Is faithfulness in a Christian marriage possible?

sincerelyW said:

I am still afraid that he somewhat betrayed me. He knows how afraid I am of being cheated on. Is it possible for Christian marriages to REMAIN faithful to the other? With the way this world is today...I'm starting to become hopeless.

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Absolutely. Even in these times of relaxed morals, there are millions of couples who live their whole married lives and never consider being unfaithful to each other--and it's not just because they are deeply religious, either.

It is completely possible as long as your foundation is in Christ. My husband and I have both lied to the other about little things, but neither of us can hide anything from the other for very long. We made a vow before God to remain faithful to eachother. I know I have never wanted any one but him since we became a couple and he has never wanted anyone but me. From the start we have both said it is a til death relationship.

Is it possible? Yes.

What you should be more concerned about immediately is that your boyfriend lied to you. If he knows he can get away with that, he may cheat.

sincerelyW said:

Thanks for your response. How could you suggest we get past the lying part? It's happened more than once. Even though they are little lies, I still don't like them. Any advice? Thanks, again.



W

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You can forgive him or forget, but if he keeps lying you should move on. One of the most important part of the relationships is trust and if he keeps breaking that then it is best to move on.

sincerelyW said:

Hi all,


Thank you for viewing. I've been reading in Genesis lately, and I recently read about Abraham and it struck me how he slept with his maidservant and eventually married another woman after his wife Sarah died. This really made me upset, because I really dislike infidelity. I grew up with my parents who called themselves Christians, and they cheated on each other and finally ended up divorcing. I guess I've seen infidelity all my life, and from that I made a commitment that I will never do what they did.


I'm only 21, but I have been with my boyfriend John for 1 and a half yrs. I am not serious about marriage right now, but I have been thinking about it for the future. I'm starting to get a bit scared though. John and I are both Christians, but this world is so ugly.. and I'm so scared that one day he be led astray, cheat on me and I would be crushed. I know "God's grace is greater," but I'm still struggling with the fact if John were to become my husband - he could betray me. I couldn't stand the thought of being cheated on and it's probably my worst fear.

John is a great guy after God's heart; but he lied to me the other day, which broke my trust a bit for him. I forgave him and we prayed, but I am still afraid that he somewhat betrayed me. He knows how afraid I am of being cheated on. Is it possible for Christian marriages to REMAIN faithful to the other? With the way this world is today...I'm starting to become hopeless.


I truly appreciate your advice and I thank you all in advance.


Sincerely,
​

W

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YES!!!
35 years and counting here. But that doesn't mean it's not a bumpy ride at times. Fear of imperfection is not a good grounds for preventing oneself from ANYTHING, let alone marriage. We are not perfect beings, until we are once again in the Eden of our Lord. Fear of imperfection, if you let it, could prevent one from doing anything meaningful with their lives at all. Meaning comes with imperfection, suffering, and failure, mixed in with virtue, pleasure, and success. It all has worth. And it's all worth a go.

It is possible, but it is not guaranteed. The flesh is weak even if the spirit is willing. You cannot control what another person does you can only attempt to control your own actions. My advice to you is to try to find a way to release the fear you have. That is not to say you could or even should simply become absolutely trusting but it is the fear of betrayal that need as to be released. Face the possibility without the fear . Jesus was able to deal with betrayal without fear. I know you and I are not Jesus and we cannot banish fear but you should try to find a way to keep fear from being in charge of you. Yes, what you fear is possible but if you will not take a chance based on the fear that something bad might happen you will never take a chance that might lead to something good. In my experience, it is eventually worth the pain of the bad things that occur to experience the joy of the good ones that occur. You cannot know in advance which actions or decision you take will lead to which results sometimes it is joy but sometimes it is pain and regret but inaction never brings joy and often brings pain and regret. Do the best you can to judge the person's intentions and character and act upon that information rather than the fear.

It's certainly possible, but you should address the lying issue right now. Personally, what I would do is have a serious talk with him about the lying and that it's extremely important to you that he be honest in all things. You have to be prepared to back it up, though. If he lies again, then don't see him for a while. Let him know how serious it is. My fiancé and I "broke up" several times when we were dating, and that taught me what things were "non-negotiable" to us. It's tough and takes some discipline, but it's worth it in the long run.

sincerelyW said:

Thanks for your response. How could you suggest we get past the lying part? It's happened more than once. Even though they are little lies, I still don't like them. Any advice? Thanks, again.

