Want to die but so scared to because of judgment

[Jesus' Girl]

I’m really just lost in a bubble right now....


I’m deeply depressed...I have gone away from God because Christianity and trying stressed me..having to read the bible...having to do this or that just made me sick. I feel traumatised and sick of scripture. I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc. I did this for three years. I was battered, bruised and miserable. Things worsened in my life and I have fallen.

Christian music gives me a panic attack. I want to die every single day of my life. I don’t want to live.

I’ve sinned a lot and felt no guilt. Nothing


I have chronic pain which has worsened due to my long term bed use. I don’t work and don’t exercise. I just have stayed in bed for years. About 10 now since leaving school. Due to depression and no money..there is not much you can do. I’m codependent so didn’t know how to get myself fitness clothing without drama from my mother. I eventually got some pants and a shirt and walked some days but having one set of clothing made it hard to get it clean enough and also my hernia and depression made it hard to go for walks. I tried a group I got involved in (with mums help) and did badminton once a week. I made efforts and tried to improve my life.


I developed venous insuffiency two years ago..and circulation issues which are over my legs, feet and even my arms.

I also got obese and got a hiatus hernia which has given me severe pain I’ve been in hospital. I lost weight and am at a healthy weight now. This due to diet..not much exercise.


I’ve made several attempts to exercise and did walk 30mins a day in the summer but it was so difficult..slowed down to like once a week and I eventually gave up on it. Some days I was near fainting and couldn’t breathe well.


I want to walk where I am but having crippling social phobia means I’m having it tough walking on this very busy road due to my anxiety. I also am in a very messy place and no exercise gear without a huge search. I feel weak, tired and exhausted.


I also have chronic neck pain which is so severe some day..headaches (nearly a year now) which were severe..waiting diagnosis on it. These headaches have altered my personality and memory and thinking..sleep and everything. I feel awful. I also have serious stomach issues and loads of skipped heart beats..fatigue...weird stuff.


I’ve been under chronic stress, physical pain, emotional torment, spiritual torment and abuse for so many years and the stress has been massive the past few months


I was a heavily sheltered child. I don’t blame my mum she did the best she could..but I have no idea what to do to fix things.


I’ve been abused by all the professionals (like psychs) I have seen and everything I’ve tried (like the badminton) resulted in mistreatment. I also tried a computer course which turned sour. I needed help with all of these things by my mother to get enrolled. I’ve researched other things to do but can’t find anything. I did try postal studies but it was just too much for me mentally so I gave up. I had no support for it which I needed and my depression just didn’t want to do it. I also did home school when I was younger and that didn’t workout due to depression and lack of support and some mistreatment. I sometimes feel like my inner soul is dripping with pain due to the mistreatment I’ve had from drs, nurses, students, teachers, psychologists, councillors...everyone..I can’t even believe it is possible. I feel wounded and worthless.


I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school.


My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather is abusive too. My mother is my carer.


I’ve tried going to respites for mental health but can’t get into them through self referral. I guess I’m going to try and see a councillor through my dr..just don’t feel overly keen on it because I’ve seen at least 20 people in my life.. every one was awful.


I feel like Christianity and a relationship with God is so empty and one-sided and pointless. I can’t even pick up a bible without feeling sickness and anxiety and stress. I pray and my life has no means of escape.


I don’t get God or a relationship with Him. I’ve tried for 3-4 years and I have not gotten wisdom. I have not become more aware or knowledgeable of God.


I mean I know He provides me water, clothing, food and shelter and somehow I’m not completely bonkers. So He must be there but it just seems like I’m continually on the edge of a pirates plank with sharks below everyday.....that is where he keeps me



I know I should be better at this but I’m not. I know I could die any day...I’m terrified of death and am scared to and how I will. My health isn’t good. My blood flow is so bad. I’m trying to improve it by small leg exercises.

I have no life. No job. No nothing. I am so deeply depressed and God isn’t helping

 

[Valetic]

I think you need a good friend...

