Is it okay to date another Christian whose been divorced?

[BukiRob]

If a person is dead to sin are they still a sinner if they don't willfully sin?

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

Romans 7: 14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

So are you SERIOUSLY going to try and tell me that you dont sin?

 

[Kenny'sID]

I think quite a few of the men posting in this thread have a mindset compatible with this idea. They seem like the type. The bitterness and need to control and shout down and accuse of impiety are all there. Especially the need to elevate themselves as an authority above God(God won't answer your prayers, you must listen to ME, I am the man who speaks for God).

Bitterness and a need to control are the seeds of murder. And since you have several of them insisting that they rarely even hear God's voice... I wouldn't want to be married to a man like that. I notice most of the ones behaving this way are all single. So I guess I'm not the only one who's put off by it.

Or maybe they are simply relaying what Christ said to do, and your claims are nothing more that the usual "Shoot the messenger" with no basis of fact to them at all, having nothing whatsoever to do with the subject.

Was Christ one of the men you mention? Is he being accused of those things? I mean, that's precisely where we're getting the basis of what we are saying here...passing it on to the best of out abilities, nothing more...nothing less.

Forget about me, I don't care, but to accuse these men who refuse to confuse things into being OK, while sticking with the truth, many of which are saying nearly, if not exactly the same thing...an indication it is clear truth from the same source, is just wrong.

 

[Biblewriter]

We were discussing Divorce and Remarriage in the post so entitled and I would like to ask you a question in regards to the culprit - the Christian who divorces their Christian spouse without cause in order to marry their mistress or lover. We agree the innocent spouse is free, but what about the sinner?

1. Are they married in the sight of God?

2. Are they living in "perpetual" adultery every day they stay together?

3. Have they lost their salvation?

They unquestionably sinned when they remarried. But the basis for the concept that they are living in a perpetual state of adultery is interpretation of scripture, rather than something the scriptures say. Remember that, although David sinned with Bathsheba, she was thereafter recognized as David's wife, and was the mother of Solomon, Israel's greatest king. And after all this took place, David was still used to write scripture under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Biblewriter]

Are you saying then, that ONE of those two out of a broken marriage is no longer married to the other?
Because that's the position "perpetual adultery" leaves you in.
If only ONE person is free to remarry, but the other is not, then you have a marriage in God's eyes, that only exists for one person... the one who broke it via adultery.

You are extending my words beyond what I said. Go back and read my post again. I said nothing about "perpetual adultery." God's absolute prohibition against breaking your marriage vow is a law with teeth in it. and the teeth are that the one who breaks the marriage bond does not, by that act, become free to remarry.

And if either party is not free to remarry, both are committing adultery when they marry, unless the other one does not know about the reviously broken marriage.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I notice most of the ones behaving this way are all single. So I guess I'm not the only one who's put off by it.

You need to recheck your numbers there, I think you saw what you wanted to see. There is a great mix of opinions from a variety gender/marital status's here. Why would you make that up?

May I ask if you or someone very close to you are in the situation the OP is inquiring about?

 

[greenguzzi]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

The Bible does't actually say that. Luke 16 says that "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
To commit adultery is an act, a moment. It is not a state of being. I committed adultery, I am no longer an adulterer. The take home message is that divorce is a huge mistake, and remarriage after divorce is a huge-huge issue. But it isn't automatically wrong.

 

[nomadictheist]

Okay... God's plan is marriage = 1 man and 1 woman YET, he allowed a man to marry more than 1 woman did he not?

As I said, many of you are MISSING what Yeshua was speaking to.

Deuteronomy 24:1
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.

So are you now going to say that scripture is NOT the word of G-d?

Yeshua is speaking to G-d's PERFECT WILL.

Matthew 19:8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.

God allowed 1 man to marry more than one woman, yes. That doesn't mean that's what He wants. Similarly, God's law allows divorce for one who is unfaithful, but that doesn't mean it's what He wants. God's nature is to be faithful, even when His chosen nation was unfaithful. We see this again and again in the prophets. Show me where I said any part of scripture is not the word of God.

As Jesus said, Divorce was allowed "because of the hardness of your hearts..." That doesn't mean it's what God wants.

