Should I distance myself from non-christian friends?

camipls

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This question has probably been discussed countless of times, but I'd really like some input about this.

I have been a christian all my life, I'm 28 years old. One day I might actually share my testimony since it's quite amazing lmao. I currently don't go to church, so I don't have any christian friends around me except my family. I went to a church last year but it's getting difficult finding churches that teach a healthy doctrine (most are all about prosperity doctrines and such, and since we are currently living in apostasy days, it will get harder), so I left. I am planning on committing to a new church, but right now my mom is sick and at the hospital, so I'm waiting until she gets better so that I can give my time to that.

My issue is that I have this best friend with whom i've been friends with for almost ten years. We have been in each other's lives for ages, and we went through a lot together, I love and pray for her daily, she is like a sister to me, and I value friendship quite a lot in my life. She isn't a believer, she went through a lot of religious trauma. She knows I am a christian, and she tolerates it quite well, is respectful and I try to be a light to her in times of need, I don't push the God subject too hard on her because I don't wanna be that kind of person, but I try to represent Jesus in the best way I can, even though I am not perfect, and she always tells me that I am "not like the other christians", in a sense that I don't judge her or condemn her like I know many people in our community tend to do.

The thing is, after my mom got sick literally one month ago, I committed myself to Jesus even more. I wasn't lost, only distracted by the things of the world, and now I am carrying my cross and I promised Jesus I would change lots of things. But now that I am closer to Jesus, I'm starting to see (and I am certain it is because the Holy Spirit is opening up my spiritual eyes) that my friend and I are very different. Total different values. She is super liberal, I'm not. I am jewish as well, so I kindly explained to her this whole palestine-israel conflict from the perspective of a jewish person, she understood and I was glad she was on my side until I saw on twitter that she liked some pro-palestine tweets and that just shattered me. It's getting harder for me to get to talk to her every day (we are online friends, never met in person since we live in different countries), I'm dreading to have other types of conversations. Plus, she has depression, which I also had but I'm well now, so it's hard for me having to comfort her in a way that isn't spiritual. She is an amazing friend, and I love her with all my heart. I don't want to have to cut ties with her because she has a lot of trauma due to past friendships abandoning her since her depression makes her a difficult person to deal with sometimes. I am torn between wanting to love people like Jesus did, regardless of our differences, but it's hard feeling like I have to tone down my beliefs in front of her or just keep my light hidden underneath a box, which is what Jesus told us not to do. We are the light of the world, after all.

Maybe this thread is a little bit immature, but I am so desperate to talk to other christians and get their opinions. I have talked to her about Jesus a few times, and I can see she has no interest in it, so I wont push it or force her to anything, I wish nothing more than for her to meet Jesus and be together in this faith, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. It's hard feeling like i can't talk to her about certain things, can't tell her i'm devastated by all the uprising antisemitism in my country when I saw her liking a pro-palestine tweet. It's just hard, but at the same time I don't want to lock myself in a box where I don't interact with anyone who isn't christian, how can we expect to preach the word or be of inspiration for people if we only hang out with christians? BUT, at the same time, it feels like rocks being thrown in my path, making me stumble.

Any advice? And please, I would love some personal experiences or opinions instead of just scripture, I know the word very well, but i'd like something more personal right now. Thank you so much! God bless <3
 
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Gentle Lamb

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I had a non Christian penpal for over a decade. In the length of our friendship we went through many life changes. We talked about a lot of different things, sometimes texting on the phone, sometimes talking, but mainly just sending emails back and forth. We had talked about meeting in person. She told me about how she had met some of her other penpals in person. During our friendship I was trying to be close to God, totally lost my way, hit rock bottom, suicidal depressed, and then I found Jesus and my life really started to change. I tried to share my new rekindled faith with her. It wasn't easy. Our ways of life were different and the differences were more apparent the closer I drew to Jesus but I kept trying. Finally I offered to meet her in person and she said she wasn't comfortable meeting me in person. I eventually ended the friendship because it made no sense for me to continue it. I think this is something you should pray about, consider all aspects of the friendship, and by all means protect your feelings if you are hurt by the way she is handling the situation with the war given your background that you have shared with her. Put God first and be willing to make sacrifices for Him, just know that it may not be the easiest thing to limit communication or cut off a friendship, but be prayerful and considerate and follow His leading. Maybe less contact may be a good option. I felt at times like I was just a journal to that penpal and indeed I was because she wasn't even comfortable meeting me in person which was weird and hurtful because she did for other penpals she hadn't even known as long as me. Also, a friend who is depressed can take a toll on you so it's okay to keep your distance at times, pray for her and know that there are other resources out there to help her.
 
