29 & Never Dated

[pc_76]

I'm still expected to persevere in the "good" Christian sexual standards when that "good virgin female" is a real minority these days and it is a weak strategy today. Does God/Jesus/Christians have any empathy for those struggling and condolence other than "be patient and follow me"? It may have both been moral and made more sense in the old days when everyone else was a virgin at marriage or at least close to marriage.

And I would even say that Christianity has been built on ethos of a sort of "weakness" from the beginning, at least compared to Islam or Judaism.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm still expected to persevere in the "good" Christian sexual standards when that "good virgin female" is a real minority these days and it is a weak strategy today. Does God/Jesus/Christians have any empathy for those struggling and condolence other than "be patient and follow me"? It may have both been moral and made more sense in the old days when everyone else was a virgin at marriage or at least close to marriage.

And I would even say that Christianity has been built on ethos of a sort of "weakness" from the beginning, at least compared to Islam or Judaism.

I understand your frustration, but you're caring too much about others virginity again. If you meet one, she will either be the one or she won't. Her virginity will mean little to you.

 

[pc_76]

I understand your frustration, but you're caring too much about others virginity again.

I could care less about a prospective girlfriend's virginity or non-virginity, I was just talking about it because it is how the dynamic is working out today. It is dysfunctional.

 

[DragonFox91]

I could care less about a prospective girlfriend's virginity or non-virginity, I was just talking about it because it is how the dynamic is working out today. It is dysfunctional.

I agree. Too often I've seen people start 'faithful' to God & grow up Christian, only to be 'seduced' later. Or the reverse, where they only turn to God after their 'mistake,' & then they act super-Christian I think in an attempt to mask their past.

I think of the Prodigal Son story, where the older son seemingly gets rewarded for bad behavior.

I wish this post was more positive, but I guess just be aware that God is in control & nothing's a surprise to him.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm still expected to persevere in the "good" Christian sexual standards when that "good virgin female" is a real minority these days and it is a weak strategy today. Does God/Jesus/Christians have any empathy for those struggling and condolence other than "be patient and follow me"? It may have both been moral and made more sense in the old days when everyone else was a virgin at marriage or at least close to marriage.

There's good virgin females who think that exact same way before they discard their obedience. In both your case and theirs, yes you yourself need to do the right thing even if you don't think other people are doing it; it is your responsibility before God.

Besides, do you really think that *if* you lose your virginity before marriage that you would do well with the aftermath? Would that really solve your problems?

I know that for me, it wouldn't. I would not be able to avoid being the ultimate simp for whoever that would be with. I know where simping leads, and I've sworn that off.

And I would even say that Christianity has been built on ethos of a sort of "weakness" from the beginning, at least compared to Islam or Judaism.

The Saxons didn't see it that way.

 

[trophy33]

I understand your frustration, but you're caring too much about others virginity again. If you meet one, she will either be the one or she won't. Her virginity will mean little to you.

A woman who has not kept herself in the past will hardly keep herself in the future. So, there is a weakness in her. Will she be faithful for the rest of her life, when she got used to multiple sexual partners?

Virginity is not just about virgo intacta and about being the only one in her life, its also about discipline, character and spirit over flesh.
Men looking for a virgin are looking for these specific qualities in a woman, because they are very important for a successful marriage.

 

[pc_76]

There's good virgin females who think that exact same way before they discard their obedience. In both your case and theirs, yes you yourself need to do the right thing even if you don't think other people are doing it; it is your responsibility before God.

Besides, do you really think that *if* you lose your virginity before marriage that you would do well with the aftermath? Would that really solve your problems?

I know that for me, it wouldn't. I would not be able to avoid being the ultimate simp for whoever that would be with. I know where simping leads, and I've sworn that off.

The Saxons didn't see it that way.

Christians and just conservatives in general (even including libertarian-conservatives) have no important social institutions to control and they are toast.

 

[Sketcher]

Christians and just conservatives in general (even including libertarian-conservatives) have no important social institutions to control and they are toast.

Even if that were true, it would be 100% irrelevant to your responsibility to obey God by keeping it in your pants. It would also be 100% irrelevant to how females would feel about you.

 

[DragonFox91]

If you're 29 (almost 30), & never dated, something's very wrong w/ you.

 

[GospelS]

If you're 29 (almost 30), & never dated, something's very wrong w/ you.

My friend,

You need to re-read all the advise already given to you here and take it seriously and meditate on it. That’s where it is wrong with you.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm trying to do my Saturday routine but it's hurting

 

[GospelS]

I'm trying to do my Saturday routine but it's hurting

Sorry that you are hurt, my friend. This world is such. I'm hopeful that you will come through it victoriously. Maybe start by being thankful in the midst of all pain and praying for yourself and others more and more. I hope this song would lift you up by the moment.

 

[philadelphos]

If you're 29 (almost 30), & never dated, something's very wrong w/ you.

The only thing people ever tell me about dating is 'it'll happen when it happens' & 'just ask her out!' I socialize & expand my network & do not meet single women my age range, just men & women too old, too young, or married.

