• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Featured Hopeless spiritual crisis

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Galnaros, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    Hello all,

    My name is Sinan Shamun, 21 years old and I come from the Netherlands.
    In December 2015 I was very depressed and was looking for a cause to live for. I never understood who I was and what the hell I was doing here in the first place. Then suddenly, in February 2016 I felt amazing, I was full of love,joy, creativity and basically all positive things imaginable. I was killing it at my job and it felt as if I was in heaven every moment of the day. Then in March, during the communion of my little sister I found my faith in God, it was a great happening and I finally understood life after being an atheist for 20 years. I learned that it was the Holy Spirit which was dwelling in me at the time. I was constantly communicating with Jesus as if he were my best friend, and I loved it. As time passed I became very introspective and got to know my relation to God even better.
    Then the great day came, God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope, me out of all people, after all those years. (I assume this happened to the current Pope when he was my age and suddenly switched from a Chemistry major to pursuing his path to become the Pope). I then learned that I had to spread my wings and fly away, become a total new person, find new Christian friends and live a holy life. At first I was totally flabbergasted by all of this. I decided to sign up for my Theology major in Utrecht at a Catholic school and was so grateful for being given a cause in life.
    Then,unfortunately, all things went downhill. I realized that becoming a Catholic Pastor meant not being able to have sex and a wife and all other worldy pleasures, so I started avoiding God. Avoiding reading the Bible I bought and continuing a sinful life (smoking, using drugs, etc) after all that God had done for me. I became less and less full of positive energy and my connection with God was decaying and decaying. I showed up at the meeting day prior to starting my Theology major when I was totally unprepared, I had not become the person God wanted me to become and I just sat there with the other students looking like a complete fool, not knowing what to say. I left the meeting day by just running away from the other students and I went home.
    Eventually, my thinking reached a point where I had sudden realization which totally destroyed God for me. I convinced myself that God is an all between the ears thing and that I don't own it anymore. It was gone, totally evaporated. I even remember cussing at the Holy Spirit for leaving me after I had failed God in a shameful way and I am actually 100% sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin, since I am not genuinely worried about committing it anymore. My heart wants to know nothing about God but my mind knows God is everything I need, but I have screwed up. I can't blame God for all that has happened, I was even warned prior to me finding out I was elected to become a Pope. God told me to 'choose wisely' and he warned me of a curse. It was all or nothing for me and it sure as hell turned out to be nothing and my destination will be hell for sure.
    I had such a beautiful life ahead but all my stupid 20 year old self could think of was sex at the moment, instead of being able to help many souls including those of my friends, who weren't Christians either. My mind has become corrupt and worthless because I lost God and my introspectivity has reached so far that I have basically committed spiritual dialysis. I'm stuck with a mind that thinks about useless goalless garbage all day long. I spent months in a mental ward, taking medicine because the psychiatrists believed I was deluded and got myself into a psychosis. After all those months of medicine and super long tedious days it turned out that they were wrong and that my spiritual experience was from God. I have nothing now, all joy, love, personality and everything positive have evaporated into absolute nothingnes. 7 months of hell have passed and no progress was made. Many prayers have been prayed but all of them were in vain. I was helped by spiritual healers and therapists but nothing worked.

    I have no idea what to do and am really feeling the urge to throw the towel in the ring because this life is terrible. A clinical depression is an ecstacy trip compared to what I'm going through and I'd cut off my limbs were it that I'd get my mental and emotional state back to 'normal' again. I am seriously considering to end it all and just accept my fate, which is probably hell. I'd take physical pain of flames over this mental numbness any day.

    Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding.

    Thank you.
     
  2. vinsight4u

    vinsight4u Contributor

    +884
    Christian
    /nvm
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2017
    • Like Like x 1
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  3. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    "God told me that I was the complete package to become a Roman Catholic Pope"

    It is not God who told you this, so you were never, nor are you now, under any obligation to God in this regard. The only thing any of us need to do is repent.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • List
  4. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Are you with me, Sinan? God does not require anything of you to keep you from going to hell. God only wishes for us to turn towards Him in prayer for His help (mercy). This is because if we do this, then He can give us spiritual Life and His blessedness. This is why the Psalmist David has said "For Thou hast no delight in sacrifices: were I to give a sacrifice Thou wouldst not be pleased. The sacrifice to God is a broken spirit. A broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise." (Psalm 51)
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
    • Like Like x 3
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • List
  5. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    Trust me, I have no reason to lie about all of this, my life is in shards and I'm pulling the plug very soon. I am 100% sure that becoming a Pope was my destiny. I was elected and I sure as hell understood God's message for me correctly.

