I want to go to Heaven soon

[Strong in Him]

My life is not getting any better.

Sorry to hear that.

Stuff is still going wrong,

It does sometimes.
It's painful, but not a punishment.

I keep having unwanted and intrusive thoughts of the Devil pestering me to make bets and deals with him, to which I keep saying no. I keep asking God to banish him and all other evil spirits, to prevent them from doing anything to me or to anything I care about, to rid me of these unwanted intrusive thoughts,

That sounds awful, and really tough.
Paul said "in all things were are more than conquerors through him who loved us." You already have the tools for keeping the devil at bay - Jesus told us to pray "deliver us from evil" and Paul taught about the armour of God.
You belong to God. You are covered with the blood of Jesus. The devil cannot have you.

I'm worried about the intrusive thoughts though, and being pestered to make deals with the devil.
Again, could this maybe be a medical thing? I have no idea, but intrusive thoughts could be an OCD type thing.

I must have profoundly offended God at some point.

Not at all.
How could you have done? His Son gave his life for you.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

Not at all.
How could you have done? His Son gave his life for you.

I used to be a staunch evolutionist who didn't take every word of the Holy Bible, especially the Old Testament, literally. And I used to cuss often and... do other certain things. All these after accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior years prior. I also have hurt some people in the past. I wouldn't assume I'm doomed to Hell, but maybe God has allowed an evil spirit to torment me like he did King Saul.

 

[Strong in Him]

I used to be a staunch evolutionist who didn't take every word of the Holy Bible, especially the Old Testament, literally.

The Bible is not meant to all be taken literally.
It contains poetry, parables, prophecy, history and pastoral advice for the churches that he was writing to.
At one point he said to someone "please bring the coat that I left behind and my scrolls". We can't take that literally; Paul is dead and we have no idea where his coat and scrolls are. Another time he told Timothy to stop drinking water but to drink wine for his frequent illnesses. We don't take that literally; it is important to drink lots of water to stave off kidney problems, and some peope don't drink alcohol.

And I used to cuss often and... do other certain things. All these after accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior years prior.

Used to.
Do you do it now, or have you confessed and asked for God's help in overcoming?

I wouldn't assume I'm doomed to Hell,

You're not.

but maybe God has allowed an evil spirit to torment me like he did King Saul.

He hasn't.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

Used to.
Do you do it now, or have you confessed and asked for God's help in overcoming?

I don't cuss anymore.

 

[Strong in Him]

I don't cuss anymore.

Well that's good.

 

[Dan2255]

I used to enjoy life until recently. Now I live in constant fear, stress, anxiety, and depression. I pray to God to take it away and to restore my ability to enjoy life.
My parents and a lot of other loved ones have died, things in my life keep going wrong, and I feel obligated by God to give up a lot of things I enjoy doing.
I'm tired of it all. Now I keep hoping I'll die and go to Heaven soon even though I'm 39 years old.
I know suicide isn't the way to go. I'm afraid of what God might do to me if I did that, and there are friends and relatives who would be devastated.
My cat is my only reason to live. She's 17 and has special medical needs. I'm afraid that if I precede her in death, she might not get the care she needs. I just hope my time comes very soon after hers.
I accept Christ as my lord and savior, and hope I'm on the book of life.

The desires you’re experiencing is not from my Father. He is love and those that are his he puts his love in them. And in his love cast out all fears. Pray and ask him for his love. It is one of the fruits from the Holy Spirit. Don’t be discouraged during times of tribulation. My Father will bring you through it.

 

[RileyG]

I would advise you to speak to a Christian counselor or pastor that can help you.

Blessings

 

[rebornfree]

View attachment 339037
Sassy
2006 - 2023

I don't know why the picture of your beautiful cat hasn't appeared but she's lovely.

You've had a lot to go through and I feel for you. I lost both my parents by the time I was 40 and my husband left a few years later. There was just me and my much-loved cat. She passed a few years afterwards. It's hard to go through loss, but I think it's healthy to grieve, painful as it is, as things start to feel better after a while and the losses become precious memories - or that is my experience. Something which helped me was to make books of memories - one of my life with my parents and another of my cat. It may help you - just a thought.

