Divorced - Ok to marry again?

[Serendipitous Waffle]

Long story short, my ex wife was an utter and complete psychopath. Physically and mentally abusive, she cheated on me and she demanded a divorce. Like a fool, I was willing for us to get counseling and move past her infidelity. She wasn't interested. Once we divorced and I wasn't around, she continued her abusiveness not only towards me via the phone but our child. It got so bad I went up going to court, my ex wife was arrested and she was actually removed from the childs birth certificate. She was utterly and completely stripped of her maternal rights. Just to give you an idea of what kind of person she was.

It's been over a decade since all this happened, and I met a wonderful Christian woman and we fell in love and got engaged, would there be any issue from me getting married again?

 

[Michie]

Long story short, my ex wife was an utter and complete psychopath. Physically and mentally abusive, she cheated on me and she demanded a divorce. Like a fool, I was willing for us to get counseling and move past her infidelity. She wasn't interested. Once we divorced and I wasn't around, she continued her abusiveness not only towards me via the phone but our child. It got so bad I went up going to court, my ex wife was arrested and she was actually removed from the childs birth certificate. She was utterly and completely stripped of her maternal rights. Just to give you an idea of what kind of person she was.

It's been over a decade since all this happened, and I met a wonderful Christian woman and we fell in love and got engaged, would there be any issue from me getting married again?

No, I don’t think so. Sounds like the marriage was not valid in the first place. The ex cheated, was abusive, etc. I know I’m coming from a Catholic pov but what you described sounds like it would be grounds for an annulment. Just make sure you both are fully aware of any issues before you marry again. On every level.

 

[Serendipitous Waffle]

No, I don’t think so. Sounds like the marriage was not valid in the first place. The ex cheated, was abusive, etc. I know I’m coming from a Catholic pov but what you described sounds like it would be grounds for an annulment. Just make sure you both are fully aware of any issues before you marry again. On every level.

Thanks, I'm also Catholic.

 

[Michie]

Thanks, I'm also Catholic.

Oh geez! Sorry! I’ve have been scatterbrained lately!

 

[Serendipitous Waffle]

Haha, no worries! I'm scatterbrained almost 24/7!

 

[chevyontheriver]

Thanks, I'm also Catholic.

Then do seek out an annulment. Presuming, of course, that she was not a suitable marriage partner from day one or before. Or at least the seeds of the problem existed before you were married. If they declare the marriage never really existed then you are free to marry. Start with your parish priest. Then you would meet with your diocesan canon lawyers. It could take a while, particularly if your ex-wife refuses to cooperate. So start soon.

 

[Serendipitous Waffle]

We already have an annulment. Thank you!

 

[chevyontheriver]

We already have an annulment. Thank you!

It sounds like that first marriage never was a real thing then.

So if you have healed enough from the wounds you received there, and if you are really ready to marry, then go for it. Your priest should have some marriage preparation you can and should do, then, if all goes well, invite us to the wedding.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Long story short, my ex wife was an utter and complete psychopath. Physically and mentally abusive, she cheated on me and she demanded a divorce. Like a fool, I was willing for us to get counseling and move past her infidelity. She wasn't interested. Once we divorced and I wasn't around, she continued her abusiveness not only towards me via the phone but our child. It got so bad I went up going to court, my ex wife was arrested and she was actually removed from the childs birth certificate. She was utterly and completely stripped of her maternal rights. Just to give you an idea of what kind of person she was.

It's been over a decade since all this happened, and I met a wonderful Christian woman and we fell in love and got engaged, would there be any issue from me getting married again?

Are you looking for a general Biblical or typical Roman Catholic perspective here (as your are listed as Catholic)? What commandment in the Bible you think would bar you from marrying your current fiancee?

 

[trophy33]

Curious about the Roman Catholic view.

If the annulment means that the marriage has never been valid/real, does it mean that children from such marriage are illegitimate? If not, how does it work?

 

[chevyontheriver]

Curious about the Roman Catholic view.

If the annulment means that the marriage has never been valid/real, does it mean that children from such marriage are illegitimate? If not, how does it work?

Not at all. Legitimacy is a legal thing. So if the parents were legally married when the children were born the children would be legitimate. Neither divorce nor annulment change that. Marriage has a legal and a sacramental aspect. An annulment means that the marriage was sacramentally null from the beginning due to a flaw that resulted in no sacrament actually happening. It may have looked real but there was some flaw in consent or something that prevented it from being actually a real marriage.

All the legal aspects are separate, and up to a civil judge.

An illegitimate child has no fault, can be baptized, could be ordained, would suffer no ecclesiastical penalty. As I said, that is a civil legal thing. A cultural thing, potentially big depending on the culture. Not a religious thing. At least not for Catholics.

 

[trophy33]

Not at all. Legitimacy is a legal thing. So if the parents were legally married when the children were born the children would be legitimate. Neither divorce nor annulment change that. Marriage has a legal and a sacramental aspect. An annulment means that the marriage was sacramentally null from the beginning due to a flaw that resulted in no sacrament actually happening. It may have looked real but there was some flaw in consent or something that prevented it from being actually a real marriage.

All the legal aspects are separate, and up to a civil judge.

