I don't think he has low self esteem. He's a high achiever. He once made a reference to geniuses, saying he's not a genius but not far off either
I would say these things have nothing . . . at all . . . in God's sight . . . to do with reason to have self esteem.
The way he treats you is a reaction to an inner conflict, which you presumably don't know the details of, or you would have mentioned them.
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)
A husband can be in conflict with how God wants us to love our ladies. When our ladies make real mistakes, we need to first be ready for love, and encourage them in how to do better. Yes, confront what really is wrong, but then encourage with all which is so better. And while I might confront my lady about something which is really wrong, at the same time I might remind her that I have been wrong like that or otherwise, too, and she has helped me. And so, we both need to do better.
In the book of James, I notice how James keeps giving a strong confrontation against what is wrong, but then right away he gives encouragement to all which is so better . . . but which does come with correction by God . . . now how a human might try to only reform us.
So, if he is mainly criticizing things you do . . . this has nothing to do with real reason for self esteem.
But you can do well to listen to him; he is your husband; listen and get to know him, so you can understand how to help him. Have hope that God can make you able to do this. This is about how God is able, how we can esteem Him to be worthy and able to truly correct us > Hebrews 12:4-11.
The gifts that God grants are not connected to good character and don't always manifest in spiritually healthy people.
Any real gifts are from God Himself > His gifts are good and perfect > James 1:17. They prove how God is good and perfect, but they might show us up
My lady friend might have what is called the gift of love. And I can be so awesomely confronted and encouraged by her to get more real in how God would have me tenderly and caringly pray for and relate with people. But there are times when she is how she can be. And then is when I can learn how to love her, really
So, by the way > if you are choosing to stay with your husband who can be so impossible > you have an opportunity to seek God for Himself and His correction so you find out how to love him. Always be ready for love, so you are ready for sharing with really Christian people and so you can be an example for ones who need Jesus and need to find out how to love; this is how you can be a real friend for every person; ones need real example.
You might feed on 1 Peter 3:1-4. God bless you
And, by the way, every one of us has needed to do the same thing. But ones of us might have had different situations than others.
He'll say, do you think people will remember me after I am gone (he is in good health and middle aged) He'll say to me what have you accomplished in the 40 something years on earth (nothing in his view point )...
nothing to do with real reason for self esteem
And how we are in comparison with others > nothing to do with it!!
If you want real cause for self esteem, find out how to please God by being the way Jesus is, and find out how to love any and all people. There is no more interesting and worthwhile challenge and no greater education
When I am clumsy he often tells me I remind him of a person who he says was lazy, clumsy etc... while he did all the work.
Like I offer > James gives confrontation to what is really wrong, but right with the confrontation James encourages us to all which is so better and superior.
So . . . may be . . . you can have compassion on him, since he is apparently operating in what is so inferior. He possibly fears this, deep down knowing that he is not really getting anywhere. And you are being trusted to love him in spite of this!!! Do not look down on him, but have mercy on him and compassion >
"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
It comes to me, right now > he has been comparing you with who and whatever which is not worthy to be a measuring stick. Jesus is our standard, no one less!
And, maybe like this > it does not matter if and why he is different by himself compared with how he is in church. Trying to figure this out is a decoy trick to keep your attention away from how you can become with Jesus and us and your husband.
I want advice to know what other christians think about how can my husband's ability and gifts and anointing being there while he's not treating me right.
Like I just offered > I think this is a question which you do not need to deal with. But, I'll try > he is judging by your outward stuff; so when people praise how he can pray, he is possibly taking that to be praise of . . . his outward stuff. He judges by the outward which humans praise; so when he sees you doing the outward which he does not like, he's going to do downhill. Because he is attached to what is vain, and this keeps him weak so he can go up but also down, under the power of outward stuff.
So, do you share with a Christian who is a real example of how to be with God and how to relate in love with anyone and in one's own marriage and with one's children? All of us need to feed on such people's example. This means a person who can see through you and give you real correction, not merely criticism and comparison with outward standards. The person is obviously helping you get real with God in His peace and becoming able to relate in God's love with any and all people, including impossible people.
So, of course, with your husband, you can possibly have some laboratory experience with discovering how to love with an impossible person. And as you learn how to love, this will make you able to share tenderly and intimately with various Christian people who are real examples of Jesus, so you will have family love with them even if not with ones in your own church and family.
But if you get with this, yes have hope for any and all wrong people; Jesus does not give up on anyone > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).