Friend level... Sigh... (Help, please!)

[Youngdisciple1]

A year ago a girl from a different country and I started talking online. Within two weeks we were best friends and talking a few hours every day. A couple of months later we both had confused we liked the the other. But because of our age, the fact that we had never met and that it would be awhile before we could, we decided to stay friends until we met. But it wasn’t long before things starting going past friends. The way we were talking was much more like boyfriend and girlfriend instead of just friends. But then we decided to get more strict with it not too long after. And ever since then I have been struggling sooo much with friend level. It just steadily been getting harder. She is still very set in friend level and doesn’t seem to be struggling like I am at all. I am just so tired of this friend level. I want to go past so bad. I’ve been praying and praying so much for God to help me and I’ve been trying to rely on Him to help me. But it just continues to get harder. I think I am falling in love with her. Which makes it so much harder. I am just so tired of not being able to tell her how I feel like I was able to for a short time, and I am tired of just having to assume she still feels the same way. Almost every time we talk I’m afraid I’m going to blurt out, “I love you.”. Which I can’t do because we agreed to stay on friend level. I really need to learn to be content in friend level with her until we meet. So, what do I do?

 

[Saucy]

It sounds like when she says she wants to stay on friend level, you haven't been honest with her about your feelings. That's a key ingredient to any potential relationship! Be honest and open with her about how you feel. Tell her you're struggling with it. Maybe she does have those feelings for you.

 

[Albion]

Step back and realize that you do NOT love her. You may admire, enjoy, and like her a lot, but love it is not. Besides, blurting out that you do love someone you have never even met is likely to cause her to think less of you, so stifle the impulse to do that.

 

[Youngdisciple1]

It sounds like when she says she wants to stay on friend level, you haven't been honest with her about your feelings. That's a key ingredient to any potential relationship! Be honest and open with her about how you feel. Tell her you're struggling with it. Maybe she does have those feelings for you.

I have told her I am struggling. And she gives me Bible verses to encourage me to wait and rely on God for help. Which I am thankful for but it doesn’t help much. And she has too told me she has struggled a few times in the past. But she seems content in the friend level. She’s very set in waiting until we meet, which will be about 7-8 months.

 

[Albion]

Ah! You are set to actually meet in the not-to-distant future. Great.

If that is the case, you arent running the risk of losing her by not professing your love at the present. I know that my advice here may sound unsympathetic, but I really do think that you will be better off if you keep up a warm relationship--however you want to phrase that--but avoid saying those three little words...especially since she has made it a point in conversation to try to slow you down.​

 

[Saucy]

What is it going to change though? If she decided to change her mind, what will it do? Absolutely nothing. You change your Facebook status? I mean, you have no choice but to be patient and really be with her. Nothing will change between the two of you. I think you desire that 'status' of being in a relationship more than anything.

I was just like you at one point. Met someone on CF. Fell hard for her. Told her I loved her even. She became my best friend and as much as I wish (still do) she would have those same feelings back, I've grown to love and admire our friendship that much more. It might not work out for you in a relationship sense, but you're going to lose the friendship if you don't step back.

There's really nothing anyone can tell you that will help the desire you feel to be with her, but try to think of it as meaningless until you DO meet. She seems to be interested in you, so don't pressure her or get entangled in those feelings. It's probably not love that you feel.

 

[Youngdisciple1]

What is it going to change though? If she decided to change her mind, what will it do? Absolutely nothing. You change your Facebook status? I mean, you have no choice but to be patient and really be with her. Nothing will change between the two of you. I think you desire that 'status' of being in a relationship more than anything.

I was just like you at one point. Met someone on CF. Fell hard for her. Told her I loved her even. She became my best friend and as much as I wish (still do) she would have those same feelings back, I've grown to love and admire our friendship that much more. It might not work out for you in a relationship sense, but you're going to lose the friendship if you don't step back.

There's really nothing anyone can tell you that will help the desire you feel to be with her, but try to think of it as meaningless until you DO meet. She seems to be interested in you, so don't pressure her or get entangled in those feelings. It's probably not love that you feel.