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Drought of the Heart]

Dear Heavenly Father , we ask for healing of body, soul and Spirit and the enemy have no power in this, help this loved one know You have plans and let Your Light shine in this dark place , send You hope this very day in Jesus name amen

satan wants us where you are , read Job

 

[SkyWriting]

I’m really just lost in a bubble right now....


I’m deeply depressed...I have gone away from God because Christianity and trying stressed me..having to read the bible...having to do this or that just made me sick. I feel traumatised and sick of scripture. I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc. I did this for three years. I was battered, bruised and miserable. Things worsened in my life and I have fallen.

Christian music gives me a panic attack. I want to die every single day of my life. I don’t want to live.

I’ve sinned a lot and felt no guilt. Nothing


I have chronic pain which has worsened due to my long term bed use. I don’t work and don’t exercise. I just have stayed in bed for years. About 10 now since leaving school. Due to depression and no money..there is not much you can do. I’m codependent so didn’t know how to get myself fitness clothing without drama from my mother. I eventually got some pants and a shirt and walked some days but having one set of clothing made it hard to get it clean enough and also my hernia and depression made it hard to go for walks. I tried a group I got involved in (with mums help) and did badminton once a week. I made efforts and tried to improve my life.


I developed venous insuffiency two years ago..and circulation issues which are over my legs, feet and even my arms.

I also got obese and got a hiatus hernia which has given me severe pain I’ve been in hospital. I lost weight and am at a healthy weight now. This due to diet..not much exercise.


I’ve made several attempts to exercise and did walk 30mins a day in the summer but it was so difficult..slowed down to like once a week and I eventually gave up on it. Some days I was near fainting and couldn’t breathe well.


I want to walk where I am but having crippling social phobia means I’m having it tough walking on this very busy road due to my anxiety. I also am in a very messy place and no exercise gear without a huge search. I feel weak, tired and exhausted.


I also have chronic neck pain which is so severe some day..headaches (nearly a year now) which were severe..waiting diagnosis on it. These headaches have altered my personality and memory and thinking..sleep and everything. I feel awful. I also have serious stomach issues and loads of skipped heart beats..fatigue...weird stuff.


I’ve been under chronic stress, physical pain, emotional torment, spiritual torment and abuse for so many years and the stress has been massive the past few months


I was a heavily sheltered child. I don’t blame my mum she did the best she could..but I have no idea what to do to fix things.


I’ve been abused by all the professionals (like psychs) I have seen and everything I’ve tried (like the badminton) resulted in mistreatment. I also tried a computer course which turned sour. I needed help with all of these things by my mother to get enrolled. I’ve researched other things to do but can’t find anything. I did try postal studies but it was just too much for me mentally so I gave up. I had no support for it which I needed and my depression just didn’t want to do it. I also did home school when I was younger and that didn’t workout due to depression and lack of support and some mistreatment. I sometimes feel like my inner soul is dripping with pain due to the mistreatment I’ve had from drs, nurses, students, teachers, psychologists, councillors...everyone..I can’t even believe it is possible. I feel wounded and worthless.


I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school.


My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather is abusive too. My mother is my carer.


I’ve tried going to respites for mental health but can’t get into them through self referral. I guess I’m going to try and see a councillor through my dr..just don’t feel overly keen on it because I’ve seen at least 20 people in my life.. every one was awful.


I feel like Christianity and a relationship with God is so empty and one-sided and pointless. I can’t even pick up a bible without feeling sickness and anxiety and stress. I pray and my life has no means of escape.


I don’t get God or a relationship with Him. I’ve tried for 3-4 years and I have not gotten wisdom. I have not become more aware or knowledgeable of God.


I mean I know He provides me water, clothing, food and shelter and somehow I’m not completely bonkers. So He must be there but it just seems like I’m continually on the edge of a pirates plank with sharks below everyday.....that is where he keeps me



I know I should be better at this but I’m not. I know I could die any day...I’m terrified of death and am scared to and how I will. My health isn’t good. My blood flow is so bad. I’m trying to improve it by small leg exercises.

