Good question, the answer is likely similar to why my first college mentor's wife walked out on him.
Religious people have the greatest blindspots. They rely on their knowledge, training, etc. and can’t see the forest for the trees. Look how many gasp in shock when a well-known person falls from grace. It isn’t surprising. They’re human. They have failings and sins like the rest. But people forget that. They praise them like they’re demigods and hang on their words. Deception usually follows.
My issue is that the level of discernment necessary to weed these people out is rare. If most people's discernment is say, at a 5, and the level of deception is at an 8, how can I fault them for that. I would also say that infatuation at the beginning stages of a relationship knocks that discernment down further.
Liking someone doesn’t make you dumb or clueless. Being desperate to find a husband or wife and gravitating to the ‘sure thing’ will. A lot of Christians are afraid of being alone. When you operate from that place you make a lot of mistakes. You’re led by your feelings.
But when the spirit is in the drivers seat you see the things people camouflage or deny. I’ve never been abused or bled dry. I’m determined to see what’s in front of me. That begins with telling the truth and not making excuses.
Everyone has weaknesses. Just because you believe in God doesn’t mean you’re wise or discriminating. A lot of people lack commonsense and fewer possess wisdom or discernment. When you have all three in tow your life reflects it.
You think I haven’t had men try to pull the wool over my eyes? They say she’s nice and proper. Let me throw this spiel her way. Some try the Casanova route, mister cool, the good Christian guy, and so on. I see through all of them. Want to know why?
I know my sex. If he was God’s gift to women someone would have snagged him. He’s available for a reason. He won’t tell me the truth. I pay attention to what he says and doesn’t say. The way he responds reveals his experience, desirability, and the caliber of women he dates.
It doesn’t take long to size him up or pinpoint the kind of woman he’d attract. If he’s unaccustomed to women like me it shows. If he’s trying to level up that’s evident. If he’s eager or desperate it spills out. Conversation is frequently their stumbling block. The second is lifestyle. My analysis is swift. I usually know immediately or within a day or two.
I don’t give men the access they receive from other women. I cut to the chase. Nor do I allow them to beat around the bush. We’re not conversing for weeks. I give time to viable candidates. Not maybes. That’s how I avoid problems.
I’m not into chances. I mate for fit. We must fit each other well. I don’t care about potential or what’s underway to some degree. I care about what he’s done up until the point we met. I scrutinize as-is. That’s what you’re agreeing to.
I’m not making a vow to God for someone I don’t believe in. If I need to convince myself he’s the wrong one. I should have certainty. That doesn’t mean I don’t like him or lack feelings. But that isn’t how I choose. My scrutiny isn’t emotional. That isn’t true for most.
It isn’t merely a question of gaydar. It’s knowing when to pull the plug. People stay in sinking ships too long. They equate wishful thinking with faith. The majority have signs before the altar not to go forward. But they’ve invested time and don’t want to start again. So they stay put.
The notion that lesbians, prostitutes, and transwomen are concerns for Christian men is indicative of limited engagement with the opposite sex and experience. If you’re in the habit of interacting with women in the Christian pool you’d realize it isn’t an issue. We’re not overrun with either.
Someone’s calamity doesn’t spell doom for the rest unless you believe it. There’s numerous examples on the site of people who shouldn’t be in relationships. But the heart is deceitful. They won’t admit their lack of readiness, problems, instability, or need to heal. That yields a better relationship and prospects.