I agree with other posters who say that God is not punishing you. You say that you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. How can God punish us when Jesus has already taken the punishment? He may discipline us, which is a different thing, but I don't think He would do so by giving us intrusive thoughts. The best thing to do, imo, is to rebuke them in the name of Jesus. It may help to sing a worship song afterwards as praise can help - and He's worthy of praise!

Isaiah 61 was a help to me when I was distressed, especially the first three verses. Remember that Jesus '...took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,...' (Isaiah 53 v 4a), Also some of the Psalms are helpful when feeling wretched: 23, 34, 46, 91, 103 (which SavedByGrace3 has posted), 139 and 145 all helped me. Another things was joining CF and having people here whom I could post, from my own home, anytime night or day.

During my difficult time a friend said that when we are down everything else seems worse than it is. The issue of the animals urinating probably wouldn't bother you so much if it wasn't on top of everything else. It seems like you've done some things to rectify that anyway.

Please don't think that life will be like this forever. It's something we tend to do in bad times, but I can testify that God brought me through and I'm sure that there are many others who will say the same. I asked the Lord to take me to be with Him, when I was in my fifties. His answer must have been 'not yet' as I'm now in my seventies and life has been better in the last ten or so years. Do you have people who can pray with you? Are you part of a Church?

Prayers for you and every blessing the Lord wants to bestow on you.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

I don't know why the picture of your beautiful cat hasn't appeared but she's lovely.

You've had a lot to go through and I feel for you. I lost both my parents by the time I was 40 and my husband left a few years later. There was just me and my much-loved cat. She passed a few years afterwards. It's hard to go through loss, but I think it's healthy to grieve, painful as it is, as things start to feel better after a while and the losses become precious memories - or that is my experience. Something which helped me was to make books of memories - one of my life with my parents and another of my cat. It may help you - just a thought.

I agree with other posters who say that God is not punishing you. You say that you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. How can God punish us when Jesus has already taken the punishment? He may discipline us, which is a different thing, but I don't think He would do so by giving us intrusive thoughts. The best thing to do, imo, is to rebuke them in the name of Jesus. It may help to sing a worship song afterwards as praise can help - and He's worthy of praise!

Isaiah 61 was a help to me when I was distressed, especially the first three verses. Remember that Jesus '...took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,...' (Isaiah 53 v 4a), Also some of the Psalms are helpful when feeling wretched: 23, 34, 46, 91, 103 (which SavedByGrace3 has posted), 139 and 145 all helped me. Another things was joining CF and having people here whom I could post, from my own home, anytime night or day.

During my difficult time a friend said that when we are down everything else seems worse than it is. The issue of the animals urinating probably wouldn't bother you so much if it wasn't on top of everything else. It seems like you've done some things to rectify that anyway.

Please don't think that life will be like this forever. It's something we tend to do in bad times, but I can testify that God brought me through and I'm sure that there are many others who will say the same. I asked the Lord to take me to be with Him, when I was in my fifties. His answer must have been 'not yet' as I'm now in my seventies and life has been better in the last ten or so years. Do you have people who can pray with you? Are you part of a Church?

Prayers for you and every blessing the Lord wants to bestow on you.

Thank you.
Yes, I'm part of a church.
As for tire smells, as it turns out, no animal or person has been going up to my car and doing anything to my tires. I've apparently been running over patches of urine or something else that smells like it and only noticing the smell because I routinely smelled the tires whenever I arrived somewhere. Please don't develop this habit! I recently talked to a guy who's been a very dear friend of me and my family for decades, and he said that I'm going to keep running over all kinds of stuff as time goes on, and that this tire smelling habit is going to drive me crazy. We also agreed that old tires get their smell from running over stuff over the years, and I remember how the previous tires on my parents' car smelled before I had them replaced due to the front ones being close to baldness (the smell was acceptable). Well, I've stopped putting my nose to the tires, and now I actually feel better. I would have to say that God worked through this friend.
I'm still struggling with the unwanted intrusive thoughts though.

