'manly' man

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Ah, but he wasn't perfect. I want to know what made Christ Himself tick.

I believe I have been misunderstood.

I too want to know what made Jesus tick. I am simply saying that when I think of an example of a mortal man who most modeled that behavior I think of Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

[Sketcher]

I believe I have been misunderstood.

I too want to know what made Jesus tick. I am simply saying that when I think of an example of a mortal man who most modeled that behavior I think of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'd have to delve into his writings to determine that. He did some good things, but was tainted like the rest of us.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

I'd have to delve into his writings to determine that.

His humility stands out.

 

[Sketcher]

Don't y'all think that if a man is Godly, then the rest should fall into place? I like masculinity but it shouldn't be a guy's first priority. It shouldn't be his idol.

This is what my friend thinks is lacking in his life: that he's not a 'manly' man. I told him not to worry about that. Be a Godly man with Godly masculine qualities (i.e. provider, protector, etc.).

No it won't automatically fall into place. The church has encouraged men to be soft, and when it comes to being masculine hasn't been that good at giving us guidance. All of CCM and the Christian bookstores themselves cater primarily to women. Most Bible studies (with the exception of the one I frequent) have far more women than they do men.

The toughness is mostly gone from American Christianity. In the Early Church, obedience to the death was glorified. It is not considered nescessary here, therefore it is is niether practiced nor glorified. If you stand up for your faith here, you're a goody little two-shoes. If you stood up for your faith in the Roman Empire, you were dead meat as well. It took real courage to be a visible Christian in those days, and as hard as it can be to stand up for your faith here, we've got nothing on the martyrs.

 

[Sketcher]

His humility stands out.

What stands out most to me is his boldness and conviction. But that's just coming from someone who hasn't really STUDIED him.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

What stands out most to me is his boldness and conviction. But that's just coming from someone who hasn't really STUDIED him.

I recommend Letter From Birmingham Jail.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

I thought that being a "Godly man" and being a "manly man" was the same thing.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I get it. When Christian women say that they want to marry a "Godly man" they are saying that they want to marry a role.

Well, I am not a role. I am a person.

And I don't relate to roles. I prefer to relate to people.

No. When I say I want to marry a Godly man I mean I want to marry a man who puts God first in his life. I want to be second place in my husband's life.

 

[Silver Speak]

Don't y'all think that if a man is Godly, then the rest should fall into place?

Umm... No. Otherwise I could go for anyone at church. There's nothing wrong with personal taste and individual preferences -that's what leads to attraction.

I like masculinity but it shouldn't be a guy's first priority. It shouldn't be his idol.

It should be part of who he is. Actually, I think it's the other way around these days in Finland; there is this stupid metrosexual trend that encourages guys to dye their hair and wear fashionable clothes.. euw. It's waay feminine and I hate that. I prefer a guy with some muscle much rather than pretty clothes...... That is what I meant: I like a guy who looks like a guy, acts like a guy and smells like a guy. Period.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

For me I've found that a man who puts God first, is willing to take on the responsibilities of husband and spiritual leader of the family is manly. My ex-bf could quilt and sew. I could still appreciate some of the things that set him apart as a man-his adams apple, the 5'oclock shadow, and his deep voice.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

lol Expectations are natural things in relationships. You can't have a relationship without some kind of expectations, and without having some kind of expectation for the other person involved. Roles in relationships are very important, not because of some arbitrary and impersonal thing, but because the roles themselves are defined by who a person is. That's what compatibility is all about. Afterall, I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't enjoy the things I enjoy, or didn't compliment me the same way I should hope to compliment them. You take away roles in relationships and it becomes almost pointless to even date someone. Might as well go marry the first person you see walking down the street.

I think you are confusing expectations with ideals. Ideals can be a valuable guide in making choices. But expectations can limit choices. And when we base choices on expectations we set ourselves up for disappointment.

And expectations make a horrible basis for relating to people. The fact is that probably 90% of the time people are not going to meet our expectations. That may be overestimating, but everybody gets the idea.

Expectations are at best motivators and regulators, I would say. We set expectations to regulate our behavior. Consumers expect cars to last, therefore automobile manufacturers try to make cars that meet those expectations. But both the consumer and the manufacturer are realistic enough to know that not everybody's expectations will be met. Therefore, buyers brace themselves for the possibility of having to trade a car in after all warranties have run out, manufacturers brace themselves to withstand bad public relations if a new model does not meet expectations, etc., etc. And expectations motivate us. There are all kinds of things that motivate us. Physical security probably motivates us more than anything. Sometimes the threat of losing my physical security is the only thing that gets me out of bed to go to work. But other times it is my or other people's expectations that motivate me. For example, I expect myself to have perfect attendance. Therefore, I am motivated to never miss work.

 

[knownbeforetime]

I'm beginning to think that the situation I described in the OP is a bit ideal. I think a little too mathematically at times.

 

[Blank123]

Every woman has her own definition of what she considers to be a manly man I think. Some may see a manly man as a rough and tumble cowboy, and some may see a manly man as the same as a Godly man.

