I don't understand

[paul becke]

The reason your husband treats you the way he does likely has very little to do with you and a great deal to do with something else going on in his life. Typically because he is unsatisfied with his career in some way. As pointed out above, he needs help.

Some people can sound good to other people when they pray, but it is how they sound to God that matters. God hears what's in your heart.

Yes, you should pray together. If his heart is right with God he should be thrilled to pray with you every time you ask.

The big question is how do you get him to step around his ego and ask for help?

You should talk with a pastor or counselor at church who can help you navigate these waters.

Yes, its a wonderful privilege to be able to pray with someone else, particularly your spouse.

 

[fat wee robin]

There is a name for the way he is treating you. It is called Spiritual Abuse. It is a form of bullying with a religious bent to it. It is like domestic violence which starts with the low level abuse that is now being levelled at you. If you resist, the abuse will intensify, and from what you are saying, he is already become physically rough with you. That is domestic assault and is a criminal offence. You have the right to make a complaint to the police if he assaults you physically. In New Zealand, a violent push is called Common Assault Summary Offences Act, and carries a maximum term of six months in prison; A punch is Common Assault Crimes Act, and that carries a maximum of 2 years in prison. A person convicted of a domestic violence offence is required to undergo an anger management programme.

In your case, it may not be anger, but of power. He is using his brand of religion to exercise power and dominance over you. If your church is male dominated and puts women in second place, I don't think you will get much help from there.

I strongly advise you not to put up with any of it, but to say to your husband, "Lay a hand on me and we are divorced and you will be facing a judge in the Family Violence Court.

I could recommend that you make a formal written complaint to the pastor and elders of your church citing spiritual and domestic abuse, but this could make matters worse for you if the pastor sided with your husband. It depends on what position and status he has in your church.

I advise you to seek counsel and assistance from trusted friends, and to go and see someone from your local organisation that assists victims of Domestic Violence. They have professional and experienced people there who can help you and give you the right type of advice.

I was a Domestic Violence victim advisor in my local District Court for 10 years, and I have seen many cases like yours. I have also known of wives badly injured and sometimes losing their lives at the hands of violence husbands. This is why I am pretty straight in my views about it.

You need expert advice, not from your church, and a safety plan in the event that the abuse starts to escalate into actual violence and assault on you.

Spiritual bullies can be very charming and plausible to everyone around them, especially in the church, but except you as his target. He will never abuse you in front of others in the church because that will "out" him as a spiritual abuser. This is what may make it difficult for your pastor and elders to believe you over him.

You have to put Christ first in your life.
Your husband comes next, and He has an obligation before God to love you, not abuse or disempower you.
Your employment comes next, and you have every right to go and get a job if you wish.
Then your church comes last in your priority list, because the church is not God and God is not the church.

This is an excellent answer , and the most truly Christian .The idea that anyone ,but particularly women ,have had to put up with this so common 'spiritual abuse ' for so long ,is because of the lies so called christians tell themselves .
It has to stop ,and those who go along with it, are part of the problem . I too, saw it as a schoolteacher ,and experienced the 'silence' imposed on abusers by those in power . My heart breaks for those who had no one to turn to ,or when they did, were ignored or even blamed .

 

[AlexDTX]

when he prays you can feel the anointing

The proof of a prayer is not the "feeling of anointing" but the prayer being answered. ARe his prayers being answered?

 

[salt-n-light]

My husband, who supports me financially because he didn't want me to work after we were married, often calls me names, puts me down, physically rough at times.

Yet for example at church, when he prays you can feel the anointing and everybody LOVE the way he prays.

I thought his prayers were supposed to be hindered if he doesn't treat me right.

How can this be? I don't wish him evil but how can He go from calling me stupid idiot etc.... one day to anointed praying the next.

He doesn't want to pray with me because he doesn't like the way I pray, so we've rarely prayed. Maybe 10-15 times at home in the last 3- 4 years. I feel rejected. I thought married couples should pray together

Because, based on the situations you’ve describe, he is a deceiver. The appearance of holiness, but none thereof. Can’t use church as a marker of his spirit, but you t st out then spirit against the Word.Stop covering for him, and have both of you go see a marriage counselor. It will help the both of you.

Prayers for you both.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

My husband, who supports me financially because he didn't want me to work after we were married, often calls me names, puts me down, physically rough at times.

Yet for example at church, when he prays you can feel the anointing and everybody LOVE the way he prays.

I thought his prayers were supposed to be hindered if he doesn't treat me right.

How can this be? I don't wish him evil but how can He go from calling me stupid idiot etc.... one day to anointed praying the next.

He doesn't want to pray with me because he doesn't like the way I pray, so we've rarely prayed. Maybe 10-15 times at home in the last 3- 4 years. I feel rejected. I thought married couples should pray together

Have you talked to him about any of this?

