I need help please. My grandson who is 13 wants me to call him Nova - not Noah - anymore and to use pronouns like they/them when I am talking to him. I told his mom no. She supports him 100%. She is not a Christian. He went to church with me for 10 years or more and then decided he did not want to go anymore. That was fine. I understood. Do I call him those names now? I told them no and I was adamant but I dont know what to do now - as I have pushed them away. Our daughter holds us a grudge too for the past and seems very angry with us. Im at a loss now. Please help me with advice.
How do I deal with my 13 year old gay grandson?
- Thread starter Judith Works
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Junia
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I hope.you don't mind @Judith Works I tagged Carl because he quite knowledgeable on this subject? Cafl, if am out of order putting you on the spot like this please forgive me
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What do you think it would harm if you called your grandson by the name he prefers? It obviously is harming your relationship to refuse to do so. At 13....your grandson is learning to set personal boundaries and begin to control what he can. I found notes from my childhood a few years ago....and I also wanted to change my name for a short while. That's pretty common at that age (do you know for sure this is even about his sexual orientation?).
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- Jun 25, 2018
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Different situation, but my daughter lost her virginity at 15 through brutal rape (and I mean brutal)
As time went on after that she was confused for a bit, wasn't attracted to the opposite sex and started being curious about the same.. it got to the point she talked to me about the way she was feeling.
I told her that while it was against our faith, I would love her regardless of what she decided, and spoke to her about a lot of what she was feeling stemming from the rape and how it likely harmed her perceptions.
She ended up changing her tune and got through it, and I credit a lot of the positive outcome to being able to be open about it, and talk it all the way through without judgement - just love.
It was up there in my top 10 most difficult moments in life, but I feel I graduated the moment just fine.. lol
What you seem to be dealing with has its cause within our broken society as a whole, and the nonsense they are teaching children these days.
But I would give the same advice, not to offer judgment but love (even if that means using a different name), and see if these issues are things he can feel comfortable talking through with you with... he likely doesn't even know why these things matter to anyone, even to himself.
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- Jun 25, 2018
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Here's the thing. When they teach prepubescent children they can be attracted to any sex (before they even know what sexual attraction even is), and be any gender they want to be... your going to end up with kids changing their attraction and gender as much as we changed what we wanted to "be" when we grew up (professionally speaking).
I honestly don't know how to meet that, other than with the love of Christ for a non believer... truth without judgement, and love. Christ didn't come to judge the world, He came to save it.. so as long as it's not judgment day, we continue in love for the lost with the invitation to Christ. That includes our own families.
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NerdGirl
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Stand your ground. You will not be doing this child any favors by bending to the fallen, sinful culture of the world that's trying to suck him in. Be firm, but loving. Never be harsh or ugly towards him. Reassure him that you love him and always will, but you must stand by your beliefs of what is true and right. And more than anything, PRAY for him. He's a confused child who unfortunately has a lost mother who will not guide him as she should. He's going to need a beacon of loving truth, and that will be you. Whether he rebels and resents you or not, your job is stand true to God's Word, and love your grandson in the process.
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Hello @Judith Works! First off, WELCOME TO CF 
Have you called your pastor about this yet? If not, that's the first thing I would do in your situation, to get his advice and so that he can be praying for you all (also, unlike us here at CF, he knows both of you personally
).
The pronoun thing is a bit bizarre. "I'm going to the zoo tomorrow and he said that he would like to go too. Is it ok for me to take him?" ~vs~ "I'm going to the zoo tomorrow and they said that they would like to go too. Is it ok if I take them". I would, no doubt, forget and use singular pronouns in the case of my granddaughter (if she ever asked me to do what your grandson is asking you to do). Then again, pronouns are not what you will be using when you talk to him/them, "Nova" will be (if you decide to go that way, that is .. I would ask him if it's ok to just keep calling him "Noah" because you are uncomfortable calling him "Nova", because of what you believe, because of how you feel, and because you are concerned about him).
I'm with @Hazelelponi as I think that whatever you choose to do should be done out of concern and love for him, ~particularly~ if you end up believing that the Lord would have you take a tough love approach. Let the Gospel be the offensive part (since it already is for non-Christians) when the time is right (he is just 13 and 13 yr olds do not think/reason like adults, obviously .. so who knows what is really behind his decision?).
That said, I have also found that honesty is a very important part of loving others (so I also think that it is important to tell your grandson what you believe and why, AND how you feel and why).
While we know that, "love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth" ..
1 Corinthians 13:6, we are also commanded to "speak the truth .. in love" .. Ephesians 4:15. So be sure tell him that you love him, no matter what, but also tell him that you are very concerned for him because of what God tells us in the Bible (and be prepared to show him ~if~ he asks you to show him what you are talking about/what the Bible says). And when you show him what the Bible says, I would also "ask" him what what he thinks/how he feels and let him draw his own conclusions (always remembering that the first two ingredients in loving someone else are patience and kindness .. 1 Corinthians 13:4, and that giving the truth to someone to consider does not mean that they will change their views because of it on the spot, but that they may end up doing so down the road a bit .. we are seed planters, yes?).
So, familiarize yourself with the pertinent Biblical passages and consider what they are saying, pray continually for your grandson, and be sure to talk to your pastor for his counsel and prayers. Make sure that your grandson knows that you love him (and how important he is to you), first and foremost, and that nothing he does is ever going to change that fact, then talk to him about all of this when the time is right (this is what I believe that I would do if the same thing happened in the case of my granddaughter, as well asking her why she made the name changes, and why she believed that it was a good idea to do so?)