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camipls

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I had a non Christian penpal for over a decade. In the length of our friendship we went through many life changes. We talked about a lot of different things, sometimes texting on the phone, sometimes talking, but mainly just sending emails back and forth. We had talked about meeting in person. She told me about how she had met some of her other penpals in person. During our friendship I was trying to be close to God, totally lost my way, hit rock bottom, suicidal depressed, and then I found Jesus and my life really started to change. I tried to share my new rekindled faith with her. It wasn't easy. Our ways of life were different and the differences were more apparent the closer I drew to Jesus but I kept trying. Finally I offered to meet her in person and she said she wasn't comfortable meeting me in person. I eventually ended the friendship because it made no sense for me to continue it. I think this is something you should pray about, consider all aspects of the friendship, and by all means protect your feelings if you are hurt by the way she is handling the situation with the war given your background that you have shared with her. Put God first and be willing to make sacrifices for Him, just know that it may not be the easiest thing to limit communication or cut off a friendship, but be prayerful and considerate and follow His leading. Maybe less contact may be a good option. I felt at times like I was just a journal to that penpal and indeed I was because she wasn't even comfortable meeting me in person which was weird and hurtful because she did for other penpals she hadn't even known as long as me. Also, a friend who is depressed can take a toll on you so it's okay to keep your distance at times, pray for her and know that there are other resources out there to help her.
I totally relate to what you said about the differences being more apparent the closer you drew to Jesus, because that's how I feel right now. It only happened in a matter of weeks, but I used to "relate" to many of our conversations, and right now it doesn't feel that way since I'm also way closer to Jesus than I was before. I'm often reminded of what Jesus said, that there is no greater love than those who would die for their friends, and that makes me take any kind of friendship very seriously, but then I realize Jesus is also my friend, who do I value more? Who adds more to my life rather than taking away things? But I also don't wanna be the kind of friend that pushes her away because of Jesus, because i don't want her to feel like Jesus is someone that is imposing between our friendship, I dont wanna make her hate him or think badly of him, it's really complex to be honest

Thank you so much for you words, they were really helpful!
 
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Gentle Lamb

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I totally relate to what you said about the differences being more apparent the closer you drew to Jesus, because that's how I feel right now. It only happened in a matter of weeks, but I used to "relate" to many of our conversations, and right now it doesn't feel that way since I'm also way closer to Jesus than I was before. I'm often reminded of what Jesus said, that there is no greater love than those who would die for their friends, and that makes me take any kind of friendship very seriously, but then I realize Jesus is also my friend, who do I value more? Who adds more to my life rather than taking away things? But I also don't wanna be the kind of friend that pushes her away because of Jesus, because i don't want her to feel like Jesus is someone that is imposing between our friendship, I dont wanna make her hate him or think badly of him, it's really complex to be honest

Thank you so much for you words, they were really helpful!
You're quite welcome :) Friendships can be an area where we struggle, for sure. But what you said about if Jesus is your friend, who do you value more, that is so important and so poignant. The Bible tells us that friendship with the world is enmity with God. Indeed, some things will not be able to be reconciled because you are putting Jesus first. But also, these sorts of dissonance in friendship/relationship happen amongst Christians and in the Body of Christ/church as well, not just in believer/nonbeliever friendship. So I would again advise to just prayerfully consider what to do, and maybe also from now on the topic of your conversations may have a more narrow focus. Best wishes :)
 
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camipls

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It sounds like it's really the recent politics driving you apart, and that sucks. Did she know you were also Jewish all these years?
I think that might be it. And yes, she did. Even though the pro-palestine posts she liked weren't as hateful and more like a middle ground opinion, it still hurt a little
 
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anetazo

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No one is judging you.

Person may resent you down the road. Christian people and heathen are not compadable. Christian people should not compromise their values and beliefs.

Second Corinthians chapter 6 to document. Christian people and outsiders are not compadable.

The heathen will impede on your spiritual growth.

Hebrews chapter 5. Christian people should study the bible and be teachers of God's word after 20 years. Get the picture.

If you date the heathen or get married. She/he will resent you soon after. It's two trucks on a collision course.

Hit the brakes fast. Plant seed with her or him. If they refuse to convert to christianity and repentance of sins to God. It's time to move on.

Friend. Your asking for train wreck if you keep playing around with the heathen.
 
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Danny&Annie&theChristmas

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I have received good advice from non-christians. I have been badly betrayed by people claiming to be Christian. Vice-versa also has applied. Generally speaking though, I keep non-christians at the acquaintance level to limit potential damage. I tend to move very slowly in any of my relationships though. After suffering massive abuse as a child, I take my time and let trust build slowly and thoroughly. No hurry.
 
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A few things...

He who walks with the wise, grows wise. A companion of fools suffers harm.

Did Jesus disassociate with sinners?

Where are you at in your walk? Would associating with them cause you to stumble or would it make your witness stronger?
 
