Singles room

[ThisIsMe123]

Now I'm in my early 50s and actually prefer to be alone.

Since I've turned 50, I've preferred even less and less to be alone. Mainly because I have long dry spells between dates. Typically many years, so I haven't been burnt by mutliple divorces in my life.

Also, I had a male friend age 45 decide to really amp up his marriage motivations as he wasn't getting any younger and went and found a foreign bride as typically they are more marriage minded than Americans, as was he.

Had quite a few 40-something male friends get married, and well, this kind of leaves me in the dust so-to-speak to take action. Sometimes I wonder if I was too passive in my dating.

Although, I spent a lot of time being friend zoned by women a lot, with one occasional woman not doing this.

 

[He is Worthy]

40's, your ship has sailed?? Oh my goodness.

I have given up on it.

 

[returntosender]

I have given up on it.

That's when they say it happens,lol

 

[ozso]

I probably have high functioning autism. I've always operated solo.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I had a relationship that lasted years, but we did not marry. I was injured and lost my job. I could not support her. She accused me of saying I was interested in marriage and then refused marry her. I wanted to continue as friends. She told me to stop calling her. That was in the early 2000’s.

Now I am 63 and not interested in marriage. In my opinion it is too late for me to marry and raise children. Most women who were interested in marriage have already married. Many married while they were young and remained married until one of them died. They become widows in their 70’s and 80’s. Remarriage is not always possible or desirable for them. There are more old women than men.

From the sounds of it, seems like some of the reasons are given as an excuse not to date. Not sure why anyone would throw in the towel on dating.

I just never understood the desire , especially for a man, not to want a woman in their life in some capacity. Just never could wrap my mind around that.

I guess I cannot relate because I never married and had LONG dry spells between dating opportunities. So the lack of romantic companionship for YEARS has left me longing for someone romantic in my life.

At age 50, this has always been the case for me.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

And when someone says "I am single by choice" what does that even mean? I mean..for a man, does that mean you have decided to never ask a woman out?

For a woman, does that mean you're turning down date offers?

 

[Aldebaran]

And when someone says "I am single by choice" what does that even mean? I mean..for a man, does that mean you have decided to never ask a woman out?

For a woman, does that mean you're turning down date offers?

The meaning is probably a bit different for each person, but for me it means I never ask anyone out because I simply don't want to, and truth be told, I know I'd get turned down anyway based on past experience before I completely gave up. On top of that, I really have no desire to be married or with anyone anyway, at least not anymore. I think some people just operate in life better alone, while there are others who could never stand to be alone. I think the introvert/extravert personality types have something to do with this. I consider myself to be a solid introvert.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The meaning is probably a bit different for each person, but for me it means I never ask anyone out because I simply don't want to, and truth be told, I know I'd get turned down anyway based on past experience before I completely gave up. On top of that, I really have no desire to be married or with anyone anyway, at least not anymore. I think some people just operate in life better alone, while there are others who could never stand to be alone. I think the introvert/extravert personality types have something to do with this. I consider myself to be a solid introvert.

So you are saying introverts are more likely prefer to be single, wait, let me back it up...prefer to not have any romantic partner in their life whatsoever? I figured introverts would be compatible with introverts\

You know, a lid for every pot.

I noticed 40+ women have a tendency to be like this, esp. if they are a divorcee'. Honestly, women can do without men moreso than the other way around.

 

[Aldebaran]

So you are saying introverts are more likely prefer to be single, wait, let me back it up...prefer to not have any romantic partner in their life whatsoever? I figured introverts would be compatible with introverts\

You know, a lid for every pot.

I noticed 40+ women have a tendency to be like this, esp. if they are a divorcee'. Honestly, women can do without men moreso than the other way around.

From what I understand about what introverts are, and my own experience, I think this might be the case. However introverts are usually not into Being totally alone, but like to spend more time alone than with others. I think they like the company of others, but in small amounts.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

Im 43 and havent found the right guy yet.

 

[ozso]

The meaning is probably a bit different for each person, but for me it means I never ask anyone out because I simply don't want to, and truth be told, I know I'd get turned down anyway based on past experience before I completely gave up. On top of that, I really have no desire to be married or with anyone anyway, at least not anymore. I think some people just operate in life better alone, while there are others who could never stand to be alone. I think the introvert/extravert personality types have something to do with this. I consider myself to be a solid introvert.

