29 & Never Dated

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DragonFox91

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Do you think some of this is due to the coronavirus? Men tend to be more pig headed and adventurous than women. This might explain some of the gender disparity at these meetings?
They think the coronavirus is why there were only 5 of us or so today, like people either being concerned about it or not knowing we were meeting. Who knows if it affect the gender disparity tho.

I do think it's possible men tending to be more adventurous can affect disparities at these groups I've seen even when it's not a pandemic. I'd have thought since women tend to be more social, they'd go out, but since I think they tend to have an easier time w/ online dating, they don't have to.
 
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MehGuy

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They think the coronavirus is why there were only 5 of us or so today, like people either being concerned about it or not knowing we were meeting. Who knows if it affect the gender disparity tho.

I do think it's possible men tending to be more adventurous can affect disparities at these groups I've seen even when it's not a pandemic. I'd have thought since women tend to be more social, they'd go out, but since I think they tend to have an easier time w/ online dating, they don't have to.

So are these meetings mainly for dates? I guess that might explain things as well.
 
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MehGuy

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No they're not. None of the groups I've ever gone to are for dates.

Alright. In that case, it's probably less of an issue. Unless everyone knows a deep down the underlying attraction for attending such meetings is for dating, lol.
 
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DragonFox91

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I can't get my dream :(
Join the club, I guess. Lot of men can't

Non-_Christian people tell me 'oh can't you join Christian groups?' Those blow-up in my face. Everything I try blows up in my face. I feel like the Coyote in Looney Tunes.
I know. We've been through that. :)



What does the bible say? Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet? —Amos 3:3

You have a greater likelihood of attracting someone like yourself than the opposite.

We naturally attract three types of people:
  1. Those like us.
  2. Those who desire to be like us.
  3. Those who desire something from us. Including us.
Bear that in mind in light of American culture. What do we value?
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Success
  • Youth
  • Beauty
  • Happiness
We assign greater esteem to those who possess these qualities. Including Christians. If you look at the demographics of singles within Christian settings you'll see the truth.

Therefore, a happy person is more likely to attract others like themselves, people who want the same, and those who desire them. Why? Because of the scarcity effect. That's what our values promote.

Debbie Downer doesn't have people beating down her door to be with her. Why? She isn't an anomaly. She's more commonplace than the other. People want to associate with 'winners' because they're a reflection of them. The kudos rub off. Run with successful people and many assume you're the same.

We want to be associated with people who make us feel good. That's the problem. Many lack those qualities. Their personality, challenges, or experiences don't warrant the same. They project a different energy.

If you're down on yourself you'll have a harder finding someone than those who aren't. You're picking from different patches. Improving your self-esteem and outlook will radiate greater confidence. That appeals to the opposite sex.

We're all seeking companions who add to our lives in a positive fashion. No one advertises for the loser who hates himself and is self-destructive. If they did you'd wonder what's wrong with them.
That's fine, but I'm not meeting single women. & yes, I do think it's an issue I tend to associate w/ either single men or men who have my same struggles.

The solution begins with you. You need to do some housekeeping. You're too imbalanced. You've put all your eggs in one basket. Getting a girlfriend is one thing. Keeping her is another. Marrying her is a bigger feat.



Every one has scars and quirks. The question is whether they're worth your while to take on. What are you getting in return? No one partners altruistically. Their wants and needs are being met.

If you're focused on fit, you want the person who can handle them without complaining. She'll need patience and a gentle touch. When you meltdown she has to keep her cool. She can't spiral with you.

There's the God factor too. He knows what's best for us. Sometimes we have throw our hands up and surrender. Our way isn't working. We need to give it to Him.

You've tried unsuccessfully. Maybe that's the point. You can't find her. He needs to.

Yours in His Service,

~bella
I don't know what to do
 
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DragonFox91

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I think I should pray against my dream, that all wants of it be banished, just gone & wiped out completely, that I wake up one day & I'm happy & content & if any sign of my dream emerges, I say no to it, I'm in control that way. I'd have more luck with that, no? That's basically what everyone's telling me anyways, just get rid of the want. I'm gonna take the dream & throw it away. It's useless. I don't want it anymore. It hurts me. I thought it was a good thing but it's not. As I was praying the other night, it piereces my hands. It just makes me sad & upset. I can't be happy wanting the dream. Just distract myself, live in life's other joys. I'm single, I knew from the start I'd be, time to accept it. Why would I want a woman when they've all rejected me anyways, or God hides them from me. I get there's a pandemic, but shouldn't women be compelled to go to church like I am? I guess that's too much to ask.

I hate my dream. I might as well dream of being president or something else silly. That'd be more likely to happen. So many men have the same dream. They try, some so much harder then me, & they don't get their dream either. Why should I be more blessed then them? That'd be selfish of me.

Who else wants my dream. I'll give it to you if you want it. I wanted my dream. I didn't want to give up on it. I don't feel I have a choice now.

I don't think it's from God. He doesn't even throw me a bone or give me a sign she's coming. I understand I'm not in the best spot, but this week has been hard. They're not all like this. I've come so far already, but it's not enough, it's never enough. I get closed doors. I open the doors but nothing's in them. The hall is long. It's neverending.
 
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DragonFox91

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I asked my counselor if he knows another man who struggles w/ this I can talk to, or if he knows a married man who used to struggle w/ it.

My best friend struggles w/ it too, but I'm wondering if my counselor knows someone else, who can maybe offer a different perspective, or if they're married, if they were able to beat it.
 
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DragonFox91

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My friend sent me a sermon today geared to men about how to live w/ your wife like Christ would. It's good, but I have a hard time relating as a single man.

One area that may retain to singles tho is:
When God created Adam, he gave him life, a place to live, responsibility, his word, restrictions, then Eve last. So Eve would be happy. God had this in mind before Eve & before Adam met Eve.
 
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DragonFox91

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I feel horrible. I want to cry. I've been listening to Christian radio all morning, trying to repeat applicable parts, praying, trying to praise him, trying to be thankful, there's no reason for me to be sad, no reason for me to want to cry, he loves me so much, i have loving family & friends, i have so much provided, i can do so much, but it's almost like it makes it worse. There's one thing I want so much & it makes me so sad & anxious
 
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There is a girl at my parents church I think could be a good match. She attended regularly but I haven't seen her there since the pandemic. I will ask my dad about her.
I am fighting the temptation to PM her. I know there's cooler ways to do this. Need some patience.
 
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christiansoccerplayer

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How do you who are single, & don't want to be, stay optimistic that you're going to meet a partner for you?
Pray to God, beg and plead to God, tell others who tell you to stay single that that advice ain't gonna cut it anymore, positive thinking, taking steps to find a partner even if they eventually do not work because at least you made an effort rather than doing nothing (which was my problem up until a few months ago),
 
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christiansoccerplayer

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Today I can't help but thinking God doesn't want me to have one & get married, that I've made too many mistakes. :cryingcat:
I totally understand that sentiment. I think that if you strongly want marriage and cannot stand the thought of always being single, that is a good sign God is calling you to marriage at some point. It's the same situation with me at age 42.
 
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DragonFox91

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I totally understand that sentiment. I think that if you strongly want marriage and cannot stand the thought of always being single, that is a good sign God is calling you to marriage at some point. It's the same situation with me at age 42.
The thought of being single till I'm old & gray is terrifying to me. I feel like it's almost completely out of my control too & that makes it harder.

You answered earlier how you stay optimistic, but I have a very hard time staying optimistic w/ this
 
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