After blasting into this group with a question about my personal life that got responses I didn't care for I had decided not to share much if anything about my love life or romantic interests. But I feel compelled to share this tonight...either that or I can't sleep and feel chatty and this is the hugest thing on my mind so it is going to come spewing out on the keyboard. 
Back in Jan/Feb I was reading this sweet little book called, "His Princess" and it is a book of "love letters" from the Lord to women. It is like a short daily devotional read with a Scripture to support each day's devotion.
I was hurting at that time over a man that I have really loved a great deal, and also sad and feeling guilty over certain behaviors and desires that are not appropriate.
So I'm praying through this yucky emotion, and I was also reading this book and looking for guidance, peace, and help from God. My prayers were something like, "Papa, I really love him. I want him so much. I miss what we had. Why can't I have him back in my life like it used to be? If I can't have him back, will you fix it? Change my desires. If there is someone else or a better life please give me peace about it that overrides this pain and desire for this guy...but I don't want that other life or person. I just want him. I know that you can restore what we had and it could be a good thing that is acceptable and not bad. I really just want him. PLEASE!!!"
I was being honest.
When I calmed down and paused to think, God spoke to my heart. It was so clear and bold, but gentle. It was a firm gentleness.
He said, "I have something pure for you."
That was it. A small simple statement. Nothing more.
It felt very profound, and was on my mind a great deal. However, it did not have any peace with it...cos I didn't want that; I wanted that guy.
I've healed some and grown some since then. I am more open to "something pure."
"That guy" is still in my life as a friend, the one I posted about when I first came here. (The thread is gone by my request.)
I have found that when I am making myself busy with life and my responsibilities, this overwhelming urge to have "that guy" isn't so overwhelming. I still love him, though somedays I question in what way. But I don't have the overwhelming urge to have him at all cost. When I'm depressed and not doing much of anything I am overcome with thoughts of him.
I had a good prayer time last night and this morning. I have had a full day today. I got the job I had wanted and been praying for!
I also enrolled my baby in Kindergarden. :o I had to go get copies of his immunization record and birth certificate cos it seems important stuff like that gets lost when your family falls apart and you get a divorce...who knew?? The vaccination record took two trips cos I didn't get a whole copy of it the first time. I had to have a meeting with the school nurse and special ed coordinator because my little guy has special medical and speech needs. It took quite awhile.
Tonight, I feel like I have a very full and satisfying life, although stressful. I don't know what God has up his sleeve, but "something pure" is sounding very good to me right now. Will that be something with "that guy" which God is going to clean up and make right? Will it be with someone else? Will it mean a man-less life? I don't know.
I do know that I am feeling content to wait on the Lord. No urgency. No feeling like I'm going to spend my life sad and miserable if I can't have "that guy." No more being anxious about who, and when, and where, and what do I need to do to make it happen.
It has already been spoken. "I have something pure for you." All I have to do is live my life obediantly to the Lord, and act when He prompts me to.
I have wondered over the course of that last several months about the words He spoke to me. Does God have "something pure" for everyone? I'm thinking so, because I know that I'm not anyone special who gets extra favors. Maybe the "something pure" is a mate, maybe not. I don't know which I'm getting. But I just think that if we aim to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, He will make it so full and abundant that we will be satisfied, content, and joyful, whether we get "that guy" or "that girl" or not.
Back in Jan/Feb I was reading this sweet little book called, "His Princess" and it is a book of "love letters" from the Lord to women. It is like a short daily devotional read with a Scripture to support each day's devotion.
I was hurting at that time over a man that I have really loved a great deal, and also sad and feeling guilty over certain behaviors and desires that are not appropriate.
So I'm praying through this yucky emotion, and I was also reading this book and looking for guidance, peace, and help from God. My prayers were something like, "Papa, I really love him. I want him so much. I miss what we had. Why can't I have him back in my life like it used to be? If I can't have him back, will you fix it? Change my desires. If there is someone else or a better life please give me peace about it that overrides this pain and desire for this guy...but I don't want that other life or person. I just want him. I know that you can restore what we had and it could be a good thing that is acceptable and not bad. I really just want him. PLEASE!!!"
I was being honest.
When I calmed down and paused to think, God spoke to my heart. It was so clear and bold, but gentle. It was a firm gentleness.
He said, "I have something pure for you."
That was it. A small simple statement. Nothing more.
It felt very profound, and was on my mind a great deal. However, it did not have any peace with it...cos I didn't want that; I wanted that guy.
I've healed some and grown some since then. I am more open to "something pure."
"That guy" is still in my life as a friend, the one I posted about when I first came here. (The thread is gone by my request.)
I have found that when I am making myself busy with life and my responsibilities, this overwhelming urge to have "that guy" isn't so overwhelming. I still love him, though somedays I question in what way. But I don't have the overwhelming urge to have him at all cost. When I'm depressed and not doing much of anything I am overcome with thoughts of him.
I had a good prayer time last night and this morning. I have had a full day today. I got the job I had wanted and been praying for!
I also enrolled my baby in Kindergarden. :o I had to go get copies of his immunization record and birth certificate cos it seems important stuff like that gets lost when your family falls apart and you get a divorce...who knew?? The vaccination record took two trips cos I didn't get a whole copy of it the first time. I had to have a meeting with the school nurse and special ed coordinator because my little guy has special medical and speech needs. It took quite awhile. Tonight, I feel like I have a very full and satisfying life, although stressful. I don't know what God has up his sleeve, but "something pure" is sounding very good to me right now. Will that be something with "that guy" which God is going to clean up and make right? Will it be with someone else? Will it mean a man-less life? I don't know.
I do know that I am feeling content to wait on the Lord. No urgency. No feeling like I'm going to spend my life sad and miserable if I can't have "that guy." No more being anxious about who, and when, and where, and what do I need to do to make it happen.
It has already been spoken. "I have something pure for you." All I have to do is live my life obediantly to the Lord, and act when He prompts me to.
I have wondered over the course of that last several months about the words He spoke to me. Does God have "something pure" for everyone? I'm thinking so, because I know that I'm not anyone special who gets extra favors. Maybe the "something pure" is a mate, maybe not. I don't know which I'm getting. But I just think that if we aim to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, He will make it so full and abundant that we will be satisfied, content, and joyful, whether we get "that guy" or "that girl" or not.
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