Why I gave up on Christianity

[natasreficul]

A no. of years ago when I was I was feeling depressed I met a former work friend who I hadnt seen in a while. We started talking, & then the subject got on to religion & what I believe. Well you know the story, it was a pretext to get me along to his church. I hadnt been to a church for years, so decided I would join him. I went along, & he introduced me to some of his other friends. They all seemed like cool people, so I decided it would be good to hang out with them. They then invited me to attend bible study with them, which I agreed to do.
At the end of every church service, they always called out non-believers to come out front & give themselves to Christ.
After about 3 weeks of attending bible study & going to church, I felt compelled to go to the front of the church & confess my sin, & give myself to christ. At the time i did this I was genuinely wanting to believe.
Afterwards I got all these congratulations from my friends however I didnt feel anything at all. I thought I must have done something wrong, because my friends were saying, you must feel so happy now, but i felt nothing different. After a couple more weeks, I went to the front of the church again to confess to christ, because I still didnt feel anything at all, & thought that I must not have done it right the 1st time.
Again I didnt feel anything, & by this time I was really struggling with doubt. The church I was going to also believed in talking in tongues, & after about 8 weeks my friends asked me if i am talking in tongues yet. I confessed that i wasnt, & said that I didnt know how. I was told that the holy spirit will come down & show me how. I continued going to church, but the whole time my faith was waning. I was trying desperately to believe, but just coudnt. I started to feel depressed, because I felt that I was living a lie. I tried forcing talking in tongues, but knew I was just babbling gobbledy gook. I listened closely to others to hear what they were saying when they were talking in tongues, but after a couple of weeks of close listening, realised that they were just babbling gobbledy gook as well.
I told my friends that i was struggling, & they just told me I was being negative. I also couldnt believe many of the things I was told I was supposed to believe. My mind dosnt work that way, I cant just believe on faith alone, I have to have some type of evidence, not just believe because everybody else does.
I was more or less told that if I dont believe things like the virgin birth, I am not a true christian, but i couldnt force myself to believe these things just on faith alone, & trying to do so just made me more & more depressed, because I knew to do so was just lying to myself.
I also felt that in the church, people would come up with all these wild conspiracy theories that would spread like wildfire, with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Even Christians who knew them to be false would continue to spread the rumours after they found out they werent true.
Int he end I stopped going to church & bible study, because i just couldnt bring myself to believe any more. I tried to stay in touch with the Christian friends, but after i stopped going to church & attending bible study, they seemed to have no more interest in being my friend.
There is a part two to this, but will continue later

 

[WESTOZZIE]

sorry to hear all that....but am glad you are sharing it on here.

 

[Brokenhill]

God does not want us to have blind faith. It's actually biblical to have faith based on evidence (1 Peter 3:15 and John 11:2-6).

You sound like you have a a pretty honest heart and are open to seeking, but you are more inquisitive and need to understand the finer details of Christianity. And that's great...KEEP that curiosity, and DON'T give up!

May I recommend a book to you? It's a little long but it's called 'I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be and Atheist' by Turek & Geisler. It provides philosophical reasoning, scientific (empirical evidence), and historical evidence to build a case for the existence of truth, of God (an immaterial, personal being), the validity of the Bible, and then the reality of Jesus specifically.
My wife and I are currently reading through it. It's funny, I've probably recommended this book like 15 times...you would think I wrote it lol. It's nice because it flows in a logical manner and it covers pretty much everything in one book and it provides a decent amount of detail (sure, there may be other whole books dedicated to 1 or 2 topics that he covers, but it's still detailed enough).

I understand "wanting to believe" and so you tried the "altar call" a couple times...but it does make sense that you weren't happy because you didn't fully believe at that point. But that's not entirely a bad thing, like I said.
And unfortunately you sound like you are in a group that teaches some false doctrine (1 Corinthians is clear that not everyone can even have the ability to speak in tongues, and that only 2 or 3 are supposed to speak during 1 church service and NOT at the same time...if speaking in tongues is even real anymore...), but I don't want to get into that. That can come later.

In the mean time, thank you for your post and I will pray for you and I hope that you find the answers you need.