 

[rebornfree]

Thank you.
Yes, I'm part of a church.
As for tire smells, as it turns out, no animal or person has been going up to my car and doing anything to my tires. I've apparently been running over patches of urine or something else that smells like it and only noticing the smell because I routinely smelled the tires whenever I arrived somewhere. Please don't develop this habit! I recently talked to a guy who's been a very dear friend of me and my family for decades, and he said that I'm going to keep running over all kinds of stuff as time goes on, and that this tire smelling habit is going to drive me crazy. We also agreed that old tires get their smell from running over stuff over the years, and I remember how the previous tires on my parents' car smelled before I had them replaced due to the front ones being close to baldness (the smell was acceptable). Well, I've stopped putting my nose to the tires, and now I actually feel better. I would have to say that God worked through this friend.
I'm still struggling with the unwanted intrusive thoughts though.

I don't have a car now so I won't develop the tire smelling habit! However I didn't like it if I drove through horse droppings or similar. Your friend is correct though you will drive through all sorts of things, and also they are on the outside of the car, so it shouldn't matter unless something horrible gets stuck in the tires and hopefully a car wash will deal with that. I'm glad you've stopped smelling them and agree that God probably worked through your friend.

I'm glad that you are part of a church and hope that some people there can pray with you, especially about the intrusive thoughts, and perhaps ask the Lord for scriptures for you to give you hope for your future and for comfort now.

I would advise you to speak to a Christian counselor or pastor that can help you.

Blessings

I agree with RileyG that counselling may help and pray that the Lord directs you to the right person.

 

[DavidTheGnome]

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't write, draw, bicycle, hike, or kayak, for fear of God punishing me for them. Some dead animals on the roads caused me to relapse into my tire smelling habit. And just this morning, I had to rush the car to the wash immediately after arriving at church because one of its tires smelled like an ashtray. And I've been begging God over and over again to have mercy on me and not punish me. Nowadays I'm always begging God to kill me now and take me to Heaven.

 

[Strong in Him]

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't write, draw, bicycle, hike, or kayak, for fear of God punishing me for them.

He won't; none of those things are wrong.
Your problem is the fear that they might be.
Have you had any prayer and/or medical treatment for your fear and anxiety?
Has anything big happened in your life that has caused you to distrust God and his word?

Some dead animals on the roads caused me to relapse into my tire smelling habit. And just this morning, I had to rush the car to the wash immediately after arriving at church because one of its tires smelled like an ashtray.

That sounds like some kind of medical issue - maybe part of your anxiety? OCD?

And I've been begging God over and over again to have mercy on me and not punish me.

He won't.
If God had wanted to punish us for our sins, he wouldn't have sent Jesus to die for them.
Seriously; why would Jesus have willingly gone through all that agony, if he'd known that God was going to say "You've read the wrong book; I'm going to punish you with pain/bad things"?

Nowadays I'm always begging God to kill me now and take me to Heaven.

Why do you want God to kill you?

 

[DavidTheGnome]

He won't; none of those things are wrong.
Your problem is the fear that they might be.
Have you had any prayer and/or medical treatment for your fear and anxiety?
Has anything big happened in your life that has caused you to distrust God and his word?

That sounds like some kind of medical issue - maybe part of your anxiety? OCD?

He won't.
If God had wanted to punish us for our sins, he wouldn't have sent Jesus to die for them.
Seriously; why would Jesus have willingly gone through all that agony, if he'd known that God was going to say "You've read the wrong book; I'm going to punish you with pain/bad things"?

Why do you want God to kill you?

I pray all the time. One of the things I ask God for is to make life peaceful and enjoyable.
I tried to resume drawing, but then the dead animals started showing up. I tried to resume writing, but then felt an intense fear of God about it and asked him not to punish me, but then a section one of my teeth crumbled and will probably need a dentist. I tried again, but started to feel that same fear, and now the tire thing this morning.

I've struggled with anxiety all my life, but I reached my breaking point in June when I accidentally ran over a skunk with my new car and spent over a month getting the stench off multiple parts of the car. I begged God to get it all off, and I still had to have the right rear wheel and all 4 tires replaced because it stubbornly refused to come off that wheel and its tire. That's where my tire smelling habit started.
A doctor once tried an anti-anxiety pill on me years ago, and all it did was physically depress me, so I had to get off of it.

