Gradyll,
I don't know if I will ever be able to get you to understand this, but let me try one more time: As a child I was taught that the mere feeling of anger was sin and that merely having an angry or hateful thought made one deserving of hell. Your words have said that you agree with what I was taught.
But now you seem to be bobbing and weaving so please answer the question clearly: Do you or do you not believe that if a person experiences an angry thought towards another person, that this one thought causes him to deserve eternal fire in hell? Please answer.
Please understand that it was words very much like yours that caused me to go through the horrors I experienced as a child.
You don't understand. I knew all about salvation in Christ. I had accepted Christ as savior. But again and again the doubts would come that I hadn't done it sincerely or maybe had been missing something. I would repeat in my mind that I was accepting Christ. And again and again I would read things about grace like you suggest. And again and again I would convince myself that, even though I was having many hurtful thoughts and feelings, every one of which made me deserving of eternal torment and fire, that I wasn't really going to get the torment I so completely deserved.
And your solution? You ask me to do exactly what I did, to remind myself and convince myself that even though I was such a horrible person that frequently did things worthy of eternal torment, I will not get what I deserve.
Telling me that my impulses make me worthy of eternal torment is not condemnation?
I now have a life free of the torments of my childhood. I now understand that I am the result of a long process of evolution, a process that has bred in me a fight or flight response when I perceive I am attacked. And when that flight or flight response becomes intense, it can produce thoughts and emotions that we identify as anger or hate. Evolution bred that in me. But that is not all evolution bred in me. It also produced emotions of love and compassion and the desire to build deep cooperative relationships with those that reciprocate. And evolution built in me the cognitive resources to sort through the various emotions and thoughts, and establish rational reactions that make for good outcomes in most circumstances.
Evolution also created a consciousness in me, but my consciousness is not really in charge. Rather, my brain is continually responding with a mass of thoughts and emotions, a stream of which filters to the top and becomes my conscious train of thought. And this consciousness, which I call "me", can observe the interacting thoughts and watch them work through my problems.
So rather than condemn myself for having some thoughts that are not the best, I can simply observe the brain--that great brain that evolution has given folks like you and me--and watch it work through the mass of thoughts to chart a good course of action.
I no longer condemn myself for having certain feelings. They happen. I feel them. I work through them. I move on. It is far better then the guilt I felt merely for experiencing the natural workings of the human brain.