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I don't understand

aiki

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I don't like the should pray together .It sounds dictatorial ,and each person and couple needs to find their own best way .

Of course a married couple who are, in the words of Scripture, "one flesh" ought daily to pray together. Observing this isn't any more "dictatorial" than saying the same couple ought daily to encourage each other in word and deed to holy living. This is just the way a married couple that loves God will behave as a matter of course.

This attitude kills the spirit of love, and relationship ,and is deadly to any freedom God has given us .

I take it you aren't married. Praying together as a general rule for married couples is important to establishing and maintaining an intimate and God-centered marriage. Rather than killing love, a couple that prays together and for each other will experience greater, richer intimacy than a couple that neglects to do so. Really, it is love, first for God, and then for each other, that draws a couple together in prayer.

The freedom God has given to His children is not the freedom to do whatever they like but the freedom to act as He has commanded them to act. Without God, you and I serve ourselves, the World, and the devil (Ephesians 2:1-3) and reap the wages of the inevitably resulting sin as a reward (Romans 6:23; Galatians 6:7-8). And we have no choice but to do so. When God draws us into His family, however, we are free from bondage to these three great enemies of our soul and are able for the first time to truly obey God from a Spirit-transformed and empowered heart and mind. This is true freedom: to be the Christ-centered, God-loving person we were made to be.
 
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Blade

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Bless you but.. this is NOT the place to ask. 4 pages so far where SOME only heard one side of the story and some KNOW the person your husband really is.. blood of Jesus.

What God gives.. He does not take back. A preacher at a bar.. man has a heart attack falls on the floor.. preacher gets up lays hands on says IN JESUS NAME.. man is healed right there.. gets up goes back to the bar and keeps drinking. This is just one.. there are TONS more true stories like this.

This does not mean they are walking with lord and can be far from Him. Going to Church (praise GOD) does not make one more holy or more Christian or a believer.

I wont get into it but me and my mom had it much worse. The only thing that helped.. was Christ.. JESUS CHRIST. Prayer.. getting people to ALWAYS pray for and NOT against us or my dad. To see want love salvation.

So..its your house also. And God is for you and your husband. So me as with my wife.. is a FLIP of yours. She has been MUCH worse. One day He show'd me what love as in love your enemy really was. She was never my enemy.. at least I dont see it like that. Well one day when she was .. really going at me. It was as if time stopped.. I dont know how else to say it. But.. this wow LOVE came over me. And I had this thought ..if this is how she will be day and day out.. oh I will I wanted to love her so much as if she never got mad and treated me like a king. I wanted so much to love her while she was at her worst. Even if that was till we pass and go to be with HIM!

LOL I still remember saying right in the middle of the fight.. this.. THIS is what LOVE really is. I can be wrong here.. I dont believe I am.. but this kind of LOVE can only come from HIM. For as fast as it came it was gone. WOW I can still remember it as if it just happen. I believe when we truly want this HIS way.. He will be there.. and give what we can not. Its when we fully truly give up.. and let HIM. He will take over. He is the PERFECT gentleman. So we must fully truly mean.. help. To GIVE it all over to HIM. As long as WE try it our way.. He can not do anything. We already did. Someone wrongs you..do YOU judge take over then expect HIM to do what? You did it already.. so..give what ever it is to HIM..

My wife one day said she had a dream we were going up this MTN and I was pulling her up with me. Not that she didnt want to come but.. was helping.

Like some missionary friends said.. marriage is not always 50/50..its 75/25 and sometimes 100/0. It helps to talk to a pastor that wants to help BOTH. I would love back give back when my wife gives nothing. If she calls me names.. love back. I am not in this for just me. Love sees her 1st.. not me. I dont see mistakes (haha.. speaking FAITH THERE )1st. Your not alone.. you really truly need to know your NOT ALONE! And really truly give it to Him.. and ask others to pray for you and for him. And tell them just what you want them to pray. Getting people to pray is great but some can be praying wrong and it will just add confusion. Find what the word says and speak pray it. HAHA God cant lose.

Your His Daughter and your BOTH His kids. So.. kick out the enemy from YOUR HOUSE.. and speak love joy what ever let the holy spirit in YOUR House in JESUS NAME.... its ALL going to work out .. really..
 
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Itsahappyday

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Spiritual bullies can be very charming and plausible to everyone around them, especially in the church, but except you as his target. He will never abuse you in front of others in the church because that will "out" him as a spiritual abuser. This is what may make it difficult for your pastor and elders to believe you over him.

Well said. He never calls me names in public but acts the adoring husband. When I have issues putting on the mask and keeping my smile, he gets upset. He doesn't want us to air our dirty laundry in front of people. He's very good at it. I am not yet 100 percent good at hiding my feelings at times.
 
