29 & Never Dated

[VCR-2000]

Also it is like God has no actual counsel except for "you won't care anymore, and don't think about it anyway".

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Plus I think girls see it as affirmation they're pretty. So that contributes to it as well.

Yeah, it's like getting attention from men is enough for them than to actually be with a man.

 

[Miles]

Only because girls can afford it more and have the opportunity more often.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I think Feminism played a role in that.

To be fair, if men were a little more selective, and exercised more self control, women wouldn't have so many opportunities. This can be a hard sell, of course. Guys who are less selective, and have less self control, end up having sex with more women.

Plus I think girls see it as affirmation they're pretty. So that contributes to it as well.

They do, but they shouldn't of course. Somewhere along the line, maybe because they lacked an upstanding father figure or male role model, they never got the memo that some guys will boink anything that moves, and those are the ones they should avoid. Unfortunately, impulsivity looks like confidence to those who don't know any better.

Also, a good father figure would teach them that they are inherently lovable. That they don't need lots of male attention to prove it. While I'm not suggesting that being attractive is a bad thing, women shouldn't treat attention from guys as the primary source of their self worth.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

To be fair, if men were a little more selective, and exercised more self control, women wouldn't have so many opportunities. This can be a hard sell, of course. Guys who are less selective, and have less self control, end up having sex with more women.


They do, but they shouldn't of course. Somewhere along the line, maybe because they lacked an upstanding father figure or male role model, they never got the memo that some guys will boink anything that moves, and those are the ones they should avoid. Unfortunately, impulsivity looks like confidence to those who don't know any better.

Also, a good father figure would teach them that they are inherently lovable. That they don't need lots of male attention to prove it. While I'm not suggesting that being attractive is a bad thing, women shouldn't treat attention from guys as the primary source of their self worth.

Good points, also I've noticed single women 40+ are finding other means of having their companionship satiated and it is typically through non-romantic means...and apparently, it trumps a male romantic companion or spouse even.

1. If they have kids, their kids and their kids events (band recitals, plays, soccer, etc) take up their time.
2. If they don't have kids, they hang with their other relatives, they have nieces and nephews to spend time with, or just hanging with other members of ther extended family.
3. Gal pals - they stick to their close circle of gal pals, like going on cruises with them or wherever.

I know this one woman, attractive, very professional has a teen daughter, spends a lot of time with her and her gal pals. She stays away from men "friends" because they typically wind up trying to turn it into a dating situation.

It's like some of these women, how to put it not so gross analogy, but...it's like they've been mentally sterilized. The interest to have a man in their life is no longer there.

I think they have a disdain of having to wake up next to someone 24/7. It becomes tiring or repetitive.

 

[Miles]

Good points, also I've noticed single women 40+ are finding other means of having their companionship satiated and it is typically through non-romantic means...and apparently, it trumps a male romantic companion or spouse even.

1. If they have kids, their kids and their kids events (band recitals, plays, soccer, etc) take up their time.
2. If they don't have kids, they hang with their other relatives, they have nieces and nephews to spend time with, or just hanging with other members of ther extended family.
3. Gal pals - they stick to their close circle of gal pals, like going on cruises with them or wherever.

I know this one woman, attractive, very professional has a teen daughter, spends a lot of time with her and her gal pals. She stays away from men "friends" because they typically wind up trying to turn it into a dating situation.

It's like some of these women, how to put it not so gross analogy, but...it's like they've been mentally sterilized. The interest to have a man in their life is no longer there.

I think they have a disdain of having to wake up next to someone 24/7. It becomes tiring or repetitive.

A lot of them have been burned, unfortunately. Kids, family, and friends are important, so I get how they can find fulfillment there, but why not have both? Do those things really trump romantic companionship, or are they more afraid of it at this point?

Some of it may be biological, but I think cultural expectations play a role too. As if physical intimacy needs to be a performance or act, rather than relaxing and affectionate. It can become tiring and repetitive for people at times, sure. Especially with unrealistic expectations, where they expect things to be elaborate and over-the-top all the time.

It's also possible that the interest is simply gone. This can happen within a marriage too, considering how many loveless marriages there seem to be. How much of it is due to age, bad past experiences, or simply letting themselves go and becoming unhealthy, it's hard to say. Others remain affectionate and interested well into their senior years.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

A lot of them have been burned, unfortunately. Kids, family, and friends are important, so I get how they can find fulfillment there, but why not have both? Do those things really trump romantic companionship, or are they more afraid of it at this point?

Some of it may be biological, but I think cultural expectations play a role too. As if physical intimacy needs to be a performance or act, rather than relaxing and affectionate. It can become tiring and repetitive for people at times, sure. Especially with unrealistic expectations, where they expect things to be elaborate and over-the-top all the time.

It's also possible that the interest is simply gone. This can happen within a marriage too, considering how many loveless marriages there seem to be. How much of it is due to age, bad past experiences, or simply letting themselves go and becoming unhealthy, it's hard to say. Others remain affectionate and interested well into their senior years.

Oh yeah, the retirees here in Florida have no qualms about dating each other, in fact, I think they ramp it up as they get older, esp. as there are more widows than there are widowers (the men).

