I covet your prayers this week as we endure a 27 hour drive to visit my family, all while not really talking to each other beyond what we have to.
Your participating in a trip where you will be abused with the silent treatment for 27 hour commute each way is not a good plan. It will cause deep pain, resentment and lasting damage to your marriage. And you see, only you will be suffering the depths of this experience. HE will be (falsely) feeling righteously vindicated the entire time. He won't be suffering at all. Who doesn't ENJOY feeling righteously vindicated? You're signing up for a one sided catastrophe, my sister, to embark on a trip under these terms.
It is better to forego the trip until it can be a pleasure for both of you.
I can still remember a time where I can't believe my 23 year old self didn't bail out of the car at a toll stop and get a taxi ride home. That would have been far better than to suffer the two hour drive that I endured with a very angry and verbally/emotionally abusive husband. It's one of those moments that I think back on to "what was I thinking!!!" And it was almost 3 decades ago. I'd hate to see you volunteer for an enduring black mark on your marriage.
So here's how I'd approach it with my husband:
"Husband, I'm not amenable to limiting our conversations with each other until after our trip. I'd love to have a fun and memorable experience with you on our drive and during our visit, and would like to suggest compartmentalizing and postponing our issues on the backburner, in total, until our appointment. I'd like to suggest we take the opportunity to go on the trip and reconnect with positive experiences and with loving on each other so we can have some momentum of good will prior to our appointment. Would this be amenable to you?"
Notice, this leaves out moralizing or judgments on his behavior. It just says you're not enthusiastic about it. Words I didn't use were pejorative such as "silent treatment" or placing him on the defense with "YOUR treatment of me".
If he responds with disrespect and demands, say "That hurts me. I'd love to discuss this at a later time to find a way that works for both of us" and then leave the room. Again, not "your bullying abusive behavior" etc etc. Don't place moral labels on his position.
This is always how to start conflict resolution - giving your husband the opportunity to offer goodwill. His response to that will either demonstrate good will or it won't. It will demonstrate an intent to abuse or not. If he is unable to come to the table to discuss with good will and good intentions, you are better to cancel the trip to avoid the lasting and memorable damage to your marriage that will ensue.
I feel nauseated and have since this happened. I can’t rest or feel well.
My sister, I doubt he is in quite this frame. For a person to insist on punishing someone with silent treatment for such a long time, including on a trip, that person is enjoying it... at least just a little. Please refer again to my comment above regarding self righteously feeling vindication.
Please pray that Jesus would just be bear to me,
My prayer for you would be to give you wisdom to respond, not the strength to endure being destroyed.
Please read the 2nd half of Isaiah chapter 28, starting at verse 15. Do you feel the spiritual application of that chapter is talking to you?
Edited to add: When I said "This is
always how to start conflict resolution", by "always" I meant initially, as in always when the couple
starts trying to use effective conflict resolution tools, not with someone who has established a pattern of abuse and is refusing to turn from it.