An illegitimate child has no fault, can be baptized, could be ordained, would suffer no ecclesiastical penalty. As I said, that is a civil legal thing. A cultural thing, potentially big depending on the culture. Not a religious thing. At least not for Catholics.

So when a marriage is "sacramentally" null, what does it actually mean? Is such marriage considered valid marriage in the RCC? That means people in such marriage were not living in fornication the whole time etc.

I guess my question is what is the sacrament - if the marriage as such or only the life-long bondage of marriage. Because if we say the marriage was not real from the beginning, then it seems to have various serious repercussions.

 

[chevyontheriver]

So when a marriage is "sacramentally" null, what does it actually mean? Is such marriage considered valid marriage in the RCC?

No. It is not valid. It never was valid. It may have looked like a marriage but it never really was. It was a null thing. It was a woops. Not a valid marriage in the Catholic Church. Which means they could marry (for the first real time) in the Catholic Church.

That means people in such marriage were not living in fornication the whole time etc.

Technically, since they were not married, but they were acting like they were, it would have been sex outside of marriage. But they would have thought they were married, so there would have been no actual desire to fornicate. Serious sin requires the desire to sin, in full knowledge. They wouldn't have that unless and until they discovered that the marriage never in fact was real. And by the time they start seeking an annulment they are already separated and civilly divorced.

 

[Valletta]

So when a marriage is "sacramentally" null, what does it actually mean? Is such marriage considered valid marriage in the RCC? That means people in such marriage were not living in fornication the whole time etc.

I guess my question is what is the sacrament - if the marriage as such or only the life-long bondage of marriage. Because if we say the marriage was not real from the beginning, then it seems to have various serious repercussions.

The one quite serious repercussion is that they were never sacramentally married in the first place. No judgements beyond that should be drawn.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I guess my question is what is the sacrament - if the marriage as such or only the life-long bondage of marriage.

Canon law for the Latin Rite says in canons 1055 to 1060:

Can. 1055 §1. The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.

§2. For this reason, a valid matrimonial contract cannot exist between the baptized without it being by that fact a sacrament.

Can. 1056 The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility, which in Christian marriage obtain a special firmness by reason of the sacrament.

Can. 1057 §1. The consent of the parties, legitimately manifested between persons qualified by law, makes marriage; no human power is able to supply this consent.

§2. Matrimonial consent is an act of the will by which a man and a woman mutually give and accept each other through an irrevocable covenant in order to establish marriage.

Can. 1058 All persons who are not prohibited by law can contract marriage.

Can. 1059 Even if only one party is Catholic, the marriage of Catholics is governed not only by divine law but also by canon law, without prejudice to the competence of civil authority concerning the merely civil effects of the same marriage.

Can. 1060 Marriage possesses the favor of law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.

There are other canons going on to 1165 also related to marriage. The guts of it here is that the consent of the parties makes marriage, that such consent is an act of will, and that it is an irrevocable covenant. So valid marriages don't cease because people get tired of being married. If the consent was flawed in the first place one can say that there never was a valid covenant between them. That's why Catholics do not accept divorce but can recognize an invalid and null marriage because it never was a real covenant between them.

Because if we say the marriage was not real from the beginning, then it seems to have various serious repercussions.

It's serious business. But then so is a 'real' marriage that ends in divorce, even more so. Marriage has sign value, that of the sign of fidelity between Christ and His Church. Can Jesus Christ divorce his Church?

 

[anetazo]

Corinthians chapter 7 . Christian can marry. Paul advises it's better not to marry.
Being single. Christian people can focus more on serving christ.
Christian people should be studying the bible and sharing Gods truth with others. Producing fruit for God. Get the picture.

Nothing wrong getting married. Your focus should be on serving Jesus. Documentation, second Timothy chapter 2 to document.

 

[Michie]

We already have an annulment. Thank you!

You are free to marry then. Just make sure everything is in order with you and your girlfriend both so the marriage lasts this time. A priest will help you both through the preparation for marriage.

 

[eleos1954]

Long story short, my ex wife was an utter and complete psychopath. Physically and mentally abusive, she cheated on me and she demanded a divorce. Like a fool, I was willing for us to get counseling and move past her infidelity. She wasn't interested. Once we divorced and I wasn't around, she continued her abusiveness not only towards me via the phone but our child. It got so bad I went up going to court, my ex wife was arrested and she was actually removed from the childs birth certificate. She was utterly and completely stripped of her maternal rights. Just to give you an idea of what kind of person she was.

It's been over a decade since all this happened, and I met a wonderful Christian woman and we fell in love and got engaged, would there be any issue from me getting married again?

If she "cheated on you" ... that is adultery and divorced is permitted.

“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”9 Here, the phrase “and marries another” raises the issue of remarriage. Jesus states that divorcing a mate on the grounds of immorality frees the offended mate to remarry without committing adultery.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Jesus states that divorcing a mate on the grounds of immorality frees the offended mate to remarry without committing adultery.

Does he 'state' that or do you just interpret it that way?

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Does he 'state' that or do you just interpret it that way?

Do you have an alternative interpretation? Just curious ... I also think Jesus is stating grounds for divorce here (for a husband to send his wife away officially). Do you think Jesus meant something else?