General question

[Anthony Petini]

I have an important question.. I have a friend in an abusive relationship. She asked to stay with me for a few days. There is no ulterior motive on either of our parts. I’ve known her for years. I know many people have roommates, and I’m being berated for even thinking about letting her stay here. I have three kids and they’re always around. They told me they’d be ok with her staying here for a bit. I just hate the feeling I have right now, worrying not about what God says but what people think.

I’ve been studying Paul’s letters to the Thessalonians regarding this, and while initially the passage surround the avoidance of the appearance of evil appears to point to my obvious answer, I also feel like this passage was driving me to legalism and not offering shelter because people might talk. I’ve been digging into this specific passage and it seems that the language is not pointing to the legalistic sense of avoiding everything that people might perceive as wrong, because Jesus was accused of this by spending most of his time with the wicked people of society.

I feel in my spirit that opening my door to a friend in need is not necessarily wrong. I feel peace about that aspect. What I don’t have peace about is what others might say or think and that is driving me into a wrong state of thinking. For instance. When I’m praying I feel a sense of peace over this. I don’t start getting anxiety until I start thinking about the opinions of others.

There is nothing sexual going on, my kids are here and we’re all quarantined so there won’t be a time during her transition that there won’t be some sort of accountability.

I’d appreciate help hashing this out.

 

[royal priest]

I know where you're coming from, but what others think is very important. This concern here isn't so much what people think, but so much as to what we might tempt them to think. We want to avoid provoking at least two thoughts. One, is that some people will think that you are careless in your Christian walk. The other is that some might think, 'if it's okay for him to do, then it's okay for me to do too.'
It's all too natural to think that people staying together are sleeping together, and oh how people love to gossip.

 

[Lost4words]

Dont worry what others think. You are helping a friend.

God bless you

 

[Amittai]

If you trust in God's Providence as He wants us to, you and she must ask Him to find her somewhere a good bit better quickly.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have an important question.. I have a friend in an abusive relationship. She asked to stay with me for a few days. There is no ulterior motive on either of our parts. I’ve known her for years. I know many people have roommates, and I’m being berated for even thinking about letting her stay here. I have three kids and they’re always around. They told me they’d be ok with her staying here for a bit. I just hate the feeling I have right now, worrying not about what God says but what people think.

I’ve been studying Paul’s letters to the Thessalonians regarding this, and while initially the passage surround the avoidance of the appearance of evil appears to point to my obvious answer, I also feel like this passage was driving me to legalism and not offering shelter because people might talk. I’ve been digging into this specific passage and it seems that the language is not pointing to the legalistic sense of avoiding everything that people might perceive as wrong, because Jesus was accused of this by spending most of his time with the wicked people of society.

I feel in my spirit that opening my door to a friend in need is not necessarily wrong. I feel peace about that aspect. What I don’t have peace about is what others might say or think and that is driving me into a wrong state of thinking. For instance. When I’m praying I feel a sense of peace over this. I don’t start getting anxiety until I start thinking about the opinions of others.

There is nothing sexual going on, my kids are here and we’re all quarantined so there won’t be a time during her transition that there won’t be some sort of accountability.

I’d appreciate help hashing this out.

Welcome! By all means help your friend! Just be aware that her situation may follow her so make sure your family is safe. So question her extensively before you decide to bring her in and if it seems this could be the case, help her find a safe house.
Be blessed and be safe.

 

[Reborn1977]

First, let me say I think it's admirable that you want to help your friend.

If she has no female friends with which she could stay and she is truly in an abusive situation then it is the godly thing to allow her to stay with you, and you should not care about what anyone thinks of your actions. If they can judge you for allowing her to stay with you, with them understanding all the circumstances, then they lack Christian love and compassion, and their opinion should not matter to you.

All of that said, you must be watchful that the Enemy is not allowed to use the situation with either your friend or you to bring about temptation. When women are in need they often reach out, and sometimes in inappropriate ways. I can say that because I am a middle-aged woman myself and a minister who has worked with women for 25 years.

 

[maintenance man]

What's in your heart is all that matters.

