Hello everyone,
I came here to share a personal predicament and hopefully get some life-changing advice.
Hi Shaney77. I hope you have received some advice that was of help, and I hope that perhaps something I have to say will ignite a spark of faith within you.
Basically, I am in a sort of existential crisis. I see myself as a soft agnostic, so I am skeptical of almost everything. To me, there are two very simple reasons that this is a rational stance: expert disagreement and the sheer complexity of existence. I want to know the ultimate truth of reality, but I don't see how anyone could possibly ever know such a thing.
I am sorry to hear that you are so skeptical, it must be draining to constantly doubt things without proof. The "sheer complexity of existence" is one of the most compelling reasons to have faith in God, as this could hardly be the result of random forces acting over long periods of time. I Romans 1:19 Paul tells us that we all know there must be a God because of what is "within" us, indicating that our consciousness, intellect, and conscience should lead us to determine that something created us. Evolutionary explanations for these things are flimsy at best. Yet just knowing there is something out there is not enough for you... good! You want to actually know this creator.
The main reason this is so pressing is because of the Christian hell threatening me (not to mention "hells" of other religions).
The Bible tells us in multiple places that "the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom". Yet it is not the end of wisdom, but only the beginning (1 John 4:18)! What God desires from us is our love (1 John 4:7-8; Mark 12:30-31; etc.). When you truly come to now the heart of the Father, it is easy to love Him, and if we love Him we will love others also. Hell is an isolation unit for those who refuse to be healed by God's love, and thus are still contaminated by the evil of sin... it is for the protection of those who have been saved. Heaven would not be heaven if evil were allowed to dwell there. I don't know what the lost experience in hell, but I reject the literal understanding of a burning lake of fire... God does not need to inflict physical pain upon the lost, being left in their sin is punishment enough.
Christianity says that if you don't "believe," you perish. How on earth can someone magically choose to believe? Sure, I can go to church, talk with believers, pray, and "live the life," but rather than this bringing about evidence of something real, how is this not merely facilitating psychological manipulated belief? I could do the same with any other religion and end up with some sort of belief in it as well. It'd be due to processes such as wish fulfillment and confirmation bias.
You don't need to "magically choose to believe". You can study the evidence for Christianity, study the Bible, spend time trying to connect with God. I believe that the reason many people never come to faith is because they do not truly want God. Do you truly want God in your life? If you do, I am confident He will meet you as you seek for Him in prayerful study of His word.
No external "evidence" or type of natural theology should convince anyone of God's existence. These areas are hotly debated by elite philosophers on both sides, and no positive ground is ever made. The world is religiously ambiguous and God is essentially "hidden," per major Christian philosophers.
I am convinced that my soul, my intellect, and my conscience are not accidental... that doesn't lead you all the way to faith in the God of the Bible, but it is a step in the right direction. Can we agree on that much?
This leaves us to rely on supernatural occurrences from God. I can safely say that only a supernatural occurrence will convince me of anything. Yet how can I somehow get God to grant me this? Pascal seemed to believe that if a person wasn't moral, God would hide himself from that person. I can't possibly be moral without the Holy Spirit's help (per scripture), and the Holy Spirit won't come until belief is had. There is no way to win!
I see your dilemma. I don't agree with Pascal, but I also wouldn't expect some kind of supernatural sign from God. What you can expect is more subtle... answered prayer, a change in desires, and a still, small voice speaking to your heart. Once again, I think you must want God in order to connect with Him. He
is love, and love does not force itself where it is not wanted. Do you want God... truly?
In the end, I wonder if belief will always elude me. Death is scary when of the knowledge that hell might await.
I am praying for you, Shaney77. I truly hope you find the One whom you seek.