Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

[mojoboy31]

I hadn't heard it either. But this is what I found.

Black Pill or blackpilled is an expression, referring to the taking of the allegorical black pill; not as bright colored as the red and blue in the Matrix movies, but a lot more intense.

Taking the black pill basically refers to the realization to the ugly truth of life; the world is a hostile and unequal place, set in the favor of certain people with certain characteristics; be it sex, skin color, intelligence or looks, all people are born different with different potential.

This is another definition for dating purposes.

The Blackpill ideology claims that physical attractiveness is the primary determining factor in dating and relationship success. Unlike the Bluebill and Redpill ideologies, Blackpill maintains that the effects that physical appearance has on one’s performance and results in the dating world cannot be remedied by improving personality, clothing, hairstyle or hygiene.

Any non-physical characteristics, such as personality, will simply be shadowed by one’s physical appearance which include facial proportionality, height, body fat percentage and frame. The theory also holds that women generally want to ‘date up’ (hypergamy) and tend to look for men who are higher than them in status and attractiveness which leaves average men with even less options.

This reminds me of a program that used to come on television. She was a matchmaker for wealthy singles. Her clients ranged in looks and personalities as you'd expect. But she always had a few who believed their wealth would offset their deficiencies. Especially in appearance. They never got the girl and she'd have to have a heart to heart. Their desires were unrealistic. But they didn't want to hear it. They believed money was enough.

She told them something I never forgot. She said a 10 will never choose you because she's a 10. She can find someone in a similar range with means. She doesn't have to settle. Some of them listened but a few were upset.

While I hasten to say they're right. It's an interesting example of that perspective. Money didn't make the difference some assumed. They could get an attractive woman. But she wasn't a knockout. And that's the one they wanted. The majority desired to marry and settle down. The ones who listened made a good match and continued.

The black pill is a modern way of addressing privilege and its impact on relationships. I think there's some truth to what they've said. But I don't think its hopeless. All things are possible with God.

Reminds me of a time. One asked how he could help his girlfriend increase her self-confidence, and someone answered: "why bother? If she gains self-confidence, she'll just leave you for a better guy..."

 

[Miles]

Reminds me of a time. One asked how he could help his girlfriend increase her self-confidence, and someone answered: "why bother? If she gains self-confidence, she'll just leave you for a better guy..."

Sometimes, a woman will work jobs to help pay for her man's education, and then when he graduates he leaves her for somebody else. Somebody who previously wouldn't have given him the time of day without his shiny new degree. Possibly due to increased confidence and perceived status. I've seen it happen. Not to myself, but to someone fairly close to me.

This is the dark side of human nature. Men see it in women. Women see it in men. There's a bit of truth in these so-called "pills", but I've yet to find one that tells the whole story. There's always a spin. An agenda. A convenient excuse to sink to the level of the other. Like I said, this is the dark side of human nature.

The choice isn't which pill to take, but whether we're willing to risk bucking the trend and all that comes with it.

 

[mojoboy31]

Sometimes, a woman will work jobs to help pay for her man's education, and then when he graduates he leaves her for somebody else. Somebody who previously wouldn't have given him the time of day without his shiny new degree. Possibly due to increased confidence and perceived status. I've seen it happen. Not to myself, but to someone fairly close to me.

This is the dark side of human nature. Men see it in women. Women see it in men. There's a bit of truth in these so-called "pills", but I've yet to find one that tells the whole story. There's always a spin. An agenda. A convenient excuse to sink to the level of the other. Like I said, this is the dark side of human nature.

The choice isn't which pill to take, but whether we're willing to risk bucking the trend and all that comes with it.

True.

For the record, I wasn't agreeing with the quote or directing the quote at women specifically-- just the quote they posted reminded me of it. XD

I don't believe in the "pills" ideology, I do believe that some people are different, and you have to find the ones who are different.
The problem is, we convince ourselves: "they aren't like the others!" For the wrong people. It's happened to me 4 times now xD

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Survey says… real candidates!

 

[mojoboy31]

A cute girl a neighboring department started coming to chat with me a lot, flirts with me, we tease each other and roast each other, it's fun, but I wasn't thinking too seriously on it, until I started picking up some body language/ behavioral clues. Seems to pay extra attention to me, even in group settings, I find her looking at me kind of a lot, when we talk, she kind of holds my gaze more intensely than just normal-- at least-- to what feels like normal to me. I'm not exactly a guru when it comes to women and signs of attraction.

Anyways, I started noticing "signals" more and more... And then her husband came in, so that was cool.
I'm apparently the only person who didn't know she was married.

So in short, no crushes over here

 

[Midnight Blue]

No one in particular. I don't like to get mentally-attached.

