So why have you never dated?

[GospelS]

Because the Lord hasn’t told me yet. Growing up, I’ve always been jealous for two- my God and my future husband. It is the Lord who brings me before the man and I will have no other boyfriend before him. I actually did not commit suicide at the age of 15 because I believed God has someone for me and it would be unfair to my future husband and I would never get to know his love. I will never stop believing in that.

While I was living in the United States, I had to hilariously escape and hide from my friends who tried to set me up, my colleagues, and church people who wanted me to marry their son. I craved to be just with my Lord. I would run to Him and see that I fall in no one's eyes. There was one guy whom God was pursuing and I didn’t wanted to come in between because I’m also jealous for the Lord. I wanted the Lord to have this guy’s heart completely for Himself more than anything. It was a test.

I will not go the worldly way. I will not date for my own benefits but the Lord’s. If it’s not rooted in truth, it won’t lead to true love. I know what I’m made for, what God has in store for me, and what He is able to do. I work for Him and He works on my behalf according to His plans and purposes for me. My goals are mainly spiritual. I'm already bearing fruit and content in a loving relationship with Christ that I adore. I desire marriage for His glory.

There must be godly intervention, and not just me and the guy trying to make dating happen or work out for us because of our wants and needs. I look for confirmation and understanding from at least these three witnesses before I want to date someone:

> Inner witness of the Holy Spirt confirming that it is indeed acceptable to the Lord,
> God’s leading through the scripture confirming how it is honoring to the Lord,
> Physical circumstances and signs that reveal God’s hand in it, confirming His will.

 

[com7fy8]

yes . . . thank You, God

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I haven't because of my continual struggle with getting my life together and my quiet and reserved nature. My only relationships have been online romances with women on this site.

 

[Goodhuman]

I have dated! But I don't want a girl who is only wife. I want a wife who is only spiritual. Not interested in the fleshly marriage.
Better to live without married with her to have spiritual life. To not have kids. Not to grow in the spiruality I don't want to grow anymore. Just to have fun. Isn't the point of the life to have fun? When you are saved of course. The point of the life before the fun is to be saved. I don't want to have sex with her I am asexual. And I want she to protect me, to not be some weak girl. But warrior. Not in the flesh but in the spirit. Not sinner or unsaved I don't want to save her. I have done enough for God I don't want to do it again!

 

[Sketcher]

I've been on dates before, but it's been a long time (multiple years) since I've been on one. Reasons for not dating since:

• No one I have asked out in that timeframe has said "yes".
  
• I'm an introvert, and planning dates is stressful.
• On top of that, I know I will be evaluated on things I have never been good at by women on dates, which compounds the stress.
• On top of that, I remain confused on what God's will would be for me personally as far as certain boundaries in a relationship would look like - not the general rule, but for me personally.
  
• On top of that, success in dating means I get the challenges of marriage and parenting. I don't know how I would provide a better life for children of mine than I had growing up, and I also recognize that many marraiges and live-in relationships fail for guys like me.
• On top of that, every single time I have allowed myself to feel strongly enough about a woman to put these concerns aside and move forward, I have had my heart broken and no good times with the woman in question to show for it.
  
• Since then, I don't know what a good relationship for me before marriage would look like, and I have no roadmap for success, and I know that every challenge met would result in a bigger one with no reward that seems worth it, I have been less and less disposed to looking and beginning one in the first place.

I'm open to changing my outlook if good reasons to do so can be demonstrated, but they have not been at any time in my life. Platitudes of the fortunate and the hopeful are not good reasons.

 

[CoffeeClaw_1986]

My biggest obstacle to never having dated is due to being introverted and a homebody and never going out to socialize with others if I'm not either working or running errands. It's something I need to change, which would definitely increase my chances of meeting people and making new friends.

 

[sampa]

I'm not in the never dated category. My first date was when I was 17. And dated till I was 19 years old. After I became born again I stopped dating till I was 25 years old (it was sort of a vow I made before the book I kissed dating goodbye was written).

After that it was intermittent and never long-term that I ever in my life have been in a serious relationship. I started some online dating at 35 years old. I think I prided myself too much on my resistance to attractions for 15 years and pride got the best of me. I learned from that.

At 40 years old I gave up completely because of health complications and hurt, I decided I wasn't getting married. There was a guy I was attracted to and I allowed for a relationship. But still very short, 2 months. At 45 years old I started to think again about marriage and started online dating again at almost 47 years old. And here I am I think in a much better frame of mind and less selfish ways, more ready for marriage then I was in my younger years. Not in a place of loneliness, but contentment in Christ. And if it is the Lord's will for me to remain single, so it is. But I'm at least going to give it a try and I've made many changes in my life and continually trying to grow in my relationships with others and being more of a servant's heart. Because that's what I've been learning that marriage is about is a service to one another through Christ.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was very shy & very anxious growing up.

