Mind reading is a new talent for you? Clearly you're not good at it. This non-benevolent god is imaginary, it's a jerk in fact. No one in their right mind would voluntarily worship the jerk-god conceived in your posts.
God, on the other hand, is Love. He told Moses - "And the LORD descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, the LORD, a God full of compassion and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy and truth; keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin: and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, upon the third and upon the fourth generation."
Exodus 34:5-7
Perhaps such is not the God that you've been writing about?