 

[mark kennedy]

A no. of years ago when I was I was feeling depressed I met a former work friend who I hadnt seen in a while. We started talking, & then the subject got on to religion & what I believe. Well you know the story, it was a pretext to get me along to his church. I hadnt been to a church for years, so decided I would join him. I went along, & he introduced me to some of his other friends. They all seemed like cool people, so I decided it would be good to hang out with them. They then invited me to attend bible study with them, which I agreed to do.
At the end of every church service, they always called out non-believers to come out front & give themselves to Christ.
After about 3 weeks of attending bible study & going to church, I felt compelled to go to the front of the church & confess my sin, & give myself to christ. At the time i did this I was genuinely wanting to believe.
Afterwards I got all these congratulations from my friends however I didnt feel anything at all. I thought I must have done something wrong, because my friends were saying, you must feel so happy now, but i felt nothing different. After a couple more weeks, I went to the front of the church again to confess to christ, because I still didnt feel anything at all, & thought that I must not have done it right the 1st time.
Again I didnt feel anything, & by this time I was really struggling with doubt. The church I was going to also believed in talking in tongues, & after about 8 weeks my friends asked me if i am talking in tongues yet. I confessed that i wasnt, & said that I didnt know how. I was told that the holy spirit will come down & show me how. I continued going to church, but the whole time my faith was waning. I was trying desperately to believe, but just coudnt. I started to feel depressed, because I felt that I was living a lie. I tried forcing talking in tongues, but knew I was just babbling gobbledy gook. I listened closely to others to hear what they were saying when they were talking in tongues, but after a couple of weeks of close listening, realised that they were just babbling gobbledy gook as well.
I told my friends that i was struggling, & they just told me I was being negative. I also couldnt believe many of the things I was told I was supposed to believe. My mind dosnt work that way, I cant just believe on faith alone, I have to have some type of evidence, not just believe because everybody else does.
I was more or less told that if I dont believe things like the virgin birth, I am not a true christian, but i couldnt force myself to believe these things just on faith alone, & trying to do so just made me more & more depressed, because I knew to do so was just lying to myself.
I also felt that in the church, people would come up with all these wild conspiracy theories that would spread like wildfire, with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Even Christians who knew them to be false would continue to spread the rumours after they found out they werent true.
Int he end I stopped going to church & bible study, because i just couldnt bring myself to believe any more. I tried to stay in touch with the Christian friends, but after i stopped going to church & attending bible study, they seemed to have no more interest in being my friend.
There is a part two to this, but will continue later

I'm a little concerned with the name you chose, natasreficul, isn't that Lucifer/Satan backwards? I'm kind of interested in some of the other things you said but could you explain that a little?

 

[Rescued One]

A no. of years ago when I was I was feeling depressed I met a former work friend who I hadnt seen in a while. We started talking, & then the subject got on to religion & what I believe. Well you know the story, it was a pretext to get me along to his church. I hadnt been to a church for years, so decided I would join him. I went along, & he introduced me to some of his other friends. They all seemed like cool people, so I decided it would be good to hang out with them. They then invited me to attend bible study with them, which I agreed to do.
At the end of every church service, they always called out non-believers to come out front & give themselves to Christ.
After about 3 weeks of attending bible study & going to church, I felt compelled to go to the front of the church & confess my sin, & give myself to christ. At the time i did this I was genuinely wanting to believe.
Afterwards I got all these congratulations from my friends however I didnt feel anything at all. I thought I must have done something wrong, because my friends were saying, you must feel so happy now, but i felt nothing different. After a couple more weeks, I went to the front of the church again to confess to christ, because I still didnt feel anything at all, & thought that I must not have done it right the 1st time.
Again I didnt feel anything, & by this time I was really struggling with doubt. The church I was going to also believed in talking in tongues, & after about 8 weeks my friends asked me if i am talking in tongues yet. I confessed that i wasnt, & said that I didnt know how. I was told that the holy spirit will come down & show me how. I continued going to church, but the whole time my faith was waning. I was trying desperately to believe, but just coudnt. I started to feel depressed, because I felt that I was living a lie. I tried forcing talking in tongues, but knew I was just babbling gobbledy gook. I listened closely to others to hear what they were saying when they were talking in tongues, but after a couple of weeks of close listening, realised that they were just babbling gobbledy gook as well.
I told my friends that i was struggling, & they just told me I was being negative. I also couldnt believe many of the things I was told I was supposed to believe. My mind dosnt work that way, I cant just believe on faith alone, I have to have some type of evidence, not just believe because everybody else does.
I was more or less told that if I dont believe things like the virgin birth, I am not a true christian, but i couldnt force myself to believe these things just on faith alone, & trying to do so just made me more & more depressed, because I knew to do so was just lying to myself.
I also felt that in the church, people would come up with all these wild conspiracy theories that would spread like wildfire, with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Even Christians who knew them to be false would continue to spread the rumours after they found out they werent true.
Int he end I stopped going to church & bible study, because i just couldnt bring myself to believe any more. I tried to stay in touch with the Christian friends, but after i stopped going to church & attending bible study, they seemed to have no more interest in being my friend.
There is a part two to this, but will continue later

