hey Mike, thanks for your reply.
I am sorry about your difficult times in life.

We all go through varying degrees of difficulties in life, and I thank you for your concern.

You asked me how Jesus communicated with me. Well, when I was awakened in the church during the communion of my little sister, I became very introspective. I began to learn a lot about myself and my relation to God. I recall times where I was actually having conversations in my mind with Jesus. In this higher state of consciousness I was in, some events just struck me as if they were organised by God. So many events were just perfectly timed and basically fitted into my own personal story. Things like me taking up books as a toddler and chanting from them as if I were a priest, and my last name 'Shamun' translating into Simon, as in Saint Simon Peter and me being born exactly 9 months after valentine's day to spread love in this world and many more things which I can't remember which convinced me that I was elected to become a Pope. The Holy Spirit guided me through this process and everytime I found out more about my calling, I felt this huge burst of love coming from the Holy Spirit. I am so so so sure that this was from God and not some evil spirit.

Only you know for sure whether you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I am understandably, I hope, skeptical of the idea of God calling you to be Pope at such a young age, but since you are convinced it was from God there is nothing I can say against it.

My spiritual counselor was a priest who worked in the psychiatric unit. He believed my story and did not say that it couldn't have been God's work and no one will be able to convince me that it wasn't from God.

I am glad to hear that you were receiving spiritual guidance.

About the suicidal thoughts: I am not really having suicidal thoughts per sé. It's just that my mind is totally messed up now, like I'm stuck in a vague limbo with an undescribable way of thinking, really mind numbing and soul torturing. I am not depressed and I'm not having negative thoughts so that's not leading to me thinking I could better kill myself. I am still seeking psychiatric help, but there's nothing they can treat me for. It turned out I did not have a drug related psychosis , I am not bipolar or schizophrenic, I am not depressed. What I'm experiencing is the curse I was warned for when my awakening started and I know that it can't be done. Hell, I did not even post my OP because I thought I could be helped, and my heart has become so darkened that I'm not genuinely looking for God anymore. I know I have forsaken God and that my chances to reconcile are gone and I know I can't take this much longer. I don't even wanna live for a God that let's people suffer in this way. If I were in America I would have shot myself a long time ago already.

I am very sorry for your suffering. I can relate in some way to it, as I have lived with a defective mind for some time now, yet I have to take exception to you giving up hope that you can be reconciled to God. Jesus does not make mistakes, and if you believe that He called you to be Pope someday, then all that you are experiencing is preparation for that... don't despair, even though I know from experience that it is extremely easy to do so when there seems to be no end to your struggles and no way out. My struggles took me to the pit of despair for years, and it took me close to 4 years to recover to where I am today, and I am still regaining lost ground. But my life is pointed in the right direction again, and I am here to tell you that God is NOT through with you. He will not let you go once you are truly His:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
(Romans 8:28-30 NIV)

Notice that Paul is saying that God foreknew you, predestined you, called you, justified you, and will glorify you when you go to be with Him. All of these things are written, in the Greek, as though they HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED, and now look at this passage:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:38-39 NIV)

Are you a created thing? If so, then Paul just said that you CANNOT separate yourself from the love of God once He has placed it upon you. You, sir, are trapped :) . But it is actually in a good way.

You see, either you must accept that God still loves you and all that you are going through will eventually work for your ultimate good, or you must accept that you were never really saved and all that stuff that you experienced was only in your head. Either way, there IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU.

Just ponder that for a while. God loves you, has always loved you, and will never stop loving you. Stop fighting Him, and humble yourself under His hand, even if it means you must suffer for a season.

I truly hope this helps.
Mike
 
Upvote 0
Dec 16, 2011
5,208
2,548
57
Home
Visit site
✟234,667.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Married
How certain are you that it was not God who was calling this young man; a call which strengthened and enriched his faith and led him to study theology for a while? You think the devil would lead someone to God in that way?
It is without a doubt, given his own detailed description of his experiences following his initial calling, and from the spiritual outcome (his falls into sin and his current spiritual state), that he's been lead into a very bad place by some very bad influences. The devil perverts callings by God all of the time, by appearing in the guise of an angel of light. There are countless examples of spiritual people who fell into delusion in this way. I have also had to be subject to this temptation. It is real, and it is the greatest danger to people who embark upon spiritual life. When a believer succumbs to this danger it usually causes the unfortunate psychological distress that Sinan is describing to us here. I have been submitting my unworthy prayers to God that if His servant Sinan is indeed suffering so, that He will send down his grace upon Him and give him peace. Please let us all pray to our great God for his healing and restoration.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Jim Langston

Non denominational fundamentalist
Supporter
Jul 9, 2005
839
406
60
Bellingham, WA
✟79,514.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
Hello all,

My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.

I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

Thank you.

Let me try to explain to you using examples of my life.

I also communicate with God and consistantly I get what i pray for, God has given me visions of the future which came true, etc... I, also, know this is God.

There have been times, however, that I've heard who I thought was God but things did not come to pass, this one I talk to seems to have lied to me.

I discovered that not only does God talk to me but Satan also. I have come to learn to distinguish, most of the time, but it can be difficult.

God does not demand that I do anything other than that which He has commanded in His bible, love my neighbor as myself and seek forgiveness whenI fail. Anything beyond that is no longer salvation but works I will get rewarded for in the afterlife.