My apparent punishments are earthly, not eternal.
King David got punished by God multiple times.

I've been asking God to kill me and take me to Heaven so I won't have to live with this mental and emotional pain anymore. I don't have my cat to live for anymore since she died in November.

 

[AlexB23]

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't write, draw, bicycle, hike, or kayak, for fear of God punishing me for them. Some dead animals on the roads caused me to relapse into my tire smelling habit. And just this morning, I had to rush the car to the wash immediately after arriving at church because one of its tires smelled like an ashtray. And I've been begging God over and over again to have mercy on me and not punish me. Nowadays I'm always begging God to kill me now and take me to Heaven.

We all have OCD, some more pronounced compared to others. For me, I run my hands through my hair, and sometimes I pull it during stressful moments or when idle (Trichotillomania), though not as much anymore. Now that it is colder, I am wearing my hat indoors to act as a barrier to reduce my impulse to touch my hair. So, we need to find a way to make a barrier for your OCD. Now, you can not drive on tire covers, but maybe buying an air freshener for the car's interior could help. God has never punished anyone for writing, as far as I know. He is a loving God. C.S Lewis and J.R.R Tolkien are a few examples of Christian writers who make fantasy novels.

Now, bicycling is a good idea to explore the world that God made for you, and kayaking is even better (have canoed before, but never kayaked), as you can see all the life-giving water and trees around the lake. I went hiking in Yosemite during a day in September 2023, and was floored by the massive structures of rock. God created a beautiful Earth, and invented physics so erosion could carve the nearly 2000 ft tall cliffs.

Hiking (Joshua 14:9): "The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the LORD my God wholeheartedly."
Outdoors (Psalm 95:4-5): "In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land."
Appreciating the outdoors (Psalm 118:23): "This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes."

God rarely punishes people, and if something seems to be punishing you, it is not of God, but of the OCD or of another person with ill intentions trying to hurt you. Just think, you are nearly halfway to meeting God, if you live to 80-90 yrs. But use this time to go out hiking and explore the natural outdoors. God's creation can take one's mind off of nearly everything. If you get a doctor's note due to a chronic disability such as OCD or ASD, you might be able to get a lifetime pass for the US National Parks for a one time purchase from the National Park Service.

Info about National Park Pass for folks with disabilities: Access Pass - Accessibility (U.S. National Park Service)

 

[Aussie Pete]

I used to enjoy life until recently. Now I live in constant fear, stress, anxiety, and depression. I pray to God to take it away and to restore my ability to enjoy life.
My parents and a lot of other loved ones have died, things in my life keep going wrong, and I feel obligated by God to give up a lot of things I enjoy doing.
I'm tired of it all. Now I keep hoping I'll die and go to Heaven soon even though I'm 39 years old.
I know suicide isn't the way to go. I'm afraid of what God might do to me if I did that, and there are friends and relatives who would be devastated.
My cat is my only reason to live. She's 17 and has special medical needs. I'm afraid that if I precede her in death, she might not get the care she needs. I just hope my time comes very soon after hers.
I accept Christ as my lord and savior, and hope I'm on the book of life.

Spend some time finding out what God has done for you in Jesus. Hope needs to become faith. Jesus came to give us new, abundant life, not necessarily an easy and comfortable lifestyle. Don't wish for death. Satan is the murderer. God has a plan and purpose for each of us and we cannot fulfil that if we die before our time.

Our lives should be full of love, joy and peace. I've read about people who lived in poverty yet had a fortune in the bank. Too many Christians live like that. Affliction is no fun, but God uses it to bring us closer to Himself and to break the grip of independence, pride and rebellion. (Psalm 119:67)

 

[DavidTheGnome]

We all have OCD, some more pronounced compared to others. For me, I run my hands through my hair, and sometimes I pull it during stressful moments or when idle (Trichotillomania), though not as much anymore. Now that it is colder, I am wearing my hat indoors to act as a barrier to reduce my impulse to touch my hair. So, we need to find a way to make a barrier for your OCD. Now, you can not drive on tire covers, but maybe buying an air freshener for the car's interior could help. God has never punished anyone for writing, as far as I know. He is a loving God. C.S Lewis and J.R.R Tolkien are a few examples of Christian writers who make fantasy novels.

