So why have you never dated?

[Cormack]

I think so long as we don’t strong arm God into being the reason that we are single, and so long as we don’t look down our nose at the dating scene (e.g. no God fearing people etc,) there’s still hope for 99% of men out there.

Unless the guy just doesn’t want to be in a relationship, they’re a thing too and more power to them.

Interesting statistic I’ve heard, @ThisIsMe123, infidelities in terms of the statistics happen at a higher rate for women in their twenties than they happen for men!

The numbers were something like 24% of men cheat in their 20s, while 28% of women cheat.

So many young women “aren’t ready,” as you shared.

We guys only get a bad reputation for cheating because, statistically, we cheat more than women do in our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.

So…. We’re not perfect over here. With wealth and age and confidence, we get more attention, the tables turn, and we tend to make use of that.

 

[EpicScore]

I mean some people get really creative about why they’re single. So creative that in the worst case situation, at least in their mind, there’s a massive God shaped accomplice keeping them single.

That’s just not the case though, the simplest answer is the correct one, and just by talking you can normally tell there are deeper reasons why they aren’t ready to put themselves out there.

To be fair, it's also still common for other (usually married) Christians to tell their single brethren that marriage is the absolute will of God and that if you're of age and are not getting closer to that direction, you are being disobedient to God's will. Since that is a complete misrepresentation of the Genesis 1:28 mandate, but those who advocate it tend to not listen to reasons dismantling the argument, I get the appeal for singles to use their own "thus saith the Lord" to justify their singleness.

And there are probably specific instances where God does call people into a life of singleness, either by circumstances or through other callings where being married and having family would be unfeasible.

(Admittedly, I have made a similar pronouncement on a different site, but acknowledge that I could be wrong in reading the signs. This not being a doctrinal statement, it wouldn't be as big of a deal to "recant" if I do turn out to be mistaken)

I think so long as we don’t strong arm God into being the reason that we are single, and so long as we don’t look down our nose at the dating scene (e.g. no God fearing people etc,) there’s still hope for 99% of men out there.

Unless the guy just doesn’t want to be in a relationship, they’re a thing too and more power to them.

Agreed. The Bible contains passages that can be used to support either marriage or singleness, and people can use them to justify their choice (and pressure others to make the same choice) that is actually selfishly motivated or culturally mandated rather than divinely oriented, and our propensity towards self-righteousness could cause us to look down on others who are of the opposing viewpoint.

I think, as long as our motives are pure, choosing one over the other when we are given the priviledge to choose is within our freedom of conscience.

 

[jacknife]

Those things don't have to be mutually exclusive though. If they are really interested in you, they'd naturally also want you to experience and share in the joy of salvation, even if you might not agree with that sentiment.

As for my own lack of dating experience, I simply never had any desire or need for a romantic or sexual entanglements. There has been attempts by my family and friends to introduce me to their other families and friends in hopes of making a match, but the very possibility/expectation of romance just sours the relationship from the start. The only reason I'd ever entertain the idea of marrying is pragmatism anyway, and as @myst33 said, people shouldn't marry anyone who is only going to take advantage of the relationship instead of contributing to it.

The more I hang around this girl the more I feel like that's what she's trying to do. But MAN is she bad at it.

 

[GospelS]

I never really understood this, and this is in any context when making a decision life. I mean, it's one thing to go to God about marriage or something serious...but...this is just dating, going out to dinner, nothing more, yes?

I recall a woman I was talking to that worked at a Christian card/book store. We got to talking about college and such. I was still going, and she told me she dropped out because "God told her to"...I kind of gave a strange look, as I was thinking "Nah, I think that's probably all you, and you probably just didn't like college".

Are you sure you're just not shy or the kind of person that's a bit introverted? You have something that's holding you back?

Sometimes I think it's more psychological if anything.

I've noticed this a lot on these here singles forums...a lot of people that are dead set on NOT dating....because sometimes these very types of posts keep popping up.

I wonder if they are acknowledging a problem than just using God as a reason? You know, since it keeps being brought up?

Do some here not even get out of the house to socialize (the women mainly) because they are afraid men might ask them out?

Also, this is actually not exclusive ONLY to Christians, but Americans in general. Articles about about singles marrying much later in age...which I think is a good thing. LIke in their 30s. Not sure the ones insistent on not dating are 30+ though?

It's one thing to hold off on marriagebut just a date or dating? It puzzles me.

Thanks for asking, brother.

