My heart is so hardened

[Invalidusername]

Me too. Thanks for this thread, it's been encouraging but I feel like, at one pivotal point of weakness in my life, I may have cast off the Lord. I can still somewhat maintain that I did not commit this intentionally, as I was assailed by intrusive thoughts that I just wanted to stop. My mind was going haywire and the thoughts were telling me I was surrounded by aliens who were feasting upon human believers spiritual energy. At that point I told myself that I couldn't handle Christianity and wanted nothing to do with Jesus. Not in so many words. But I am constantly thinking about this point as the point where I may have committed the dreaded apostasy. I too got lazy by OSAS and did not gird myself regarding the future of my soul. I don't know how I slipped into complacency but it was a process that took about a month of lessening prayer and daily recognition of the Spirit's presence in my life. I constantly pray that God didn't let me go at that time and that I was made to endure that point of weakness to and for the future glory of Christ. However, I cannot see how my current Spiritual trajectory would in any way give glory to Christ more so than if I had never slipped into such complacency. I pine for the victorious life I could have now been living in, had I not had this point of weakness. All I can say Is, if you did not consciously reject Christ during your time of living like an apostate, there is still hope for you. I am reminded of 1 John 5:18 and 2 Thessalonians 3:3.

In 2 Thess 3:3 it says that God will protect those who are His from the evil one. My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart. If the latter, then I'm in trouble.

I had a new memory come to me recently. I remember when I slipped into sin I had the thought that I had committed the apostasy. I didn't even care at that time. Oh man I think I may have cast off Christ. There is no more sadder fate than mine. I might've even consciously cast off Christ.

I think you're fine though. You still have a fear of God. That's good. I don't.

 

[Tutorman]

I think you're fine though. You still have a fear of God. That's good. I don't.

If you did not have the fear of God you would not be seeking help here, it is not a coincidence that your here but an act of God that lead you here.

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28

 

[friend of]

I think you're fine though. You still have a fear of God. That's good. I don't

I do, at times, have more than just a fear of God, but a terror/ fearful expectation of judgement. Which is unbecoming of a child of God. I am even wary of calling out "Abba Father" and in my prayers I stammer "Lord, Lord" even my prayers don't seem as full and good as they once were.

 

[Invalidusername]

If you did not have the fear of God you would not be seeking help here, it is not a coincidence that your here but an act of God that lead you here.

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28

I hope you're right but all I have is apathy. I do "care" on an intellectual manner but I cannot feel anything towards God or my sin.

I do, at times, have more than just a fear of God, but a terror/ fearful expectation of judgement. Which is unbecoming of a child of God. I am even wary of calling out "Abba Father" and in my prayers I stammer "Lord, Lord" even my prayers don't seem as full and good as they once were.

I had that when I was 17-18. That was when I got saved. Now let me tell you something. That fear is GOOD and bad. The fear means the Holy Spirit is not done with you! It's bad because you need to really put your faith in the cross and what Jesus did for you. Every time you get that fear, just place your hopes in the cross and Jesus' death. After time the fear will go away.

I'd kill to have your fear to be honest.

 

[friend of]

Every time you get that fear, just place your hopes in the cross and Jesus' death. After time the fear will go away.

Thanks. It could be that I'm going through this trial in order to become more dependant on Christ. I used to be very high spirited but God wants those lowly in spirit so that He can fill them with Himself. Will be praying for you. These dark nights of the soul are no fun at all.

 

[jrbauco21]

Aw I think you're alright. It sounds like you haven't fallen into any sin but struggle with intrusive thoughts.

I also do doubt my love for God but I have a more serious condition where my heart is dead. I can't seem to respond to anything spiritual and I try to seek after God but He is either hiding from me now or He has forsaken me because I forsook Him in favor of a lifestyle of sin. My heart is cold now. I cannot feel love or hate or anything really. I am completely numb. I read the Bible but the words don't speak to me like they used to with the Holy Spirit's promptings. I miss that.

My heart is dead too. I don't have any emotion to prove that I love others or God. No sorrow for sin, just total indifference and numbness. I wonder what is true repentance? I'm sure simply confessing one's wrongs are not enough. Should there not be some godly sorrow, humility, and deep longing? and I know human willpower is not enough to conquer sin. Real repentance, as well as worship, are gifts from the Holy Spirit right? I ask God to give me a repentant heart, take away my heart of stone, (Ezekiel 36:25-27) and cause me to worship Him in spirit and truth. Yet, I still don't feel anything at all. I don't have a sense of awe for God when I look at all the works of His Hands. I don't sing hymns in church with joy. Mostly I just go to church, not because I enjoy it but because I need to. When people come together to worship Him, and when they pray with such sincerity, I feel this kind of annoyance.. I mean really annoyed at good people. Everything I do for God seems to be in vain. I'm constantly going through the motions. What can we do but keep looking to Him? We all desire life, and without Him there is no life. I could write more but my brain is wearing out from all the physics homework.

