It Comes To A Head On Wednesday

[Isilwen]

So, not to beat a dead horse but if the kids are spending most of their time with one parent, that parent will have to spend more money on the kids. If the incomes were equal but one parent had to spend twice as much on food and expenses that’s not fair.

Nevermind. I don't think you will ever understand. As far as your concerned from what you have said in this thread is the woman should get most of the man's money and if he needs more than he should work a second or third job, never mind the woman taking the man back for even more child support because he has more income, all the while she keeps getting richer and the man poorer and all the while, he never gets to see his kids. That is how I am seeing it from my side of the screen.

Do me a favor, don't respond anymore within this thread. I don't need your kind of help!

 

[chilehed]

I am still representing myself.

Not the best idea.

 

[chilehed]

What you don't see is what I see because this is my life and not yours. You don't see her posting pictures of her going to Fleming's Steakhouse for dinner, or as I mentioned before, see her going to a seafood place and getting a crab boil at $25 a pound or going out here or there. Yet the kids are in shoes with holes in them when they come to me, or in clothes too small for them.

I certainly hope that you have a good presentation about that for the judge.

 

[Isilwen]

Not the best idea.

It's the only way. I have no money for a lawyer. If I don't at least represent myself, she automatically wins.

 

[Isilwen]

I certainly hope that you have a good presentation about that for the judge.

I do.

 

[Isilwen]

To prove my point about courts and time spent with kids.

Child Support Payments: How Much is Too Much? | Dads Divorce

 

[NerdGirl]

I didn’t know she was being so irresponsible before the OP explained it. Is that right? He can’t show the court she’s being negligent and get more custody?

Child support checks just arrive in the mail like any other check. She cashes it and does what she wants with the money. The courts don't follow it at all.

Showing that she's spending money on expensive seafood is hardly proof of negligence. It's evidence that she likes a certain, lavish lifestyle, though :-/

 

[Joined2krist]

Seems like you need another job, you can also try to move far from her so she doesn't know everything about your life. I would ask for shared custody if I was you, like more time than just weekends. If you have a girlfriend who isn't too busy she might help with child minding.

All the best on Wednesday

 

[Cis.jd]

I just don’t know what to do. If the judge awards her what they are asking for, I cannot survive on that little per month. It almost makes me not want to work at all because all I am doing is working to pay my ex-wife money for child support. I won’t do that because all it will do is land me in jail and my driver’s license taken from me.

I would love to help with any advice or at least make you feel better through a post. However I will have to risk being insensitive here. Sad fact is you are a guy and because of that the chances of this being as fair or considerate towards you is a fat chance.

I guess a second job.. maybe talking to your ex-wife in hopes she is human enough to understand your difficulties on this?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Don’t know if any of you will remember, but I was served with child support modification papers back in July 2019. It has taken till now for a final hearing. It was supposed to be May, but Covid happened. Her lawyer asked that a motion for continuance be granted because anything other than an in-person hearing would prejudice my ex-wife. Wednesday’s hearing will be virtual anyway. I am still representing myself.

I just received her exhibits on Thursday and the lawyer is going to ask for me to pay $553 a month. That effectively leaves me with under $600 a month to live off of. It will increase her income to almost $1800 a month clear as she receives disability for her income. The lawyer has it in her bed that she’ll be able to have the kids removed from my insurance and that will free up income for me. She’s failing to understand that the plan through my employer remains the same premium whether there is one kid or twenty kids on the plan. It does not change when a child has been removed. That makes my income higher than what it truly is.

To give you an idea of what intake home per year, because of my insurance I grossed 23k last year, but only brought home a little over 16k net income. That was before my insurance went up back in December. So far this year, I have grossed $17,200 and only brought home a little under $8,000.

If she was to win, I would make less from that point forward per year than I have so far this year.

I just don’t know what to do. If the judge awards her what they are asking for, I cannot survive on that little per month. It almost makes me not want to work at all because all I am doing is working to pay my ex-wife money for child support. I won’t do that because all it will do is land me in jail and my driver’s license taken from me.

Everyone who is a friend of mine, co-worker, family or girlfriend’s family say that she won’t be able to get that much. The judge will see that makes me destitute and put her at much more advantaged. I just don’t know.

I am scared, very scared!

How much can you afford to pay your wife while she raises your children? This is why God does not want us to divorce, it causes much pain and anguish. Be blessed.

 

[Isilwen]

How much can you afford to pay your wife while she raises your children? This is why God does not want us to divorce, it causes much pain and anguish. Be blessed.

I was not the one who divorced her. She divorced me.

 

[Dionysiou]

I was not the one who divorced her. She divorced me.

Reading this really makes one wary of marriage. It’s putting a lot of trust in someone not to ruin you !!

I also know a man who found himself In a similar situation. He ended up leaving the country and not giving his address or whereabouts. Moved his money away also. He never payed child support but also never knew his kid. I think it’s a last resort if the government expects you to bleed out for them.

 

[Albion]

The system is a mess but so also is the old-age guardianship system and others, too. Anyone can wind up a victim.

The only thing that can be done is to be armed as best one can when going before the judge with evidence (which you apparently have) and a solid case. I do hope that you show up with demands of your own since so many times the judgment involves some sort of give and take or compromise. If you only say that what she wants is too much, I don't see how the outcome can be good.

 

[NerdGirl]

Agreed that divorce/custody/child support laws are incredibly outdated and antiquated and in desperate need of updating to the 21st century.

 

[bèlla]

Isilwen,

Does she have custody of all the children? If I recall you have a large family. How many is she caring for with the amount stated?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Isilwen]

Isilwen,

Does she have custody of all the children? If I recall you have a large family. How many is she caring for with the amount stated?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

She is caring for two.

The other five are with my ex-girlfriend (three are adults now with one being 21, another turning 20 in November, and the third turning 18 in November). She is the one whom I mentioned that she didn't want anything knowing that if she needed, she need only ask. She prefers that I am able to see them rather than pay child support. I do pay child support for them, but she wanted the bare minimum and never asks for more. Matter off fact when I had to go through the modification for NY, when it was stated that I didn't have to pay anything per the court, but would I be willing to add to what I was already paying, which I did, afterward she said I didn't have to do that and that she was fine with me saying that what I was paying was what I wanted to continue to pay. I am also required to pay for their health insurance.

 

[Sammy-San]

Don’t know if any of you will remember, but I was served with child support modification papers back in July 2019. It has taken till now for a final hearing. It was supposed to be May, but Covid happened. Her lawyer asked that a motion for continuance be granted because anything other than an in-person hearing would prejudice my ex-wife. Wednesday’s hearing will be virtual anyway. I am still representing myself.

I just received her exhibits on Thursday and the lawyer is going to ask for me to pay $553 a month. That effectively leaves me with under $600 a month to live off of. It will increase her income to almost $1800 a month clear as she receives disability for her income. The lawyer has it in her bed that she’ll be able to have the kids removed from my insurance and that will free up income for me. She’s failing to understand that the plan through my employer remains the same premium whether there is one kid or twenty kids on the plan. It does not change when a child has been removed. That makes my income higher than what it truly is.

To give you an idea of what intake home per year, because of my insurance I grossed 23k last year, but only brought home a little over 16k net income. That was before my insurance went up back in December. So far this year, I have grossed $17,200 and only brought home a little under $8,000.

If she was to win, I would make less from that point forward per year than I have so far this year.

I just don’t know what to do. If the judge awards her what they are asking for, I cannot survive on that little per month. It almost makes me not want to work at all because all I am doing is working to pay my ex-wife money for child support. I won’t do that because all it will do is land me in jail and my driver’s license taken from me.

Everyone who is a friend of mine, co-worker, family or girlfriend’s family say that she won’t be able to get that much. The judge will see that makes me destitute and put her at much more advantaged. I just don’t know.

I am scared, very scared!

I think child support functions like a buisness. They make people pay onerous amounts of money that probably to one degree or another mostly dont get used on the kid, especially since many kids dont ask for anything and people are less needy the older that they get. I think Swedens liberal society has the right idea on this topic making people pay a hundred dollars a month.

 

[bèlla]

She is caring for two.

Isilwen,

The problem isn’t child support. You created a large family with limited resources. Your income doesn’t go far enough to support them. Unfortunately, it creates a situation where you’re reliant on your ex to make things easy. That puts you at her mercy. Talk to Legal Aid about representation. This may take a while to sort out.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Isilwen]

Talk to Legal Aid about representation. This may take a while to sort out.

Legal Aide will not help, my net is low, but my gross is too high for Legal Aide. The hearing is tomorrow, so there is no while, it ends tomorrow unless the outcome is unfavorable and either side appeals.

 

[TexFire316]

Simple really. Man up and pay for your part in your wife raising your kid. Sounds like you may have to get a better job, or an extra job. But you made the baby, pay for it.