I want to go to Heaven soon

[DavidTheGnome]

But why does the sad, but common, occurrence of an animal being run over, stop you from doing something you enjoyed?
Someone else drives a car which hits an animal, and you stop drawing; what's the connection?

I interpreted it as a warning from God to stop.

 

[Strong in Him]

I interpreted it as a warning from God to stop.

That's sad - I doubt that it was.

I don't draw but I like doing arts and crafts, cross stitch, writing, playing music and so on. God was never warned me to stop - why should he? He made me in his image, and he is Creator, and gave me the ability to do these things.
In the Bible, God gave Bezalel gifts and artistic skills so that he could make the tabernacle, Exodus 31:2. He needed to work in wood, with silver, precious stones and all kinds of crafts. God chose people to play musical instruments in worship, at the opening of the temple, and elsewhere. David wrote poetry; the Psalms.
They were chosen and called by God to do these things - not warned to stop them.
Christians have drawn, painted pictures and been involved in other crafts for years; why would you be singled out for warning or punishment?

 

[DavidTheGnome]

That's sad - I doubt that it was.

I don't draw but I like doing arts and crafts, cross stitch, writing, playing music and so on. God was never warned me to stop - why should he? He made me in his image, and he is Creator, and gave me the ability to do these things.
In the Bible, God gave Bezalel gifts and artistic skills so that he could make the tabernacle, Exodus 31:2. He needed to work in wood, with silver, precious stones and all kinds of crafts. God chose people to play musical instruments in worship, at the opening of the temple, and elsewhere. David wrote poetry; the Psalms.
They were chosen and called by God to do these things - not warned to stop them.
Christians have drawn, painted pictures and been involved in other crafts for years; why would you be singled out for warning or punishment?

Well, if I can, I'll try again. Right now, I'm trying to recover.
It could be that I'm just having a horrible year.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

Things have not improved at all. I'm actually worse. I completely gave up writing, art, and bicycling (my 3 favorite hobbies) just to make the punishments stop, but they didn't stop completely. I had to replace my tires again in December because they got skunked again. And then I contracted COVID and had to spend Christmas alone. This year, my left rear tire got skunked, but by a miracle from God I was able to get it off this time, using unscented dish soap with the hydrogen peroxide and baking soda. Then I went through a serious depression about not being able to write, draw, or bicycle, and realized how Nathanael from The Chosen felt when he was sitting by the fig tree, grieving his shattered dream of being an architect. Job 12:18 reminded me of my reduction from an aspiring writer who enjoys life to a loser who wants to die. After some encouragement from the church's founding pastor, I tried to doing art again while begging God not to punish me for it, and was planning on resuming my writing and bicycling, and was starting to think my life was getting better, but then the punishments started happening rapidly. I've had to treat 3 of my tires for urine odor this month. One of them had it in 2 places.
I'm feeling obligated to let other people take advantage of me whenever they feel like it or else God will punish me if I refuse.
Every time I ask God why all this is happening to me, why I can't have peace, why he hurts me, why he doesn't love me, and why he hates me, I get a mental picture of him saying, "YOU KNOW!!!"
The only reason I can think of is that my sins are too terrible to forgive.
Sometimes, I get mental pictures of God singing to me, "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to punish and not forgive you, plans to destroy your hopes and your future."
Sometimes, I also feel like God is telling me that I'm part of what Jesus died to protect humanity from.
I hear people talk about God's mercy and love, and think about how it applies to everyone but me.

 

[BobRyan]

You're describing he devils vision for God that he wants to cast onto every soul of mankind.

2 Peter 3 "God is not willing that ANY should perish but that ALL should come to repentance"
John 3:16 "God so LOVED the world that He gave His own Son" to die in your place.
1 John 2:2 "Christ is the atoning sacrifice for OUR sins and NOT for OUR sins only - but for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD"

That's right - God's love for you is wayyyy over the top.

Satan has a tough job - he needs to cast all that mercy and love as "arbitrary hate and judgment, unwilling to rescue".

You and I do not need to be taken in by Satan's lies.

 

[BobRyan]

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

2 Cor 4: 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus’ sake.

Christ is the only one who truly walked alone through the valley of the shadow of death - dying for our sins

Matt 10:24 “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25 It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household! 26 Therefore do not fear them...28 Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

2 Thess 1:. 6 For after all it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you, 7 and to give relief to you who are afflicted and to us as well when the Lord Jesus will be revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, 8 dealing out retribution to those who do not know God and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9 These will pay the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power, 10 when He comes to be glorified in His saints on that day, and to be marveled at among all who have believed—for our testimony to you was believed. 11 To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling

John 16:“These things I have spoken to you, that you should not be made to stumble. 2 They will put you out of the synagogues; yes, the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service. 3 And these things they will do to you because they have not known the Father nor Me. 4 But these things I have told you, that when the time comes, you may remember that I told you of them.