 

[bèlla]

I’ve dated in the past and expect to do so in the future. Getting acclimated to the process within Christian circles took a lot of adjusting. I’ve had an opportunity to weigh my experiences and the ideals I encountered on the subject. For the most part it left me wanting and stressed.

The emphasis on marriage and despondency about singleness was new to me. I don’t feel that way or want to experience it again. Spiritual maturity has given me a greater appreciation for temperance.

I don’t want a partner driven by desperation or fear. I want someone sober-minded who’s content in the here and now. It creates a healthy balance and better environment for acquaintance.

I suppose I’m seeking someone who doesn’t stake their being on companionship. It’s difficult to find but worth the wait.

~bella

 

[Christian Bowler]

I dislike the opposite gender or I like being alone one of those two.

 

[GospelS]

• Are you a builder for God? How do you care for His House?
• Would you let him build yours? Do you trust Him to build yours?

 

[Lost4words]

Because the Lord hasn’t told me yet. Growing up, I’ve always been jealous for two- my God and my future husband. It is the Lord who brings me before the man and I will have no other boyfriend before him. I actually did not commit suicide at the age of 15 because I believed God has someone for me and it would be unfair to my future husband and I would never get to know his love. I will never stop believing in that.

While I was living in the United States, I had to hilariously escape and hide from my friends who tried to set me up, my colleagues, and church people who wanted me to marry their son. I craved to be just with my Lord. I would run to Him and see that I fall in no one's eyes. There was one guy whom God was pursuing and I didn’t wanted to come in between because I’m also jealous for the Lord. I wanted the Lord to have this guy’s heart completely for Himself more than anything. It was a test.

I will not go the worldly way. I will not date for my own benefits but the Lord’s. If it’s not rooted in truth, it won’t lead to true love. I know what I’m made for, what God has in store for me, and what He is able to do. I work for Him and He works on my behalf according to His plans and purposes for me. My goals are mainly spiritual. I'm already bearing fruit and content in a loving relationship with Christ that I adore. I desire marriage for His glory.

There must be godly intervention, and not just me and the guy trying to make dating happen or work out for us because of our wants and needs. I look for confirmation and understanding from at least these three witnesses before I want to date someone:

> Inner witness of the Holy Spirt confirming that it is indeed acceptable to the Lord,
> God’s leading through the scripture confirming how it is honoring to the Lord,
> Physical circumstances and signs that reveal God’s hand in it, confirming His will.

Have you thought about becoming a religious?

 

[GospelS]

Have you thought about becoming a religious?

Christ is my religion. Is He not yours?

 

[Lost4words]

Christ is my religion. Is He not yours?

You know what i mean?

Become a Nun / Sister...

 

[GospelS]

You know what i mean?

Become a Nun / Sister...

My friend, if God allows marriage to happen then I get married, if not then I won’t. Religion is about love, hope, and peace. What religion has to do with it. (James 1:27). It doesn’t change anything with regards to my faith/religion. It has nothing to do with religion, at least for me. I’m not into that kind of religion system. I believe God has called me to marriage and I will keep believing that.

 

[Lost4words]

My friend, if God allows marriage to happen then I get married, if not then I won’t. Religion is about love, hope, and peace. What religion has to do with it. (James 1:27). It doesn’t change anything with regards to my faith/religion. It has nothing to do with religion, at least for me. I’m not into that kind of religion system. I believe God has called me to marriage and I will keep believing that.

Ok, i understand.

 

[GospelS]

Ok, i understand.

Celibacy is a different thing from Nunhood.

 

[TheWhat?]

I like your approach! Not that this is equivalent, but I learned of a friend of a friend from India who tried dating "American" style to the point that he gave up, and his parents couldn't have been happier. They arranged a marriage for him and he and his wife were very content with the relationship last I heard.

I think the "American" way isn't always the best. It's helpful to learn about other cultures.

 

[TheWhat?]

Also, the Thomas christians in India I've read still practice some arrangements like that. They are split up now between denominations.

 

[bèlla]

I think the "American" way isn't always the best. It's helpful to learn about other cultures.

That's what we're doing for my daughter. It won't be wholly arranged. She has to be part of the process. But I'll be scouting on her behalf and she's surrounded by wise counselors. Together we'll get it done with God's guidance.

She hasn't dated in a long time. She was focused on school and her calling. I asked what we she wanted and told her to be explicit. She wanted marriage, family, to be home full-time, and to homeschool. I advised her to put dating on the back burner and focus on her purpose.

It would allow her to have that and more. Everyone can't live on one income. I told her if she put things in place she'd make it easier on her husband and he'd value her diligence. Staying home wouldn't be a hardship. She could contribute financially.

I've watched many attempting the same who are married with children. And it's hard. They have less time and greater responsibilities. She didn't have the same. It's the ideal season to do it.

Seeing it unfold was humbling. His wisdom was evident. I've pulled a lot out of my hat but this takes the cake. Its unorthodox. That's why I knew it was Him.

~bella