I have no life. No job. No nothing. I am so deeply depressed and God isn’t helping

I had a neighbor in much of your physical condition. She was so focused on others that people would come around and keep her company just becasue she made people feel good about themselves because she asked a lot of questions and took interest in visitors. She had one care worker that worked for free just becasue she was a joy to be around. I was with her when she died and I am confident Jesus was waiting to welcome her. Caring about others takes practice.

 

[Norbert L]

One thing can help but doesn't necessarily cure depression. Find something you're good at, it could be anything. Paint by numbers, knitting or any hobby. It should be something that will take your mind off of everything else. Use it like it were a job, spent as much time as possible doing it. It can give you some sense of worth.

 

[bcbsr]

I’m really just lost in a bubble right now....


I’m deeply depressed...I have gone away from God because Christianity and trying stressed me..having to read the bible...having to do this or that just made me sick. I feel traumatised and sick of scripture. I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc. I did this for three years. I was battered, bruised and miserable. Things worsened in my life and I have fallen.

Christian music gives me a panic attack. I want to die every single day of my life. I don’t want to live.

I’ve sinned a lot and felt no guilt. Nothing


I have chronic pain which has worsened due to my long term bed use. I don’t work and don’t exercise. I just have stayed in bed for years. About 10 now since leaving school. Due to depression and no money..there is not much you can do. I’m codependent so didn’t know how to get myself fitness clothing without drama from my mother. I eventually got some pants and a shirt and walked some days but having one set of clothing made it hard to get it clean enough and also my hernia and depression made it hard to go for walks. I tried a group I got involved in (with mums help) and did badminton once a week. I made efforts and tried to improve my life.


I developed venous insuffiency two years ago..and circulation issues which are over my legs, feet and even my arms.

I also got obese and got a hiatus hernia which has given me severe pain I’ve been in hospital. I lost weight and am at a healthy weight now. This due to diet..not much exercise.


I’ve made several attempts to exercise and did walk 30mins a day in the summer but it was so difficult..slowed down to like once a week and I eventually gave up on it. Some days I was near fainting and couldn’t breathe well.


I want to walk where I am but having crippling social phobia means I’m having it tough walking on this very busy road due to my anxiety. I also am in a very messy place and no exercise gear without a huge search. I feel weak, tired and exhausted.


I also have chronic neck pain which is so severe some day..headaches (nearly a year now) which were severe..waiting diagnosis on it. These headaches have altered my personality and memory and thinking..sleep and everything. I feel awful. I also have serious stomach issues and loads of skipped heart beats..fatigue...weird stuff.


I’ve been under chronic stress, physical pain, emotional torment, spiritual torment and abuse for so many years and the stress has been massive the past few months


I was a heavily sheltered child. I don’t blame my mum she did the best she could..but I have no idea what to do to fix things.


I’ve been abused by all the professionals (like psychs) I have seen and everything I’ve tried (like the badminton) resulted in mistreatment. I also tried a computer course which turned sour. I needed help with all of these things by my mother to get enrolled. I’ve researched other things to do but can’t find anything. I did try postal studies but it was just too much for me mentally so I gave up. I had no support for it which I needed and my depression just didn’t want to do it. I also did home school when I was younger and that didn’t workout due to depression and lack of support and some mistreatment. I sometimes feel like my inner soul is dripping with pain due to the mistreatment I’ve had from drs, nurses, students, teachers, psychologists, councillors...everyone..I can’t even believe it is possible. I feel wounded and worthless.


I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school.


My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather is abusive too. My mother is my carer.


I’ve tried going to respites for mental health but can’t get into them through self referral. I guess I’m going to try and see a councillor through my dr..just don’t feel overly keen on it because I’ve seen at least 20 people in my life.. every one was awful.


I feel like Christianity and a relationship with God is so empty and one-sided and pointless. I can’t even pick up a bible without feeling sickness and anxiety and stress. I pray and my life has no means of escape.


