What rules do you and your spouse have?

[Autumnleaf]

People tend to have rules which they use to determine how they will react to other people. ie If my wife yells at me from two feet away it means she is disrespecting me and I will get upset with her. If I am looking at the television when talking with her she feels disrespected and she gets upset with me. Do you and yours have rules?

 

[snoochface]

We don't have "rules". We take each situation for what it is. If he's watching TV and I speak to him, and he isn't paying enough attention, depending on the situation it could be just as easily him disrespecting me as it is me disrespecting what he is doing at the time. Nothing is always one way or the other. Everything is a negotiation.

 

[oliveplants]

I had a LOOOng list, but it disappeared.
Maybe God is telling me to use discretion.

In short, we've never sat down and made rules, saying we can or cannot do certain things. But there is a very real code of conduct that I live by in my relationship with DH, and I'm sure he has his own mental list as well.

 

[Utah Knight]

I think everyone does ours are simple

1. respect each other
2. stay loyal
3. No nagging each other if we have had a hard day
4. no clubs bars ect. without the other

 

[Oblivious]

Nope, no rule list for us...

 

[Birbitt]

We don't have list of do's and don'ts but we do have a few guidelines we like to go by

Respecting each other is a big one
Not demanding things but rather asking ( if I would like him to empty the dishwasher I don't just say honey empty the dishwasher but rather "when you are finished with what you are doing would you mind emptying the dishwasher for me?"
Everyone needs their space is another guideline for us ( we don't always have to do the same things at the same time)
We never go to bed angry

 

[whatisyourstory]

We don't have any "rules" either. Just respect and love each other.

 

[jessesgirl]

I don't really know that we have any rules. We respect and love each other...and everything else falls into place.

We do have a rule that we don't spend more than $50 without consulting each other first. This has proven to be extremely beneficial to our financial situations.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I don't really know that we have any rules. We respect and love each other...and everything else falls into place.

We do have a rule that we don't spend more than $50 without consulting each other first. This has proven to be extremely beneficial to our financial situations.

That is a good rule. You have to be careful though. One time I wanted to test drive a used Corvette and took my wife with me. I didn't really want to buy it. During the test drive we put a couple new Mustangs to shame and my wife was sold on the car. Now I feel like Fate from Final Destination is going after the car every time my kids do anything near the garage...

 

[jessesgirl]

That is a good rule. You have to be careful though. One time I wanted to test drive a used Corvette and took my wife with me. I didn't really want to buy it. During the test drive we put a couple new Mustangs to shame and my wife was sold on the car. Now I feel like Fate from Final Destination is going after the car every time my kids do anything near the garage...

ROFL! I am like your wife in the sense that if I see Jesse's eyes light up, I find a way to get it for him.

 

[Cordy]

We don't have any rules. We just try to foster an attitude of love, respect, and reason.

 

[clycleader]

We don't have "rules" either. JUst respect and love each other and realize that we are each others gift from God.
sappy but true.

 

[Called2Grace]

This is a good topic. I think the hardest thing is to continue to use manners the closer you get to each other and the longer you have been married.
I think a lot of people (and this generalisation is purely my opinion) treat those who are closest to them better than complete strangers because we feel safer to express the "bad" side of us to them without the fear that they will stop loving us.
Having said that i think it is really important to find the right balance between being able to express the undesirable emotions such as anger and whatnot while still showing respect for the spouse.

My biggy is having my feelings validate, and if something is said that upsets me a genuine apology rather than "you took it wrong".
Being listened to is a big one as well.
Another one that I really feel is important is that we don't contradict each others parenting style in front of DD.
My hubby needs space when he gets home from work, that is very important to him.
I also think that he also needs to feel that he is the strong head of the household, and that we respect him as such, even though he isn't Christian!
I think respect and love can be shown in many ways, and sometimes the differences between a man and a woman in the way in which they need it to be shown can cause problems.

Has anyone ever read the 5 love languages? I haven't but I have heard a lot about it, and I do feel that we are different and have different ways that we need love and respect to be shown to us.

 

[Yitzchak]

We don't have a written list or anything like that. But there are some do's and don't's
Things like don't contradict each other in front of the children. But really they are just common sense.

 

[Kris10leigh]

I wouldn't call it a rule, but perhaps a mutual agreement to never walk away from an argument. We finish it and if one of us breaks the code, the other feels disrespected.

 

[jelvenko]

We don't have a written set of rules.

But at the same time there are some things that are just understood.

1) We are completely open and honest with each other. If something is going on we discuss it.
2) Never go to bed angry. Even if we just had an argument, we never go to bed without saying how much we love each other.
3) When we have kids we are going to be living at least 1,000 miles away from his mom. (She is extremely controlling and no matter what we do, nothing is ever right. Even if it was done exactly the way she wanted.) Neither one of us want her to be telling us that the way we decide to raise our children is completely wrong. We don't want them to grow up not knowing their grandmother, but we do want to protect them from her manipulating ways.

Even though it's going to be another 3 years before we have kids, we have discussed how we want to raise them and different things like that. Living as far away from his mom as possible is one of the many things we agree on.

A few other things:
4) When he gets home from work, I understand that he needs to unwind and relax so I don't bother him for about an hour after getting home.
5) No matter what happens we will make it and find a way through whatever trials life throws at us.
6) God comes first. Neither one of us like skipping church, so we do our best to go every week. Without God, we would be struggling even more than we are already.

 

[RedTulipMom]

we have no rules we deal with everythign on a case by case basis. if something bothers us that the other one does, we discuss it.

 

[fuzzymel]

No rules. Never even thought of making rules.

 

[Lindzhigh]

No cheating (physically, mentally, in person, via internet or phone...)

No using the B word (I hate that word)

Don't go to bed mad at eachother (there have been some long nights)

Thats really it...

 

[Xinnamon]

We don't have a written set of rules, but we have some agreements to:
1. Never go to bed angry with each other (we always talk things out)
2. Never mention divorce, no matter how mad we are.