Now, bicycling is a good idea to explore the world that God made for you, and kayaking is even better (have canoed before, but never kayaked), as you can see all the life-giving water and trees around the lake. I went hiking in Yosemite during a day in September 2023, and was floored by the massive structures of rock. God created a beautiful Earth, and invented physics so erosion could carve the nearly 2000 ft tall cliffs.

Hiking (Joshua 14:9): "The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the LORD my God wholeheartedly."
Outdoors (Psalm 95:4-5): "In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land."
Appreciating the outdoors (Psalm 118:23): "This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes."

God rarely punishes people, and if something seems to be punishing you, it is not of God, but of the OCD or of another person with ill intentions trying to hurt you. Just think, you are nearly halfway to meeting God, if you live to 80-90 yrs. But use this time to go out hiking and explore the natural outdoors. God's creation can take one's mind off of nearly everything. If you get a doctor's note due to a chronic disability such as OCD or ASD, you might be able to get a lifetime pass for the US National Parks for a one time purchase from the National Park Service.

Info about National Park Pass for folks with disabilities: Access Pass - Accessibility (U.S. National Park Service)

I can't have air fresheners in my new car. The interior smells fine still, and I like the upholstery's natural smell. I appreciate your suggestions though.

I kept telling myself today at work that JRR Tolkien, CS Lewis, and a bunch of other writers get to write because their sins are nothing compared to mine and that God has taken away my writing and drawing privileges because of my sins. I think I'm going to have to put off writing or drawing at least for a while.
As for the bicycling; before this year, I've had things happen that I suspected were punishments from God, such as the time I came home from a Knoxville bike ride and later found that my case of CDs had disappeared, and I never saw it again. Another time, I came home from another Knoxville ride to find that my wallet had disappeared from my pocket, and I never saw it again. Another time, I was transporting the bike to Knoxville on the back of my car when I noticed that the back wheel was gone. I searched back and forth for it, but never found it. I had to have it replaced along with everything on it, including its gear cogs. Now I'm afraid that if I go riding now, something much worse might happen. I also would ride while listening to classic rock music on a portable device.
The kayaking; even if I wasn't afraid to do it, the only vehicle I have that is currently able to carry it properly doesn't work.
The hiking; just about my only hiking spot is Haw Ridge Park, and its parking lot is on a section of Edgemoor Road I can't trust.

I may have an idea what started the spree of problems.
I used to talk all the time to loved ones that had passed away, and now I wonder if that might have been an accidental form of occultism, even though I never did seances, Ouija board sessions, or anything like that, nor did I ever pray to them. But maybe that brought on something I didn't intend. I have had a lot of weird occurrences happen too before this year, such as things vanishing permanently, the shower curtain rod being neatly lowered to waist level when it's supposed to be above head level, that same rod falling on the floor by itself, the lid of a bottle of watermelon juice falling off by itself and the bottle spilling its contents on one of my laptop computers and ruining it, a touch lamp which I had bought from a friend but later sold back to him coming on all by itself, one of a toilet's bolt nuts coming loose and causing a water leak. And a mysterious "WHAM!!!" noise that I never found out the source of. I believe that "ghosts" are demons posing as ghosts in an attempt to spiritually throw people off. One of the things I've been praying to God is that he banishes all evil spirits in the name of Jesus.

I'm going to try again to stop smelling the tires, but I don't know if I can.
Maybe I could try bicycling without the music, but no time soon.

Please pray for me and for everything I care about, including my soul.

 

[Strong in Him]

I pray all the time. One of the things I ask God for is to make life peaceful and enjoyable.

We'd all like that.
The thing is, though, that God hasn't promised us a good, peaceful or enjoyable life - lots of things may happen that we have no control over.
What he HAS promised is that he will be with us always, "in all these things we are more than conquerors", Romans 8:37, and that nothing can separate us from his love

I tried to resume drawing, but then the dead animals started showing up.

You mean that you found yourself drawing dead animals?

but then felt an intense fear of God about it and asked him not to punish me, but then a section one of my teeth crumbled and will probably need a dentist.