    I have repented, but my repentance does not come forth from heartfelt sorrow for what I've done, so it's all in vain. I didn't expect God to punish me with death for this and now it's time that I complete the punishment and off myself. Seven months of prayer have resulted in nothing, not a piece of progress. God wants nothing to do with me anymore and I should just accept that I am going to hell.
     
  6. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,026
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Hmm sounds like you got mixed up with the catholic church well the truth is Jesus church is not actually the catholic church...and he doesnt require anyone to be the pope.


    You have been decieved. Dont throw in the towel come out of your deception and know the truth...Jesus papa is our Heavenly Father not someone in the catholic church calling themselves pope. Are you aware Satan calls himself God wants to be like God but he cant be. He can be pretty convincing at times but dont be fooled.

    Is your bible a catholic bible? It has extra books in it and writing thats not scripture. Find yourself a Holy Bible thats unadulterated. A good version is KJV.

    Focus on Jesus for now and ask Him to show you the truth because he is the way, the truth and the life, nobody gets to the Father (our God) but by him.

    We can pray for you here, God, our heavenly father loves you and doesnt want you to perish. Hes never asked me to be a pope. Just his child. Jesus asks us not to be servants but brothers and sisters...His friends.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • List
  7. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    If becoming the Pope is your destiny, then how can it be that you are not going to become Pope, but simply die and spend all of hell in eternity? If God told you that you were to be Pope, but you don't become Pope and die and go to hell instead, this makes God a liar. God is not a liar, and God is not punishing you for failing to become Pope. For God "desires not the death of a sinner, but that they should turn to Him and Live." (Ezekiel 18:32)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  8. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    "Has anyone heard of a story similar to mine and/or does anyone have any tips for me? Can anyone confirm that I should just accept my fate since there is nothing I can do about all of this? I read my bible while in the mental ward but it got me nowhere. No revelations or real understanding."


    I have heard of stories similar to yours. I have experienced similar things.
     
  9. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    God gave me a chance to become a Pope, and I failed miserably. Me not becoming a Pope is not a loss for God, there are probably more elected people to fill this vacancy.
    Whatever it is that God is punishing me for now, it doesn't make my current situation any better. I want to know how to get out of this situation. Reading my Bible and praying a lot does not seem to do the trick. I have spent 7 months in this mental jail I'm stuck in and nothing helped me. I have had countless people pray for me, pastors helping me. I know I made wrong choices,but how in hell does He allow this suffering on someone that simply refused to do what was asked of him. I wanted to return to him in the last 7 months but the doors remain closed.
    I still have a bit of hope for reincarnation to be true instead of me burning in hell forever. I am willing to find out by pulling the plug.
     
  10. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    God did not tell you that He wanted you to be Pope. He is not punishing you for failing to live up to a calling that He never gave you to begin with.

    Do you want to know where the punishment you are feeling is coming from? It isn't from God.
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  11. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Newbie

    +1,397
    Christian
    Single
    Hi, Sinan :) God bless you, and welcome to Christian Forums. Possibly, your name in Arabic means "spearhead", and this can mean how you can pierce through all your trouble and get to God and stay with Him in His peace >

    "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

    Jesus is the way to this, by means of us repenting and turning to and trusting God to do all He is able, with us. We all need this; you are not some special case. All of us can have disappointing and frustrating and crazy things going on in us. Only God is able to cure us, Sinan. So, God bless you :)

    You say you learned it. But our Apostle Paul does say,

    "Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5)

    So, Jesus in us proves Himself; we do not only learn ideals or belief. Plus, His love in us makes us more and more stable, but because of more and more correction so we do not leave God > Hebrews 12:4-11, Mat6thew 11:28-30.

    It is possible for someone to become a Christian, but then to fall back into problems; but then God is able to correct and restore the person, and bring the person to more and better. God has people who can minister to us so we are restored after we get in messes > Galatians 6:1.

    But it is possible that someone goes to a church and says yes to Jesus, but has not really changed. But the church people could be all excited and wishful so they assume the person really changed to Jesus. It is possible to get a "high" of feelings and emotions, but without spiritual roots to keep a person.

