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Featured It Comes To A Head On Wednesday

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Isilwen, Sep 14, 2020.

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  1. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    Don’t know if any of you will remember, but I was served with child support modification papers back in July 2019. It has taken till now for a final hearing. It was supposed to be May, but Covid happened. Her lawyer asked that a motion for continuance be granted because anything other than an in-person hearing would prejudice my ex-wife. Wednesday’s hearing will be virtual anyway. I am still representing myself.

    I just received her exhibits on Thursday and the lawyer is going to ask for me to pay $553 a month. That effectively leaves me with under $600 a month to live off of. It will increase her income to almost $1800 a month clear as she receives disability for her income. The lawyer has it in her bed that she’ll be able to have the kids removed from my insurance and that will free up income for me. She’s failing to understand that the plan through my employer remains the same premium whether there is one kid or twenty kids on the plan. It does not change when a child has been removed. That makes my income higher than what it truly is.

    To give you an idea of what intake home per year, because of my insurance I grossed 23k last year, but only brought home a little over 16k net income. That was before my insurance went up back in December. So far this year, I have grossed $17,200 and only brought home a little under $8,000.

    If she was to win, I would make less from that point forward per year than I have so far this year.

    I just don’t know what to do. If the judge awards her what they are asking for, I cannot survive on that little per month. It almost makes me not want to work at all because all I am doing is working to pay my ex-wife money for child support. I won’t do that because all it will do is land me in jail and my driver’s license taken from me.

    Everyone who is a friend of mine, co-worker, family or girlfriend’s family say that she won’t be able to get that much. The judge will see that makes me destitute and put her at much more advantaged. I just don’t know.

    I am scared, very scared!
     
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  2. Arc F1

    Arc F1 Let the righteous man arise from slumber Supporter

    +1,126
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    It might sound like a lot but you know it costs a fortune to raise a child. How would you provide for your child if you had custody? I was a single dad raising my daughter and I had to work all the OT I could get and take on a part time job too. Does my daughter appreciate it, nope. All I ever hear is how I was always working and she never saw me. It doesn't matter though, I did it for her not for the praise.

    It will be tough for a while but the kids are worth it.
     
  3. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    If I had the kids, I wouldn't ask their mom for child support. I would handle it on my own.

    So, you think it's right for her to get close to $1800 month and only leave me with under $600? You do also realize that if I got a second job, she would take me back and get more child support from me?

    Also, I will never work so much that I cannot spend time with my children as I know how that feels being the product of a single mother who worked all the time. Nor will I ever hear dad, all I wanted was your time and all you did was work.

    I do appreciate that you took time to reply.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  4. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

    +4,183
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    You are talking like your wife is getting the money for herself, but she’s not. The money is for your kids and it definitely costs at least $553 a month to provide for children. The problem seems to be more that you don’t make enough money to care for your kids. You will probably need to get a second job. Also, not needing to provide insurance for your kids may be a “life changing event” that allows you to change your health insurance plan.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  5. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +4,562
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    I don't know how it is now, but back in the day the courts were very prejudicial toward women. The tales of woe from men were heartrending. I hope it's different now.

    Consider a consult with a lawyer even if you continue to represent yourself, or joining a divorce support group where you can gain perspective from people who have gone through the courts recently or who know your state's legal landscape and what pitfalls to avoid.
     
  6. Arc F1

    Arc F1 Let the righteous man arise from slumber Supporter

    +1,126
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    The ex can be a real pain. That I learned the hard way. I had full custody of my daughter, she didn't even fight me over that. She sure did fight for everything else though.
     
  7. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    There is no changing my health insurance plan. I looked on the marketplace and it was more expensive than what I pay now. There is no better plan than what I have now through my employer.

    Also, if I get a second job, they will just take even more from me, so please, stop with the get a second job.
     
  8. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    I guess I had gotten spoiled. I have other kids with an exgirlfriend. She didn't want anything from me knowing if she needed it, she would only have to ask. She also wants me to spend time with my kids and knows that if I had to get a second job, I couldn't spend time with them.