It's just that's how much I want to love God and want Him involved in every little detail of my life.

 

[MehGuy]

I think that’s very true for ladies. Female fertility falls off the map by age 35 after all, so if young women haven’t met the man they’re going to settle down with in their twenties, and if they don’t have children already, it’s going to be a rough few years racing against time in their thirties. The IVF lottery doesn’t sound like a very desirable use of her thirties either.

Men are different, we age like fine wine

I agree that men have a much greater potential to age like fine wine compared to women. Reminds me of a comical saying I occasionally here in manosphere sections of the internet.. "Men age like Sean Connery, the problem is that women also age like Sean Connery". Funny, but slightly simplistic. Men who let their health go and do not work on their careers will age poorly. Only improvement is they'll now be surrounded by female peers that are about as undesirable as they are. So the battles of the sexes at the very least ends up more in a draw.

Men certainly do have it easier with age when all things are considered. Rougher skin and even wrinkles jive better with masculinity than it does femininity. Masculine muscle holds better in older age compared to feminine fat. The facial skin of men is also thicker which results in men physically aging less. The psychology of romance "child" and "parent" dynamic is much easier on an older man compared to an older woman.

 

[bèlla]

Hold up. I talk a lot of white men. The majority don't look that young at 40. Crows nests and lines are the norm. He looks fine at 30. But 40 is another matter.

The spas around me are filled with men and women who don't share my hue. There's exceptions of course. But let's not get crazy.

~bella

 

[MehGuy]

Hold up. I talk a lot of white men. The majority don't look that young at 40. Crows nests and lines are the norm. He looks fine at 30. But 40 is another matter.

The spas around me are filled with men and women who don't share my hue. There's exceptions of course. But let's not get crazy.

~bella

Aging like fine wine for men does not have to include looking younger than their age. Most people who get into their 40s (which includes most nonwhites too) certainly have developed some lines by then.

 

[Cormack]

“Men age like Sean Connery, the problem is that women also age like Sean Connery"
​

That’s hilarious. Your point about age and having an appropriate career path is very true, although once again between the relationship haggling people do, men tend to earn the most they’ll ever earn in their later years, and that’s something that women of all ages find very attractive.

Women don’t earn to the same degree or at the same high rate in their later years, and if they did earn exceptionally large amounts of money, high earning and high quality men couldn’t care less.

You know who cares about a woman’s earning power? Slick Willy who lives underneath the bridge downtown! That kind of rare earning potential amidst women is only good for attracting the kinds of men they don’t want.

We could turn the tables and say hey ho, won’t men having more money attract gold diggers? Well, yes, sometimes yes. The difference is that the vast majority of women (gold digger and regular women) find the higher earning power of older men attractive.

Whereas the vast majority of men couldn’t care less about a woman’s bank balance, while it’s the few men that do care who should cause women to run in the opposite direction.

 

[bèlla]

Aging like fine wine for men does not have to include looking younger than their age. Most people who get into their 40s (which includes most nonwhites too) certainly have developed some lines by then.

That's not true. If it was you wouldn't have so many trying to rewind the clock. A key aspect of aging well is not appearing like the number. Everyone in their forties doesn't have lines or wrinkles.

 

[bèlla]

We could turn the tables and say hey ho, won’t men having more money attract gold diggers? Well, yes, sometimes yes. The difference is that the vast majority of women (gold digger and regular women) find the higher earning power of older men attractive.

True wealth begins at $1M in assets. Investable assets. The majority will never pull that in. 1% in America is $500K or more. If you're pulling in $200K that ain't no money. You're upper middle class.

Whereas the vast majority of men couldn’t care less about a woman’s bank balance, while it’s the few men that do care who should cause women to run in the opposite direction.

Wrong. Money sticks with its own. That's the way it usually shakes out. He may have more but she's coming to the table with coins. If he's self-made that's a different story. They're more adventurous.

And of course there's the gatekeepers. If your pocket is empty you can't get past them. That's why they opt for one in their class. Along with the fact their assets are less at risk.

 

[MehGuy]

That's not true. If it was you wouldn't have so many trying to rewind the clock. A key aspect of aging well is not appearing like the number. Everyone in their forties don't have lines or wrinkles.

Bella I think you're making the mistake of looking at issues exclusively through a female mindset. While most men probably do not welcome wrinkles they are not nearly as big of a dent to masculinity as they are to femininity.