    Again, though . . . like I offered, above, Sinan . . . a person can be young and immature so he or she can have problems. But we grow as children of God, and get stronger. And, like I say, God proves Himself to us.

    If I don't even know the Pope personally, why would I make a big deal out of being like someone I don't even know?? Having a big religious name and reputation does not prove you are truly of God; many people have been fooled because of someone having a big name and power and showing of intelligence.

    So, a humble pope, in my opinion, would tell you not to make a big deal out of his big name and reputation. I trust he would advise you to follow his good example of humility which would have you not making a big deal out of becoming famous, in case this ever happened to you.

    If you obey Jesus, now, already you have more influence and power than many popes and United States presidents combined of all history have even had. Because with Jesus we have His own lordship working together with us while we submit to how Jesus has us doing things with Him in His "rest for your souls" (see Matthew 11:28-30).

    Do you know of faithful Abraham? Look at what the LORD says to Abraham >

    "'In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.'" (Genesis 22:18)

    Abraham was not a well-known pope or politician; yet, because he obeyed God, Abraham is part of the real historical reason why "all the nations of the earth" have been "blessed" ! ! !

    And you can join in this blessing of all people, right now, simply by trusting and obeying Jesus :)

    And, of course, Sinan, none of us owns God. Jesus has paid His own blood for us. Jesus owns us who are children of our Heavenly Father.

    And this is part of why Jesus says,

    "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." (in Luke 9:23)

    Every one of us, Sinan, has had a stupid self. We all need to trust God to free us from our stupid and selfish selves, so then we can share with God and one another in His own love with His own creativity for doing good to any and all people.

    It is possible to have a false feeling of having God's love and joy. But God makes us more and more stable and sure and pure. God does not change; He shares this with us, in His love; but this takes growing and correction > Hebrews 12:4-11, 1 John 4:17.

    Whatever is the reason in your case, Sinan, now you can be healed and strengthened by Jesus, and have the benefit of how Jesus is able to make intercession for you. And then you can use your own experience to help you understand and feel for other people who have very hard and horrible and scary and impossible troubles >

    "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

    I have experienced how it is to not be with God. It is horrible. But Jesus suffered and died for us, on the cross, with hope for any person, at all, to be rescued from our sins and delivered "from the power of Satan to God" (in Acts 26:18) < we all need how God alone is able to make us safe in His love and joy and peace.

    And Jesus does say, "your joy no one will take from you," in John 16:22. So, Sinan, even now when I get away from or lose joy, I pray about if I have been real with God, or not. I depend on Him to know and judge what He pleases to do with me. God is our good Judge; trust Him to know and decide what He desires to do with you; He will prove Himself, and He can speak for Himself :)

    The horribleness of the suffering we have in our sinning is part of how the suffering of hell can be like. But after we leave our physical bodies, Sinan, we no longer can feel a few nice pleasures; we only will have how we have become, spiritually and emotionally. So, if you let horrible stuff drive you to end it all, you then could have the horrible stuff multiplied many times over, after you no longer have your created body to help to dilute and distract you from those awful fears and feelings.

    Our Apostle Paul is very clear how we will reap what we have been sowing > Galatians 6:7-8. Reaping means you get so much more than the little seeds you have put out. And God loves you; so simply trust Him through Jesus. God bless you to :)

    We have and enjoy all God is able to do, Sinan, as I have offered. But please be aware that there are ones claiming to be Christians but they can be very mean to you. If we get with God, then, we need to be ready for all His good but also stay prayerfully ready for how Satan can attack us with the exact opposite of howsoever God blesses us. Yet God is able to keep us into more and more of His beautifully wonderful sharing in love >

    "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)

    "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies," King David shares in Psalm 23:5.

    So, you can share with God, right in the presence of any enemies, at all, including the enemy memories of your past and failures, or enemies who are horribly cruel people who hate us for being Christians. These could be ones who have been our family and friends; but with our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus we have Heaven's own family caring and sharing in God's love. And we with Jesus have hope for any cruel and awful people, Sinan. Jesus on the cross had hope for any evil person, at all.
     