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Itsahappyday

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Her behaviour is characteristic of a victim of spiritual abuse and bullying. She feels trapped and does not know where else to turn. I spent 10 years dealing with domestic violence victims as part of my role in my local District Court, and so I can speak from practical experience. Maybe reading more of the psychology of domestic abuse victims will enhance your understanding of them.


Thank you for your post and understanding. It's not easy and I only feel like I have the Lord to turn to.

Now he's makes it sound like I am abusing him.

In the beginning of our marriage I just tried to defend myself and didn't respond back in kind at all. Now shamefully I get angry and really have to hold myself back and sometimes I fail.

He says I insult him but not in the same direct manner. Example over the years I find that in my opinion he gets too friendly with pretty young girls which bothers me and I tell him. Or when he makes compliments to other women on being lady like, classy, smart, telling them they are winners to encourage them, it gets me angry because he says I am a trucker, I am a loser, dumb, more if a guy because I don't wear often sexy nightgowns (he even said that I preferred women because I have a hard time responding to him.. after all the name calling month on end its difficult) so I have to him about this discrepancy and he gets super mad saying I am putting a bad shadow or spin after all his years of following Christ and not dating
 
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Itsahappyday

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I would need to meet him to know for certain, but it seems from your description of him, his treatment of you, and his unwillingness to accept council (if indeed your statement about this is true) that your husband is afflicted with prelest. This puts both of you in a very difficult predicament, as both of you are involved and affected by this. Prayers for you both.

What is preslest? Thank you for your prayers
 
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Itsahappyday

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There is a difference between emotion and actual anointing.

True. Maybe you can clarify - why do I feel the presence of God on different levels depending on who is praying / speaking .

Some people whether they sing or preach, you feel such a strong presence and strong anointing of the Lord
The proof of a prayer is not the "feeling of anointing" but the prayer being answered. ARe his prayers being answered?

I don't know. I know the Lord shows him and warns him of things to come. Tells him very specific things
 
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Itsahappyday

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Have you talked to him about any of this?

Yes I have spoken about it since we were married. He says that I am ungrateful for everything he's done, that in all my years I've accomplished nothing compared to him. Then now because I defend myself and I have said wrong things like he's a fake christian etc... now he says I am abusing him
 
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2Timothy2:15

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True. Maybe you can clarify - why do I feel the presence of God on different levels depending on who is praying / speaking .

Some people whether they sing or preach, you feel such a strong presence and strong anointing of the Lord

Can you tell me what exactly you "feel" ?
 
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Itsahappyday

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Why do you and others think his prayers have the anointing? Are you saying he prays in tongues?

At the risk if sounding stupid or flaky, or weird
I feel the anointing of the Lord if present when people preach , sing. I have noticed some people have a super strong anointing while others have a less anointing.


I don't understand why the difference but I truly and honestly feel it. It's not pre-planned

With him, there is an anointing but not the most strongest I have ever felt.

The Lord at times allows me to be able to see and sense in the spirit.

One time when my husband was putting me down a few years ago, I could hear the voice of the enemy through his voice . I prayed that against the enemy and my husband stopped.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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At the risk if sounding stupid or flaky, or weird
I feel the anointing of the Lord if present when people preach , sing. I have noticed some people have a super strong anointing while others have a less anointing.


I don't understand why the difference but I truly and honestly feel it. It's not pre-planned

With him, there is an anointing but not the most strongest I have ever felt.

The Lord at times allows me to be able to see and sense in the spirit.

One time when my husband was putting me down a few years ago, I uld hear the voice of the enemy through his voice . I prayed that against the enemy and my husband stopped.

I understand however, it is the fruit of the Holy Spirit that one can judge God's anointing. He reads our heart first and through our actions we see the fruit of the Spirit. Speaking spiritual matters is one thing walking apart from the Spirit in sin is another.
I pray the Lord increase your discernment on this matter so that He will give you strength to endure during this difficult time. Eventually, God will expose the hypocrisy so there is probably no need to confront him anymore.
Blessings.
 
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What is preslest? Thank you for your prayers
I'm sorry. Prelest is spiritual delusion. It has the sinful, foolish passion of spiritual pride as its root, which in turn makes way for malevolent spirits to influence the thoughts and behavior of those who are deluded. Those same spirits, who know a lot of things through careful observations and who are messengers by nature, can also dispense knowledge to people who are engaged in dialogue with them that can mimic spiritual gifts to an extent. But a person afflicted with prelest will treat anything or anyone who they perceive to be getting in the way of their progress in spirituality with either contempt, or cruelty, and will not accept good, and necessary council from anyone, because they can't endure the feeling of not being superior to all others, wanting to be preferred over all others. But please don't use anything I've written here as ammunition to attack your husband. He may be in need of great understanding, forgiveness, and help, so that he can find true and saving repentance, and I pray that both he and you will get whatever help is needed.
 
