29 & Never Dated

[dzheremi]

I'm not sure I want to heal.

Thus you perhaps understand why our Lord Jesus Christ asked the paralytic if he wanted to be healed in John 5. Do you remember how it went on from there? In verses 5-9, we read:

Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk." And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.
​

You've probably watched as many have "stepped down before you" while you were trying to get up (i.e., have a romantic relationship). So what must you do? How do you "take up your bed and walk"? I would say Bella's good advice in the previous post (and that of others in the thread, as well) is good for the psychological part, but I would not neglect to also realize the physical nature of the instruction here: rise, take up your bed, and walk.

The paralytic probably could not have benefitted from more contemplation of his sorry state (having been in that condition for 38 years, so even longer than the thread title says), but what did make the difference is that he wanted to be healed, and so he did those things that he was told to do, and as a result was no longer in the same state as he had been.

We all have to do what we can do, whether it results in a romantic companion or not. That being the case, (just for example) I do not shave my beard so that I can impress ladies with my adorable dimples (heh), but rather because I don't want to look like a hobo all the time, or have a scratchy face, or feel even hotter than the 100+ degree temperatures we've had in my area lately already make it.

Little things like that, which can help you feel put together, can do wonders.

 

[GospelS]

I think sometimes one needs a hug, or a helping hand, or a listening ear along with words of wisdom and comfort (which of course cannot always be done online). I just hope that @DragonFox91 wouldn't stop sharing his pain or feelings, or eventually harden his heart or give up in some form. I think he is being normal at the stage where he is at. Some changes take a bit longer. I think he is trying, although slow and negative sometimes. Falling but had not given up.

Considering the craziness that's growing outside, I really wish nobody is alone any longer. Because it gets unbearable for some that I think God even considers shortening their life as he did with Elijah. Elijah couldn't take it anymore that he wasn't even able to grasp what God was saying to him. God Himself was talking to Him and his complaint was that he was all alone. That's all he knew and made up his mind that he's done.

In Revelation, we read that God also shortens the days for the sake of His elect. I think Christ was the loneliest being ever lived and He too had learned obedience through suffering. Adam didn't find a suitable helper and God made Him one. In the days of His flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears. Hebrews 5. I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. Matthew 25. @DragonFox91 I hope you keep seeking and asking.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was doing good the past couple weeks but not tonight. I am sad tonight. I should go to the meetup group tonight but why bother? Nothing I try works. It's like a cat chasing its tail. It's always the same.

Other 'late-bloomers' are finding their dates & I'm just stuck

EDIT: I just checked & the group is cancelled tonight

 

[DragonFox91]

I think sometimes one needs a hug, or a helping hand, or a listening ear along with words of wisdom and comfort (which of course cannot always be done online). I just hope that @DragonFox91 wouldn't stop sharing his pain or feelings, or eventually harden his heart or give up in some form. I think he is being normal at the stage where he is at. Some changes take a bit longer. I think he is trying, although slow and negative sometimes. Falling but had not given up.

You get it

I think Christ was the loneliest being ever lived

We talked about this in Sunday School a few months ago.

 

[pc_76]

If it is indeed the true last days we are living in, I pray by miracle that a girlfriend comes to me that matches whatever I thought was attractive and my wildest fantasy so I could at least go out without dying a virgin, especially if I am not gong to get to have that exact same kind of experience anymore post-this world. Which still sounds cruel to me.

 

[bèlla]

If it is indeed the true last days we are living in, I pray by miracle that a girlfriend comes to me that matches whatever I thought was attractive and my wildest fantasy so I could at least go out without dying a virgin, especially if I am not gong to get to have that exact same kind of experience anymore post-this world. Which still sounds cruel to me.

I mentor the women you're referencing and live the same. Nailing them down isn't easy. You need to bring a lot to the table. This is the wish list for someone I converse with who meets that criteria. Personal additions notwithstanding, it's pretty standard.

A good leader
Family oriented
Ambitious
Determined
Detailed oriented
Funny
Witty
Kind
Confident
Understanding
Highly Intelligent
Likes taking charge
Has direction
Deep thinker
Reliable
Humble
Self-assured
Self-aware
Religious
Politically/socially aware
Emotionally intelligent
Protective
Appreciative
Masculine
Monogamous

 

[bèlla]

I was doing good the past couple weeks but not tonight. I am sad tonight. I should go to the meetup group tonight but why bother? Nothing I try works. It's like a cat chasing its tail. It's always the same.

Other 'late-bloomers' are finding their dates & I'm just stuck

EDIT: I just checked & the group is cancelled tonight

I noticed you've been in better spirits lately and that's reassuring. What do you mean by late bloomers in your vernacular?

 

[DragonFox91]

Lot of stress lately. Kind of glad no GF right now. Makes me wonder if I'd be able to handle stress non-girl related + stress from girl.

 

[bèlla]

Lot of stress lately. Kind of glad no GF right now. Makes me wonder if I'd be able to handle stress non-girl related + stress from girl.

That's great insight.

When we dated in the past he had a lot on his plate and was finishing his master's degree. The strain fell on me. I'm closest. Whatever you're going through in the world you'll bring it home to her. You have to know how to decompress so she isn't your scapegoat.