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

I didn't put this in married couples because I am asking about how he can be blessed with so many special abilities, hearing from the Lord about things to come, Godly dreams and anointed when praying etc.... yet with me he often is not nice. There are times when he is nice don't get me wrong. But it all makes me feel as if I am not saved and that there's something wrong with me.

Unfortunately he doesn't believe in counselling. The idea of putting someone over him, authority over him. I don't think he has low self esteem. He's a high achiever. He once made a reference to geniuses, saying he's not a genius but not far off either

You should not put up with abuse. If you're able to move out by yourself in any way, with family, whatever, you should. Don't put up with that bull from anyone. If you can leave, leave. That's my answer considering that he doesn't sound the type of person who admits being wrong and doesn't want to change, and is all a godly pretender. That is no way to treat someone.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Why do you and others think his prayers have the anointing? Are you saying he prays in tongues?

 

[Oldmantook]

My husband, who supports me financially because he didn't want me to work after we were married, often calls me names, puts me down, physically rough at times.

Yet for example at church, when he prays you can feel the anointing and everybody LOVE the way he prays.

I thought his prayers were supposed to be hindered if he doesn't treat me right.

How can this be? I don't wish him evil but how can He go from calling me stupid idiot etc.... one day to anointed praying the next.

He doesn't want to pray with me because he doesn't like the way I pray, so we've rarely prayed. Maybe 10-15 times at home in the last 3- 4 years. I feel rejected. I thought married couples should pray together

When your husband became a Christian he was without condition given certain spiritual gifts. According to Rom 11:39 those gifts are irrevocable: "For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance." So despite his poor treatment of you, those spiritual gifts are not revoked by God.

However most importantly, repentance on his part is requisite if he wishes to remain a Christian. Unrepented sin leads to spiritual death. Matthew 7:21-23 reads:
21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

In this passage, Jesus himself noted that these believers using their spiritual gifts performed all kinds of miracles - despite not doing the will of the Father. Instead of doing His will Jesus indicts then for practicing inequity. As a result, Jesus commands them to depart from him. So like your husband, these believers still retained their spiritual gifts - despite their unrepented sin. The consequence though is separation from God; i.e. spiritual death and loss of salvation. If your husband understood this, perhaps he would be motivated to change. He has a choice to make.

 

[Christie insb]

People who have to talk about their accomplishments often are trying to convince themselves, imo. If he doesn't want you to work, then he criticizes you for not having accomplishments .... what does he want?If he doesn't want counseling, you might consider getting counseling yourself. A therapist could help you keep your own sense of self.

As far as someone being highly esteemed at church, this can happen easily. Wolves in sheep's clothing,etc. People in the church can have the exact problems the World has.

Low self esteem? I have a hard time seeing that. He is often mentions about his special abilities and accomplishments to me and others. He'll say, do you think people will remember me after I am gone (he is in good health and middle aged) He'll say to me what have you accomplished in the 40 something years on earth (nothing in his view point )...

 

[LoricaLady]

Based on other information you have shared elsewhere and in this OP it seems you are a victim of domestic abuse, both emotionally and physically. You really need to research that topic. It tends to escalate and get dangerous. Philosophizing about why he does this or that, or trying to reason with him will, I believe, be to no avail. Domestic abusers don't see things the way rationale and compassionate people do. Frankly, some of them are just Christian phonies who get their kicks out of being mean to others.

I would document some of what he is doing, including with a secret tape recording maybe. Be looking for a place of refuge and pray for your safety and the safety of any children you may have.
The "cure" rate for domestic abusers is very, very low. The escalation pattern is very very common.

 

[StillGods]

God sees the heart...prayers can sound nice and make people feel good at the time sure, but it doesnt mean God doesnt see right through them or that God will hear them.

Personally due to past experiences I steer clear of leadery people with charisma in church circles... people often mistake charisma for 'the anointing' especially in pentecostal environments imo.

 

[step_by_step]

I do not have answers for you but I will be praying. Just because your husband doesn't pray with you doesn't mean you shouldn't pray alone. Seek God's wisdom on this

 

[AnglicanPeace]

Just want to say sorry you're being abused.

 

[Marco de jager]

My husband, who supports me financially because he didn't want me to work after we were married, often calls me names, puts me down, physically rough at times.

Yet for example at church, when he prays you can feel the anointing and everybody LOVE the way he prays.

I thought his prayers were supposed to be hindered if he doesn't treat me right.

How can this be? I don't wish him evil but how can He go from calling me stupid idiot etc.... one day to anointed praying the next.

