So why have you never dated?

[jacknife]

I've had offers from women 40+ but declined. Personally I cannot. Although I found your post quite humorous in a good way.

I'll be transparent meh guy as a short autistic person thiers not a whole lot of offers i've turned down.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'll be transparent meh guy as a short autistic person thiers not a whole lot of offers i've turned down.

More than what I get

 

[trophy33]

Hold up. I talk a lot of white men. The majority don't look that young at 40. Crows nests and lines are the norm. He looks fine at 30. But 40 is another matter.

The spas around me are filled with men and women who don't share my hue. There's exceptions of course. But let's not get crazy.

~bella

If a man takes care about himself, keeps himself in shape and has a style, he can look attractive in his 40/50/60 for much younger women (if he even cares about dating in this stage, many dont).
The attractiveness of a man is in his maturity, ability to protect and provide and in his life success. Thats why many women even prefer older guys more than younger ones.

Looking young in face is not what is attractive in men. Its this complex "better chance for survival with him" intuition women are attracted to. Guys have it very difficult to date in 20', but very easy to date in 30' and 40'.

So the prime of men is quite hard to define, its as long as they are healthy and successuful and able to provide. It can be from 30-60, easily. Just keep in shape, have a style, build some comfortable life and be able to provide.

------

It differs with women. Their prime is in 15-25 when they look young, healthy and are fun and able to conform.
As a woman age, there is nothing she can add to the table. Career? Men do not care. Money? Men do not care. Travel experiences? Men do not care. High education? Men do not care. Relationship experiences or sexual experiences? Child from previous relationship? No normal man finds this attractive.

So, its very difficult to seriously date, for a woman after 30, while for men its easier and easier. Its sad that today's society takes the prime of women and put that to school, career and bedroom fun. Then its late and they are left unhappy or/and as single mothers. Many cannot deal with the stress and overeat or start to hate men. Women, who invested their prime into looking for a good man and marriage, have won the game.

 

[angelsaroundme]

You could say from my life experiences and what I've seen with other people that God was warning me off relationships. We all have a unique journey and God sends us different messages. Had I ignored mine, I think it would have went poorly. The book is like 99% closed. Open 1% because God throws curveballs.

 

[bèlla]

So, its very difficult to seriously date, for a woman after 30, while for men its easier and easier. Its sad that today's society takes the prime of women and put that to school, career and bedroom fun. Then its late and they are left unhappy or/and as single mothers. Many cannot deal with the stress and overeat or start to hate men. Women, who invested their prime into looking for a good man and marriage, have won the game.

Quips are cute but reason stands. If it was difficult for women to date after 30 you wouldn't have conversations about lack of opportunities on this site. You wouldn't have multiple men attesting to a lack of dates and companionship. Scarcity would force her hand but it hasn't.

Men and women aren't a collective. What one places a priority on is meaningless to the next. To assume all do this or that is nonsense. When you get out into the world you realize that's not the case. You're not talking to every man or woman. You're engaging with a sliver based on proximity, circumstances, and network. There's a big world outside of that group who lives the same and differently.

At the end of the day it comes down to the sandbox. We're not all fishing in the same pond. It depends on what you're after. Your ability to attain it depends on market value. How the other sees you in relation to the whole and themselves.

That's when conversations like this get funny. Generalities are talking points. But at the end of the day all that matters is can you close. Can you get the yes and what's your success rate in doing so.

The five most desirable qualities are lineage, wealth, appearance, career, and network. Anything that's scarce will have a higher value than something that's plentiful. Lineage may be unimportant to you. You may place a greater primacy on appearance. But that doesn't set aside its place on the list. It's the scarcest one of all. You can't help where you're born.

Everything has a scale. You can find beauty in all classes. A good career means something different to everyone. Because the standard is individual. Most people set realistic targets. If your pond is 20s you're not talking to everyone. You're dealing with the subset who'll respond. She doesn't represent everyone. We're after different things.

People date at all ages. You may not be interested in them personally. But that doesn't change the fact it happens. A lot of stuff parroted on the Internet is feel good rhetoric. When you get out there and start living you encounter the truth.

And truth is subjective. Your experiences don't represent the whole. What may or may not work for you won't apply to someone else. They're not you.

 

[trophy33]

If it was difficult for women to date after 30 you wouldn't have conversations about lack of opportunities on this site.
You wouldn't have multiple men attesting to a lack of dates and companionship. Scarcity would force her hand but it hasn't.

Opportunities have nothing to do with what makes somebody attractive. Somebody can look like Adonis but lives in a forest or burn all the time on dating sites where he has statistically 0% chance to get a response. Or is too shy to speak to unknown woman on the street.

Men and women aren't a collective. What one places a priority on is meaningless to the next. To assume all do this or that is nonsense.

There are always some exceptions. But men and women are also groups that share some common traits. To still repeat "but there are some exceptions" after every statistical fact is exhausting and useless.

Everybody knows that there are exceptions. Some men prefer obese women, but most dont. Some women prefer shorter men, but most dont. Some women prefer younger men, but most dont. Some men prefer older women, but most dont. Etc.

 

[bèlla]

Opportunities have nothing to do with what makes somebody attractive. Somebody can look like Adonis but lives in a forest or burn all the time on dating sites where he has statistically 0% chance to get a response.

If the desire for partnership is great and possibilities diminish after a certain point. Agreement increases. People are choosy because they're waiting for a better option. If it was impossible to attain they'd behave differently. That doesn't mean they get what they want. But they're willing to gamble to get closer to their goal than accept the one before them.

