Singles room

[returntosender]

REJECTION.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Hey! I aint got no fleas! I is a clean dawg!!!

maybe you got clean fleas..... barnum and flealy circus

 

[returntosender]

Im 43 and havent found the right guy yet.

That was a bit scary. I am glad you are a woman,lol

 

[sunshineforJesus]

That was a bit scary. I am glad you are a woman,lol

Lol you thought I was a guy?

 

[returntosender]

Lol you thought I was a guy?

No I knew you were a gal but just reading the message without knowing who wrote it was a bit shocking. It read like ike a guy or I was expecting it to be a guy, lol

 

[returntosender]

I've long said it's because I'm not dating, engaged, married, widowed, or divorced and is therefore the only option. In all seriousness, it's because the women I'tm interested in don't go for me and vice versa.

That's sad, stop looking at those particular women then, lol

 

[Sophrosyne]

Im 43 and havent found the right guy yet.

Choose the guy on the left then.

 

[peaceful-forest]

Why do you think you are single?

Multiple reasons. It's hard to find a single Christian guy in real life. When I did online dating in my 20s, I didn't have good results (plus I was immature and didn't know what I was doing). I never found anyone worth being with after my best friend dumped me for someone else.

The older adults told us Millennials that we would find our future spouses in college. That sure didn't happen to me.

 

[DragonFox91]

Well I can trace it back to growing up.
A lot anxiety growing up & into college made meeting new people hard.
Peers largely rejected the Christian lifestyle. They embraced drinking & drugs. Secularism is in full swing & it's only gotten worse since I was growing up.
Christian youth groups growing up mostly boys, & the girls were non-believers who went just because their parents made them.

College was better. I had less anxiety but wasn't used to people actually being friendly, especially girls. Church groups in college had better guy:girl ratios, but I was still working on anxiety & confidence issues.

Now college was done 9 years ago. College friends have moved away. Coworkers are in their 50's. Have tried a couple different church groups but the guy:girl ratios are terrible, like 10:2 & 1 of the girls is married. Guy friendships never lead to meeting women.

Why do you think you are single?

Multiple reasons. It's hard to find a single Christian guy in real life. When I did online dating in my 20s, I didn't have good results (plus I was immature and didn't know what I was doing). I never found anyone worth being with after my best friend dumped me for someone else.

The older adults told us Millennials that we would find our future spouses in college. That sure didn't happen to me.

It seems if you don't find one in college, you can't. I also wish older adults had given us more advice than 'you'll find one in college.' It's like 'okay, what if I don't? How should I find one in college? etc. etc. In college, I saw it hyper-competitive.' It seemed like everyone wanted to a partner So I thought 'okay, there'tsno way no one's gonna pick me. It's just gonna be like in high school.' Who knows how many chances I missed??? (Probably not that many! But stilll!! A little more advice would've been helpful. Some people need more help w/ this than 'it'll happen in college.') I was still developing in college. I was not gonna ever get a spouse in college. The other guys were ready to tackle the world & I was still learning to tie my shoes (to use a bad analogy)

I think some of the problem older adult Christians don't realize is how much secularness has taken over & how hard it really is to find a believer. But I'm sure it was a problem back then too, even Psalms 2000 years ago says finding a wife that fears the Lord is a rare treasure.

 

[Andrew.H]

Why do you think you are single?

Multiple reasons. It's hard to find a single Christian guy in real life. When I did online dating in my 20s, I didn't have good results (plus I was immature and didn't know what I was doing). I never found anyone worth being with after my best friend dumped me for someone else.

The older adults told us Millennials that we would find our future spouses in college. That sure didn't happen to me.

I sort of found mine in college, but after we got married she decided her career was more important (I was stationed in Germany at the time) and she left without a word. Came home one day and found her gone, on a plane back to the US to pursue her master's, served me with divorce papers not long after. Tried to make it work again a few years later but that didn't work.

Now I'm an Orthodox convert in the deep south (In the country too), so I must be a glutton for punishment heh.

 

[peaceful-forest]

I sort of found mine in college, but after we got married she decided her career was more important (I was stationed in Germany at the time) and she left without a word. Came home one day and found her gone, on a plane back to the US to pursue her master's, served me with divorce papers not long after. Tried to make it work again a few years later but that didn't work.

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[Andrew.H]

I'm sorry to hear that.

It is what it is, I don't hold grudges or at least try not to.

But I do find myself a touch remiss in that, meeting people seems more difficult in an age where I can have friends literally all over the world.

 

[bèlla]

The easiest way to meet people is through social events. Fun things that allow people to gather and connect. Most socialization in churches primarily occurs through bible studies and small groups. Whereas previous generations had dances, outings, picnics, bbqs, and so on. Striking up conversations is less challenging when someone bridges the gap on your behalf. When that's absent you'll look elsewhere.