 

[crossnote]

Are there no shelters, are there no women's homes? -(A Scrooge adaptation.)

 

[hedrick]

The concern seems paranoid. Is no one allowed to have a roommate because someone might be suspicious? We can't let it come to that.

Furthermore, the passage in question is "abstain from every form of evil."
NRSV, ESV, NASB, NIV, etc.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Eh. You are married and have kids and are just helping someone. There is obviously no ulterior motive. If people want to take it the wrong way then that's on them. Growing up I mainly had female friends. If any of them needed somewhere to stay I would let them. My wife trusts me and knows I treat people like family. Especially women who are Christian as they are sisters in Christ. This applies to men to of course who are brothers in Christ.

 

[mtatertayte]

I have an important question.. I have a friend in an abusive relationship. She asked to stay with me for a few days. There is no ulterior motive on either of our parts. I’ve known her for years. I know many people have roommates, and I’m being berated for even thinking about letting her stay here. I have three kids and they’re always around. They told me they’d be ok with her staying here for a bit. I just hate the feeling I have right now, worrying not about what God says but what people think.

I’ve been studying Paul’s letters to the Thessalonians regarding this, and while initially the passage surround the avoidance of the appearance of evil appears to point to my obvious answer, I also feel like this passage was driving me to legalism and not offering shelter because people might talk. I’ve been digging into this specific passage and it seems that the language is not pointing to the legalistic sense of avoiding everything that people might perceive as wrong, because Jesus was accused of this by spending most of his time with the wicked people of society.

I feel in my spirit that opening my door to a friend in need is not necessarily wrong. I feel peace about that aspect. What I don’t have peace about is what others might say or think and that is driving me into a wrong state of thinking. For instance. When I’m praying I feel a sense of peace over this. I don’t start getting anxiety until I start thinking about the opinions of others.

There is nothing sexual going on, my kids are here and we’re all quarantined so there won’t be a time during her transition that there won’t be some sort of accountability.

I’d appreciate help hashing this out.

If you mind your own business you will save yourself much grief and sorrow and maybe your own life.

 

[Jok]

I have an important question.. I have a friend in an abusive relationship. She asked to stay with me for a few days. There is no ulterior motive on either of our parts. I’ve known her for years. I know many people have roommates, and I’m being berated for even thinking about letting her stay here. I have three kids and they’re always around. They told me they’d be ok with her staying here for a bit. I just hate the feeling I have right now, worrying not about what God says but what people think.

I’ve been studying Paul’s letters to the Thessalonians regarding this, and while initially the passage surround the avoidance of the appearance of evil appears to point to my obvious answer, I also feel like this passage was driving me to legalism and not offering shelter because people might talk. I’ve been digging into this specific passage and it seems that the language is not pointing to the legalistic sense of avoiding everything that people might perceive as wrong, because Jesus was accused of this by spending most of his time with the wicked people of society.

I feel in my spirit that opening my door to a friend in need is not necessarily wrong. I feel peace about that aspect. What I don’t have peace about is what others might say or think and that is driving me into a wrong state of thinking. For instance. When I’m praying I feel a sense of peace over this. I don’t start getting anxiety until I start thinking about the opinions of others.

There is nothing sexual going on, my kids are here and we’re all quarantined so there won’t be a time during her transition that there won’t be some sort of accountability.

I’d appreciate help hashing this out.

I think that Paul just had a problem should it become a stumbling block towards God for the people looking in on him? Like if people saw Paul accepting money it could ruin them coming to God, they would be like Oh ok Paul isn’t genuine, he’s just your typical money grubbing scoundrel preacher! And the person wouldn’t come to God because of it.

So these people, is their faith in God vulnerable should they think that you are guilty of taking advantage of her, and looking like a fake Christian, even if it’s not true? Or, are they just being opinionated, and it has no bearing whatsoever on their walk with God? That’s how I understand the parsing between Paul’s passages, and being overly legalistic. Can me a cynic, but I find that most often people are just being judgmental and opinionated.

 

[mama2one]

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