Today is one of the days when I realize God was being cruel to me my entire life. I feel like an outcast because I have a physical disability that is a mild form of Joubert Syndrome. I don't feel like I am being segregated, and with my love life, it feels like I can only attract people very similar to me (i.e. has a debilitating disability, isn't very attractive etc.) so I only have to settle for what I can get. God is mean and cruel. People say that God isn't cruel, but then people also said that about Hitler.
I want out so badly. I use to find hope in the Christian vision of Heaven, but there is no need to have relationships and sex out there as I described it. If I had my own vision of paradise, I would be totally gone from my physical and intellectual disabilities, and I would be totally de-segregated without any memory in my head of the segregation and suffering I went through. I feel so bad, because Hell is my only other option as far as Christianity goes. I don't want to get into heaven. I really want my own paradise, I don't want God's rules.
We know that people see personality as more important than physical attributes, but the girls I'm attracting are not physically attracting me at all. Everyone treats me like a shallow jerk. I'm spending the rest of my awful life looking at inappropriate contentographic pictures and videos because it's the only way that I can feel like the man who's partner is a woman who I actually feel at least a little physically attracted to.
I'm still having to reject the word of God because I have no hope of ever seeing my goals ever, and Christians are too stubborn, they never want to consider that there are relationships and sex, everything here on Earth, that is in Heaven.
A majority of Christians don't even care about me.
I want out so badly. I use to find hope in the Christian vision of Heaven, but there is no need to have relationships and sex out there as I described it. If I had my own vision of paradise, I would be totally gone from my physical and intellectual disabilities, and I would be totally de-segregated without any memory in my head of the segregation and suffering I went through. I feel so bad, because Hell is my only other option as far as Christianity goes. I don't want to get into heaven. I really want my own paradise, I don't want God's rules.
We know that people see personality as more important than physical attributes, but the girls I'm attracting are not physically attracting me at all. Everyone treats me like a shallow jerk. I'm spending the rest of my awful life looking at inappropriate contentographic pictures and videos because it's the only way that I can feel like the man who's partner is a woman who I actually feel at least a little physically attracted to.
I'm still having to reject the word of God because I have no hope of ever seeing my goals ever, and Christians are too stubborn, they never want to consider that there are relationships and sex, everything here on Earth, that is in Heaven.
A majority of Christians don't even care about me.