That's not a punishment for drawing and doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
I'm sure the devil wants to to be scared of God, but perfect love drives out all fear, 1 John 4:18. Fear has to do with punishment.

I tried again, but started to feel that same fear,

A "feeling" doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't be doing something.
The feeling could be from the devil - if you were using, or wanted to use, your gift to glorify God, Satan wouldn't like that and would try anything to stop you.

I've struggled with anxiety all my life,

That's sad.

but I reached my breaking point in June when I accidentally ran over a skunk with my new car and spent over a month getting the stench off multiple parts of the car. I begged God to get it all off, and I still had to have the right rear wheel and all 4 tires replaced because it stubbornly refused to come off that wheel and its tire. That's where my tire smelling habit started.

That sounds tough.

A doctor once tried an anti-anxiety pill on me years ago, and all it did was physically depress me, so I had to get off of it.

Did they try other tablets? Talking therapies? Give you any tips for relaxing?

My apparent punishments are earthly, not eternal.

They aren't punishments - just life events which your mind/the devil has convinced you have happened because God is displeased with something.
God loves you, big time.
He sent Jesus to die for you while you were a sinner - why would he now punish you because you aren't perfect?

King David got punished by God multiple times.

King David lived before Jesus came to die for sinners.
He did not have the promise that if we confess our sins God is faithful, WILL forgive us and make us clean.

I've been asking God to kill me and take me to Heaven so I won't have to live with this mental and emotional pain anymore. I don't have my cat to live for anymore since she died in November.

That's sad.

But as God hasn't killed you, maybe he wants you to be alive? Maybe he has something for you to do? Maybe God wants you to live for him and to help others who have the same struggles as you do?
The mental and emotional pain sound awful; maybe further medical treatment could help with that? Maybe talking to someone who understands and/or is trained in these areas will help you to find a way through?

 

[DavidTheGnome]

We'd all like that.
The thing is, though, that God hasn't promised us a good, peaceful or enjoyable life - lots of things may happen that we have no control over.
What he HAS promised is that he will be with us always, "in all these things we are more than conquerors", Romans 8:37, and that nothing can separate us from his love

You mean that you found yourself drawing dead animals?


That's not a punishment for drawing and doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
I'm sure the devil wants to to be scared of God, but perfect love drives out all fear, 1 John 4:18. Fear has to do with punishment.


A "feeling" doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't be doing something.
The feeling could be from the devil - if you were using, or wanted to use, your gift to glorify God, Satan wouldn't like that and would try anything to stop you.

That's sad.


That sounds tough.


Did they try other tablets? Talking therapies? Give you any tips for relaxing?


They aren't punishments - just life events which your mind/the devil has convinced you have happened because God is displeased with something.
God loves you, big time.
He sent Jesus to die for you while you were a sinner - why would he now punish you because you aren't perfect?


King David lived before Jesus came to die for sinners.
He did not have the promise that if we confess our sins God is faithful, WILL forgive us and make us clean.

That's sad.

But as God hasn't killed you, maybe he wants you to be alive? Maybe he has something for you to do? Maybe God wants you to live for him and to help others who have the same struggles as you do?
The mental and emotional pain sound awful; maybe further medical treatment could help with that? Maybe talking to someone who understands and/or is trained in these areas will help you to find a way through?

I don't draw dead animals. I draw people. But my drawings are mainly tracing. I meant that dead animals started appearing on the roads, and some of them were so demolished, I couldn't tell whether they were skunks or not. That's why I relapsed into smelling the tires.

Attempts at treating my anxiety were given up. Indulging my hobbies (bicycling, writing, drawing, etc.) was apparently a way to calm me down. But then the skunk thing this year broke me.

 

[AlexB23]

I can't have air fresheners in my new car. The interior smells fine still, and I like the upholstery's natural smell. I appreciate your suggestions though.