 

[BukiRob]

I thought the exception was, for example, if the man divorced his wife because she was the one who committed adultery by cheating on him (fornication by the wife). If he stayed faithful then that leaves him free in the eyes of God to divorce and remarry but she couldn't remarry without it being an adulterous relationship.

A married person CAN NOT commit fornication. Fornication is only committed by 2 people who are single. A married woman can ONLY commit adultery!

 

[BukiRob]

Opinions simply do not count. And excuses will not work with God. We have plain instructions in scripture, and we are responsible to obey them.

That being said, the general rule is that people are not allowed to divorce and remarry. But the Bible clearly states two exceptions to this rule. The most obvious and plainly stated exceptions, is the words, unless it is for adultery. So, if a person's spouse is committing adultery, the rule against divorce and remarriage does not apply. So if you meet a Cristian who either divorced their spouse because they were committing adultery, or whose spouse had divorced them without scriptural grounds and remarried, then you can scripturaly marry that person, and therefore it is OK to date them.

There is also one other exception in scripture that states an exception to the general rule. That scripture says, "if the unbelieving depart, let them depart, a brother or a sister is not bound in such cases." So if you meet a Christian whose spouse has left them without scriptural grounds, and refuses to be reconciled, that Christian is also free to remarry, and is thus OK to date.

So God's law concerning marriage can be reduced to three simple statements.

1. The marriage bond may not be broken. Period. No exceptions.

2. If you break your marriage bond, you may not form another one.

3. If your spouse has broken the marriage bond, you may remarry.

Okay so you want to be hyper literal fine. What makes a marriage in G-d's eyes?

The act of physical union. That means that the first woman you had sex with happens to be your current wife then you are in an adulterous relationship with your current wife. If your wife had premarital sex with any other man she is an adulterous woman and since you married her you are STILL engaging in adultery.

CONTEXT PEOPLE!

 

[BukiRob]

You are extending my words beyond what I said. Go back and read my post again. I said nothing about "perpetual adultery." God's absolute prohibition against breaking your marriage vow is a law with teeth in it. and the teeth are that the one who breaks the marriage bond does not, by that act, become free to remarry.

And if either party is not free to remarry, both are committing adultery when they marry, unless the other one does not know about the reviously broken marriage.

Ignorance of the law does not excuse sin.

The problem with taking this too literally is are painting this into a box.

What you are saying is that if a woman (or man) is married to someone who is physically abusing them that the person being abused has no options but to stay in the abusive marriage where there is a statistically high likelihood of being seriously injured or murdered.

That if this abused spouse divorces that they are then committing adultery if they later remarry.

Yeshua is pointing out how G-d's perfect will for marriage. G-d allowed Israel to divorce for no other reason than the husband wasn't happy with his wife. He didnt need a reason to give her a get. Some of the patriarch's had multiple wives.... NONE of this is what G-d wants in his perfect will.

 

[BukiRob]

God allowed 1 man to marry more than one woman, yes. That doesn't mean that's what He wants. Similarly, God's law allows divorce for one who is unfaithful, but that doesn't mean it's what He wants. God's nature is to be faithful, even when His chosen nation was unfaithful. We see this again and again in the prophets. Show me where I said any part of scripture is not the word of God.

As Jesus said, Divorce was allowed "because of the hardness of your hearts..." That doesn't mean it's what God wants.

Uhmmm that is what I said.....

 

[nomadictheist]

The Bible does't actually say that. Luke 16 says that "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
To commit adultery is an act, a moment. It is not a state of being. I committed adultery, I am no longer an adulterer. The take home message is that divorce is a huge mistake, and remarriage after divorce is a huge-huge issue. But it isn't automatically wrong.

Adultery is a sin. That makes it wrong. There's not really any room to dispute that from scripture. Certainly, God offers forgiveness for sins, but that doesn't make sin any less sinful or any less wrong.

Just to provide a parallel, if I commit the act of theft, that does not make me a thief. I can choose to never steal again after that. However, not being a thief doesn't make that act of theft any less wrong, and if I do choose at some point to do it 'one more time' it is still wrong, even if I never do it again after that.

 

[greenguzzi]

Adultery is a sin.

Yeah, so what's your point. If one keeps remarrying then it's wrong. Well, yeah! I don't think anyone was saying that.