Acts 14:21 And when they had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, 22 strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.”

2 Tim 2: You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. 5 And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops. 7 Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things.

Rev 12:
11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death. 12 For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time.”
13 And when the dragon saw that he was thrown down to the earth, he persecuted the woman who gave birth to the male child. 14 But the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, so that she could fly into the wilderness to her place, where she *was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent. 15 And the serpent poured water like a river out of his mouth after the woman, so that he might cause her to be swept away with the flood. 16 But the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened its mouth and drank up the river which the dragon poured out of his mouth. 17 So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus.

 

[Strong in Him]

Things have not improved at all. I'm actually worse.

I completely gave up writing, art, and bicycling (my 3 favorite hobbies) just to make the punishments stop, but they didn't stop completely.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not being punished.
It's either the devil/depression/low self esteem that is telling you that you are.

I had to replace my tires again in December because they got skunked again.

I'm sorry. But all of us find that material things wear out - it's what happens.

And then I contracted COVID and had to spend Christmas alone.

That sounds tough.

Then I went through a serious depression about not being able to write, draw, or bicycle, and realized how Nathanael from The Chosen felt when he was sitting by the fig tree, grieving his shattered dream of being an architect.

It's tough about the tyres on your bike, but it doesn't sound as though there's any reason why you can't still do those things.

Job 12:18 reminded me of my reduction from an aspiring writer who enjoys life to a loser who wants to die.

Have you talked to anyone about being depressed? There are treatments that can help.

After some encouragement from the church's founding pastor, I tried to doing art again while begging God not to punish me for it, and was planning on resuming my writing and bicycling, and was starting to think my life was getting better, but then the punishments started happening rapidly.

The trouble is that you see any bad things that happen, or problems, as punishments from God. They're not.
In the OT people built an ark, the Tabernacle, rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem etc. I'm sure it wasn't all plain sailing - they got mocked, for example; Nehemiah faced some real opposition. There were also women who couldn't have children and faced disappointment month after month. None of these people let the problems stop them - and the book of Hebrews commends them for their faith and perseverance.

I'm feeling obligated to let other people take advantage of me whenever they feel like it or else God will punish me if I refuse.

No, he won't.
I would say you're more likely to have problems if you let people take advantage of you than if you stand up for yourself. Doing what others want could make you stressed and resentful.

Every time I ask God why all this is happening to me, why I can't have peace, why he hurts me, why he doesn't love me, and why he hates me, I get a mental picture of him saying, "YOU KNOW!!!"

That "Mental picture" is not from God.
Try replacing your mental picture with Scripture - "this is my blood of the new covenant shed for the forgiveness of sins", Matthew 26:28.
Does it say "shed for everyone's sins except David's"?
Is Jesus a liar?

The only reason I can think of is that my sins are too terrible to forgive.

The ONLY sin that's "too terrible to forgive", is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. And if you'd committed that, there is no way you would be praying to God, wanting to serve him and posting on a Christian forum to ask for help and advice.
Again, that's either the devil trying to tell you you can't be forgiven, or your depression/low self esteem saying the same thing.

It is NOT from God.

Sometimes, I get mental pictures of God singing to me, "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to punish and not forgive you, plans to destroy your hopes and your future."

It's all these mental pictures that are wrong.
Do you trust them, or God's Holy word?

Sometimes, I also feel like God is telling me that I'm part of what Jesus died to protect humanity from.

That's completely illogical - there were millions of people in the world before you were even born.
But depression affects our ability to reason.

I hear people talk about God's mercy and love, and think about how it applies to everyone but me.

No, it applies to you, too.
What is it that's preventing you from seeing, and accepting, that?

 

[DavidTheGnome]

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not being punished.
It's either the devil/depression/low self esteem that is telling you that you are.

I'm sorry. But all of us find that material things wear out - it's what happens.

That sounds tough.


It's tough about the tyres on your bike, but it doesn't sound as though there's any reason why you can't still do those things.

Have you talked to anyone about being depressed? There are treatments that can help.


The trouble is that you see any bad things that happen, or problems, as punishments from God. They're not.
In the OT people built an ark, the Tabernacle, rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem etc. I'm sure it wasn't all plain sailing - they got mocked, for example; Nehemiah faced some real opposition. There were also women who couldn't have children and faced disappointment month after month. None of these people let the problems stop them - and the book of Hebrews commends them for their faith and perseverance.

No, he won't.
I would say you're more likely to have problems if you let people take advantage of you than if you stand up for yourself. Doing what others want could make you stressed and resentful.


That "Mental picture" is not from God.
Try replacing your mental picture with Scripture - "this is my blood of the new covenant shed for the forgiveness of sins", Matthew 26:28.
Does it say "shed for everyone's sins except David's"?
Is Jesus a liar?