He doesn't want to pray with me because he doesn't like the way I pray, so we've rarely prayed. Maybe 10-15 times at home in the last 3- 4 years. I feel rejected. I thought married couples should pray together

Good day

I just want to testify about the greatest weapon all woman has been given By Our Lord Jesus Christ. A godly womans prayer is your most powerfull gift with wich you can use in this world and all its evil. If your husband chooses not to pray together than you musnt try and persuade him with words or with anything that comes from our own human abilities to change his heart, for only through Faith and prayer must a woman obey Gods wil, and to serve your husband through being the wisper of wisdom that always encourage him in al things he do, 1CORINTHIANS 13 shows us exactly how to love. Kind lady you must never forget who you are in Christ for nowhere else wil you find a answer or ability to heal a family or another persons mind. Thank you Lord Jesus for taking all the world burdens on your shoulders so that we dont gace to suffer i humble myself before you Father and pray for your wisdom reveal itself to this fellow sister in Christ of mine and i give all the glory and honor to You Lord and may your will be done and not our own Thanks you Jesus for giving her husband eyes to see and ears to hear,

rewarding her obedience and prayer.

 

[lastofall]

You are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful, namely to hear His (God's) Word.

 

[fat wee robin]

I never saw it this way. Thank you. I had in the beginning of our marriage thought why don't people know by the spirit that he's calling me names at home and was disappointed ......but now I believe that even if someone knows by Holy Spirit revelation, they're called to pray, intercede and not intervene .

As you will note I am very sympathetic to your situation ,but as you know we must examine ourselves to make sure we are not guilty of of being so dépendent ,that we encourage abuse .
You must stand up for yourself as a person, and show him you are not to be bullied .Do so in a quiet but firm way, and stop looking to him for all your needs , making friends outside of your church .As far as I am concerned many christians are unkinder than non christians .I am not talking about atheists ,but people who have got fed up with bad christian behavioural hypocrisy .People who will listen .

 

[Marco de jager]

This is an excellent answer , and the most truly Christian .The idea that anyone ,but particularly women ,have had to put up with this so common 'spiritual abuse ' for so long ,is because of the lies so called christians tell themselves .
It has to stop ,and those who go along with it, are part of the problem . I too, saw it as a schoolteacher ,and experienced the 'silence' imposed on abusers by those in power . My heart breaks for those who had no one to turn to ,or when they did, were ignored or even blamed .

Abuse whether its phisical or spiritual stems from the exact same source, it comes from our own emotions that wich cannot be controlled for the flesh is the one who sits behind the wheel

My husband, who supports me financially because he didn't want me to work after we were married, often calls me names, puts me down, physically rough at times.

Yet for example at church, when he prays you can feel the anointing and everybody LOVE the way he prays.

I thought his prayers were supposed to be hindered if he doesn't treat me right.

How can this be? I don't wish him evil but how can He go from calling me stupid idiot etc.... one day to anointed praying the next.

I think there's good advice above, including the helpful #14 and #17, so I'll only add one thing.

About prayer, we are to follow Christ. But we read over and over Christ withdrew to pray alone. And He even instructed us to also (Matthew chapter 6).

So, do not feel you are supposed to pray with your spouse as a basic requirement. We are though definitely to spend time praying alone as a basic requirement. Be sure you are availing yourself of the ultimate aid, His help, by praying the prayer Christ gave us to pray daily in Matthew 6 NIV

Praying alone is the only way to brcome humble and to stay humble

But there is nothing more intimate between a man and a women when they pray together, to hear my wife pray is to experience her at her most sincere form and to have the honor of being able to listen to my wife when she is talking to God is such n privilege

 

[fat wee robin]

Unless you are at home caring for children, I can't see any good reason for you to be sequestered there by your husband. It sounds to me like he is keeping you in a dependent circumstance. Given the other things you've described, he may be doing this to keep you under his abusive power. I haven't heard his side of things, so it's hard to say what the truth really is.



God does not "anoint" the prayers of a man who roughs up his wife and calls her names. Whatever people are feeling when he prays, it isn't the power of the Spirit.



A hindered prayer is not necessarily a prayer without eloquence or charisma. It is a prayer that has no true spiritual power and will not be answered by God positively.



He cannot. His prayers are not "anointed" despite how well he makes them. A well-spoken and dramatic prayer is not necessarily a Spirit-empowered prayer.



Married couples should pray together daily.

I don't have your husband's side of things, but the way you've described makes him seem a very arrogant, self-centered, controlling person. Yikes. Lots to pray to God about concerning your spouse, it seems.

I don't like the should pray together .It sounds dictatorial ,and each person and couple needs to find their own best way .
This attitude kills the spirit of love, and relationship ,and is deadly to any freedom God has given us .

 

[fat wee robin]

Abuse whether its phisical or spiritual stems from the exact same source, it comes from our own emotions that wich cannot be controlled for the flesh is the one who sits behind the wheel

It also comes from ignorance in the widest sense .

 

[Marco de jager]

It also comes from ignorance in the widest sense .

please explain, i just feel that if you experience truth you cannot br ignnorant