You've had a crazy experience. If someone serves you burned biscuits, find another cook!

 

[Basil the Great]

I am glad that you came to the forums, natasreficul. It is always nice to see a seeker. Happy 2019 by the way!

 

[natasreficul]

I'm a little concerned with the name you chose, natasreficul, isn't that Lucifer/Satan backwards? I'm kind of interested in some of the other things you said but could you explain that a little?

I was wondering how long it would take somebody to notice! I was just struggling to come up with a username & thought of it.
I have done quite a bit of self-study since that time, & believe that the Christian concept of Satan is made up, & is used as a tool to keep people in the church from asking too many difficult questions because the old fall back position is that you are being deceived by Satan if you have doubts.
I also think that Christianity wouldn't have half as many converts if the fear of Satan & eternal damnation in hell wasn't preached by the church. I have listened to many different sources, both christian & non christian to make my assesment, & is based on the old testament reading of Satan, which can be found here: https://jewsforjudaism.org/knowledge/articles/the-jewish-view-of-satan/

 

[SkyWriting]

A no. of years ago when .....

You lost me at "years"...

 

[HTacianas]

A no. of years ago when I was I was feeling depressed I met a former work friend who I hadnt seen in a while. We started talking, & then the subject got on to religion & what I believe. Well you know the story, it was a pretext to get me along to his church. I hadnt been to a church for years, so decided I would join him. I went along, & he introduced me to some of his other friends. They all seemed like cool people, so I decided it would be good to hang out with them. They then invited me to attend bible study with them, which I agreed to do.
At the end of every church service, they always called out non-believers to come out front & give themselves to Christ.
After about 3 weeks of attending bible study & going to church, I felt compelled to go to the front of the church & confess my sin, & give myself to christ. At the time i did this I was genuinely wanting to believe.
Afterwards I got all these congratulations from my friends however I didnt feel anything at all. I thought I must have done something wrong, because my friends were saying, you must feel so happy now, but i felt nothing different. After a couple more weeks, I went to the front of the church again to confess to christ, because I still didnt feel anything at all, & thought that I must not have done it right the 1st time.
Again I didnt feel anything, & by this time I was really struggling with doubt. The church I was going to also believed in talking in tongues, & after about 8 weeks my friends asked me if i am talking in tongues yet. I confessed that i wasnt, & said that I didnt know how. I was told that the holy spirit will come down & show me how. I continued going to church, but the whole time my faith was waning. I was trying desperately to believe, but just coudnt. I started to feel depressed, because I felt that I was living a lie. I tried forcing talking in tongues, but knew I was just babbling gobbledy gook. I listened closely to others to hear what they were saying when they were talking in tongues, but after a couple of weeks of close listening, realised that they were just babbling gobbledy gook as well.
I told my friends that i was struggling, & they just told me I was being negative. I also couldnt believe many of the things I was told I was supposed to believe. My mind dosnt work that way, I cant just believe on faith alone, I have to have some type of evidence, not just believe because everybody else does.
I was more or less told that if I dont believe things like the virgin birth, I am not a true christian, but i couldnt force myself to believe these things just on faith alone, & trying to do so just made me more & more depressed, because I knew to do so was just lying to myself.
I also felt that in the church, people would come up with all these wild conspiracy theories that would spread like wildfire, with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Even Christians who knew them to be false would continue to spread the rumours after they found out they werent true.
Int he end I stopped going to church & bible study, because i just couldnt bring myself to believe any more. I tried to stay in touch with the Christian friends, but after i stopped going to church & attending bible study, they seemed to have no more interest in being my friend.
There is a part two to this, but will continue later

You've been the victim of something that happens every day among some protestant groups. Note that I don't use "victim" as anything other than a figure of speech. Someone invites you down to some church some place and begins tugging at your emotions to the point that you simply do what you think they want you to do. Then after you do, the emotion wears off and the feeling goes away. You think you've done something wrong and then when you don't start speaking in tongues you KNOW you've done something wrong.