Praying for you and for your husband (and for your grandson and for your daughter too).
God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26)
--David
Have you called your pastor about this yet? If not, that's the first thing I would do in your situation, to get his advice and so that he can be praying for you all (also, unlike us here at CF, he knows both of you personally
).The pronoun thing is a bit bizarre. "I'm going to the zoo tomorrow and he said that he would like to go too. Is it ok for me to take him?" ~vs~ "I'm going to the zoo tomorrow and they said that they would like to go too. Is it ok if I take them". I would, no doubt, forget and use singular pronouns in the case of my granddaughter (if she ever asked me to do what your grandson is asking you to do). Then again, pronouns are not what you will be using when you talk to him/them, "Nova" will be (if you decide to go that way, that is .. I would ask him if it's ok to just keep calling him "Noah" because you are uncomfortable calling him "Nova", because of what you believe, because of how you feel, and because you are concerned about him).
I'm with @Hazelelponi as I think that whatever you choose to do should be done out of concern and love for him, ~particularly~ if you end up believing that the Lord would have you take a tough love approach. Let the Gospel be the offensive part (since it already is for non-Christians) when the time is right (he is just 13 and 13 yr olds do not think/reason like adults, obviously .. so who knows what is really behind his decision?).
That said, I have also found that honesty is a very important part of loving others (so I also think that it is important to tell your grandson what you believe and why, AND how you feel and why).
While we know that, "love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth" ..
1 Corinthians 13:6, we are also commanded to "speak the truth .. in love" .. Ephesians 4:15. So be sure tell him that you love him, no matter what, but also tell him that you are very concerned for him because of what God tells us in the Bible (and be prepared to show him ~if~ he asks you to show him what you are talking about/what the Bible says). And when you show him what the Bible says, I would also "ask" him what what he thinks/how he feels and let him draw his own conclusions (always remembering that the first two ingredients in loving someone else are patience and kindness .. 1 Corinthians 13:4, and that giving the truth to someone to consider does not mean that they will change their views because of it on the spot, but that they may end up doing so down the road a bit .. we are seed planters, yes?).
So, familiarize yourself with the pertinent Biblical passages and consider what they are saying, pray continually for your grandson, and be sure to talk to your pastor for his counsel and prayers. Make sure that your grandson knows that you love him (and how important he is to you), first and foremost, and that nothing he does is ever going to change that fact, then talk to him about all of this when the time is right (this is what I believe that I would do if the same thing happened in the case of my granddaughter, as well asking her why she made the name changes, and why she believed that it was a good idea to do so?)
Praying for you and for your husband (and for your grandson and for your daughter too).
God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26)
--David
Philippians 4
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
.
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The best thing you can do is pray for him. I would also be sticking to my guns, and not calling him by the new name. A lot of homosexual behaviour in the young is due to the high status the media and other organisations give to the practice, any pressure in the opposite direction is a good thing. Essentially to the young, it is a trendy thing, as with any trend, it can fade. Hopefully, it is just phase he is going through and not an actual life choice.
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Tony B
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Yes, stay your course Judith, you are doing the right thing by him, and most importantly by God. Your attitude reflects true love. We must stand on God's ground, not the world's.
I am distanced from my natural family for similar reasons. We still communicate, but I visit them less and less, and they and myself are at peace with that. There's a cost to following Jesus, and I applaud your courage and quality of love, and your soundness of mind.
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Sadly, it sounds like your relationship is going to remain strained no matter what. Even if you manage to keep things together, seems to me you will always be treading on thin ice, ice that is bound to break eventually.
Of course I could be wrong, but either way, sorry you have to deal with such a thing.
Of course I could be wrong, but either way, sorry you have to deal with such a thing.
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Brian Mcnamee
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read Romans 1 carefully as I believe this is where we are at and in fact far beyond the moral decline described in Romans one. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality,[fn] wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving,[fn] unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.
1 you can profess a love for both his mom and him and that will not waiver. 2. you cannot support the choices he is making in light of the gospel. His feelings are trying to force you to compromise your faith. You cannot do this. This is Satanism and you can tell him that out front and demonstrate that that is true. Here are a few quotes from anton Lavey author of the Satanic Bible.
Anton LaVey was the founder of the Church of Satan. He died on October 30th, 1997, and unfortunately, because God's church is the sleeping giant, LaVey's followers and his agenda to desensitize Christians through the media, lives on.
Here are some astonishing quotes of his;
"The Tv set (is the) Satanic family altar."
"Television is the major mainstream infiltration for the new satanic religion."
"It should be brought out that we not only condone, but encourage all types of what would be called sexual perversity and deviations because we feel that in a few short years it will be established that everyone is a sexual deviant and pervert.
In the Satanic Bible, "LaVey explained that he was moved to establish the Church of Satan when he saw the need for a church that would "recapture man's body and carnal desires as objects of celebration."
"The Church of Satan preaches a religious system that endeavors to overcome the repressions and inhibitions of human instinctual behavior it believes has been fostered by the Judeo-Christian tradition."
This prediction of Lavey has come true and Jesus came to bring peace with God and also cause division. You can be praying and get others to pray. If he knows that there are two sides and sees he is on the wrong one you have to be a strong light shining bright that he knows he can come back to no matter what. Then you wait like the father of the prodigal son.
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