I find that to be my experience too. The less involved I am with others the less complicated and peaceful life is. I socialize to a degree with people at church, coworkers and store clerks etc, which is plenty for me.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

From what I understand about what introverts are, and my own experience, I think this might be the case. However introverts are usually not into Being totally alone, but like to spend more time alone than with others. I think they like the company of others, but in small amounts.

I would say I'm an introvert...I guess it depends on how you define that. Like...I'm not withdrawn socially. I enjoy interacting socially with others. I even work with the public.

I think this all stems from me having been a single child, I had no siblings and I desired making friends as a kid to the point I was willing to let people walk all over me (I didn't know better back then).

Now I know better, I just can weed them out. So I did still carry over my desire to make friends, but....not a lot of friends.

I am FAR from a socialite. I swear there's this one woman from my old Meetup group that's on Facebook that has to be the center of attention. I think it was a burden on her marriage because her husband wasn't that sociable.

I just want that one best friends/girlfriend to be a part of my life though.

There had been times where I may resolve myself to remaining single for the rest of my life...but...not by choice I guess, but more so just accepting defeat?

But reading these posts is kind of disturbing though and there's just something utterly depressing about men who have lost their desire to couple up with someone....especially Christian men. Like they just chose to throw in the towel altogether.

BUT....I CAN understand why though, considering we run into so many shallow people in the dating scene these days where you're just thrown in the friend zoned, which has been the story of my life.

Like...women can love me to death, but not in that way. I'm "safe" and I make them laugh, and I'm an all around comfortable to be around, however....when I try to shoot my shot with one of them...it's like "Oh, um...you're a nice guy...but...I don't think of you in that way"

I sometimes wonder if they don't see me as a "man" at all, but as an asexual being. lol Granted, I don't have masculine features (no real jawline or broad shoulders/dad bod). Yes, I do stay toned, but I'm not a "BIG" man.

I'd say once every several years I get a woman that can look past that, only because they admittedly would say they don't care about looks.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The meaning is probably a bit different for each person, but for me it means I never ask anyone out because I simply don't want to, and truth be told, I know I'd get turned down anyway based on past experience before I completely gave up. On top of that, I really have no desire to be married or with anyone anyway, at least not anymore. I think some people just operate in life better alone, while there are others who could never stand to be alone. I think the introvert/extravert personality types have something to do with this. I consider myself to be a solid introvert.

The bolded....but wouldn't say this is a self-defeatist attitude? You just tried a few times (not sure how many it would take) to make you give up?

No offense, but some would say you have a negative attitude, and that in unto itself is unattractive. Kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[Aldebaran]

The bolded....but wouldn't say this is a self-defeatist attitude? You just tried a few times (not sure how many it would take) to make you give up?

No offense, but some would say you have a negative attitude, and that in unto itself is unattractive. Kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You're probably right about that. I've also been called cocky at times, while negative and self defeating at other times. Sometimes it's hard to come up with the perfect medium without going to one extreme or the other.

 

[MehGuy]

I do feel like the older I become the more attention from women I get. Although despite being in my early 30s, I have no hesitancy to settle down and marry. Honestly, I kind of view relationships annoying, and would rather have my personal freedom.

As long as I know I can attract some women, I feel content.

Besides that, I do think I have some psychological issues. As someone who can only feel romantic love from master/slave type relationships, and admittedly feel some guilt and disgust by them... I sometimes think it's just better to be single than be in some "freak" relationship. Right now, I'm kind of disillusioned about the whole thing.

 

[angelsaroundme]

I was never very good with people. Which for me means that I would get less out of marriage, as I'd have to put in consistent conscious effort, rather than it being something that comes naturally. If we gave the average modern marriage a score of 7/10 (which may or may not be generous) then for me that'd be more like a 5/10 at best.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

DELETE...edit

 

[Sophrosyne]

Because i hate sharing my bowl.

and your fleas......

 

[Lost4words]

and your fleas......

Hey! I aint got no fleas! I is a clean dawg!!!

 

[returntosender]

Hey! I aint got no fleas! I is a clean dawg!!!

Male dogs are never clean, lol.