W

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Dump him, but not yet. That'd be my advice. Integrity is a virtue that touches on many things . .. a lack of it brings lies, cheating, crime, cover ups. . . I guess I should qualify that. Getting caught can be a learning experience & there is an old saying about the reliability of people who have once fallen being greater than the reliability of those who never have. I'd say warn him that the next lie will cost the relationship. He needs to know that is a "no fly zone" for you & that you seriously intend to break things off with him if he lies again. This way it isn't a surprise. When he gets caught in a lie again and you break things off, you can say "I told you it would end the relationship & staying together wasn't more important to you than lying so. . . this is goodbye" then stick with it.

Sometimes ultimatums are good. Having healthy boundaries is. . . healthy. Not tolerating lies is healthy. There are men of integrity out there. . .

Like me. I am in a happy, healthy marriage & part of that is absolute faith we have in each other. Neither of us would ever cheat and a big part of that is integrity. Integrity is something that makes us feel good about ourselves, it is something that can never be taken away . . . it has to be given away or sold and the cost is a scar of shame that can take decades or a lifetime to recover. It is far better to keep one's integrity.

sincerelyW said:

Hi all,


Thank you for viewing. I've been reading in Genesis lately, and I recently read about Abraham and it struck me how he slept with his maidservant and eventually married another woman after his wife Sarah died. This really made me upset, because I really dislike infidelity. I grew up with my parents who called themselves Christians, and they cheated on each other and finally ended up divorcing. I guess I've seen infidelity all my life, and from that I made a commitment that I will never do what they did.


I'm only 21, but I have been with my boyfriend John for 1 and a half yrs. I am not serious about marriage right now, but I have been thinking about it for the future. I'm starting to get a bit scared though. John and I are both Christians, but this world is so ugly.. and I'm so scared that one day he be led astray, cheat on me and I would be crushed. I know "God's grace is greater," but I'm still struggling with the fact if John were to become my husband - he could betray me. I couldn't stand the thought of being cheated on and it's probably my worst fear.

John is a great guy after God's heart; but he lied to me the other day, which broke my trust a bit for him. I forgave him and we prayed, but I am still afraid that he somewhat betrayed me. He knows how afraid I am of being cheated on. Is it possible for Christian marriages to REMAIN faithful to the other? With the way this world is today...I'm starting to become hopeless.


I truly appreciate your advice and I thank you all in advance.


Sincerely,
​

W

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Yes, it is possible, but the more important thing is that we are faithful to God. Are you abstaining from sex until marriage? You said that you are worried John will cheat on you, which implies both you and he are sexually active.

Yes of course, but marriage is a very long pathway and is not an easy walk.

There are warning signs you can look for:

- If a person flirts with many now, they will probably still enjoy that activity after married. Look for whether the flirting comes with lies.

- If they are obsessed with idealism about causes (Abraham obsessed to carry out God's will no matter what), their impatient persistence might cause them to jump to odd conclusions, like another person being God's will for them.

I am not trying to slam Abraham of course -- but you probably recognize Christians who act unwisely because they heard a prophecy or felt a compulsion. Look for wisdom, rather than zeal.

- If they find it easy to lie or make up excuses. Can you trust what they say... do they treat you like an outsider while still saying they love you/want you/need you.

- Do they have no other goals and passions besides romance. A person with a mission will keep a better focus.

.

sincerelyW said:

Hi all,


Thank you for viewing. I've been reading in Genesis lately, and I recently read about Abraham and it struck me how he slept with his maidservant and eventually married another woman after his wife Sarah died. This really made me upset, because I really dislike infidelity. I grew up with my parents who called themselves Christians, and they cheated on each other and finally ended up divorcing. I guess I've seen infidelity all my life, and from that I made a commitment that I will never do what they did.


I'm only 21, but I have been with my boyfriend John for 1 and a half yrs. I am not serious about marriage right now, but I have been thinking about it for the future. I'm starting to get a bit scared though. John and I are both Christians, but this world is so ugly.. and I'm so scared that one day he be led astray, cheat on me and I would be crushed. I know "God's grace is greater," but I'm still struggling with the fact if John were to become my husband - he could betray me. I couldn't stand the thought of being cheated on and it's probably my worst fear.