  12. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    Thanks for the detailed post. I understand what you're saying.
    But don't you think that I should really doubt continuing my life after 7 months of this hell. Look, this is not some sort of depression caused by a relation that ended or teenage problems. My mind is not working anymore. It is corrupt and I constantly have thoughts that serve no goal at all. My mind is stuck in what I would call limbo. Every day has been the same for over 7 months now. I wake up, I think useless things all day, you'd be horrified by the stupidity of my thoughts(this is not self deprecating, my mind is actually broken) I don't talk to people, not even my family, because I have nothing to talk about, I just forgot how to be a person basically. I eat a little bit and then head to bed. Nothing triggers me to feel joy or pleasure. Everything I used to find pleasurable in the past doesn't even touch me now. I am a complete zombie basically and suicide is really the only thing which I believe will release me from this misery.

    How can God leave me in this state for such a long time? Why are all my efforts in vain? I really have committed the unforgivable sin and I should just face hell like a man.


     
  13. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    I am not going to debate the calling, because I'm sure I was called to become a Pope.
    And even if I weren't being punished for what you believe to be is a false interpretation of being called on my side. What the hell could it be and why is it that God doesn't show the tiniest bit of interest in me after 7 months of trying to reach Him?
     
  14. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Do you want to know where your punishment is coming from, or don't you? It is not coming from God.
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  15. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    I understand that God doesn't punish me but that I punished myself. The question is, how do I undo this , and I'm sure God isn't the answer after these 7 months.
     
  16. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    You have become physically ill with depression because of things that have happened to you throughout your life, since infancy. There is hope for this to be healed. We know of many people who have suffered in your state and have recovered. I know it is hard to feel so hopeless, but with the help of your medical doctors, talk therapists, and spiritual father (I hope you have one), you can come out of this. My wife's sister fell into a major depressive disorder due to the stresses that a long running health problem that took a toll on the physical health of her brain. She had no meaning for which to live, and wanted to end her life because of the unbearable pain she was in. She did not kill herself because she had learned from the Church that suicide does not end this torment, but causes it to be continued much more intensely in hell, without end or relief. She patiently endured her suffering and she got well again. I suggest you do the same.
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  17. Galnaros

    Galnaros New Member

    63
    +28
    Christian
    Single
    I am not physically ill. 3 psychiatrists have told me that I am not depressed. I was treated in a mental ward but it didn't help me a tiny bit so I was let out again.
    I wish this were a depression instead of what I am experiencing. I am not lying when I say that a depression is en ecstacy trip compared to what I'm experiencing and that many people in this situation wouldn't even last a couple of months before ending their lives, which I have already tried a couple of times. I have already talked to therapists, doctors and a pastor, but it was all in vain. My problem is that my mind is really messed up. I am not having negative thoughts(life sucks, I can't do [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], etc). My mind produces thoughts that have no goal at all; an useless thought when someone opens a door, an useless thought when I move my arm a certain way, an useless thought when I have a certain facial expression, like really unnecessary pointless thinking. I can't even describe the thoughts because they're so complex and part of my 'own world'. There are no positive thoughts or negative thoughts, since I don't even remember what positive or negative means for me. Someone could murder my parents and I wouldn't even flinch. Someone could give me a million dollars and I would just stay cool like a zombie.
     
  18. truefiction1

    truefiction1 Fool

    +687
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Have you tried cutting off the thoughts?
     
  19. JohannaSK

    JohannaSK New Member

    61
    +24
    Christian
    Single
    When nothing else is left, the truth remains. You can't fight against the truth and win – you realize that? Many people ignore the truth and can't be bothered to think about it, but you are considering it.

    Jesus is the truth (John 14: 6): He, the Son of God, was born a man, and by the power of His eternal spirit He atoned for our sins on the cross and rose from the dead!

    If someone approaches the truth, he or she is offered mercy, atoning grace of God, because that's the only truth there is. Nothing can be done about this. So when you find yourself in a hopeless place, where everything is lost, you're faced with the truth, Jesus Christ.

    It's not a sin to choose not to pursue to become a Pope or wanting to get married one day. I agree with the others who say it probably wasn't a revelation from God (that you are to become a Pope of RCC).

    If God has destined you to become a Christian leader of some sort, He'll make it happen the right way and in the right time. I'd advice you to begin by trusting the truth, Jesus Christ.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  20. vinsight4u

    vinsight4u Contributor

    +884
    Christian
    /nvm
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2017
Loading...