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Can you forgive someone but still hate what they did to you?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lybrah, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. Lybrah

    Lybrah Active Member

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    I still get real mad when I think about some stuff that happened to me at my workplace a few years ago. I was railroaded. I wouldn't wish harm on this lady, and I'd probably help her if she were hanging off of a cliff, but I don't like her. Does forgiveness mean you have to forget everything? She's not one of my favorite people, to say the least. But I'd be civil if I saw her.
     
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  2. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    I don't know. I'm in this boat due to a bad church experience.
     
  3. DeerGlow

    DeerGlow User Gifted Supporter Status by Someone Else Supporter

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    I'd say just try all you can to forgive everything. I've held grudges against people all through like three years of high school because someone hurt me (physically) and none of them helped me when I was on the ground. I can't say "well they should have helped me" but it doesn't matter. Even if I would have helped them (and I don't know if I would have, just honestly). Holding pointless grudges doesn't do anything. I'm not perfect either but we just try.
     
  4. Monk Brendan

    Monk Brendan Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Unfortunately, you have to learn to love them, and forgive them for what was done to you.

    I had to learn that lesson, and it was NOT easy.

    But I have found that forgiveness is like peeling an onion. You take off the brown outer layer, and then you have to go down a layer or two to get rid of all of the surface defects. So you peel a bit, and you cry a bit. Then you see more defects, and you have to peel a bit more, and cry a bit more. Repeat as needed. When you no longer have hatred in your heart, then you can relax, and let God do the rest.
     
  5. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Well..I recall someone who did something terrible to me and forgave them as much as God allows me to forgive someone who hasn't truly repented but it also means I don't contact them or be around them anymore.

    I think the being mad at someone lessens when they are no longer in your circle because it just takes a lot of energy to be mad at at someone!

    Let it go, and just let it be a lesson to you.

    For forgiveness to be complete there needs to be repentance, think of how God forgave YOU when you repented, it didn't happen that God just overlooked everything you actually needed to repent so you could be reconciled. If that person has asked for your forgiveness and shown they've repented of whatever they did to you, then of course don't be mad at them anymore!!
     
  6. JackRT

    JackRT Trump supporter waking up ... Supporter

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    Been there. Done that. Hate is very much like a powerful acid. It corrodes the container in which it is stored as much as the object on which it is poured. It is difficult but when you forgive --- forget too.
     
  7. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

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    Forgiveness often comes in stages (especially for serious wrongs) and may take a long time.

    If you still have anger, you still have work to do. Don't despair though. It's how we are as humans, and it sounds like you've already given it some effort, and also realize how important it is.

    You might try praying for the ones who hurt you. Pray as sincerely as you can (sometimes we can't pray for very much for them at first) and ask God to help you. Keep at it. You can eventually reach a place where not only do you not wish her ill, but you can deeply desire the best good for her as well.

    You may never "like" her, if she is a person who is difficult to like. That's ok. But she IS a person, and we can work on cultivating love for everyone.

    God be with you.
     
  8. RaymondG

    RaymondG Well-Known Member

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    In a word.....NO!

    You dont have to Forget, and shouldnt forget.....but you have to remove any feelings associated with the actions that was done to you.

    You'll know that you have forgiven, when you can imagine the events happening again in your head, without the associated negative feelings.

    The person you now hate, was only doing God's works. You wanted more money, a better job or something to that fact. But you dont like change that much... so you had to be forced out before God and put you in the better job that you asked him for. Now all you have to do is let go of the negative,,, and let God continue his positive work.

    all things work together for the good......
     
  9. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

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    Well there are some things I think are near impossible to not hate. My mother was molested by her dad for 16 years. Has she forgiven him? Yes. Does she hate what he did still? Yes. Can she ever forget? No.

    There are things that were done in my past that overtime I healed from and forgave that person for. However forgetting about it is not as easy. Especially when you have reminders.
     
  10. DeerGlow

    DeerGlow User Gifted Supporter Status by Someone Else Supporter

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    Yeah, you just have to make the best of them. I have a scar from something that I really don't think was my fault so I held a grudge against the person I thought was responsible but I just have to forgive him and find things to like about the scar. It turns purple in the cold and looks like a fat little caterpillar or lightning bolt. I wore jackets or long sleeves to cover it all the time but now it's kind of cute.
     
  11. gym_class_hero

    gym_class_hero Well-Known Member

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    A wise man once told me, "pray for your enemies, it may not change their heart, but it will change yours."

    it's true as I once really wanted to avenge a guy for something he did. And I wanted to puke before I prayed for him. But it healed my anger.

    That being said, forgiving someone doesn't require us to be friends with them or associate with them ever again.
     
  12. sunshineforJesus

    sunshineforJesus is so in love with God Supporter

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    A woman at church hurt me,but than again I hurt her also. I do forgive her and hope she has forgiven me too.
    We will likely never be friends again though,since she simply isn't interested. I don't hate her but do hate my sin.and the situation i was in but have learned through it to change.
     
  13. vinsight4u

    vinsight4u Contributor

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    /nvm
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2017
  14. dysert

    dysert Member

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    Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. By harboring unforgiveness you're hurting yourself much more than you're hurting them. So do yourself a favor and forgive.

    Forgetting is another thing entirely. I don't know that it's possible to forget a wrong done to you -- especially if it was egregious. But we're not commanded to forget - just forgive. You'll feel better once you do.
     
  15. RDKirk

    RDKirk Alien, Pilgrim, and Sojourner Supporter

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    Unforgiveness has been described as someone walking around with pockets filled with excrement so that he can throw it on the person he hates whenever the meet.

    The problem is that walking around with pockets filled with excrement, he stinks all the time to everyone else.
     
  16. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

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    And another thing about forgetting - no, we are not commanded to. And it's true that we probably never will actually forget.

    But when one hasn't forgiven, the memory tends to pop back up and torment us frequently. When one TRULY forgives, we find we go months or perhaps years without it coming back to mind, until something happens to remind us, like hearing of the same thing happening to someone else, then we remember, "oh, yes, this happened to me once" but the memory is no longer particularly painful.

    That is the healing that can take place with forgiveness.
     
  17. ver 2-10

    ver 2-10 Member

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    The Christian ways are to forgive and love your enemy, that will lighten your heart, but at the same time you don't have to be overly attached nor see such person.
     
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