This thread is really unhealthy. Your self-loathing, self-criticism, despair, sense of futility, preoccupation with female approval, low self esteem is super narcissistic and egotistic. Plus instant gratification mentality. It's all in your head.

Brother, women are people too, not toys you're entitled to because of age. A woman isn't an experiment or conquest, she's someone's daughter, sister, a creature made by God in his image, someone's future wife, a mother. Not to be messed with.

IOW, IF you're marriage material (not destined to be single) God will give you a wife like he did Adam, made for you "because it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18). And if from God she will be an appropriate match for you as your "helper", and you her leader. Until then keep it together... Focus your energy towards God, work on self-improvement, then helping people in society, work for your neighbours etc. It will do you good.

Listen to Andrew Fellows: Narcissism - The World View of Self

1. Living Inside My Head
2. Philosophical Roots
3. Sociological Implications
4. The Glory of God

Read:
- Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism
- Gregory L. Carter, The Aging Narcissus: Just a Myth? Narcissism Moderates the Age-Loneliness Relationship in Older Age

 

[DragonFox91]

This thread is really unhealthy. Your self-loathing, self-criticism, despair, sense of futility, preoccupation with female approval, low self esteem is super narcissistic and egotistic. Plus instant gratification mentality. It's all in your head.

Brother, women are people too, not toys you're entitled to because of age. A woman isn't an experiment or conquest, she's someone's daughter, sister, a creature made by God in his image, someone's future wife, a mother. Not to be messed with.

IOW, IF you're marriage material (not destined to be single) God will give you a wife like he did Adam, made for you "because it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18). And if from God she will be an appropriate match for you as your "helper", and you her leader. Until then keep it together... Focus your energy towards God, work on self-improvement, then helping people in society, work for your neighbours etc. It will do you good.

Listen to Andrew Fellows: Narcissism - The World View of Self

1. Living Inside My Head
2. Philosophical Roots
3. Sociological Implications
4. The Glory of God

Read:
- Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism
- Gregory L. Carter, The Aging Narcissus: Just a Myth? Narcissism Moderates the Age-Loneliness Relationship in Older Age

So I have criticism & self-loathing but I'm a narcisist?

Yes, the thread is unhealthy but I am not doing well.

 

[philadelphos]

Yes mate, it's called 'narcissistic failure'. Really common.

Joe Navarro, When the Narcissist Fails A cautionary examination of how narcissists react to failure

 

[DragonFox91]

There's a lot of things wrong w/ me but I don't think narcissisim is one of them

 

[bèlla]

The issue is bleeding.

There's a time and place for expression. Bleeding denies restraint. It compels us to articulate our thoughts and feelings without ceasing. The wound keeps oozing. There's no stopping point.

We can't wallow in self-pity. Disappointment is a part of life. How we handle it is key. Acknowledging difficulty is fine. But there's something beyond the hurt and that should be our aim.

We aren't subject to the mind and heart. We're its master. When negative thoughts and feelings arise we have to cast them down and bring ourselves under subjection and redirect our minds elsewhere.

When we refuse to do so the practice becomes a habit. A continuous cycle that never ends. And healing escapes us.

The solution is two-fold. We must see our desires in their proper guise. Stop making them an idol and obsessing about the lack. That doesn't solve the problem. All wants should include a clause. I'd like to have this. But if I don't I'll be fine. Our lives shouldn't depend on its attainment.

When emotions rage, prayer and silence is the answer. Give the frustration and sadness to God. Don't feed it.

You've bled enough. It's time to stop.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm not sure I want to heal.

 

[dzheremi]

The issue is bleeding.

There's a time and place for expression. Bleeding denies restraint. It compels us to articulate our thoughts and feelings without ceasing. The wound keeps oozing. There's no stopping point.

We can't wallow in self-pity. Disappointment is a part of life. How we handle it is key. Acknowledging difficulty is fine. But there's something beyond the hurt and that should be our aim.

We aren't subject to the mind and heart. We're its master. When negative thoughts and feelings arise we have to cast them down and bring ourselves under subjection and redirect our minds elsewhere.

When we refuse to do so the practice becomes a habit. A continuous cycle that never ends. And healing escapes us.

The solution is two-fold. We must see our desires in their proper guise. Stop making them an idol and obsessing about the lack. That doesn't solve the problem. All wants should include a clause. I'd like to have this. But if I don't I'll be fine. Our lives shouldn't depend on its attainment.

When emotions rage, prayer and silence is the answer. Give the frustration and sadness to God. Don't feed it.

You've bled enough. It's time to stop.

What a worthy post! This is very wise advice. It reminds me of a saying I once read (maybe here; can't remember), where a young man is counselled by an elder of his community (paraphrased from memory):

"There are two wolves inside every man, both powerful -- one which does good, and the other bad."
"Which prevails, elder?"
"The one you feed."

 

[bèlla]

What a worthy post! This is very wise advice. It reminds me of a saying I once read (maybe here; can't remember), where a young man is counselled by an elder of his community (paraphrased from memory):

"There are two wolves inside every man, both powerful -- one which does good, and the other bad."
"Which prevails, elder?"
"The one you feed."

Thank you. Well said!