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AlexDTX

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True. Maybe you can clarify - why do I feel the presence of God on different levels depending on who is praying / speaking .

Some people whether they sing or preach, you feel such a strong presence and strong anointing of the Lord
When you feel the anointing it is not the other person that matters because God is manifesting his presence to you for His reasons. There is something that the Lord wants you to know and understand.
I don't know. I know the Lord shows him and warns him of things to come. Tells him very specific things
God spoke to Balaam by the mouth of an ass. The gifts and the callings of the Lord are without repentance. Many people were healed by tele-evangelists who fell in disgrace. What matters is how your respond to the Lord regardless of the jack ass He is using.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Thank you for your post and understanding. It's not easy and I only feel like I have the Lord to turn to.

Now he's makes it sound like I am abusing him.

In the beginning of our marriage I just tried to defend myself and didn't respond back in kind at all. Now shamefully I get angry and really have to hold myself back and sometimes I fail.

He says I insult him but not in the same direct manner. Example over the years I find that in my opinion he gets too friendly with pretty young girls which bothers me and I tell him. Or when he makes compliments to other women on being lady like, classy, smart, telling them they are winners to encourage them, it gets me angry because he says I am a trucker, I am a loser, dumb, more if a guy because I don't wear often sexy nightgowns (he even said that I preferred women because I have a hard time responding to him.. after all the name calling month on end its difficult) so I have to him about this discrepancy and he gets super mad saying I am putting a bad shadow or spin after all his years of following Christ and not dating
No surprises there. It is common for a bully to try and turn the tables on his victim. I was in a work situation some years ago and experienced workplace bullying. After six months of it, I filed a complaint with the administration manager. When the bully was informed of the complaint, she resigned and then filed a counter-complaint and went to an employment lawyer threatening to sue the department for $10,000 against a colleague and me. We thought we would have to go to the employment court to give evidence, but at the last minute she was given $3,000 to make the case go away.

A bully is usually very charming and believable to everyone else except his target. When you do defend yourself and stand up to him, he then goes and tells everyone that you are bullying him.

What you need to do is to get a diary and make a written record of every incident, describing what he has done to you and what you did to defend yourself. When you start your record, remember back past incidents and write what you remember. That way, you have a timeline of events which serves as evidence. Keep your diary in a safe place. Once, when I was a school principal and I kept a written record of the actions of a staff member who was being contrary, and one day the diary went missing. I never found it. I think it was stolen.

The strategy is to conduct yourself toward your husband as if he is the best husband in the church. You are not accepting his conduct, but you are keeping yourself squeaky clean in the face of his contrary conduct. The strategy is never to negatively criticise him to others, but always speak absolutely positive things about him to others. You can agree with anyone in principle without having to change your behaviour. You are not agreeing with him in your heart, but you are strategizing by appearing to agree with him. This is not hypocrisy, but self-protection. It won't stop his bullying, because it is his way of having power over you. Resisting him will only make him push harder, so ceasing all resistance gives him nothing to push against. He may think he has won, but in reality he hasn't, because you are not going to change your behaviour and what you intend to do with your life.

Your defence weapon is your diary of events. Once you have a six-month timeline of bullying incidents, especially the physical violence, then, when you make a complaint, you have the evidence.

There is a good book that has helped me at times when I have needed it: "When I say No, I Feel Guilty" By Manuel J Smith. It is assertiveness with people you care about. "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer is another good one, and it is a type of assertiveness toward people you don't care about as much. Here is the PDF version of the Manuel Smith book:
http://www.leithon.net/huahao/upload/file/20140502/20140502232035_1093.pdf
 
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Johnny4ChristJesus

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Yes I have spoken about it since we were married. He says that I am ungrateful for everything he's done, that in all my years I've accomplished nothing compared to him. Then now because I defend myself and I have said wrong things like he's a fake christian etc... now he says I am abusing him

He's not likely to want to hear that he's a fake Christian. Do you know anyone who considers themselves to be a Christian who wants to hear that they are fake--especially from the one they should love the most? I don't know who said mean things first, but it seems like you guys are spiralling in a bad direction. It certainly sounds like you guys need some marriage counseling to help you get on track or try the "Love Dare" and start showing love regardless of what comes back to you and see if things don't change for the better.
 
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What is preslest? Thank you for your prayers
Also, if you can manage to get yourselves some good married couple's counseling, or at least some personal psychotherapy (sometimes called "talk" therapy), it could help a lot. This isn't a magical quick fix though, because the kind of healing that's usually needed by couples having a lot of problems can take some time to come through.
 