John is a great guy after God's heart; but he lied to me the other day, which broke my trust a bit for him. I forgave him and we prayed, but I am still afraid that he somewhat betrayed me. He knows how afraid I am of being cheated on. Is it possible for Christian marriages to REMAIN faithful to the other? With the way this world is today...I'm starting to become hopeless.


I truly appreciate your advice and I thank you all in advance.


Sincerely,
​

W

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isn't it ironic that the woman was the one that talked her husband into eating from the tree in the garden, and now in this story, it is Sarah that tells her husband to go into her hand maiden, and lay with her so that she may conceive for him an heir.
It is not infidelity if his wife is dead. You also need to realize that he was not sleeping with her regularly. He did it the one time strictly to have an heir, and it was his wife that told him to do it. Therefor it is not infidelity.
he was not unfaithful. She told him to do it. If anything he was faithful in doing what she told him to do.
Infidelity is being unfaithful, that does not imply that the actual act of intercourse is being unfaithful.
I mean, we all see it as wrong. But, he was not in her tent getting thrills. he had a mission. And let me again remind you that the wife ws the one that pushed him into it.

sincerelyW said:

Hi all,


Thank you for viewing. I've been reading in Genesis lately, and I recently read about Abraham and it struck me how he slept with his maidservant and eventually married another woman after his wife Sarah died. This really made me upset, because I really dislike infidelity. I grew up with my parents who called themselves Christians, and they cheated on each other and finally ended up divorcing. I guess I've seen infidelity all my life, and from that I made a commitment that I will never do what they did.


I'm only 21, but I have been with my boyfriend John for 1 and a half yrs. I am not serious about marriage right now, but I have been thinking about it for the future. I'm starting to get a bit scared though. John and I are both Christians, but this world is so ugly.. and I'm so scared that one day he be led astray, cheat on me and I would be crushed. I know "God's grace is greater," but I'm still struggling with the fact if John were to become my husband - he could betray me. I couldn't stand the thought of being cheated on and it's probably my worst fear.

John is a great guy after God's heart; but he lied to me the other day, which broke my trust a bit for him. I forgave him and we prayed, but I am still afraid that he somewhat betrayed me. He knows how afraid I am of being cheated on. Is it possible for Christian marriages to REMAIN faithful to the other? With the way this world is today...I'm starting to become hopeless.


I truly appreciate your advice and I thank you all in advance.


Sincerely,
​

W

Click to expand...

I understand you being nervous, W. If I were in your shoes, I'd be nervous, too. My husband and I are coming up on 35 years ~ and it's been a wonderful marriage... But we are very honest with each other.... I would not be comfortable in a relationship with someone who lies to me. You seem like a really nice girl with your head on straight...If I were you, I would break off the relationship and look for someone who is honest all the time.

christian marriages to remain faithful...
well. How do you know your bf is a christian? are you both saved? I ask this because I know a couple in my church that split up, and they grew up in church...have four children, hubby involved in all this church stuff...but the wife cheated. Now I would say on face of it, the wife that cheated cannot truly be said to be saved because why would she do this when she ought to know what the Bible says! Also it was she who left church after this happened, even though the husband said she could come back and he would forgive her. But she refuses.

Also, know her parents and they say their daughter is in the wrong (they also church-going christians). Of course it takes two to tango and also...maybe he hadn't been paying much attention to his wife as caught up in too much church activity. But if they both truly christians even if one cheated, Jesus can heal that cos if you do something like that the thing you ought to do if you are a chrisitian is 1) forgive 2) repent.
But he cannot intervene if she didn't really believe in the first place and only going to church to maybe please her parents, or married him cos he was a nice guy or something like that.

So I would say, examine yourselves if you are in the faith. Ask questions about what your intended truly believes.
Also..the above about Sarah...Abraham did not cheat, Sarah suggested the handmaiden. And when she died he married again so there was no infidelity, the only infidelity would have been to God and not believing or fully trusting in His promises.

lying is not a good sign, so maybe pray about that, if in any kind of doubt, don't get involved.

All that believe in God reject evil and are faithful to one another eternally. Equally yoked.

I understand your concerns and sorry that this has happened. Encourage you to ask Yahweh to begin to heal from those hurts. Also, if you haven't yet, you already know your parents have to be forgiven.

In regards to the boyfriend, I agree with iambren- is there a pattern of lying?

Is faithfulness possible? definitely

Some Scriptures in regards to faithfulness that we need to note:
-"If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." Num 30:2
-Matt 5 " Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:" v 33
-"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;" Col 3:23