I don't think there is any reason to take offense when a woman says she wants to meet a 'manly man' whatever her definition of such may be. Its her right to decide what qualities she wants in a partner

Likewise I can't really take offense when I see or hear a guy talk about wanting a 'girly girl' for a wife, whatever his definition of girly girl may be. I don't see how it takes away from my identity or my individuaity if I should happen to fit that guys personal definition of a 'girly girl'. I would still be the somewhat strange girl I have always been

It's not really objectifying, unless they're getting into graphic conversation, then I would say thats objectifying. But deciding the qualities I want in my future hubby is not what I would consider objectifying. I would actually be surprised to meet even one person who didn't have some idea of what qualities or characteristics they would like to see in their future spouse.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Someone told me they wanted to be a 'manly' man. I got to thinking about this and how ridiculous it sounds.

It does sound ridiculous. When I think of a "Manly Man" I instantly think of a failed WWE character that William Regal portrayed ROFLOL. And the character's theme entrance music was even funnier with a chorus of men singing "He's a man, such a man . . . he's a real, real man's man . . . "

DIANE

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

...I don't think there is any reason to take offense when a woman says she wants to meet a 'manly man' whatever her definition of such may be. Its her right to decide what qualities she wants in a partner

Likewise I can't really take offense when I see or hear a guy talk about wanting a 'girly girl' for a wife, whatever his definition of girly girl may be. I don't see how it takes away from my identity or my individuaity if I should happen to fit that guys personal definition of a 'girly girl'. I would still be the somewhat strange girl I have always been

It's not really objectifying, unless they're getting into graphic conversation, then I would say thats objectifying. But deciding the qualities I want in my future hubby is not what I would consider objectifying. I would actually be surprised to meet even one person who didn't have some idea of what qualities or characteristics they would like to see in their future spouse.

But the vibes that I sense whenever I hear Christians talk about a "Godly man" or masculinity don't say, "This is what I like. This is what I find attractive. This is what I value." Instead, they say, "This is what makes a man. Any male who does not meet that standard is a coward and an immature, irresponsible, pathetic, disgrace." It is extremely judgemental.

And it is extremely narrow minded. Either a guy is a "man" or he is not. And they won't settle for anything less than a "man".

Maybe objectifying is not the right word for all of it. But whatever we call it, it is dehumanizing. People have the right to be their unique selves without being compartamentalized into narrow categories like "man", "Godly man", etc. And when we do limit people in that manner it causes a lot of strain and a lot of unneeded human suffering.

 

[*Starlight*]

I'm not masculine, and I'm not feminine... I'm just myself and I don't understand why some people realy like to put others in a box by stereotyping them. Everyone's unique and we should celebrate the diversity instead of trying to make all men masculine and all women feminine.

 

[Tuffguy]

This all boils down to what people want out of a mate. The only thing you can do to pursuade them to change their mind (if they are immoral in the first place) is to point to a passage in the Bible and say, no, you are wrong, here is why. Anything else is pretty much semantics.

 

[intricatic]

I think you are confusing expectations with ideals. Ideals can be a valuable guide in making choices. But expectations can limit choices. And when we base choices on expectations we set ourselves up for disappointment.

And expectations make a horrible basis for relating to people. The fact is that probably 90% of the time people are not going to meet our expectations. That may be overestimating, but everybody gets the idea.

Expectations are at best motivators and regulators, I would say. We set expectations to regulate our behavior. Consumers expect cars to last, therefore automobile manufacturers try to make cars that meet those expectations. But both the consumer and the manufacturer are realistic enough to know that not everybody's expectations will be met. Therefore, buyers brace themselves for the possibility of having to trade a car in after all warranties have run out, manufacturers brace themselves to withstand bad public relations if a new model does not meet expectations, etc., etc. And expectations motivate us. There are all kinds of things that motivate us. Physical security probably motivates us more than anything. Sometimes the threat of losing my physical security is the only thing that gets me out of bed to go to work. But other times it is my or other people's expectations that motivate me. For example, I expect myself to have perfect attendance. Therefore, I am motivated to never miss work.

I expect the person that I want to be with to want to be with me, and I expect that person to be able to relate to me, and enjoy the things that I enjoy. If they do not meet those expectations, then I do not want to be with them. I also expect them to meet a certain criteria in regards to how they live and the things that they want out of life.

I also expect that you overanalyze simple things and make things more confusing than they actually are.

 

[Silver Speak]

I'm not masculine, and I'm not feminine... I'm just myself and I don't understand why some people realy like to put others in a box by stereotyping them. Everyone's unique and we should celebrate the diversity instead of trying to make all men masculine and all women feminine.

I'm not stereotyping; gender is gender. There is no neutral. I do expect certain things of a certain gender.

It's my personal preference I don't end up with a guy who loves to paint his nails. If that leaves me lonely for the rest of my life (which I doubt), so be it.. I'd rather be alone than shiver every time my man enters the room with full make-up on his face

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm not stereotyping; gender is gender. There is no neutral. I do expect certain things of a certain gender.

It's my personal preference I don't end up with a guy who loves to paint his nails. If that leaves me lonely for the rest of my life (which I doubt), so be it.. I'd rather be alone than shiver every time my man enters the room with full make-up on his face

Cross Boy George off list of people to set you up with.