Being able to express how we feel about each other is what will change. Like it was for that short time we were more like bf and gf. I know she likes me a lot. And we are committed to each other. Meaning no going past friends with anyone else unless we know for sure God is really leading. But we decided to not express our feeling with each other until we meet. It has nothing to do with a relationship status.

And during the time we talked more like bf and gf we said I love you to each other. Which is one reason why I struggle so much now, because I so miss being able to say it and hearing her say it.

 

[Youngdisciple1]

Step back and realize that you do NOT love her. You may admire, enjoy, and like her a lot, but love it is not. Besides, blurting out that you do love someone you have never even met is likely to cause her to think less of you, so stifle the impulse to do that.

What makes you think I don’t love her? I’ve liked and been infatuated with girls before, but this is way different. And it’s definitely not like I don’t know her, I know we have never actually met but we FaceTime hours every day. And I also talk to her parents regularly.

 

[com7fy8]

As I think you might know, love is not about what you want.

Love her by listening to her, so you understand what she really desires; and pray so you are honest about what is really right for her.

Confusion is not of God. His love will make us clear and satisfied.

 

[Kenny'sID]

What makes you think I don’t love her? I’ve liked and been infatuated with girls before, but this is way different. And it’s definitely not like I don’t know her, I know we have never actually met but we FaceTime hours every day. And I also talk to her parents regularly.

In a sense it is like you don't know her, because you have never been near her physically, but on the other side of that coin, you my know her better in some respects due to the online relationship. So yes, at least in my view, and I'm not saying you are or aren't, it is possible you are in love. Actually, I tend towards likely.

I'm sitting here wondering, what are you waiting for? Meet.

 

[Saucy]

So, the only thing you're struggling with is you desperately want to tell her you love her. You've already told her that's how you feel. You just said you told her you were struggling with it. She knows how you feel. You know how she feels. You two are staying committed to each other. You talk for hours each day. I guess I'm not understanding what the big issue is. This is the best you can hope for with an online relationship. You're already in the thick of it. Rather than being sad and upset at what you don't have yet, focus on what you do have. Don't add pressure to the situation, as it will only make you look worse in her eyes.

 

[Youngdisciple1]

In a sense it is like you don't know her, because you have never been near her physically, but on the other side of that coin, you my know her better in some respects due to the online relationship. So yes, at least in my view, and I'm not saying you are or aren't, it is possible you are in love. Actually, I tend towards likely.

I'm sitting here wondering, what are you waiting for? Meet.

Yea, we know each other extremely well. My parents. They won’t let me go over there until I’m 18.

 

[SkyWriting]

A year ago a girl from a different country and I started talking online. Within two weeks we were best friends and talking a few hours every day. A couple of months later we both had confused we liked the the other. But because of our age, the fact that we had never met and that it would be awhile before we could, we decided to stay friends until we met. But it wasn’t long before things starting going past friends. The way we were talking was much more like boyfriend and girlfriend instead of just friends. But then we decided to get more strict with it not too long after. And ever since then I have been struggling sooo much with friend level. It just steadily been getting harder. She is still very set in friend level and doesn’t seem to be struggling like I am at all. I am just so tired of this friend level. I want to go past so bad. I’ve been praying and praying so much for God to help me and I’ve been trying to rely on Him to help me. But it just continues to get harder. I think I am falling in love with her. Which makes it so much harder. I am just so tired of not being able to tell her how I feel like I was able to for a short time, and I am tired of just having to assume she still feels the same way. Almost every time we talk I’m afraid I’m going to blurt out, “I love you.”. Which I can’t do because we agreed to stay on friend level. What do I do?

In a good relationship you sit down and eat meals with your partner most every day.
So look for a local person to date. Not that I believe your story, but in general.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Yea, we know each other extremely well. My parents. They won’t let me go over there until I’m 18.

I see, and though I doubt it helps to say, probably for the best.

 

[Albion]

What makes you think I don’t love her? I’ve liked and been infatuated with girls before, but this is way different. And it’s definitely not like I don’t know her, I know we have never actually met but we FaceTime hours every day. And I also talk to her parents regularly.

I'm hoping that you might just possibly think that all of us who have recommended that you reign it in for your own sake could be right. After all, it would be much easier to tell you "Sure. Go ahead. Hooray for young love." How many people, do you think, find true love at your age without every having been in the company of the other person? Not many, huh?

And besides, she has tried you tell you to cool it with such talk, so why would you think it would accomplish anything to go ahead with it?

 

[Youngdisciple1]

I'm hoping that you might just possibly think that all of us who have recommended that you reign it in for your own sake could be right. After all, it would be much easier to tell you "Sure. Go ahead. Hooray for young love." How many people, do you think, find true love at your age without every having been in the company of the other person? Not many, huh?

And besides, she has tried you tell you to cool it with such talk, so why would you think it would accomplish anything to go ahead with it?

I know it probably is best to wait until we are older and have actually met. In a way I do want to wait, but I am having a hard time staying committed to that. I need help finding out how to be content in the friend level. I’ve been trying so much but I just keep failing.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

A year ago a girl from a different country and I started talking online. Within two weeks we were best friends and talking a few hours every day. A couple of months later we both had confused we liked the the other. But because of our age, the fact that we had never met and that it would be awhile before we could, we decided to stay friends until we met. But it wasn’t long before things starting going past friends. The way we were talking was much more like boyfriend and girlfriend instead of just friends. But then we decided to get more strict with it not too long after. And ever since then I have been struggling sooo much with friend level. It just steadily been getting harder. She is still very set in friend level and doesn’t seem to be struggling like I am at all. I am just so tired of this friend level. I want to go past so bad. I’ve been praying and praying so much for God to help me and I’ve been trying to rely on Him to help me. But it just continues to get harder. I think I am falling in love with her. Which makes it so much harder. I am just so tired of not being able to tell her how I feel like I was able to for a short time, and I am tired of just having to assume she still feels the same way. Almost every time we talk I’m afraid I’m going to blurt out, “I love you.”. Which I can’t do because we agreed to stay on friend level. I really need to learn to be content in friend level with her until we meet. So, what do I do?

What country do she live in and what are your current ages?

 

[Youngdisciple1]

What country do she live in and what are your current ages?

She lives in Australia. And we are 17.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

She lives in Australia. And we are 17.

While young love be can nice...long distance relationships /and or romances are costly and will cause you a lot of emotional stresses because you are so far apart.
I know all this because I was in a couple of long distance relationships.

This be very hard on people because we all use to having what we want "now" and you want to spend time together in person not just Face-timing for hours each day.
Romantic relationships require being physically present in each others lives,
going out on dates, experiencing how it is when either of you have bad day(s)
or you mess something up...dealing with relationship conflicts, disappointments,
personal flaws/shortcomings etc.

Seriously now... can you and your family afford such a trip? and how many
times do you both want to meet in person each year?

Are both of you mature enough to endure spending more time apart than you are together?

Do you either of you work? do either of plan to attend college?

 

[frater_domus]

To be fair, love that lasts usually starts or comes along with friendship. Why? Because friendship builds trust. Those 'love at first sight' and emotional turmoil kind of things, I would not call it love, but rather infatuation. It also rarely comes in your teens, as it requires certain emotional maturity (boy, when did I become my granny ).
When I look at the bible and our love for God, it does not strike me as something emotional that just happens, but as a choice we make.

In these situations, it is usually helpful to take a step back and get a new perspective. I'd really advice against any drastic changes or plans you may want to make because of it. Prioritise God and your personal walk through life for now, at least until you can safely say that you have gained stability on your own. This will help you far more than any rash decisions right now. 'Self-Control' is the key phrase here

Trust me, I have been through the very same issue. Thrice. With a substantial increase in distance with each one. Nothing led to anything in the end. Well, that is my experience, for what it's worth