 

[Invalidusername]

My heart is dead too. I don't have any emotion to prove that I love others or God. No sorrow for sin, just total indifference and numbness. I wonder what is true repentance? I'm sure simply confessing one's wrongs are not enough. Should there not be some godly sorrow, humility, and deep longing? and I know human willpower is not enough to conquer sin. Real repentance, as well as worship, are gifts from the Holy Spirit right? I ask God to give me a repentant heart, take away my heart of stone, (Ezekiel 36:25-27) and cause me to worship Him in spirit and truth. Yet, I still don't feel anything at all. I don't have a sense of awe for God when I look at all the works of His Hands. I don't sing hymns in church with joy. Mostly I just go to church, not because I enjoy it but because I need to. When people come together to worship Him, and when they pray with such sincerity, I feel this kind of annoyance.. I mean really annoyed at good people. Everything I do for God seems to be in vain. I'm constantly going through the motions. What can we do but keep looking to Him? We all desire life, and without Him there is no life. I could write more but my brain is wearing out from all the physics homework.

That describes me perfectly. It's frustrating how Christians don't get it.

I pray the exact same thing and no answer. Is God really not going to give us a 2nd chance? Even though we want to repent? How is that fair or just?

 

[jrbauco21]

I had a new memory come to me recently. I remember when I slipped into sin I had the thought that I had committed the apostasy. I didn't even care at that time. Oh man I think I may have cast off Christ. There is no more sadder fate than mine. I might've even consciously cast off Christ.

I think you're fine though. You still have a fear of God. That's good. I don't.

You may not believe me but I've had a similar experience. There was more than one occasion when I really almost committed that horrible sin of apostasy. I deliberately thought to myself about abandoning God for the things of this world, and I felt absolutely nothing at all. Even at the thought of losing Him, I just brushed it off. You are not any worse than I am. I can't really remember what the thoughts were but I've had thoughts about apostasy too and I found myself reacting so carelessly and without any fear of God.

 

[Invalidusername]

You may not believe me but I've had a similar experience. There was more than one occasion when I really almost committed that horrible sin of apostasy. I deliberately thought to myself about abandoning God for the things of this world, and I felt absolutely nothing at all. Even at the thought of losing Him, I just brushed it off. You are not any worse than I am. I can't really remember what the thoughts were but I've had thoughts about apostasy too and I found myself reacting so carelessly and without any fear of God.

Is there still hope for us?

 

[friend of]

Just keep persisting that's all that I can say. Wish I could do more to comfort you.

 

[Invalidusername]

Just keep persisting that's all that I can say. Wish I could do more to comfort you.

Thanks man. I will. I just want a heart of flesh again that is able to love God and His people.

 

[jrbauco21]

Is there still hope for us?

I hope so. There has to be. I wish I could be more reassuring to you. God is a God of justice and His judgement of us is fair. Though I may doubt it later, right now, I think there is hope for us if we just rely on Him. Lets pray for each other (even if you feel like it'll be in vain). My name is Julie by the way. (you don't have to tell me yours if you'd rather keep it secret)

 

[Invalidusername]

I hope so. There has to be. I wish I could be more reassuring to you. God is a God of justice and His judgement of us is fair. Though I may doubt it later, right now, I think there is hope for us if we just rely on Him. Lets pray for each other (even if you feel like it'll be in vain). My name is Julie by the way. (you don't have to tell me yours if you'd rather keep it secret)

My name is Brian. I will pray that God gives you a heart of flesh again and that He will grant us a 2nd chance. Let's hope that this horrible period we are going thru is just a discipline/chastening of the Lord to show us how terrible life is without Him.

I have to be honest though, I would feel cheated if God cast me off for the stupid things I did a few years ago but then again on judgement day, nobody is going to be able to talk back to God.

 

[jrbauco21]

Thank you. I pray that God will restore your heart too, replacing the stone with flesh. (I have the NLT version and it says "a tender and responsive heart" rather than a "a heart of flesh.") I hope God not only gives us mercy, but helps us to respond to that mercy with wholehearted praise. I pray that He would help us not take it for granted. That He would wrap us in love and call us His own, and in the warmth and beauty of His grace we would not fall away. Our love is fleeting, but God's love never fails. I pray that He would increase our love for Him and for others for the glory of His holy Name. I pray He would give us a joyful confidence in salvation.

 

[Chris V++]

Church is full of sinners. These people were already Christians when they were so harshly rebuked. Notice the scathing language:
.
' I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. 19As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 20Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

It's never too late. You guys are going to be OK.

