Am I wasting my time seeking God? I am a nonpracticing homosexual. I believe in scripture that calls sin by what it is. I hate my sin. I struggle with lust, but I do not act on my lusts. Pastor Steven Anderson does not believe gays can be saved. This is sad. But I will continue pray for his mercy. But I wonder if I am wasting my time.
A more profound instinct which, since you abstain from a sexual relationship, should tell you that that is not the true you, that your true nature, is in Christ. This is not pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking ; it is the reality. In a general way, what you identify with is what you become. Finding certain people's physical appearance of both sexes more attractive than others is normal, but same-sex sexual orientation, homosexuality, seems one of the ugliest things imaginable, and would always be a result of conditioning, not of the person's intrinsic nature. You need to realise that it is one of the absolute axioms of the Christian faith that it is not a sin to have any kind of bad thought, even though they can even be proximately demonic ; although obviously they all are ultimately demonic and a result of the Fall. If you assent to them instead of repudiatung them as soon as you are aware of them, then, insofar, you become guilty in relation to them. 'My brothers, flll your mind with those things that are good and deserve to be praised; things that are true, pure, noble, right, lovely and honourable, and the God who gives us peace will be with you,' is what St Paul recommended.
When I worked as hospital-porter, as a young lad, I had a pal who was one of the sweepers. He was an Austrian lad, (as he told me later, a hermaphrodite), with a slight stoop and glasses, who had been as far as Russia to obtain treatment with testosterone (which very few outside of the medical profession had even heard of at that time), but he told me that he had by that time developed a certain 'Doom', in the vernacular ! With his funny Austrian accent, he reminded me of a mad professor.
Anyway, the point is he was certainly very normally oriented, sexually, and was always chatting up the nurses - and giving me tips ! His father had been a senior police officer and I suspect that had prevented his wanting to 'change sex' or any of that sort of foolishness that's rampant today, (since despite his hermaphroditism, he was evidently very preponderantly, essentially, masculine).
I heard some years later from another work-mate who worked in the path lab, I met by chance outside Westminster cathedral, that poor Peter had committed suicide one Christmas Eve, something he had once spoken to me about. I remember telling him we're all temporary citizens - words to that effect - like the leaves on trees, hoping that putting life and death in a larger context might be consoling. If so, evidently it was not enough.