They're not operating from a position of scarcity. They don't believe they'll be alone. That's why they turn him down. They're betting on the yes.

We live in different cultures. It's possible that may be so where you are. But it doesn't hold true in America.

~bella

 

[trophy33]

We live in different cultures. It's possible that may be so where you are. But it doesn't hold true in America.

We live in the same culture. Europe, USA, Canada, Russia, Australia etc are still the same, post-Christian European-based culture, more or less.

You can have different eating habbits, different cars, more feminism or more political hypercorrectness, but what specifically does not hold true in America, regarding what I said?

 

[bèlla]

We live in the same culture. Europe, USA, Canada, Russia, Australia etc are still the same, post-Christian European-based culture, more or less.

You can have more feminism or more political hypercorrectness, but what specifically does not hold true in America, regarding what I said?

You said it was difficult for a woman to date seriously after 30. That isn't true. Some may struggle but the majority don't.

~bella

 

[trophy33]

You said it was difficult for a woman to date seriously after 30. That isn't true. Some may struggle but the majority don't.

Do most men prefer 35 years old women or 25 years old women? If b), then it logically must be harder for the older woman to find a serious relationship.

 

[trophy33]

You said it was difficult for a woman to date seriously after 30. That isn't true. Some may struggle but the majority don't.

~bella

Also, there are biological and psychological facts that are not dependent on culture. Like for example that a 40 years old man can be as strong as a 20 years old boy to "protect" the woman, but a 40 years old woman is not as fertile as a 20 years old girl to give the man a a healthy child.

No matter what culture they live in.

 

[bèlla]

Do most men prefer 35 years old women or 25 years old women? If b), then it logically must be harder for the older woman to find a serious relationship.

If you want to believe a woman has no chances after 30 you're welcome to do so. But most people settle down in their thirties here.

Christians don't have the whole of the populace to choose from. They're dating within a smaller segment. Many tie the knot in their thirties.

~bella

 

[MehGuy]

Women over the age of 30 get married all the time and short men get married all the time too. On this front equality still stands.

 

[trophy33]

If you want to believe a woman has no chances after 30 you're welcome to do so. But most people settle down in their thirties here.

Christians don't have the whole of the populace to choose from. They're dating within a smaller segment. Many tie the knot in their thirties.

~bella

I did not say that women after 30 have no chance. Some people marry in 80' or on their death bed.
But its not their prime, regarding attractiveness. Everywhere, because its not cultural, but biological.

About USA:
“I mean, everybody knows—and as a sociologist, it’s been shown—that older women have a harder time in the dating market. But I hadn’t expected to see their desirability drop off from the time they’re 18 to the time they’re 65,” Bruch told me.

“But I was also surprised to see how flat men’s desirability was over the age distribution,” she said. “For men, it peaks around age 40 or 50. Especially in New York.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/online-dating-out-of-your-league/567083/

 

[Will Joseph]

I am in a part of my life where I'm very comfortable seeing women as friends, at best, and as complete strangers, at worst. I don't feel safe around the idea of women being seen as sexual or intimate objects, even if other big societies want men to see them as such. Unless I want my own child, and don't want to adopt one, then that idea of women is useless to me and only allows a weakness for abuse against me.

Where I live, dating is culturally about a man serving a woman, providing her food and gifts. That feels like a waste of resources, in this point of my life. Even if I had the spare resources, what would make a date any different than my giving food and gifts to a homeless person? In fact, I'd probably give to the homeless rather than give to a woman because Christianity does encourage charity and helping the poor. Many societies seem to encourage the idea of a man giving food and gifts to a woman, but that doesn't mean I should do it. I know of female spiders that kill and eat male spiders looking at them.

I don't really like social situations too, and dating would be a social situation. Dating would then be an effort. And for what? At this point in my life, dating doesn't really have much value. Some societies might be giving superficial value to dating.

 

[I AM CONTENT]

I don't have the time or the money and plus I am a introvert.

 

[DragonFox91]

I guess I'm a loser

 

[I AM CONTENT]

I am not the marriage type.

 

[newwaytobehuman]

That's what we're doing for my daughter. It won't be wholly arranged. She has to be part of the process. But I'll be scouting on her behalf and she's surrounded by wise counselors. Together we'll get it done with God's guidance.

She hasn't dated in a long time. She was focused on school and her calling. I asked what we she wanted and told her to be explicit. She wanted marriage, family, to be home full-time, and to homeschool. I advised her to put dating on the back burner and focus on her purpose.

It would allow her to have that and more. Everyone can't live on one income. I told her if she put things in place she'd make it easier on her husband and he'd value her diligence. Staying home wouldn't be a hardship. She could contribute financially.

I've watched many attempting the same who are married with children. And it's hard. They have less time and greater responsibilities. She didn't have the same. It's the ideal season to do it.

Seeing it unfold was humbling. His wisdom was evident. I've pulled a lot out of my hat but this takes the cake. Its unorthodox. That's why I knew it was Him.

~bella

sounds like you and your daughter have made some good choices there

 

[bèlla]

sounds like you and your daughter have made some good choices there

Thank you. Yes, we’re approaching the subject strategically. I won a book a few years ago about a homeschooling family. She read it and said she wanted to do the same. I know what it involves. She was homeschooled for a time and I had someone to do it.

Putting a plan in place wasn’t difficult. Walking it out requires diligence.