29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

Dating/marriage is probably overwhelming but w/ the right one it's not!

 

[DragonFox91]

I probably won't be able to date till I'm retired. It'd be way too overwhelming until then.

 

[Juan777]

I probably won't be able to date till I'm retired. It'd be way too overwhelming until then.

You sound incel because you said able instead of willing.

 

[ReesePiece23]

How (and when) exactly was the word "incel" coined, does anybody know? It seems like such an odd word for what it is.

 

[Juan777]

How (and when) exactly was the word "incel" coined, does anybody know? It seems like such an odd word for what it is.

You can google search these things. The issue of debate here is that the word has grown darker and has been used to describe white misogynistic racists, especially the ones that kill people and then claim to have some manifesto and are associated with these boards, but in so doing, people have betrayed the face-value and meaning of the word and that is a degradation of the English language and that hurts people who may be feeling marginalized because they are single for an extended period of time, or never dated before, and adds further stigma to them for no reason if they express their feelings of lonliness.

I've read other articles that would suggests that all Christians who are celibate are involuntary celibate until they choose to be voluntary celibate or meet someone that leads to marriage or if they make a specfiic vow or choice to be that way (despite having real life options or confidence of being able to meet someone, etc...).

 

[DragonFox91]

I would love to date & get married! But if it's not the right one, it would be a disaster

 

[DragonFox91]

Today I was listening to a YouTuber that randomly brought up the incel topic. He's married w/ children so is definitely not an incel. &, based on what I know of him, I'm guessing he never was.
Anyways, he was explaining that 'incel' is a word used by the same kind of people that would laugh at & mock you for being dateless in high school, & that it's a derogatory word. He also brought up, as Juan said, it can mean a whole lot more than that as well, that it's used to attach a whole bunch of villanois things to someone that have little to do w/ someone want to date. Basically attaching a bunch of negative stereotypes to it.
Maybe that's why I don't identify as an incel, b/c it's a word that is designed to put someone down in a derogatory way that can assume a lot of falsehoods about someone.

How (and when) exactly was the word "incel" coined, does anybody know? It seems like such an odd word for what it is.

Ha ha, I was gonna ask that same question when I brought it up. I wanna know what group coined it.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Today I was listening to a YouTuber that randomly brought up the incel topic. He's married w/ children so is definitely not an incel. &, based on what I know of him, I'm guessing he never was.
Anyways, he was explaining that 'incel' is a word used by the same kind of people that would laugh at & mock you for being dateless in high school, & that it's a derogatory word. He also brought up, as Juan said, it can mean a whole lot more than that as well, that it's used to attach a whole bunch of villanois things to someone that have little to do w/ someone want to date. Basically attaching a bunch of negative stereotypes to it.
Maybe that's why I don't identify as an incel, b/c it's a word that is designed to put someone down in a derogatory way that can assume a lot of falsehoods about someone.


Ha ha, I was gonna ask that same question when I brought it up. I wanna know what group coined it.

speaking of which

 

[DragonFox91]

I posted on a different forum once I was 28 (at the time) & dateless, hey, did they have any advice? Got a bunch of rude and/or sarcastic answers back. You wouldn't think it b/c I think generally people understand people have different personal trials, but the type of community that didn't grow up out of the 'ha ha you've never been on a date' in high school DOES exist. So my point is I think there is a community out there that would use incel in a derogatory fashion.

I will listen to your video, ThisIsMe. Thx.

 

[DragonFox91]

Great video. He gets it. & explains it well.

 

[Juan777]

Today I was listening to a YouTuber that randomly brought up the incel topic. He's married w/ children so is definitely not an incel. &, based on what I know of him, I'm guessing he never was.
Anyways, he was explaining that 'incel' is a word used by the same kind of people that would laugh at & mock you for being dateless in high school, & that it's a derogatory word. He also brought up, as Juan said, it can mean a whole lot more than that as well, that it's used to attach a whole bunch of villanois things to someone that have little to do w/ someone want to date. Basically attaching a bunch of negative stereotypes to it.
Maybe that's why I don't identify as an incel, b/c it's a word that is designed to put someone down in a derogatory way that can assume a lot of falsehoods about someone.

Just because the someone is denigrating a term or assigning negative stereotypes does not mean it reflects it's an inherently bad thing. Christians were denigrated and persecuted in the past and even today, as were Jews and Blacks.

The only issue I take is when some group denigrates another group, then the fault is with the person who is doing the denigrating, not the person, group or word being denigrated.

For purposes of discussion on a Christian forum, there is no intention to use any word, including incel, to denigrate myself or anyone else on here. However, outside in the world, this is a different story. The world will denigrate us for believing in Jesus and living holy lives that shame theirs.

 

[Juan777]

Watched the video as well. The point at issue in the video is 30% of guys would fit into that definition and that number is rising and it's not helpful to make generlizations based on the behavior of an extreme minority sub-set within that group.

It reminds me of racism where people justify their racism because of the behaviour of a minority of people within that race and then make absurd generalizations. It's a problem of human nature, not a word.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Watched the video as well. The point at issue in the video is 30% of guys would fit into that definition and that number is rising and it's not helpful to make generlizations based on the behavior of an extreme minority sub-set within that group.

It reminds me of racism where people justify their racism because of the behaviour of a minority of people within that race and then make absurd generalizations. It's a problem of human nature, not a word.

Yeah, "woke" or "woke culture" is another one. Or the "social justice warriors" term. People like to skew these new buzzwords to suit the their situation.

