thoughts

[OptimisticSmile]

I believe that God may be leading me to court one of best freinds (it started with alot of ambivelence but I resolved it and yeilded to God with it).I was like no way God and now im really desiring it. I have some money to put towards her mission trip debt and part of me wants to surprise her by adding some of my own money to it. at the same time I have the thought that its selfish to do that because it is me trying to impress her or get her to like me. also I need to send money oversees to the people from my previous mission trip. mabye it would be best used there.

we went out to dinner the other night and it was so awsome, the next day I woke up thinking of her and I was home alone all day and I had such a longing for her. it was like I was so high the night before that the following daythe only way to go was down. what bugs me is that I thought "why cant I long for Christ the way I long for her" how can I enjoy the relationship God has for me when Im constantly afraid I dont really love God and that I would always be loving her more than God or worse that its all about me and I dont really love anyone but myself.

grrrr it is so annoying.

 

[frank1234]

Us, having emotions and desires and wanting to fulfill the God given feelings which He has put in us, will never deminish or take away our love for God. Our love for God is tied in with our faith, which is how God wants us to walk, but then, If He wants us to be married some day, then His purpous in that relationship is also part of what we need to go through to learn what He has in store for us(which is our growth). In other words having feelings and desiring those things does not make us selfish, but shows us that we are part of this reality that God has planned for us. But you are right; Make sure when you donate money, It will be for the right reason(which is To help people that are in your heart), and not to give money to impress her. Maybe you can talk to her about helping her mission before hand, and then If It's some thing that she will like, you can go ahead and donate that money. In this way you are catching your flesh off guard and not letting it to create problems for you.Helping the right people for the right reason is far better than doing some thing based on selfish reasons.some thing to think about.God Bless you.

 

[gracealone]

Hey OP,
The very fact that you are concerned that your love for her would in any way diminish your love for God is proof that it won't. The slipping away of our desire for our Lord is far more subtle than this don't you think?
This is of course your OCD trying to keep you "on topic" in any way it can. Let's just call it "variations on a familiar theme". It is extremely annoying and bothersome isn't it.
I know my daughter in law won't mind me telling you that she, (she has OCD), had some of the exact thoughts and fears that you are describing when she first became attracted to our son. She really fought entering into a relationship with him for quite awhile because of all her unworthy feelings and her feeling that it would somehow also displease God or that she'd fail in the marraige etc. etc. This really confused our son for awhile until he learned about her disorder. So much of what you said she related to me after they were married. Here was God in His great love showing her someone that loved Him and also loved her who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Then giving them both such a great love and desire for one another and yet her OCD was twisting it round to look like something that might possibly be sinful. This fear was a huge hurdle for her to get over but she courageously finally took the step to embrace the blessing that God had brought her way.
Bottom line... they are happily married and their marraige has only enhanced their ministry for the Lord. And I, well let me just say, I thank the Lord for her as she has been a source of great joy and blessing to me... she is my cherished daughter now.
Go with the flow buddy and don't forget to thank God for the blessing of this relationship.
Mitzi
p.s. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your path." (This too is volitional faith.)

 

[OptimisticSmile]

ok I did it and I now have an great story and feel like sharing it with my freinds but at the same time Im bothered that to do that would be like those in the bible gave and made sure people were watching.

i was torn because I was like Im giving her a large sum of mney that I could send to Moldova where I served. well I gave the money to her account annonymously. tonight she came to a bible study I invited her to and she was like "wow I found out today that in addition to the 200 dollars you gaveme (we had previously discussed it and it was money she gave me for watching her dogs) someone gave me more money so now I can buy more bibles to send to Brazil. " she said it like she knew it was me but I just said "mabye it was an angel" or God just placed it there. Inwardly I was like wow what I thought was totally selfish God will be able to bless brazil with. I was able to give to moldova a littloe as well so the money is being spread out .then she told me how her freind who isnt a christian was impressed about the annonymous gift and now she wants to hangout with christians (and this girl is a witch).

although I did not feel any direction with how to give and that feltwas wrong , selfish, and immature about it God had a deeper plan for it.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I was not doing it to impres her in fact I was afraid shed think that and give me the money back or soemthing.

if she ever asks why Ill just tell her that I once lost my desire to live and she was the only person besides my pastor that I mentioned it to and now months later being alive when I once could not picture reaching this date I am thankful that God has given me an oppertunity to help her as I have prayed he would help me help her somehow. I would have never thought I would have this oppertunity and so being able to give is a reflection of where God has taken me.