 

[jrbauco21]

Church is full of sinners. These people were already Christians when they were so harshly rebuked. Notice the scathing language:
.
' I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. 19As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 20Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

It's never too late. You guys are going to be OK.

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm familiar with that verse. The 2 parts I worry about in Revelations is chapter 2 the warning to the church in Ephesus (you have lost your first love) and chapter 3 the warning to the church in Laodecia (you are neither hot nor cold). I'm so lucky to have gracious and understanding people I can lean on and confess my doubts to. One thing I've learned is that its better to confess your doubts than to keep quiet and try to deal with it yourself. I know that's really scary for some people. I hope that those who have doubts would always have a gentle and trustworthy Christian in their lives who avoid judging and try to understand.

 

[Invalidusername]

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm familiar with that verse. The 2 parts I worry about in Revelations is chapter 2 the warning to the church in Ephesus (you have lost your first love) and chapter 3 the warning to the church in Laodecia (you are neither hot nor cold). I'm so lucky to have gracious and understanding people I can lean on and confess my doubts to. One thing I've learned is that its better to confess your doubts than to keep quiet and try to deal with it yourself. I know that's really scary for some people. I hope that those who have doubts would always have a gentle and trustworthy Christian in their lives who avoid judging and try to understand.

I've confessed everything I've done to my parents and even to some people that I've wronged. Still my heart is cold as ice. I WANT a soft warm heart.

 

[Tutorman]

Is there still hope for us?

There is always hope you just got to receive it.

 

[jrbauco21]

I've confessed everything I've done to my parents and even to some people that I've wronged. Still my heart is cold as ice. I WANT a soft warm heart.

me too.. how I wish my heart was passionate for God like that of my grandmother and so many other good Christians I know. They pray with such sincerity to God and they seem to be wholehearted in their worship of Him. I know I shouldn't compare myself with others, but.. and yes, I don't know their hearts like God does. Of course they have imperfections too, but they all are more perfect--more like Jesus, or so it seems, than me. I really wish I could be more emotional for God. I know people who get so easily touched by God they cry at the drop of a hat (maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean). I wish I could be like that. For me, it all just feels like an act, and apparently I act pretty well since everyone (especially my grandma) regards me as a perfect little angel. Sure, I try to serve others, be nice and everything, but I don't do it in love or cheerfulness. You know where it says in 1 Corinthians 13 that you can give all you have to the poor, and know heavenly languages and prophecy, you can even die as a martyr and not have love (not the exact wording, but you get the picture). Maybe its not as complicated as I make it out to be.. it seems so simple for everyone else. They don't worry about whether or not their hearts are loving and sincere they simply love. God's will be done for the both of us.

 

[Bobber]

My name is Brian. I will pray that God gives you a heart of flesh again and that He will grant us a 2nd chance. Let's hope that this horrible period we are going thru is just a discipline/chastening of the Lord to show us how terrible life is without Him.

I have to be honest though, I would feel cheated if God cast me off for the stupid things I did a few years ago but then again on judgement day, nobody is going to be able to talk back to God.

Invalid listen....for the very reason you're hoping that God would provide periodically discipline or chastening should show you he still wants to impart within you his grace. Absolute reprobates aren't concerned about anything like that. If you feel guilt from the past I'd encourage you to consider that the Lord does understand. You haven't been perfect.

I heard a humor line once which said there's only two perfect people I know...myself and another guy and sometimes I have doubts about him! Well, you know....the fact is none of us are perfect. We have all messed up and failed and for many of us numerous, numerous times. But God has offered to restore us. You recall the disciples asked Jesus how many times should we forgive our brother when his sins against me....7 times? Matt 18:21

And Jesus said NO not 7 times but 70 Xs 7 and keep in mind that's all in one day. Yes we may have wandered off but God wants to strengthen that which is weak....A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish; Isaiah 42: Maybe you feel like a smoldering wick....hey God does want to turn that into a flame. Nope, he doesn't want it extinguished. If you want a flame there he wants to help you make it one.

If one even has a spark for God he wants to ignite if to even a greater passion. I recall this interesting story of God's willingness to forgive. It was the story of a woman who asked a preacher if God would forgive her. Well she was married to an unsaved man and the preacher asked is your husband a basically a good man? She said YES. He asked her well does he sometimes have to forgive you for things and she replied SURE ALL THE TIME.

And I do forgive him to! Well the minister said...Well you're telling me then you have more faith in the word of an unsaved husband then you do in God. He said he'd forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 AND HE CAN'T LIE. He said as far as the east is from the west so far will your transgressions be removed from you. Is God's word and promise weaker than your husbands word? She wept for joy for she saw the truth. God was willing to forgive her and she didn't need to walk around with any dark cloud of guilt any more over her life. I've rambled on but hope it's helped. Please be encouraged.