Well forget all of that and know that you've done nothing wrong. A person cannot be convinced to accept Christianity. You either do or you don't. It seems to me that you have, else you wouldn't be here. But the "proof" against your belief is all this other stuff someone told you.

You're better off finding competent instruction.

 

[mark kennedy]

I was wondering how long it would take somebody to notice! I was just struggling to come up with a username & thought of it.
I have done quite a bit of self-study since that time, & believe that the Christian concept of Satan is made up, & is used as a tool to keep people in the church from asking too many difficult questions because the old fall back position is that you are being deceived by Satan if you have doubts.
I also think that Christianity wouldn't have half as many converts if the fear of Satan & eternal damnation in hell wasn't preached by the church. I have listened to many different sources, both christian & non christian to make my assesment, & is based on the old testament reading of Satan, which can be found here: https://jewsforjudaism.org/knowledge/articles/the-jewish-view-of-satan/

Ok, I think a misconception but I was wondering about the questions you come to us with. Is there something you hoped to learn here, I've spent some time on Christian theology and Bible study is the reason I ask.

 

[Not me]

It seems to me; that if God loves righteousness, and if God truly exists. Than all I would have to do is walk in righteousness, to see and meet God. Guess the question is; Do I really want to find out if God is real, enough to walk in righteousness to find out?

Or do I want to do mental gymnastics to justify doing what I want to do?

Blessings,

Much love in Christ, Not me

 

[mark kennedy]

You've been the victim of something that happens every day among some protestant groups. Note that I don't use "victim" as anything other than a figure of speech. Someone invites you down to some church some place and begins tugging at your emotions to the point that you simply do what you think they want you to do. Then after you do, the emotion wears off and the feeling goes away. You think you've done something wrong and then when you don't start speaking in tongues you KNOW you've done something wrong.

Well forget all of that and know that you've done nothing wrong. A person cannot be convinced to accept Christianity. You either do or you don't. It seems to me that you have, else you wouldn't be here. But the "proof" against your belief is all this other stuff someone told you.

You're better off finding competent instruction.

I'm a little puzzled by your response here, 'you have done nothing wrong', I'm not sure what you mean by this. I'm not big on emotionalism and don't consider what is passing for tongues these days is New Testament tongues. I am certainly concerned about what happens sometimes in revivalist churches, I don't think hyperemotionalism is healthy, spiritually. I'm just kind of curious, what do you consider competent instruction?

 

[SergePB]

I would suggest that first of all, salvation is not a "feeling". Lots of people have no "salvation experience" and go on to serve God, with their lives being changed.
Second, the Bible says that God does not want people to perish.
2Pet 3:9:
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering (patient) to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance
Hell was created for the devil and his angels, not humans.

Third:
God is not up in Heaven with a lightning bolt willing you to fail:
Rom 2:4
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

God loves you. He Knows you. He understands your weaknesses and your doubts.
Don't Give up.
Serge

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I cant just believe on faith alone, I have to have some type of evidence, not just believe because everybody else does.

Well, I am glad that you have not completely given up on Christianity. First, there is a difference between having a blind faith and a justifiable faith. Scripture commands us in 1 Peter 3:15 to have a reason for your faith. As part of the two greatest commandments, Jesus told us we need to love God with all our minds. But before we dive into it, what would "evidence" for God look like?

 

[HTacianas]

I'm a little puzzled by your response here, 'you have done nothing wrong', I'm not sure what you mean by this. I'm not big on emotionalism and don't consider what is passing for tongues these days is New Testament tongues. I am certainly concerned about what happens sometimes in revivalist churches, I don't think hyperemotionalism is healthy, spiritually. I'm just kind of curious, what do you consider competent instruction?

I'm not sure if I'm allowed by the forum rules to explain fully what I mean by that. In my experience here there are some forums where some Christians can be condemned as heretics but then some where they can't. Some forums one person is allowed to say something but if you repeat it you've violated the rules. I am not competent enough in the rules here to know what I can and can't say in this particular forum.