    This ex isn't anywhere like that. All she cares about is money. If I thought that the money was going towards the kids like it's supposed to, I wouldn't mind paying another $50 or $100, but not so much that it makes me destitute. However, when I see that she is going to a seafood place and buying $25 a pound crab boils or going to a steakhouse that has $50 something steaks. It's more than suspect.
     
  9. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the response. I am working the next two days, thirteen hour shifts from 4 am to 5pm. I don't have time really to consult a lawyer at this point. I have some exhibits that I can fall back on, such as the health insurance remains the same premium whether these two kids are on it or not. And harassing posts from my ex's boyfriend asking who the hell do I think I am to defend my right to see my children along with messages from her ignoring direct questions from me in regards to the kids and a serious lack of communication on her part.
     
  10. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,355
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Check Obamacare. They subsidize some low wage earner’s health insurance. You can not be turned down for preexisting conditions. If you are strong, you might work two jobs. I used to work two jobs, a full time day job and a night job cooking in a restaurant. The pandemic closed many of these opportunities, but look for openings.
     
  11. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

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    The more you can document, the better. This gives the judge something to base an opinion on.
     
  12. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    That I have done. Used almost two full reams of paper and two black ink cartridges for the exhibits. One stack of three pounds went to the judge, one stack of three pounds to the lawyer and I kept a stack.
     
  13. Bobber

    Bobber Well-Known Member

    +1,969
    Non-Denom
    I can't say I know the rights or wrongs about your situation but I think we can all pray and agree that you be given a judge that will be right, just and fair in their decision and that they'll have God's wisdom in doing so. We ask this Father In Jesus Name.

    As you say you've prepared your arguments as best you can and I pray that God will enlighten you to perhaps other things that might help your case.
     
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  14. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

    +4,183
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    Right now you have an employee plus children plan with your employer, right? It should be cheaper to change that to an employee only plan.
     
  15. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    I cannot change it to an employee only plan, I am required by the state of NY and Florida to supply insurance for my children.

    Even if Florida dropped the requirement, NY will not. My ex-girlfriend tried to have them drop it knowing it cost me so much money and they said they will not drop the requirement. So, the amount for the premium will not change.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  16. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    Ah, got it. I thought that she was putting the kids on her insurance.
     
  17. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    That is what the lawyer wants to have happen because the kids qualify for Medicaid through my ex-wife as she is disabled. The lawyer is using it as another way to get more money thinking that the less I pay for health insurance, the more I can pay in child support. She doesn't understand that my premium doesn't change, even after a letter from the insurance agent explaining it that she had requested. She thinks removing the two children from here will put more money in my pocket when it doesn't.

    I have been told by many that judges aren't quick to put kids on Medicaid when they are already on private insurance. Mind you, this insurance has been paid for going on almost four years now.
     
  18. Isilwen

    Isilwen Well-Known Member

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    One of the other tactics she may be trying in order to get my ex more money is to take the kids away from me every other weekend. We have a verbal agreement after I started working full-time hours several months after the divorce and the agreement was I would get them every weekend. If she has asked to keep them for a weekend I haven't said no, because it generally means she wants to do something with them. I have even offered her to have them one weekend a month if she wants to do something with them. Her response was, if I want them, I will tell you. If her mom wants them for a weekend I have had no issues and the same with her father.

    I may not seem like it, but I am actually a pretty reasonable guy.
     
  19. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    +26,549
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    It sounds like you have a very reasonable case to present, but I can imagine that you are scared.

    That said, you need a lawyer IMO. The cost, even if it seems prohibitive, will probably be offset by the cost of an unfavorable judgment if that happens on Wednesday. And I think you need to make some demands of your own if the current arrangement is up for review.

    If you go into this Wednesday's hearing without a lawyer, and lose, get one then and find some way to have another hearing. In fact, it might not be too late to find one today or tomorrow who will offer some advice about Wednesday even before you hire one.
     
  20. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    +7,548
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    in cases like this, you have to have lawyer representation
    a lawyer will work for you & present your case

    going in w/o one is bad news
     
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