The concept of not appearing as your actual age is more of a female concern than a male one. Barring the more feminine minded men or at the very least socially and psychologically confused men. Personally for me I hope to look good for my age but not younger than it. I see masculine appeal in being older. I don't want to look like a 25 year old when I'm 45.

I also never claimed that everyone in their 40s has lines and wrinkles. My mother is pushing 60 and hardly has them, but she is an extreme case. Sadly I notice many women in their mid to late 20s start to develop them.

 

[MehGuy]

We could turn the tables and say hey ho, won’t men having more money attract gold diggers? Well, yes, sometimes yes. The difference is that the vast majority of women (gold digger and regular women) find the higher earning power of older men attractive.

Whereas the vast majority of men couldn’t care less about a woman’s bank balance, while it’s the few men that do care who should cause women to run in the opposite direction.

Yeah, I think society should understand that woman wanting a man with a lot of resources is biologically natural and probably a form of love itself. Love also encompasses giving and taking.

As far as evolutionary psychology goes.. yeah I do not see men being as attracted and turned on to a woman with money than the other way around. While a woman wanting a rich man could be a form of love.. a man wanting a rich woman is probably ironically more akin to "gold-digging".

 

[bèlla]

Bella I think you're making the mistake of looking at issues exclusively through a female mindset. While most men probably do not welcome wrinkles they are not nearly as big of a dent to masculinity as they are to femininity.

No I'm not. I addressed your comment honestly. I'm surrounded by people your age who can afford to get nipped and tucked. I've lived here 25 years. The majority look their age or older.

 

[bèlla]

As far as evolutionary psychology goes.. yeah I do not see men being as attracted and turned on to a woman with money than the other way around. While a woman wanting a rich man could be a form of love.. a man wanting a rich woman is probably ironically more akin to "gold-digging".

If you're dealing with someone making six that may be the case. But when you enter 7 and above it's a different animal. You're encountering class elements that aren't a factor at a lower point.

They don't want her money. They need someone who'll be accepted. Who the powers that be will embrace and not thumb their nose at her.

 

[MehGuy]

No I'm not. I addressed your comment honestly. I'm surrounded by people your age who can afford to get nipped and tucked.

Early 30s men are getting nipped and tucked?

I've lived here 25 years. The majority look their age or older.

Or they're not? And instead embracing natural aging? I'm a little confused by your post.

 

[Cormack]

I see masculine appeal in being older. I don't want to look like a 25 year old when I'm 45.

Like how George Clooney gets away with (and is even praised for) his salt and pepper hair. For the majority of men it’s certainly not about looking like an adult infant (the youth lust is more on the ladies end of the conversation, partly because men demand it.) Most men can and do embrace their older gentlemanly qualities because (in no small part) we are praised for those qualities by women.

 

[bèlla]

Early 30s men are getting nipped and tucked?

If they want to. There's lots of docs around.

Or they're not? And instead embracing natural aging? I'm a little confused by your post.

What holds true for one demographic isn't necessarily so for the next. Some embrace aging. Some will tweak things. Men get procedures. Including the ones you think haven't been touched. That's the goal. A good surgeon will make it look natural.

You're speaking from your perspective and I'm speaking from mine. That's all.

 

[MehGuy]

Like how George Clooney gets away with (and is even praised for) his salt and pepper hair. For the majority of men it’s certainly not about looking like an adult infant (the youth lust is more on the ladies end of the conversation, partly because men demand it,) he can embrace those things like most men ought to.

Yeah.. a casual study of human neoteny should make it pretty clear that youthfulness is more of a burden for women than men.

You have to look at things from a spectrum. Do men value their youthfulness to some degree? Of course.. but the same is true for women and their height. Yet overall height is more of a male burden while youthfulness is more of a female burden. I am not going to buy into this feminist inspired idea that height is still a male only burden but youthfulness is equally shared between men and women. It's not. Biologically it's not.. not how many effeminate minded men society show cases and trots it still will not change the reality of how men and women think as a whole.

 

[MehGuy]

You're speaking from your perspective and I'm speaking from mine. That's all.

That's fine.. things should be looked at through as many demographics as possible. What you have shared thus far hasn't given me any reason to change my views.

 

[bèlla]

That's fine.. things should be looked at through as many demographics as possible. What you have shared thus far hasn't given me any reason to change my views.

I'm not trying to change your mind. You'll think what you want to. Nevertheless, it doesn't alter the fact there's differences in demographics. What one esteems the next could care less about. That's true across the board.