 

[mark kennedy]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed by the forum rules to explain fully what I mean by that. In my experience here there are some forums where some Christians can be condemned as heretics but then some where they can't. Some forums one person is allowed to say something but if you repeat it you've violated the rules. I am not competent enough in the rules here to know what I can and can't say in this particular forum.

I'm confused, I was assuming you were referring to Eastern Orthodox doctrine as the source of competent instruction.

 

[HTacianas]

I'm confused, I was assuming you were referring to Eastern Orthodox doctrine as the source of competent instruction.

I think that would be proselytizing, and as I said, I don't know the rules well enough to know.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I was wondering how long it would take somebody to notice! I was just struggling to come up with a username & thought of it.

It concerns me that in the struggle to come up with a user name for a Christian forum that you had to settle for satanic antichristian mockery. It says a lot about where your heart is. If you truly were a "seeker" I would assume that it wouldn't be that difficult to come up with a less offensive name. Make sure you read the forum rules, especially the ones regarding trolling. I am only telling you this because your name screams "I am a troll!" If you have genuine questions that you want answered, this is the place. If you have simply given up on Christianity and are now trying to "show us the light of reason" you may need to update your profile to "atheist" and stay in the apologetics section.

I have had many discussion and debates with "seekers". I am not going to waste time trying to shoot a moving and invisible target by blindly shotgun blasting all sorts of reasons you should change your mind. So I will simply ask you what would "evidence" for God look like and what "evidence" would convince you that Christianity is true?

 

[mark kennedy]

I think that would be proselytizing, and as I said, I don't know the rules well enough to know.

Well I appreciate your sensibilities, so I won't press. But the last time I checked CF had no issues with the EO proselytizing, I can't imagine why they would. If you make a big deal about someone with a Christian profession not being a Christian, the rules are expressly opposed to such a thing. I know of no rules in the CF rules that would bar a Christian from trying to persuade someone to their particular belief system. I personally encourage such things, Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox or otherwise. A positive argument for EO would never be a problem for the moderators I assure you, unless of course, you busted into a denominational distinctive forum. Certainly adding resources and lessons from the EO would be welcomed, I certainly wouldn't have a problem with it and I'm sure the moderators wouldn't give you a problem, that's kind of why these boards are here.

Grace and peace,
Mark

 

[Kenny'sID]

I was more or less told that if I dont believe things like the virgin birth, I am not a true christian, but i couldnt force myself to believe these things just on faith alone, & trying to do so just made me more & more depressed, because I knew to do so was just lying to myself.

So why is it you would even try Christianity if you don't believe Gods word? I mean of course you aren't going to be happy, you tried to get saved without the proper/necessary tools, and criteria to be saved... that's simply not going to work.

And this may be another problem, these people with their tongues, claims of healing, and their views of the holy spirit, are often a little out there. As mentioned, they'll get you fired up and often it's just a hypnotic state you'll be in, the same state they are often in/that keeps them going, and then when it comes down to it, you may be let down if you are not willing to retain that state. So you might want to count it as good sense on your part if you weren't "happy" like they are.

I'm not going to get into more details right now but if you ever want to try again, get away from that, at least until you have enough knowledge to discern what's going on.

Honestly, your best bet is to dump the confusion, and just read the bible for yourself, then ask questions here for instance. Even with that, there is a lot of completely non biblical info given right here that may well end people up in hell, but someone here will usually intervene when they get started, so just be careful who you listen too.

I guess I'm trying to tell you that in this day and age where people strive to satisfy their selfishness, and still make it to heaven, something that goes against the very thing they claim to believe, there are going to be a lot of phony teachings going on out there and you need to be very careful as a new believer.

So believe Gods word over mans always, and even if there are things in the bible that you don't understand, if you read it through with an open mind, I'm of the opinion that you will understand enough to more than get you by. IOW if you miss something here in the bible, you will get it in another area of the bible.

In my personal experience, no truer words have ever been spoken as in the following, and that is exactly what you are doing now...keep it up.

Matthew 7:7-8 King James Version (KJV)

"7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

No maybe's there, just "it shall"/will happen. And in spite of the obstacles I mentioned, you do that, and things will just have a way of sorting themselves out.