This is where the gift of hospitality comes in. Many are gifted in party planning, food preparation and creativity. A community manager devoted to the task would be helpful. Supper clubs, potlucks and game nights are a good starting point. If you want to bring people together you have to give them something to do beyond worship and study.

On a personal note, this is one of the qualities that drew me to larger churches. Especially one in particular. They had groups and events for many interests which allowed you to find kindred spirits within the church. Pursuing the same in secular settings is a mixed bag.

While I don't believe it should be the soul consideration when finding a church. Truth is foremost. It's wise to consider today and beyond. That's one of the reasons I've settled on the Mennonites. Their community is unparalleled and togetherness is a mainstay. They share my passion for self-sufficiency, family, outreach and crafts. I want to be part of a group that models unity at home and church. It's much easier to do the latter when the former is a way of life.

~bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The easiest way to meet people is through social events. Fun things that allow people to gather and connect. Most socialization in churches primarily occurs through bible studies and small groups. Whereas previous generations had dances, outings, picnics, bbqs, and so on. Striking up conversations is less challenging when someone bridges the gap on your behalf. When that's absent you'll look elsewhere.

This is where the gift of hospitality comes in. Many are gifted in party planning, food preparation and creativity. A community manager devoted to the task would be helpful. Supper clubs, potlucks and game nights are a good starting point. If you want to bring people together you have to give them something to do beyond worship and study.

On a personal note, this is one of the qualities that drew me to larger churches. Especially one in particular. They had groups and events for many interests which allowed you to find kindred spirits within the church. Pursuing the same in secular settings is a mixed bag.

While I don't believe it should be the soul consideration when finding a church. Truth is foremost. It's wise to consider today and beyond. That's one of the reasons I've settled on the Mennonites. Their community is unparalleled and togetherness is a mainstay. They share my passion for self-sufficiency, family, outreach and crafts. I want to be part of a group that models unity at home and church. It's much easier to do the latter when the former is a way of life.

~bella

At the 5:40 mark, less people are meeting in public spaces and a good chunk or on board with this swipe technology (IE - Tinder)...taking out the major components to the mating ritual. Body language, voice tones, demonstrations in humor, etc.

The whole video is very interesting.

 

[Citanul]

I'm single mainly as a result of being a bit of a late bloomer and embracing my introversion a bit too much.

I didn't date in high school because I wasn't all that interested in doing so. I also happened to be very much one of the computer nerds, who weren't the most sort after group, so it's not as if there was anyone who was showing interest in me.

Then when I was at university there was definitely an element of focusing on my studies but also I didn't put any real effort into socialising. That's where being an introvert comes into it as I didn't feel the need to be getting out there an interacting with other people.

So my only social interaction was at church, where I was still attending the church I grew up in. As a result, the women there tended to be ones I'd known for years, and it felt a bit weird trying to start thinking of them in a dating context, so I never pursued anything. I don't know whether there was actually anyone with whom it might have worked out long-term, but that's a moot point.

Eventually, in my mid 30s I finally realised that sitting around at home was a guaranteed way to not meet anyone, so I decided to take steps. This meant signing up to online dating as well as joining Meetup.

And so far that hasn't yielded anything. I have managed to get dates through online dating, and some short-lived relationships, but nothing that lasted. Looking back, I don't know how many of the dates I went on were with anyone who realistically it could have worked out with, although that could be me trying to soften the blow of all those failed attempts. There was one who I regret ending things with as she was the best connection I've had with anybody I'd met online, but it was the right thing to do at the time.

Meetup has been good for finding things to do and interacting with other people, even if it hasn't led to any dates. Not that I've gone to any event with the express intention of getting a date but the more you put yourself out there the greater your chances. However, there seems to be a distinct lack of anyone my age at Meetup events, and those they do turn up tend not to be regulars, so it can be months before seeing them again (if I ever do), which makes it almost impossible to build up any sort of connection.

As for church, I'm still at the same church, but now there are very few people my age, so that's not yielding anything. I have my reasons for staying there, although I have contemplated finding another church as it is possibly getting to the point where those reasons aren't so strong anymore. The problem is not being sure which of the many other churches around to try (and the thought of going to multiple places where I'd have to interact with strangers isn't all that appealing) and I don't want my motivation for changing churches to be in order to meet women, but that could be me making excuses, and perhaps I do need to get off my butt and do something.

 

[bèlla]

At the 5:40 mark, less people are meeting in public spaces and a good chunk or on board with this swipe technology (IE - Tinder)...taking out the major components to the mating ritual. Body language, voice tones, demonstrations in humor, etc.

Rather than comment I leave you with a message from one much wiser than myself who addresses the problem head on. Pay close attention to his remarks about Adam and Eve. If you bear it in mind with the resolution he imparts you'll know how to handle it. Don't give too much credence to stats and facts. That's your battle.

~bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm single mainly as a result of being a bit of a late bloomer and embracing my introversion a bit too much.

I didn't date in high school because I wasn't all that interested in doing so. I also happened to be very much one of the computer nerds, who weren't the most sort after group, so it's not as if there was anyone who was showing interest in me.

Then when I was at university there was definitely an element of focusing on my studies but also I didn't put any real effort into socialising. That's where being an introvert comes into it as I didn't feel the need to be getting out there an interacting with other people.

So my only social interaction was at church, where I was still attending the church I grew up in. As a result, the women there tended to be ones I'd known for years, and it felt a bit weird trying to start thinking of them in a dating context, so I never pursued anything. I don't know whether there was actually anyone with whom it might have worked out long-term, but that's a moot point.

Eventually, in my mid 30s I finally realised that sitting around at home was a guaranteed way to not meet anyone, so I decided to take steps. This meant signing up to online dating as well as joining Meetup.

And so far that hasn't yielded anything. I have managed to get dates through online dating, and some short-lived relationships, but nothing that lasted. Looking back, I don't know how many of the dates I went on were with anyone who realistically it could have worked out with, although that could be me trying to soften the blow of all those failed attempts. There was one who I regret ending things with as she was the best connection I've had with anybody I'd met online, but it was the right thing to do at the time.

Meetup has been good for finding things to do and interacting with other people, even if it hasn't led to any dates. Not that I've gone to any event with the express intention of getting a date but the more you put yourself out there the greater your chances. However, there seems to be a distinct lack of anyone my age at Meetup events, and those they do turn up tend not to be regulars, so it can be months before seeing them again (if I ever do), which makes it almost impossible to build up any sort of connection.

As for church, I'm still at the same church, but now there are very few people my age, so that's not yielding anything. I have my reasons for staying there, although I have contemplated finding another church as it is possibly getting to the point where those reasons aren't so strong anymore. The problem is not being sure which of the many other churches around to try (and the thought of going to multiple places where I'd have to interact with strangers isn't all that appealing) and I don't want my motivation for changing churches to be in order to meet women, but that could be me making excuses, and perhaps I do need to get off my butt and do something.

Meetup was good back in it's heyday in the mid 2000s....but now, it's how as you described. I went on this hike, locally, it was convenient as everyone that came from the big city to my rural area for this hike. I saw one of the women there, and when I saw her on the roster, she was a member of over 100 Meetup groups! I'm like "Yeah, she's not taking this seriously" It's just weird when someone joins that many groups.

My point is, Meetup has become bloated. Over saturated. It's true, agreed on the, if you meet one person there, it'll be months before you see them again...where the old Meetup, there were lesser groups, and people kept routinely...almost weekly, returning. So you built a familiartiy witht hem.
So what I do now, sometimes after an event...if I had talked to someone for a bit there...I'd contact them after I'd gotten home and feel them out. Some would respond, but it was more of a cordial, "It was nice meeting you response, have a great weekend!" So you'd get the vibe if whether or not they wanted a conversation.

Or say something like 'So you going to the hike this upcoming weekend?" Stuff like that.

 

[returntosender]

I don't know if it's still true or not but they used to say a good place to meet the opposite sex is in the fruit and vegetable section of the grocery store
I'd consider ordering delivery of groceries to women after what happened to me the other day. Holy cow! Best looking man I've seen in years. I told him he was in the wrong business. Right out of Hollywood. Still wonder what in the world,. New car and those looks what was he doing delivering? Candid camera?

 

[Niels]

I'm not actively looking. Although I'm open to a relationship if I meet the right kind of woman under the right circumstances, I've been out of the dating scene for years. It doesn't help that work takes up most of my time and I'm in a male-dominated field. I don't meet many single women, let alone Christian women who are in my dating age range. In terms of lifestyle, I'm almost like a married person who happens to be single if that makes any sense.

Maybe attending a larger church, or joining a local community orchestra, will increase my opportunities to socialize with the opposite sex. Most of my hobbies like R/C models, computer programming, mountain biking, etc. just provide opportunities to socialize with fellow men. That would be okay if I was married, in fact a wife might appreciate that I'm not going to bars and whatnot, but they don't provide many opportunities to meet women.

 

[Citanul]

So what I do now, sometimes after an event...if I had talked to someone for a bit there...I'd contact them after I'd gotten home and feel them out. Some would respond, but it was more of a cordial, "It was nice meeting you response, have a great weekend!" So you'd get the vibe if whether or not they wanted a conversation.

I'm a little wary of doing that as I've heard stories and don't want to come across as one those guys who's hitting on all the new women. So I've only done that once, when it felt like we'd made a really good connection. However, even though she was receptive, she kept cancelling every time we'd arranged to get together, and eventually I gave up on her.