 

[VCR-2000]

I wonder if those who say "romantic relationships are not important at all" have ever experienced long-term bad luck or loneliness in that department.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I wonder if those who say "romantic relationships are not important at all" have ever experienced long-term bad luck or loneliness in that department.

I met a woman that's age 50, was married her first time at age 20, kids are now grown and in their mid-20s and out of the home. She moved back into her parents' home after her last 15 year relationship ended.
She told me she's been in only 4 relationships/marriage her entire life! I'd have to say, that's pretty impressive compared to the other single women that have double digit men coming and going.

She said at this point, she's not ready for anything romantic....right now...as she's recovering, but she kind of joked about just becoming a virgin again as currently she has no interest.

It is funny that I figured the drive wouldbe there with only 4 men in her life.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am sad.
It seems like the guy is always perfect. I can't live up to that.

 

[VCR-2000]

Honestly, I don't think I'll miss the internet and social media except for a few parts, if it ever were to fall or disappear. I am part old soul. I wish living was like it was a generation ago or more.

 

[DragonFox91]

Honestly, I don't think I'll miss the internet and social media except for a few parts, if it ever were to fall or disappear. I am part old soul. I wish living was like it was a generation ago or more.

I hate how everything's digital now. Everything's online. Internet, smartphones, smart TVs. Video games.

It's only gonna get worse. Everyone always wants the new thing. What's wrong w/ what we have?

 

[VCR-2000]

I don't have a problem with media existing, but I don't like that it is being congregated onto a single format or platform.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

A lot of them have been burned, unfortunately. Kids, family, and friends are important, so I get how they can find fulfillment there, but why not have both? .

You would think, right? Like recently a woman asked me to have lunch with her, but she told me she's not ready to date because she's recovering from her last break-up. She says she still considers herself "broken" or whatever (she's age 50)

 

[DragonFox91]

What's everyone think of the term 'incel.' Seems to be a common word now.

 

[Juan777]

What's everyone think of the term 'incel.' Seems to be a common word now.

That is sort of what this thread is about. Our experience is just very common.

 

[DragonFox91]

That is sort of what this thread is about. Our experience is just very common.

I don't think Christians should identify as incel's. They are incel b/c they haven't found the one they want to marry.
Even many Christians who don't want to wait may have just not found the one.
'Incel' seems like a permanent label & Christians s/ disagree w/ permanence.
'Incel' seems like a term that doesn't accept responsibility, either.

 

[Juan777]

IThey are incel b/c they haven't found the one they want to marry.
Even many Christians who don't want to wait may have just not found one

Really? If you are not talking to women, have any friendships of the opposite sex, get no connections on OLD and dont talk to anyone in church or social gatherings then that is incel in my books because you are not even meeting anyone. This seems to be an issue with guys rather than gals, especially the less conventionally attractive type of guys.

Your thread reflects that things are that bad with you and I am sure many others have the same experience. This thread is 2 years old and meets the textbook definition of incelness, complaining about feeling lonely and having noone. So it seems like a controversial term but why does the secular world have to own all these terms? Its not like its the swear word so its a neutral term and there is no real space in the church or elsewhere where guys like us can express this. When the church address the issue and creates safe spaces for these types of issue then it can take ownership of this term or make another one that is more Christian appropriate or provide its own direction into that narrative rather than leaving it to the secular world.

 

[Miles]

Holding out for a good relationship doesn't equate to being an incel.

Like many Christians, I'm voluntarily abstinent. Considering all the STDs, personality disorders, negative attitudes toward sex, uproar over topics like abortion, and generally incompatible women out there, I'd rather wait. A number of factors need to align before I'll consider being intimate with someone.

As far as I'm concerned, I've never been celibate. I haven't taken a vow of celibacy, or even felt pulled in that direction. If I'm not celibate, and my abstinence is voluntary, then the term doesn't apply in either sense.

 

[Juan777]

Holding out for a good relationship doesn't equate to being an incel.

Like many Christians, I'm voluntarily abstinent. Considering all the STDs, personality disorders, negative attitudes toward sex, uproar over topics like abortion, and generally incompatible women out there, I'd rather wait. A number of factors need to align before I'll consider being intimate with someone.

As far as I'm concerned, I've never been celibate. I haven't taken a vow of celibacy, or even felt pulled in that direction. If I'm not celibate, and my abstinence is voluntary, then the term doesn't apply in either sense.

You are talking to women? I dont get the incel vibe you nor did I say that holding out is incel. I said if you are not talking to anyone or meeting anyone is more deeper than mere abstinance. Can you honestly identify with the OP on this thread?

 

[Miles]

You are talking to women? I dont get the incel vibe you nor did I say that holding out is incel. I said if you are not talking to anyone or meeting anyone is more deeper than mere abstinance. Can you honestly identify with the OP on this thread?

Sorry if I misunderstood or implied that you were saying something you weren't. My bad.

I talk to women, and I've dated from time to time, but I only meet my type once in a blue moon. There have been times when I've felt like the OP.

Is he giving off an incel vibe, or is he just lonely and venting about it online? I think he mostly wants a girlfriend, but doesn't have one. Totally understandable, but not incel in my opinion.