I don’t get God or a relationship with Him. I’ve tried for 3-4 years and I have not gotten wisdom. I have not become more aware or knowledgeable of God.


I mean I know He provides me water, clothing, food and shelter and somehow I’m not completely bonkers. So He must be there but it just seems like I’m continually on the edge of a pirates plank with sharks below everyday.....that is where he keeps me



I know I should be better at this but I’m not. I know I could die any day...I’m terrified of death and am scared to and how I will. My health isn’t good. My blood flow is so bad. I’m trying to improve it by small leg exercises.

I have no life. No job. No nothing. I am so deeply depressed and God isn’t helping

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death— that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham’s descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Heb 2:14-18

 

[A_Thinker]

Dear Heavenly Father , we ask for healing of body, soul and Spirit and the enemy have no power in this, help this loved one know You have plans and let Your Light shine in this dark place , send You hope this very day in Jesus name amen

Amen ...

 

[discipler7]

I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc.

Please refer to ... Losing faith in "faith alone"

 

[Chinchilla]

I’m really just lost in a bubble right now....


I’m deeply depressed...I have gone away from God because Christianity and trying stressed me..having to read the bible...having to do this or that just made me sick. I feel traumatised and sick of scripture. I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc. I did this for three years. I was battered, bruised and miserable. Things worsened in my life and I have fallen.

Christian music gives me a panic attack. I want to die every single day of my life. I don’t want to live.

I’ve sinned a lot and felt no guilt. Nothing


I have chronic pain which has worsened due to my long term bed use. I don’t work and don’t exercise. I just have stayed in bed for years. About 10 now since leaving school. Due to depression and no money..there is not much you can do. I’m codependent so didn’t know how to get myself fitness clothing without drama from my mother. I eventually got some pants and a shirt and walked some days but having one set of clothing made it hard to get it clean enough and also my hernia and depression made it hard to go for walks. I tried a group I got involved in (with mums help) and did badminton once a week. I made efforts and tried to improve my life.


I developed venous insuffiency two years ago..and circulation issues which are over my legs, feet and even my arms.

I also got obese and got a hiatus hernia which has given me severe pain I’ve been in hospital. I lost weight and am at a healthy weight now. This due to diet..not much exercise.


I’ve made several attempts to exercise and did walk 30mins a day in the summer but it was so difficult..slowed down to like once a week and I eventually gave up on it. Some days I was near fainting and couldn’t breathe well.


I want to walk where I am but having crippling social phobia means I’m having it tough walking on this very busy road due to my anxiety. I also am in a very messy place and no exercise gear without a huge search. I feel weak, tired and exhausted.


I also have chronic neck pain which is so severe some day..headaches (nearly a year now) which were severe..waiting diagnosis on it. These headaches have altered my personality and memory and thinking..sleep and everything. I feel awful. I also have serious stomach issues and loads of skipped heart beats..fatigue...weird stuff.


I’ve been under chronic stress, physical pain, emotional torment, spiritual torment and abuse for so many years and the stress has been massive the past few months


I was a heavily sheltered child. I don’t blame my mum she did the best she could..but I have no idea what to do to fix things.


I’ve been abused by all the professionals (like psychs) I have seen and everything I’ve tried (like the badminton) resulted in mistreatment. I also tried a computer course which turned sour. I needed help with all of these things by my mother to get enrolled. I’ve researched other things to do but can’t find anything. I did try postal studies but it was just too much for me mentally so I gave up. I had no support for it which I needed and my depression just didn’t want to do it. I also did home school when I was younger and that didn’t workout due to depression and lack of support and some mistreatment. I sometimes feel like my inner soul is dripping with pain due to the mistreatment I’ve had from drs, nurses, students, teachers, psychologists, councillors...everyone..I can’t even believe it is possible. I feel wounded and worthless.


I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school.


My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather is abusive too. My mother is my carer.


I’ve tried going to respites for mental health but can’t get into them through self referral. I guess I’m going to try and see a councillor through my dr..just don’t feel overly keen on it because I’ve seen at least 20 people in my life.. every one was awful.