The ONLY sin that's "too terrible to forgive", is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. And if you'd committed that, there is no way you would be praying to God, wanting to serve him and posting on a Christian forum to ask for help and advice.
Again, that's either the devil trying to tell you you can't be forgiven, or your depression/low self esteem saying the same thing.

It is NOT from God.

It's all these mental pictures that are wrong.
Do you trust them, or God's Holy word?


That's completely illogical - there were millions of people in the world before you were even born.
But depression affects our ability to reason.

No, it applies to you, too.
What is it that's preventing you from seeing, and accepting, that?

The tires replaced in December were not worn out. They were new. They were replaced because of odor. The car is a 2022 and already on its fourth set of tires.

I try not to believe these mental pictures I have, but it's hard not to when God keeps saying no to my prayers and all this stuff is happening to me.

I've talked to the church's founding pastor, the current lead pastor, his wife, and today I talked to a guy there who is an outpatient therapist about making an appointment sometime.

I don't consider Jesus a liar.

 

[Joseph G]

The tires replaced in December were not worn out. They were new. They were replaced because of odor. The car is a 2022 and already on its fourth set of tires.

I try not to believe these mental pictures I have, but it's hard not to when God keeps saying no to my prayers and all this stuff is happening to me.

I've talked to the church's founding pastor, the current lead pastor, his wife, and today I talked to a guy there who is an outpatient therapist about making an appointment sometime.

I don't consider Jesus a liar.

Ask God to reveal to you where He's saying 'yes'. If you wait, in faith, He will be delighted to reveal it to you. As you begin to find joy in focusing on the promises you CAN see being fulfilled, you will develop your heart of thanks, and your faith will grow - until the day you can stand up and claim that He will keep ALL of His promises. Declare that long enough, and get strapped in...

You're in for the journey of your life!

And one day down the road He will graciously turn you around and show you all the ways that He was saying 'Yes' all along - to all of the godly desires of your heart - but in His time, in His mysterious way, and according to HIS priorities - not yours. It's what dying to self daily really means! There's just no getting around His requirement of faith during the journey.

And when He does show you how He did it all, through all the trials and tribulations and tests - you'll just have to exclaim - "God You are BRILLIANT!" No wonder He says "I know the plans *I* have for you"...

God bless!

Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

 

[DavidTheGnome]

Sometimes, at my most calm and most lucid, I do get the feeling that the mental pictures I've been having of God hating me are messages from the devil.
I remember seeing videos on YouTube of Emilio Gonzalez Jr. (channel name is Grow In Faith Grow In Christ) saying comforting things about lies the devil tells and about God's salvation and mercy.

I just got home from work without smelling the tires. Please pray that I don't relapse into that routine again nor have any more odors, and for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Thank you everyone for your help.

 

[Joseph G]

Sometimes, at my most calm and most lucid, I do get the feeling that the mental pictures I've been having of God hating me are messages from the devil.
I remember seeing videos on YouTube of Emilio Gonzalez Jr. (channel name is Grow In Faith Grow In Christ) saying comforting things about lies the devil tells and about God's salvation and mercy.

I just got home from work without smelling the tires. Please pray that I don't relapse into that routine again nor have any more odors, and for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Thank you everyone for your help.

Said a prayer in agreement with you. That calm is from Him. You're on the right path!

 

[Strong in Him]

Sometimes, at my most calm and most lucid, I do get the feeling that the mental pictures I've been having of God hating me are messages from the devil.

 

[RainySunflower]

Naaaah , Heaven is like " invite only " gaming lobby , you need to be chosen.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

Naaaah , Heaven is like " invite only " gaming lobby , you need to be chosen.

Is that the stuff Calvinists believe in?

 

[RainySunflower]

Afterlife is like after-party , not everyone is invited !

 

[Strong in Him]

Afterlife is like after-party , not everyone is invited !

We're not allowed to debate in a thread that is asking for advice, but you're wrong.
Jesus give eternal life to all who receive him, John 1:12.

 

[RainySunflower]

Revelation 20 , 11 - 15 .

 

[Joseph G]

Afterlife is like after-party , not everyone is invited !

Many are invited, but few are chosen:

Matthew 22:1-14 NIV

"Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.

“Then he sent some more servants and said, ‘Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.’

“But they paid no attention and went off—one to his field, another to his business. The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.

“Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’ So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, the bad as well as the good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.

“But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. He asked, ‘How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?’ The man was speechless.

“Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

“For many are invited, but few are chosen.”

 

[Christfollower7]

Naaaah , Heaven is like " invite only " gaming lobby , you need to be chosen.

God is not the author of confusion! Yes, those who go to Heaven have put their trust and faith in Jesus Christ. However, it is God who grants us that spirit of faith, repentance, and acceptance. Only Jesus can set a person free! You know how you can tell if you have been chosen...accept and receive Jesus.