I kept telling myself today at work that JRR Tolkien, CS Lewis, and a bunch of other writers get to write because their sins are nothing compared to mine and that God has taken away my writing and drawing privileges because of my sins. I think I'm going to have to put off writing or drawing at least for a while.
As for the bicycling; before this year, I've had things happen that I suspected were punishments from God, such as the time I came home from a Knoxville bike ride and later found that my case of CDs had disappeared, and I never saw it again. Another time, I came home from another Knoxville ride to find that my wallet had disappeared from my pocket, and I never saw it again. Another time, I was transporting the bike to Knoxville on the back of my car when I noticed that the back wheel was gone. I searched back and forth for it, but never found it. I had to have it replaced along with everything on it, including its gear cogs. Now I'm afraid that if I go riding now, something much worse might happen. I also would ride while listening to classic rock music on a portable device.
The kayaking; even if I wasn't afraid to do it, the only vehicle I have that is currently able to carry it properly doesn't work.
The hiking; just about my only hiking spot is Haw Ridge Park, and its parking lot is on a section of Edgemoor Road I can't trust.

I may have an idea what started the spree of problems.
I used to talk all the time to loved ones that had passed away, and now I wonder if that might have been an accidental form of occultism, even though I never did seances, Ouija board sessions, or anything like that, nor did I ever pray to them. But maybe that brought on something I didn't intend. I have had a lot of weird occurrences happen too before this year, such as things vanishing permanently, the shower curtain rod being neatly lowered to waist level when it's supposed to be above head level, that same rod falling on the floor by itself, the lid of a bottle of watermelon juice falling off by itself and the bottle spilling its contents on one of my laptop computers and ruining it, a touch lamp which I had bought from a friend but later sold back to him coming on all by itself, one of a toilet's bolt nuts coming loose and causing a water leak. And a mysterious "WHAM!!!" noise that I never found out the source of. I believe that "ghosts" are demons posing as ghosts in an attempt to spiritually throw people off. One of the things I've been praying to God is that he banishes all evil spirits in the name of Jesus.

I'm going to try again to stop smelling the tires, but I don't know if I can.
Maybe I could try bicycling without the music, but no time soon.

Please pray for me and for everything I care about, including my soul.

I will pray for you. For hiking, start by walking around your neighborhood, without taking the car out. Then, when you get used to that, slowly find areas to hike. Classic rock is good music, just make sure the lyrics are clean. I am betting the reasons you may have experienced all this darkness is probably your OCD, but also maybe the fact that you talked to your loved ones that passed. For cycling, I cycle without music, but haven't gone in a while with all the distractions of movies and TV shows. But, maybe a TV show or movie could take your mind off of that. For instance, Blue Beetle is on DVD, and most libraries have a DVD collection, so you could watch that or another hero film. Heroes save the day and sacrifice their blood, sweat and tears, just like Jesus saved eternity.

For kayaking, some lakes in cities allow you to rent a kayak or canoe, so you do not need to bring your own or worry about transporting your watercraft. I won't reveal my city on the forum, but here is one lake in Tennessee that has kayak rentals: Kayak Rentals

Other lakes for watercraft rentals can be found on Google maps, but just be sure to check the reviews (cos some rentals are expensive, or the lake lacks amenities or the lake's area is unkempt).

And for stuff getting lost in Knoxville, you might want to visit a priest there, and ask them to bless you, or at least tell them about all the times stuff went missing near there. It seems that Knoxville has not been a good place for you, or a string of bad luck happened there. But for classic rock, maybe try instrumental rock for a while, or go back a few centuries, and try out some Bach or classical music. Then, see if anything changes. If things go well, try some clean classic rock (I have a playlist of clean 1970s-1980s classic softer forms of rock, mixed in with some 21st century indie pop and 2010s-2020s house music with lyrics). But in my opinion, a priest or pastor is the best person to see about these things.

 

[Strong in Him]

I don't draw dead animals. I draw people.

Ok.
Drawing people's good..

But my drawings are mainly tracing.

As long as you enjoy it, that's fine.

I meant that dead animals started appearing on the roads, and some of them were so demolished, I couldn't tell whether they were skunks or not.

But why does the sad, but common, occurrence of an animal being run over, stop you from doing something you enjoyed?
Someone else drives a car which hits an animal, and you stop drawing; what's the connection?

Attempts at treating my anxiety were given up. Indulging my hobbies (bicycling, writing, drawing, etc.) was apparently a way to calm me down. But then the skunk thing this year broke me.

Is there any way to deal with/get over/talk about the skunk thing?
It seems to be ruining your life.