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Itsahappyday

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Sounds like a very difficult situation. I was a little bit mean to my wife for about twelve years of our marriage. Didn’t call her names but I was just frustrated with her. I didn’t understand what made her tick. Her personality type. I thought she should be more like me and yes I was very spiritual. It wasn’t until she lost hope, backslid and set about to divorce me that my wake up call came. Was a very supernatural wake up call too. Designed to change me, give me the knowledge I needed to understand her and choose to love her. Then I had to go out and win her back. Even with the angel of the Lord standing right by my side it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. All my fault too.
Regardless my not choosing to love her which a man has to do eventually and not treating her in a way that made her feel loved and appreciated was all based in my lack of knowledge. Wouldn’t have done what I did if I knew better. Because I was so spiritual I did not seek that knowledge from people who were less sprirtual than me. Might have saved everyone a lot of trouble had I been smart enough to do so.

I don’t think you have what is needed to help fix his or your problem. If you want to be part of the fix then you should probably do two things. One is advice I have given my recently married son over his fears about fighting with his wife. I told him you need to apply efforts in your marriage. Buy some books like the 5 love languages. Surf Christian radio stations while driving and every time you hit on a station talking about marriage stop there and listen to it. Go to an occasional marriage retreat if you can get her to go. In other words just put effort into this. In your case maybe your husband will see what you are doing and indulge himself in some of it. ( Don’t try tricking him into it either.) This may do nothing for him but it will for you.

The other thing is this. We have to up our game with God if things are really beyond our reach. You simply have to do what Jesus and his apostles and everyone who really ever accomplished anything with God. That is real fasting and prayer. Talking a five day or more no food, no going out, no working around the house water only fast. If you can pray in tongues spend most of your waking moments praying in tounges. You will be shocked at the clarity your spirit gets once your body starts efficiently feeding off your stored fat at that 5 day mark. If you haven’t done this before read up on it by people who fast regularly.
Do this and let’s just see what God does in your life and your husbands. Trust me it will not be nothing.

I know you are not there but the advice I give every Christian in a divorce situation is this. Divorce is one of the most emotionally difficult things a Christian can face. Due to the trauma of it you will not be able to think right or do right. Most of the decisions you make will be the wrong ones. Even the ones that give you some peace. The only scriptural method of overcoming this is fasting. Putting that body down and getting control over that trauma and emotional distress. Get yourself right up next to God in his arms and away from the emotions that are dominating you. He actually knows what to do and can show you. You just can’t hear or do it because of the state your in. But if your able to hear him and do what he says to do, He can move in that. The cost of taking a week off work to fast? It cost a lot less than divorce.


Thank you. Your words rang true. Especially the last paragraph. I need to draw closer to the Lord to receive wisdom.
 
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Itsahappyday

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It's a bit obnoxious how easy it is to get presumptuous replies that even take liberties with information not expounded for the favour of the OP. You can say pretty much anything you want, and word your OP and follow-ups any way you want, and the responses will simply follow the track that is given, being sure to exaggerate one's knowledge of the situation as much as possible to the point of extrapolating psychological analyses from one or two vague details.

This kind of issue is better handled by people who know the whole truth, whether for or against you, in person. Going online for this kind of assistance is best if you are fishing for agreement if your disingenuous or, even if you're completely honest, biased or simply ignorant responses. You have no idea what you are helping someone with when you get one side of the story. This is why when church members were confronted they would be participating in the accusations made against them. Otherwise it might as well be gossip.


I go online with these issues because I cannot tell speak with anyone I know about this, for answers and I hopefully to have prayer.

Other Christians may have experienced a similar situation and give me the Godly biblical way to view it and deal with it- not just the easy way out.

Only someone who has orhad similar problems can understand my life. I have received understanding and different ways of viewing what my husband tells me or the actions he exhibits instead of being all alone with only what he says as reference. I am all alone, no one knows except for Jesus and these forums.
 
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Itsahappyday

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He's not likely to want to hear that he's a fake Christian. Do you know anyone who considers themselves to be a Christian who wants to hear that they are fake--especially from the one they should love the most? I don't know who said mean things first, but it seems like you guys are spiralling in a bad direction. It certainly sounds like you guys need some marriage counseling to help you get on track or try the "Love Dare" and start showing love regardless of what comes back to you and see if things don't change for the better.

I know that right now today I am just as guilty at times for not saying good things. I have tried to stay silent many times. Everyday he is unhappy about something or criticising something many times a day. I try to placate him or tune him out.
 
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I go online with these issues because I cannot tell speak with anyone I know about this, for answers and I hopefully to have prayer.

Other Christians may have experienced a similar situation and give me the Godly biblical way to view it and deal with it- not just the easy way out.

Only someone who has orhad similar problems can understand my life. I have received understanding and different ways of viewing what my husband tells me or the actions he exhibits instead of being all alone with only what he says as reference. I am all alone, no one knows except for Jesus and these forums.
Yes, I know. Prayers for you again. Lord have mercy.
 
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