I think the word "feminism" has also be a big one. People have their own definition of what feminism is. Now they have these 1st, 2nd, 3rd wave (generation?) feminism terms.

 

[linux.poet]

Technically most Christians would be voluntarily celibate unless they are married, correct? I mean, if you just want sex, you could just pay a prostitute or, if you're female, go to a bar. I'm pretty sure male sex workers exist too.

Thus, the idea is ridiculous. The difficulty is not in obtaining sex, it is obtaining a relationship suitable for the act of procreation and the bonding opportunities that sex offers.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Technically most Christians would be voluntarily celibate unless they are married, correct? I mean, if you just want sex, you could just pay a prostitute or, if you're female, go to a bar. I'm pretty sure male sex workers exist too.

Thus, the idea is ridiculous. The difficulty is not in obtaining sex, it is obtaining a relationship suitable for the act of procreation and the bonding opportunities that sex offers.

Well, the Christian version of an incel is a man who can't even land a date pretty much. Or you're always friend zoned.

 

[linux.poet]

Well, the Christian version of an incel is a man who can't even land a date pretty much. Or you're always friend zoned.

Incel means "involuntary celibate". I'm just pointing out that word choice is aiming at the wrong problem.

What you're describing is "involuntarily single" or "involuntarily alone". The heart of it is complaining about feminists treating guys like scum and holding them to impossible expectations. It's a relationship problem, not a sex problem.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The heart of it is complaining about feminists treating guys like scum and holding them to impossible expectations.

Which brings me to what just appeared on my YT feed.

 

[linux.poet]

Which brings me to what just appeared on my YT feed.

For me it is less about numbers and more about whether the guy has any goals or ambition to grow whatever he is into. Tonight I was talking to a guy who is very into boats - right now he's working on a ferry and plans to buy his own boat and travel the world. Obviously, there is less money in being a boat driver than in being, say, a programmer, but both programmers and boat drivers can be productive for God's glory and honor and expand their operations over time.

It's the guy who has no idea what he is doing and playing video games all day - that's the one I would pass over. It's more about what we're doing together - if we're not doing anything, he's a drag on my efforts for Christ and a waste of my time. I have to be able to see the potential for Christ in whatever he's doing and be willing to assist.

--------------------------------------

But I wasn't really talking about money, though that would be a valid point indeed. I'm talking about the idea of "equality" that the feminists keep throwing around. Men are wired for competition, to see people as superior or inferior to them. Women do not care about competition nearly as much and thus do not consider people as inferior or superior. Therefore, asking men to recognize women as "equal" is an unrealistic expectation, because that's not how he's wired. He may see you as superior in some things, and he may see you as inferior in some things (weight lifting, for example) but never equal. Asking him to recognize something that is contrary to his nature is unrealistic.

It is an impossible expectation. When impossible expectations arrive and a group of people can't meet them, abuse of the people who cannot live up to the impossibility is sure to follow.

The problem is, women care about their appearance, and an appearance of inferiority is insulting. So they overcompensate by striving for superiority in order to enforce equality. All their efforts at equality only end up with superiority. Thus, they end up putting men down and denigrating them. The only way out of this trap is to accept the inferior position, otherwise you will always be striving for superiority over men, putting them down, and not loving them.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am sad this morning

 

[F.E.A.R.]

The only advice I can give you, coming out from the same boat, is to go out and try to find girls who will sleep with you. You will have to forget the part "being pure", because in today's materialistic world (a world that lacks morality) the mass population doesn't care about your morals or mine, especially women. Things have been twisted a long time ago, good is bad and bad is good. Christian men don't date christian women and vice versa, it's only a small percentage that does. If you believe in the old fairy tail that God has someone "special" for you, then you've been lied to by the mass like many have been.

Let me give you an example, you want a bicycle, but you don't have money to buy that bicycle, and you're in a dilemma (tempted) whether you should steal the bicycle or wait in "God's time" for you to make money and buy yourself a new one. So what do you do when you have been poor your whole life? Do you still wait for a job to buy yourself a new bicycle or steal it? If you wait, you will only get tormented like you have been before and you won't know whether you will find a job to buy a bicycle or stay poor your whole life living with a false hope that you will someday get a bicycle.

It's the same with men and women. What are you going to do? Still keep waiting for God to gift you a woman from the heavens or are you going to make a sacrifice in order things to finally work out? For you to find a woman?

The only price you will have to pay is sacrificing your own emotions, that means by the time you will find the girl, your heart will be turned to stone, just like many. Both of you will be together because of some emotion, something that connects both but neither of you cannot experience what a virgin couple would experience in their life long marriage.

Maybe the first woman you will sleep with will be the "one", although the chances are 0.1% to none. Date a few and make sure you sleep with them. So you can gather experience on how to talk, flirt and sexually arouse women.

I don't know about the others what answers they have given you, but I can assume it's the "God has someone special for you, you just have to wait". Leave that nonsense behind.

One thing I can tell you is that, for a guy, if you come from a normal, healthy, caring, loving family, then you won't have many problems in your life, especially dating. But that's not the case with many men. For women it's easy to find a man, even if they're "depressed, and in despair" saying "I will never get married, I will never find a man" in the end they always find a man.

You should also take into consideration that social media has ruined the dating market. Just leave it behind, don't watch it, don't have any thing what's said on social media on your mind.

It's hard in the beginning to notice the little things in dating, and I know, but that will pass quickly when you get experience. It's like any existing job that you don't know what the heck is going on prior to having no experience. And when you get experience, you're like "oh this it's easy".