 

[98cwitr]

Does not G-d himself say "Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

G-d said this when Adam was in the garden and Adam spoke with G-d in a way that you and I currently CAN NOT. Your entire argument about having G-d as your help-meet fails Genesis 2:18 Adams relationship with G-d was perfect because at the time, Adam WAS SINLESS.

Absolutely. But a man that once was married had a companion, and then divorce happened. What God brings together no man should separate.

Granted, we are not under OT Law, but it's interesting to know why this would be "detestable" to God under the OC:

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 New International Version (NIV)

24 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

So what does her first husband spiritually have to do with his ex-wife's 2nd divorce?

 

[1stcenturylady]

My goodness.
The way some people interpret the words of Jesus creates a very strange situation.
A situation where the adulterer is still married... to one who is now free from that marriage, and allowed to remarry at will.

This ultra-literal, illogical interpretation makes it less of a sin to murder your wife, than to divorce her. At least you could be forgiven and freed from that horrible situation!

If the Old Testament was still the covenant, that adulterer would be dead, and their spouse a widow free to remarry.

In God's eyes it is the same, except the punishment is now His to render. That is why this conundrum exists in human reasoning. You are not looking at it from God's viewpoint. When God releases you from the covenant of marriage, it is because the other person in the covenant is dead. This is where the Mennonites are wrong. You can't go back to the dead. That would be an abomination.

 

[Goodbook]

I know the bible says that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, then he and that new woman are adulterers. But in this day and age, it is extremely hard not to meet someone who is divorced. Especially when you are older. Are there any exceptions? I don't want to commit adultery!

Tough one but I do think if the man divorced his wife and the ex wife died hes free to marry again.

Also it might be that the wife divorced the husband. Not the other way round, but then you need to be careful cos people naturally think they not at fault with a divorce so you need to ask a judge about that! If theyve gone through a divorce and its all settled and they are single and then you meet them i think you need to be aware of any children from that relationship cos if theres been a divorce theres often stuff with custody, restraining orders, division of property etc.

Its generally NOT a good idea. Nothing wrong with staying single! The bible says women are happier single and I definitely am, seeing all the miserable marrieds and divorcees around me.

 

[1stcenturylady]

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

Romans 7: 14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

So are you SERIOUSLY going to try and tell me that you dont sin?

You have just taken two well known passages out of context, as do many pastors I might add, so its not your fault if you parrot them.

1 John 1:8 is speaking about Gnostics, a heretical group of the first century and probably further that was winning a lot of converts to their side that Jesus did not come in the flesh, but in spirit, thus we can only sin in the spirit so no sins of the flesh are even sin. Read the whole book of 1 John, don't just take one verse out of context.

Romans 7 is the culmination of Paul's sermon on the LAW, starting in Romans 1! He had been a Pharisee and the Old Testament Law was to be kept by the Jews, but in their own strength. The law was a constant battle of KNOWING what to do, but with no power to achieve it. So WHO can save me from this body of death - JESUS! So get it in context with all of it, especially the next chapter. (Read Romans 8:1 and Romans 8:9)

Jesus has given His people the Holy Spirit, His own power to be DEAD TO SIN.

Context! Context! Context!!!!!

 

[1stcenturylady]

They unquestionably sinned when they remarried. But the basis for the concept that they are living in a perpetual state of adultery is interpretation of scripture, rather than something the scriptures say. Remember that, although David sinned with Bathsheba, she was thereafter recognized as David's wife, and was the mother of Solomon, Israel's greatest king. And after all this took place, David was still used to write scripture under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Don't forget, Bathsheba was a widow, not a divorced woman. So apples and oranges. David repented about the death after Nathan spoke to him and opened his eyes to his sin. God's punishment was taking David's son. That was Old Testament, and God deals with us differently now in the New Covenant.

 

[Goodbook]

OP what is your situation why you asking this, have you met someone? I would be really carfeul cos women dont often leave a man unless something serious has happened. And often it has to do with the husband. If his wife met someone else and having an affair then shes the one comitting adultery and thats grounds for divorce. In the bible it says only on account of adultery can couples divorce so you need to discern which party committed the adultery. If hes already married when he met you, divorces the wife in order to marry you, thats adultery.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I sometimes wish we could get a pre second comming in order to clarify what we've mulled over for 2000 yrs and are honestly still not quite sure of.