I feel like Christianity and a relationship with God is so empty and one-sided and pointless. I can’t even pick up a bible without feeling sickness and anxiety and stress. I pray and my life has no means of escape.


I don’t get God or a relationship with Him. I’ve tried for 3-4 years and I have not gotten wisdom. I have not become more aware or knowledgeable of God.


I mean I know He provides me water, clothing, food and shelter and somehow I’m not completely bonkers. So He must be there but it just seems like I’m continually on the edge of a pirates plank with sharks below everyday.....that is where he keeps me



I know I should be better at this but I’m not. I know I could die any day...I’m terrified of death and am scared to and how I will. My health isn’t good. My blood flow is so bad. I’m trying to improve it by small leg exercises.

I have no life. No job. No nothing. I am so deeply depressed and God isn’t helping

I was in your place , well almost . I still provided small income every month to pay for my own food but that's all , living in my mom's house .

You said "I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school. " that's me aswell .
First of all I'm not sure if you are born again reading your post. You are forcing yourself to read Bible but you can't and won't understand it without Holy Spirit so it's pointless . I will send you the gospel on private .

Second of all I can tell you what I have done to get my health back . I was overweight all my life and at age 20-22 I weight around 120-130 kg . One year after I got saved i'm at 83kg right now without exercises . You seem to eat your depression like I used to. After you get born again you will be trusting God and won't feel the desire to kill your depression with food. When you lose weight you will feel more energy to do things .

What I did was keto diet for about 9 months then I stopped and I'm eating whole foods .
You want to find a guy named Dr. Berg on youtube and find his videos about ketosis , you can also check keto reddit for recipes and FAQ . I do not recommend doing this diet for your whole life but if you have no energy whatsoever like I did then this will be easiest diet for you to do , you won't feel hungry at all and you will feel because you probably have insulin resistance and high blood pressure which do not allow your body to feed your cells , no drugs will help you long term you have to fix your eating habits .

I started with 3 day water fast which cleaned my whole body and then went straight keto for 9 months , no exercises and I was losing about 4,5kg /month . It will slow down as you lose weight first months I've lost the most of my weight .

The third thing you need to fix is find something you like to do . It can be witnessing to people , cooking or anything you like , you do not have to be a monk. Jesus's ministry was only 3 years long the first 30 years he was growing up and then working and God was happy with him .God will prepare good works for you to do on your path that you choose so don't worry about that .

Also secular psychiatrists won't help you with your problems as you probably now by your experience so don't bother spending your money for them . If you want to feel happy spend that money for meals for homeless and you will feel more happy than what that pill perscribed by doctor would give you .

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

I’m really just lost in a bubble right now....


I’m deeply depressed...I have gone away from God because Christianity and trying stressed me..having to read the bible...having to do this or that just made me sick. I feel traumatised and sick of scripture. I didn’t do this only as a form of “works salvation” I did this as a way to grt closer to God and learn from Him etc. I did this for three years. I was battered, bruised and miserable. Things worsened in my life and I have fallen.

Christian music gives me a panic attack. I want to die every single day of my life. I don’t want to live.

I’ve sinned a lot and felt no guilt. Nothing


I have chronic pain which has worsened due to my long term bed use. I don’t work and don’t exercise. I just have stayed in bed for years. About 10 now since leaving school. Due to depression and no money..there is not much you can do. I’m codependent so didn’t know how to get myself fitness clothing without drama from my mother. I eventually got some pants and a shirt and walked some days but having one set of clothing made it hard to get it clean enough and also my hernia and depression made it hard to go for walks. I tried a group I got involved in (with mums help) and did badminton once a week. I made efforts and tried to improve my life.


I developed venous insuffiency two years ago..and circulation issues which are over my legs, feet and even my arms.

I also got obese and got a hiatus hernia which has given me severe pain I’ve been in hospital. I lost weight and am at a healthy weight now. This due to diet..not much exercise.