If, as you say, God wanted you to be Pope (which he doesn't) and you choose not to, that does not mean you are destined for Hell, it means you get less reward in the afterlife.

We are told in the bible to "test the spirits" because not only can Godtalk to us but also Satan and his cronies.

You may question, then, how do I know it was god who has ever talked to me? In my personal life God has promised me miracoulous things and has delivered consistantly.

I am 53 years old, it is only in the last three years that Satan has spoken to me with me inpersonating god. I had been concerned why God would allow this, although now I know why, so I could experienxe it myself to be able to explain it.

There have been many people throughout the years who have been deceived this way, following who they thought was the voice of God when it was really Satan.

Someone asked Jesus what must I do to be saved? Jesus replied you know the commandments. Being pope wasn't included. Another man asked Jesus the sme question, Jesus responded what do you think? The man said love God with all my heart, all my soul and all my might and love ny neighbor as myself. Jesus responded "do this and you will live". Being Pope wasn't included. Paul says the entire law is fullfilled in this, love your neighbor as yourself. Being Pope wasn't included. There are many verses stating who will not enter the kingdom of God, theives, murderers, drunkards, liars, abominations, etc... Not being Pope was not included.
 
Upvote 0

joey_downunder

big sister
Apr 25, 2009
3,064
152
Land Down Under
✟12,875.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Not once did I see any mention of you learning the Gospel - believing that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Word made Flesh, died on the cross for your sins, and through Faith in Jesus you will be saved.

Your faith is built on your experiences and present lack of them. A Christian's faith is in Jesus Christ.
A Christian needs to believe the Gospel to be saved. What is the Romans Road to salvation?
That is ALL. That is why it is called the GOOD NEWS. Repentance of sins comes as a result of faith.
 
Upvote 0

Goodbook

Reading the Bible
Jan 22, 2011
22,090
5,106
New Zealand
Visit site
✟78,865.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this thread...dont get mixed up with RCC.

Honestly, the amount of spiritual confusion the OP is experiencing is due to counterfeit christianity. Please TEST the spirits to see if they are of God.

1 John 4
 
Upvote 0

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I am very sure that I received a call from God. They way He orchestrated life events to get me to build my faith were just amazing. It's such a beautiful experience. I was in direct communion with God for a long time and he taught me a lot and put me through trials which were orchestrated perfectly.

Yes and that's the point I was trying to get across.
Whatever outsiders may think about your experience, you are the one who received it and were in it.
Hold onto that - God communicated with you and called you.

Also, I know I have probably committed the unforgivable sin because I don't actually fear having done so. My efforts to reconcile with God are all in vain because the will to do so is not legit. My heart is darkened to the fullest and there's no way I can return to Him.

It depends on what you believe the unforgiveable sin to be.
Jesus spoke of this sin after some Pharisees said that the miracles that Jesus was performing in the power of the Spirit, were from Satan. In other words, if you see/hear/experience something which you KNOW is from God, but instead give the devil the credit for it, that is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and will not be forgiven.

A vicar once told us that the unforgiveable sin is one that you don't admit to, confess and seek forgiveness for. If you know that you have done wrong and want to be forgiven - and I think you do, or you would not have written this thread and told us so much personal stuff - then you can be. IF you admit it to God, ask for help and forgiveness, and then thank him for sending Jesus to forgive you.
I know it's possible to read testimonies from other people who say "I FELT such joy/peace/happiness" etc, and then believe that if you don't feel those things then you aren't forgiven - but that is not so.

My heart is darkened to the fullest and there's no way I can return to Him.

I think the fact that you are even thinking/writing about returning to him is a sign of hope. If your heart was darkened I'm quite sure you'd be cursing God, instead of writing about a beautiful, God given experience.
You chose to write a post and put it onto a Christian forum.
You identify your faith as Christian. Unless you have not read the rules of these forums and are making an assumption, that implies that you believe the Nicene creed and that Jesus was God. Even if you don't believe these things, there must be some reason you identify yourself as Christian and chose a Christian forum to ask your questions.
Don't worry about feeling numb etc - I'm sure the devil wants to keep you like this so that you won't ask for help/try to find God.

I have already found peace in dying without Christ.

I'm sure the devil wants you to believe that as well.
If your mind is numb and messed up, and you believe your heart is darkened now, imagine how it would be to feel like that that for all eternity. Even worse, by then you will have seen God face to face, and KNOW that you could have been forgiven if you'd asked.

Perhaps I can be forgiven at the Day of Judgement, because all of this was just a huge mistake made by a silly 20 year old.

That's exactly it - and you already know and have admitted it.
God knows your heart, and he knows, and understands, why you said and did those things.
But the day of judgement will be too late to repent. If you carry on as you are, then on the day of judgement God will most likely say, "you knew what the problem was, asked for help and received advice - why did you only wait until now to repent?" And then you could find that you are judged, for having known, or had some idea of, the truth but failed to do anything about it.

God bless you, because he loves you.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Strong in Him

Great is thy faithfulness
Supporter
Mar 4, 2005
27,773
7,919
NW England
✟1,041,802.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this thread...dont get mixed up with RCC.

Sorry, but there are a lot of people in the Catholic church who are beautiful Christians.
Would you have said that to mother Teresa of Calcutta?
 
Upvote 0