If you have already done this, then you are sealed! No one can snatch you from His hands!

It sounds like the devil has done a number on you with fear and condemnation. If you are a born again Christian believer, you got to get the whole armor of God on as spoken of in Ephesians 6...especially the helmet of salvation!

If you have never put your trust and faith in Jesus, then God will not hear your prayers! The only prayer He will hear from you, is the prayer of accepting Him into your life as Lord and Savior.

If you are a Christian, then you HAVE TO STAY IN FELLOWSHIP with other like-minded believers, in the church! Isolation is the devil's tool to depression and loneliness. God has made us for community!

I have heard one of the best remedies for depression is to serve others! Depression involves self and serving involves others. Find a place where you can serve and you will see the joy of the Lord be your strength once again, if you belong to Him.

You know Scripture, so I am guessing you are saved, just being bombarded with a lot of lies from the enemy! Resist the devil and he will flee! Take your thoughts captive and bring every one of them to the throne room of grace, to find help in your time of need!

Great is Jesus in you, then he who is in the world! You are more then a conqueror in Jesus Christ!

 

[DavidTheGnome]

No improvement. Every time I try to overcome these obsessions, these mental problems, I relapse. I'm wondering if God wants me in this state.
Now I've just found another urine smell on one of my tires and am treating it, all after begging God to help me get the vehicle and its tires home without any odor or any strange smell whatsoever.
I keep begging God to forgive me, get me out of this, and bring me peace. I have even begged God to forgive me for other people's sins, even war crimes committed by the Imperial Japanese during World War 2, even though my parents were not even born yet, and my family's pretty much of western European descent.
I think I'm an example of Matthew 18:6, because so many people in my life have stumbled spiritually, and I think it's all because of me. If I were to have a millstone tied to my neck and thrown into an ocean, I would like it to be in the Gulf of Mexico.
Today, I talked to on the phone to a friend who was in a bad mood, and he was complaining about God, and using bad language. I didn't like the stuff he said, but I felt like God was considering me an accessory to this person's sin. Also, I received a text from another friend of mine who's religious, but I've been avoiding her because God seems to punish me whenever she and I communicate with each other. I didn't reply to the text.
Yesterday, at work, I accidentally gave the wrong information to a customer about an item she was looking for, and I didn't find out the truth about it until hours later. By then, she was gone. I begged God to forgive me for it and am even doing penance for it this week, but still I'm in this mess.
Also at work, whenever I accidentally damage any produce, I buy it out of fear of God. One time, I accidentally damaged a tomato and didn't buy it, and I ended up with skunk odor on 2 of my tires.
Sometimes I seem to be in a situation where no matter what choice I make, it's a sin that God's going to punish me for, like when my religious friend texts me, I'm sinning whether I reply to it or not.
Also, I think Hurricane Ian wrecked Estero Island and the areas around it because Estero Island is my favorite vacation spot, and because so many people suffered and died from it, God might be angry at me for it. And when I was in high school, there was a girl I was romantically interested in, but she died in a car accident, and I think it happened all because of my romantic interest in her, so her blood is on me, even though I was at home at the time. I beg God over and over to forgive me for what happened to her and for what the hurricane did.
One time, I thought, "I'm destroying myself!!", and immediately, 2 Peter 2:1 came to mind, and I looked back on stuff I did to see how I could be an example of that verse, and I remembered that I used to tell others that Adam and Eve were a myth and that human evolution from single-celled organisms did happen, and I figured that makes me a false teacher who speaks harmful lies to others, even though I thought back then that I was telling the truth.
My punishments seem to occur at the worst possible times, such as when I'm about to have time off work. I beg God for a break, but I can't seem to get one.
I'm afraid to write, draw, or bicycle because they're my favorite hobbies, and God doesn't seem to approve of them for that reason. I'm afraid to listen to rock and roll, because it's my favorite music genre, and Led Zeppelin is my favorite band. I used to have my radioes tuned to the Knoxville classic rock station WIMZ before I got driven to my breaking point, and now I have them tuned to the Clinton Christian station WYFC, because I'm afraid of what God will do to me. I'm afraid to eat at my favorite restaurant because it's my favorite restaurant.

I keep imagining that scene on Pinocchio when the Coachman tells those boys-turned-donkeys, "You boys have had your fun, now pay for it!!"
Like God is telling that to me.

And if God is not the one doing this to me, is he turning the devil loose on me?
I have begged God over and over to banish all evil spirits completely and permanently out of my life.

Sometimes when I beg God to help me and get me out of this mental and emotional prison, something bad immediately happens, such as me getting hurt or somebody inconveniencing me, and then I'm afraid it might be God's way of saying, "NO!!!"

I wish my brain would give out under this stress and have a fatal stroke.