You'll have relational stuff too. That's why temperament is important. Small issues become big ones when emotions are involved. A partner who keeps their cool is priceless. You can navigate a lot with calm heads.

This a good time to consider the qualities you may want to add to your list. A soothing companion would be a blessing now. That requires love and patience.

 

[DragonFox91]

Went to a neighborhood blockparty last night. It was a lot of fun. It's amazing how far I've come. I got so many compliments. A relationship w/ a few of the neighbors has gotten rocky so I was a bit anxious about going, but I was able to repair the relationships. I had so much fun I couldn't sleep at night after it was over lol.

This morning I woke up upset that despite everything I still make zero progress w/ single women. I kept thinking what is wrong w/ me. There weren't any last night, just like it seems there never are. I've come so far but still spin my wheels in regards to dating. I've been doing so good not really dwelling on it but last night was a trigger, even tho it was a good event.

 

[bèlla]

You’re doing well and I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Last night was a turning point. Don’t downplay it or the progress you’ve made. Repairing relationships is a solid win. It builds confidence and helps you prepare for the same with a companion.

In light of your improvements I think you’re ready for the next step.

Watch this video and the one beneath it. Share your thoughts afterward. If his message resonates I have a suggestion. You’re ready to meet someone. Knowing how to proceed is a must. Tackle that so you’re ahead of the game and able to navigate the connection wisely.

Your forward trajectory is encouraging. When you feel anxious or saddened about the subject pray this going forward. I’m proud of you @DragonFox91! You’ve come a long way!!

 

[DragonFox91]

 

[DragonFox91]

Bad morning. I noticed Saturday mornings usually are, w/ no church & no work to go to. Even tho/if I have plans for the day.

Nothing ever changes. I don't have a chance. Something is wrong w/ me. I haven't even come close. No girl wants me. I ran out of time. I'm running out of time. I'm so behind. All the progress I've made since growing up doesn't mean anything. The good days are just a mask. They're all a lie. Nothing at work, nothing w/ neighbors, nothing at church, nothing ever happened at school, nothing at meetup groups I go to. What am I supposed to do? I try so hard to put myself out there & meet people & I never meet a girl to date. I meet so many others & get to know them & nothing ever happens w/ dating. Dating sites are completely useless. Why is it so hard?

 

[bèlla]

What am I supposed to do? I try so hard to put myself out there & meet people & I never meet a girl to date. I meet so many others & get to know them & nothing ever happens w/ dating. Dating sites are completely useless. Why is it so hard?

No one can answer that without interacting outside of this realm. You can hear pep talks and feel good messages. But without engagement, no one can say what's holding you back. They need to observe your body language, conversation, and how you respond to the opposite sex.

Talking to your pastor is a good start. You can be honest with him. Add a prayer to the prayer wall and ask others to come alongside you. You have to direct your questions to the appropriate source. Otherwise you're spinning your heels.

 

[DragonFox91]

No one can answer that without interacting outside of this realm. You can hear pep talks and feel good messages. But without engagement, no one can say what's holding you back. They need to observe your body language, conversation, and how you respond to the opposite sex.

Talking to your pastor is a good start. You can be honest with him. Add a prayer to the prayer wall and ask others to come alongside you. You have to direct your questions to the appropriate source. Otherwise you're spinning your heels.

Meeting single women my age range remains top issue

 

[bèlla]

Meeting single women my age range remains top issue

How do women your age respond to you. Single or not?

 

[DragonFox91]

How do women your age respond to you. Single or not?

I don't meet them very often. Meeting people just leads to meeting women too young or too old.

But today at church there was one. Her boyfriend did all the talking. She said nothing. That happens a lot.

 

[bèlla]

I don't meet them very often. Meeting people just leads to meeting women too young or too old.

Pay attention to their response. Irrespective of age. You need to know how you affect them. And what's too young?

 

[bèlla]

You may fare better with a younger suitor. With an absence of relational experience, the expectations of women your age will be much greater than someone younger. There's a learning curve. You'll need a lot of hand holding in the beginning. If you're with someone like yourself you'll learn together.

I know someone who married a man in similar circumstances. He pretended to be experienced. She's the only one he dated and he was a virgin. He never admitted it. But it came out eventually. The absence of understanding and know how created problems. If he'd told the truth they could have learned together before the children came. He doesn't know how to be a partner or spouse. That's unfortunate.

 

[DragonFox91]

Ugh, not a good weekend. Maybe this week will be better? I feel sad. Why is meeting singles (single women) so challenging? More importantly, how do you increase that?

Pay attention to their response. Irrespective of age. You need to know how you affect them. And what's too young?

I think I do great. That's why it's so frustrating! Coworkers all women 40+ has been like for 7 years. Neighbors who I do stuff w/ women 40+. Both we go out for dinner/drinks. The neighbors see me as very professional, the coworkers see me as quiet but a partier (interesting how those roles are reversed, eh?). Meet-up groups & church groups, not really seeing anyone on a consistent basis, unfortunately. Seems to be busy schedules. Even married or dating couples.

I'd say too young is younger than junior in college. I'm 30 in a couple months so that's, what, 20-21?