I’ve made several attempts to exercise and did walk 30mins a day in the summer but it was so difficult..slowed down to like once a week and I eventually gave up on it. Some days I was near fainting and couldn’t breathe well.


I want to walk where I am but having crippling social phobia means I’m having it tough walking on this very busy road due to my anxiety. I also am in a very messy place and no exercise gear without a huge search. I feel weak, tired and exhausted.


I also have chronic neck pain which is so severe some day..headaches (nearly a year now) which were severe..waiting diagnosis on it. These headaches have altered my personality and memory and thinking..sleep and everything. I feel awful. I also have serious stomach issues and loads of skipped heart beats..fatigue...weird stuff.


I’ve been under chronic stress, physical pain, emotional torment, spiritual torment and abuse for so many years and the stress has been massive the past few months


I was a heavily sheltered child. I don’t blame my mum she did the best she could..but I have no idea what to do to fix things.


I’ve been abused by all the professionals (like psychs) I have seen and everything I’ve tried (like the badminton) resulted in mistreatment. I also tried a computer course which turned sour. I needed help with all of these things by my mother to get enrolled. I’ve researched other things to do but can’t find anything. I did try postal studies but it was just too much for me mentally so I gave up. I had no support for it which I needed and my depression just didn’t want to do it. I also did home school when I was younger and that didn’t workout due to depression and lack of support and some mistreatment. I sometimes feel like my inner soul is dripping with pain due to the mistreatment I’ve had from drs, nurses, students, teachers, psychologists, councillors...everyone..I can’t even believe it is possible. I feel wounded and worthless.


I was a shy, quiet, phobic, overweight and a basic learner at school.


My mother is a narcissist and my stepfather is abusive too. My mother is my carer.


I’ve tried going to respites for mental health but can’t get into them through self referral. I guess I’m going to try and see a councillor through my dr..just don’t feel overly keen on it because I’ve seen at least 20 people in my life.. every one was awful.


I feel like Christianity and a relationship with God is so empty and one-sided and pointless. I can’t even pick up a bible without feeling sickness and anxiety and stress. I pray and my life has no means of escape.


I don’t get God or a relationship with Him. I’ve tried for 3-4 years and I have not gotten wisdom. I have not become more aware or knowledgeable of God.


I mean I know He provides me water, clothing, food and shelter and somehow I’m not completely bonkers. So He must be there but it just seems like I’m continually on the edge of a pirates plank with sharks below everyday.....that is where he keeps me



I know I should be better at this but I’m not. I know I could die any day...I’m terrified of death and am scared to and how I will. My health isn’t good. My blood flow is so bad. I’m trying to improve it by small leg exercises.

I have no life. No job. No nothing. I am so deeply depressed and God isn’t helping

Jesus promised if any one comes unto Him fountains of living water will pout out of your innermost being. This ties in with Jesus promising to give you peace not as the world gives but a peace that passes understanding. You are missing out on the peace of the world gives and certainly do not have that and that is why you are miserable. You have thought be Christianizing your goal of being happy with your circumstances in life and making temporal changes God would be helping you. You are not seeking the spiritual things 1st and seems really not at all. You have to come to Jesus the wreck that you are and confess your need for His love and mercy in your life and then not seek your own purposes but seek the purpose of loving others. Your story is very self centered. When you are full of the Spirit of Christ you will want to read and pray and you will recognize the glory of being saved and having an assurance of Christ love surrounding you and empowering you. The issues you complain about would move to the background if you put Jesus in the foreground and stop trying to use Jesus for your own ambitions.

 

[Romansthruphilemon]

You need to look up Renee Roland on YouTube and listen to as many of her videos as you can. She was in your situation and came out of it by doing some serious bible study and learning the real gospel. You are under some serious condemnation because you think your acceptance with God is based on your performance, and you know your performance is not good enough. Well Romans 3 says that we are all in the same boat. There is none righteous, no not one. They have all gone out of the way. But keep reading and it says that salvation is a free gift.

Romans 3:22 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for their is no difference: (23) For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (24) Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus