It Comes To A Head On Wednesday

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Isilwen

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It sounds like you have a very reasonable case to present, but I can imagine that you are scared.

That said, you need a lawyer IMO. The cost, even if it seems prohibitive, will probably be offset by the cost of an unfavorable judgment if that happens on Wednesday. And I think you need to make some demands of your own if the current arrangement is up for review.

If you go into this Wednesday's hearing without a lawyer, and lose, get one then and find some way to have another hearing. In fact, it might not be too late to find one today or tomorrow who will offer some advice about Wednesday even before you hire one.

I simply do not have the money for a lawyer. There is no savings account with thousands of dollars in it and I just had to borrow $15 from my girlfriend so I can get lunch and dinner today and tomorrow because I only had $15 in my checking account.

I can see about consulting one, but I am stuck in an ambulance all day today and tomorrow with patients. I simply don't have too much time to string together to speak with a lawyer.
 
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Isilwen

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in cases like this, you have to have lawyer representation
a lawyer will work for you & present your case

going in w/o one is bad news

I get that, I really really do, but I simply cannot afford one. I have no assets to sell like stocks and I don't own a home to refinance. I live paycheck to paycheck and am barely making it now. If I had the money a lawyer would have been the first thing I had gotten when I was served.
 
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Isilwen

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pay now or pay later

having a lawyer is a better bet

Pay with what money? There is none to pay with. Must I post a screenshot of my bank account balances to prove that point?
 
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Albion

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I get that, I really really do, but I simply cannot afford one. I have no assets to sell like stocks and I don't own a home to refinance. I live paycheck to paycheck and am barely making it now. If I had the money a lawyer would have been the first thing I had gotten when I was served.
What about calling a lawyer and asking about your situation?

It cannot be unusual, and there must be ways in which lawyers defer costs or limit their involvement in order to keep the cost down OR SOMETHING. The worst he could say is "Sorry, no."
 
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Isilwen

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What about calling a lawyer and asking about your situation?

It cannot be unusual, and there must be ways in which lawyers defer costs or limit their involvement in order to keep the cost down OR SOMETHING. The worst he could say is "Sorry, no."

I have done that. That is exactly what I heard, sorry, no. Some, I left a couple voicemails and they never responded.
 
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Isilwen

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friend of husband didn't use a lawyer, either
so he has no money ever because of high spousal support

(that's what I mean by pay later wity )

I get that, but you don't seem to understand that I literally have no money at all to pay a lawyer. They want at least $2000 up front in one payment to retain them.

I don't even bring home $2000 in four paychecks.
 
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Redwingfan9

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Don’t know if any of you will remember, but I was served with child support modification papers back in July 2019. It has taken till now for a final hearing. It was supposed to be May, but Covid happened. Her lawyer asked that a motion for continuance be granted because anything other than an in-person hearing would prejudice my ex-wife. Wednesday’s hearing will be virtual anyway. I am still representing myself.

I just received her exhibits on Thursday and the lawyer is going to ask for me to pay $553 a month. That effectively leaves me with under $600 a month to live off of. It will increase her income to almost $1800 a month clear as she receives disability for her income. The lawyer has it in her bed that she’ll be able to have the kids removed from my insurance and that will free up income for me. She’s failing to understand that the plan through my employer remains the same premium whether there is one kid or twenty kids on the plan. It does not change when a child has been removed. That makes my income higher than what it truly is.

To give you an idea of what intake home per year, because of my insurance I grossed 23k last year, but only brought home a little over 16k net income. That was before my insurance went up back in December. So far this year, I have grossed $17,200 and only brought home a little under $8,000.

If she was to win, I would make less from that point forward per year than I have so far this year.

I just don’t know what to do. If the judge awards her what they are asking for, I cannot survive on that little per month. It almost makes me not want to work at all because all I am doing is working to pay my ex-wife money for child support. I won’t do that because all it will do is land me in jail and my driver’s license taken from me.

Everyone who is a friend of mine, co-worker, family or girlfriend’s family say that she won’t be able to get that much. The judge will see that makes me destitute and put her at much more advantaged. I just don’t know.

I am scared, very scared!
A person who represents himself has a fool for a client.

That said, take all of your financial documents with you. That includes your tax returns, paystubs for the last year, insurance information, rental lease or mortgage statement, bank account information etc. When it is your turn to present evidence, attempt to have all of those documents admitted individually as evidence. If the Court refuses you have an appealable issue.

I don't know what state you live in but in many states there is a basic formula where they plug in income, number of days with the kid and it spits out a child support number. $553/mo on an income of essential $1k take home per month this year strikes me as excessive.
 
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Redwingfan9

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One of the other tactics she may be trying in order to get my ex more money is to take the kids away from me every other weekend. We have a verbal agreement after I started working full-time hours several months after the divorce and the agreement was I would get them every weekend. If she has asked to keep them for a weekend I haven't said no, because it generally means she wants to do something with them. I have even offered her to have them one weekend a month if she wants to do something with them. Her response was, if I want them, I will tell you. If her mom wants them for a weekend I have had no issues and the same with her father.

I may not seem like it, but I am actually a pretty reasonable guy.
You may be too reasonable. If you guys simply have a verbal agreement regarding child custody, you need to ask the Court to put it in the form of a judgment. That way you actually get to see your kid. If she wants the kid on your weekend then she has to offer to give up one of hers, otherwise you should tell her to pound sand. Without a custody order she can do as she pleases.
 
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Isilwen

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A person who represents himself has a fool for a client.

That said, take all of your financial documents with you. That includes your tax returns, paystubs for the last year, insurance information, rental lease or mortgage statement, bank account information etc. When it is your turn to present evidence, attempt to have all of those documents admitted individually as evidence. If the Court refuses you have an appealable issue.

I don't know what state you live in but in many states there is a basic formula where they plug in income, number of days with the kid and it spits out a child support number. $553/mo on an income of essential $1k take home per month this year strikes me as excessive.

The judge and lawyer both have three packets of papers that weigh a total of three pounds of my exhibits. All that and more is included within those three packets. Including a message from her boyfriend asking me who the hell do I think I am to defend my right to see my kids and that the courts will not look to highly on me for doing so.
 
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Redwingfan9

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The judge and lawyer both have three packets of papers that weigh a total of three pounds of my exhibits. All that and more is included within those three packets. Including a message from her boyfriend asking me who the hell do I think I am to defend my right to see my kids and that the courts will not look to highly on me for doing so.
I would point that message out and make a big show of how untrue it is and that you trust the Court to give you a fair hearing.
 
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Isilwen

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You may be too reasonable. If you guys simply have a verbal agreement regarding child custody, you need to ask the Court to put it in the form of a judgment. That way you actually get to see your kid. If she wants the kid on your weekend then she has to offer to give up one of hers, otherwise you should tell her to pound sand. Without a custody order she can do as she pleases.

There was a court ordered one from the divorce. It was set for when I worked part-time at Amazon five days a week for four hours at a time. I was also living with my parents at the time and they would watch them when I was at work.

About six months after the divorce I got a full-time job working as an EMT and worked during the week. I was able to get out on my own and we did the verbal agreement for me to have the kids every weekend.

I am reasonable because I know that during the week they cannot do fun things with them, especially now that they are both in school. So, I am willing to give them weekend time to do fun things.
 
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Redwingfan9

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There was a court ordered one from the divorce. It was set for when I worked part-time at Amazon five days a week for four hours at a time. I was also living with my parents at the time and they would watch them when I was at work.

About six months after the divorce I got a full-time job working as an EMT and worked during the week. I was able to get out on my own and we did the verbal agreement for me to have the kids every weekend.

I am reasonable because I know that during the week they cannot do fun things with them, especially now that they are both in school. So, I am willing to give them weekend time to do fun things.
You should ask the Court for more parenting time. Every other weekend and at least one evening during the week depending on your schedule.
 
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Isilwen

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You should ask the Court for more parenting time. Every other weekend and at least one evening during the week depending on your schedule.

I already get every weekend. The lawyer wants to take that from me and go to every other. I am willing to do three weekends a month, but no lower than that. My kids deserve more of my time than every other weekend and one day during the week.

The original court ordered one was Monday evening to Thursday afternoon. I can no longer do that, so we went to the every weekend verbal agreement. Maybe that explains it more for you.
 
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mama2one

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just be careful if you ask for more parenting time that you can meet agreement

if husband's friend misses "his" time, she would go back to court & try to take it away

so he calls off work sometimes to meet his time with kids if a no school day
 
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Isilwen

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just be careful if you ask for more parenting time that you can meet agreement

if husband's friend misses "his" time, she would go back to court & try to take it away

so he calls off work sometimes to meet his time with kids if a no schoolo

That is not a problem for me to meet the agreement. I told my job they can have me during the weekdays, but my weekend days are my kid's days when I first started with them.
 
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Sparagmos

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One of the other tactics she may be trying in order to get my ex more money is to take the kids away from me every other weekend. We have a verbal agreement after I started working full-time hours several months after the divorce and the agreement was I would get them every weekend. If she has asked to keep them for a weekend I haven't said no, because it generally means she wants to do something with them. I have even offered her to have them one weekend a month if she wants to do something with them. Her response was, if I want them, I will tell you. If her mom wants them for a weekend I have had no issues and the same with her father.

I may not seem like it, but I am actually a pretty reasonable guy.
You seem really reasonable to me. Since taking the kids for more weekends does cost more money, it seems like that would even out? Unless you just feel them ramen noodles all weekend and didn’t take them to do anything. It seems like focusing on your ex instead of your kids is just going to fuel the fires of resentment and prevent healing. The more you can think of child support as you fulfilling your responsibilities towards your kids, and you making sure they are healthy, the less you are fueling that resentment, in my opinion.
 
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Isilwen

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You seem really reasonable to me. Since taking the kids for more weekends does cost more money, it seems like that would even out? Unless you just feel them ramen noodles all weekend and didn’t take them to do anything. It seems like focusing on your ex instead of your kids is just going to fuel the fires of resentment and prevent healing. The more you can think of child support as you fulfilling your responsibilities towards your kids, and you making sure they are healthy, the less you are fueling that resentment, in my opinion.

I probably sound resentful here, but if you heard me speak you wouldn't get that sense. Resentment, grudges and other such things take too much energy and I don't engage in them. It's apparently one of my redeeming qualities according to my girlfriend. Lol

They get fed more than Ramen for sure. Also do lots of things for them and with them when I can. We do lots of things with my girlfriend and her son as well. She even bought us SeaWorld annual passes so we can go there as well.
 
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