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You can't approach the lost without exploring your own lost time first. We all walked those shoes and understanding is why we need not run from those who have not yet stepped through the looking glass into the world of the Kingdom from the world of man. To avoid is to doubt your own faith.
 
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I would just set some boundaries with this person. She's not allowed to discuss her depression or the Israel-Palestine war with you anymore, and unfollow her on Twitter/X. The reason why is because she's not accepting the Gospel, which is what she needs to deal with her depression. Jesus gives life meaning and success, and she is rejecting Him. No wonder she is depressed!

You don't need to kick this person out of your life, just set some boundaries against the ways that she's hurting you. You're her friend, not her human sponge for all of her negative emotions which she won't take the remedy for.

If she gives a negative reaction emotionally to boundary-setting, that is on her, but I'm getting the impression from this post that she is the kind of friend you can work things out with. I don't think she wants to hurt you either. I'm under the impression that you just need to make clear what's bothering you to her and the Christian reasons why, and I believe your friendship with her will improve dramatically.
 
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This question has probably been discussed countless of times, but I'd really like some input about this.

I have been a christian all my life, I'm 28 years old. One day I might actually share my testimony since it's quite amazing lmao. I currently don't go to church, so I don't have any christian friends around me except my family. I went to a church last year but it's getting difficult finding churches that teach a healthy doctrine (most are all about prosperity doctrines and such, and since we are currently living in apostasy days, it will get harder), so I left. I am planning on committing to a new church, but right now my mom is sick and at the hospital, so I'm waiting until she gets better so that I can give my time to that.

My issue is that I have this best friend with whom i've been friends with for almost ten years. We have been in each other's lives for ages, and we went through a lot together, I love and pray for her daily, she is like a sister to me, and I value friendship quite a lot in my life. She isn't a believer, she went through a lot of religious trauma. She knows I am a christian, and she tolerates it quite well, is respectful and I try to be a light to her in times of need, I don't push the God subject too hard on her because I don't wanna be that kind of person, but I try to represent Jesus in the best way I can, even though I am not perfect, and she always tells me that I am "not like the other christians", in a sense that I don't judge her or condemn her like I know many people in our community tend to do.

The thing is, after my mom got sick literally one month ago, I committed myself to Jesus even more. I wasn't lost, only distracted by the things of the world, and now I am carrying my cross and I promised Jesus I would change lots of things. But now that I am closer to Jesus, I'm starting to see (and I am certain it is because the Holy Spirit is opening up my spiritual eyes) that my friend and I are very different. Total different values. She is super liberal, I'm not. I am jewish as well, so I kindly explained to her this whole palestine-israel conflict from the perspective of a jewish person, she understood and I was glad she was on my side until I saw on twitter that she liked some pro-palestine tweets and that just shattered me. It's getting harder for me to get to talk to her every day (we are online friends, never met in person since we live in different countries), I'm dreading to have other types of conversations. Plus, she has depression, which I also had but I'm well now, so it's hard for me having to comfort her in a way that isn't spiritual. She is an amazing friend, and I love her with all my heart. I don't want to have to cut ties with her because she has a lot of trauma due to past friendships abandoning her since her depression makes her a difficult person to deal with sometimes. I am torn between wanting to love people like Jesus did, regardless of our differences, but it's hard feeling like I have to tone down my beliefs in front of her or just keep my light hidden underneath a box, which is what Jesus told us not to do. We are the light of the world, after all.

Maybe this thread is a little bit immature, but I am so desperate to talk to other christians and get their opinions. I have talked to her about Jesus a few times, and I can see she has no interest in it, so I wont push it or force her to anything, I wish nothing more than for her to meet Jesus and be together in this faith, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. It's hard feeling like i can't talk to her about certain things, can't tell her i'm devastated by all the uprising antisemitism in my country when I saw her liking a pro-palestine tweet. It's just hard, but at the same time I don't want to lock myself in a box where I don't interact with anyone who isn't christian, how can we expect to preach the word or be of inspiration for people if we only hang out with christians? BUT, at the same time, it feels like rocks being thrown in my path, making me stumble.

Any advice? And please, I would love some personal experiences or opinions instead of just scripture, I know the word very well, but i'd like something more personal right now. Thank you so much! God bless <3
I don’t see an issue! She’s who she is and you are who you are. She has her issues and beliefs, and you have yours.

She does not have to change for you! I don’t see any offense to you based on your own personal preferences. They are your preference, not hers.

Just because she’s not a Christian is no reason to drop your friendship, so If you love her, love her like an understanding friend and don’t put your expectations on her. If her issues are too much for you to handle, and brings up worry, hurt and confusion, then you must decide if you want your emotion’s affected by the friendship or not.

Every now and then you can pray for your friend’s salvation.
 
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