 

[sampa]

I have a couple that I still have crushes on, but I've communicated with both of them that they are too far or things would not work out long term. I stay in touch with both of them. One of them just passed through my state on their way to Wisconsin. One of them intellectually stimulates me but is heavy on the alcohol the other is a Christian and I have a physical attraction to him but he has six kids. Both of them I have talked on the phone with. One I have spent time on video with. The last one that is a Christian has sometimes text me and I have text him. Both are very attractive to me, but I know would not work out long term.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I have a couple that I still have crushes on, but I've communicated with both of them that they are too far or things would not work out long term. I stay in touch with both of them. One of them just passed through my state on their way to Wisconsin. One of them intellectually stimulates me but is heavy on the alcohol the other is a Christian and I have a physical attraction to him but he has six kids. Both of them I have talked on the phone with. One I have spent time on video with. The last one that is a Christian has sometimes text me and I have text him. Both are very attractive to me, but I know would not work out long term.

Seems like a wise decision, Miss @sampa

 

[Saucy]

I have a couple that I still have crushes on, but I've communicated with both of them that they are too far or things would not work out long term. I stay in touch with both of them. One of them just passed through my state on their way to Wisconsin. One of them intellectually stimulates me but is heavy on the alcohol the other is a Christian and I have a physical attraction to him but he has six kids. Both of them I have talked on the phone with. One I have spent time on video with. The last one that is a Christian has sometimes text me and I have text him. Both are very attractive to me, but I know would not work out long term.

I don't ask this disrespectfully or anything, but have you tried with someone you thought might not work out long term? Maybe it will be beneficial to give someone a chance and God does work it out for you in the end. You seem to have chemistry with some of these guys you meet, it might be worth taking a few extra steps to see what God might do.

 

[sampa]

I don't ask this disrespectfully or anything, but have you tried with someone you thought might not work out long term? Maybe it will be beneficial to give someone a chance and God does work it out for you in the end. You seem to have chemistry with some of these guys you meet, it might be worth taking a few extra steps to see what God might do.

Yes, trouble!!! trouble! But at least I got closure. Of these two, one is 650 miles and 6 kids that I would be taking him away. The other is far south, Alabama, 2 divorces, drinks everyday, and quite the pirate mouth and would never survive traditional Christian purity before marriage. He also needs to get his head straight, I might be too boring compared to his past exes.

Thanks for your concern. I've never met either in person. The last one I sent a text on his birthday sent me. He sent a text back saying he admired me. That was a huge compliment I've never had before. He's only seen my life through social media. Besides our conversation by phone a year ago when I was interested and then there were indications it wasn't going to work. He said he wasn't ready mentally for any relationship. A lot more to it though that was very mature.
The other after we both made a decision it couldn't work but video we couldn't stop texting and break away. And being on my social media account he loves everything and has encouraged me in my running journey. He text me a momth later and said he was going to again. We ended up talking on the phone at another point because of maybe a low point...with me posting less on social media I'm sure I will hear less, as guys are usually visually stimulated.

I only posted about my attractions because they kind of give me hope. One of them
being a Christian. And the other admiring me for who I am and not trying to make me to be somebody,

 

[RileyG]

Yes.

 

[KJ91]

Yes, a gigantic one. Never felt so strong for a woman before. She said she also never felt so strong for anybody before aswell. Daily contact for 6 months, 2-3 hours in phone everyday etc. But 3 days ago she lost interest in me and blocked me everywhere. It happend after i told her that i was still a kissless virgin at age 30. Im a honest man and dont want to hide things about me, but in hindsight, i should never have told her lol.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Yes, a gigantic one. Never felt so strong for a woman before. She said she also never felt so strong for anybody before aswell. Daily contact for 6 months, 2-3 hours in phone everyday etc. But 3 days ago she lost interest in me and blocked me everywhere. It happend after i told her that i was still a kissless virgin at age 30. Im a honest man and dont want to hide things about me, but in hindsight, i should never have told her lol.

These things happen. I'm sorry.

 

[sampa]

Yes, a gigantic one. Never felt so strong for a woman before. She said she also never felt so strong for anybody before aswell. Daily contact for 6 months, 2-3 hours in phone everyday etc. But 3 days ago she lost interest in me and blocked me everywhere. It happend after i told her that i was still a kissless virgin at age 30. Im a honest man and dont want to hide things about me, but in hindsight, i should never have told her lol.

I'm sorry for how things turned out. Question, are you saying that you saw each other every day for 6 months and also spent two to three hours on the phone? From what you said it sounds like you should have been honest with her from the beginning. My father always taught me honesty is the best policy.

With online dating I have put most of non-negotiables, such as purity before marriage and not being able to relocate so there are no miscommunications about what two people are looking for. My medical information is private, and that is something I don't feel like I need to put in a public space. But by the third conversation I make sure to let the other person know of my long-term condition. I share this as it saves a lot of heartache for two parties in the long run.I

Again, I'm sorry for how things turned out. But blocking someone is pretty serious and there may be more to the story.

 

[mojoboy31]

there may be more to the story.

This right here! I'm getting the sense there's WAY more to it than that.

 

[KJ91]

I'm sorry for how things turned out. Question, are you saying that you saw each other every day for 6 months and also spent two to three hours on the phone? From what you said it sounds like you should have been honest with her from the beginning. My father always taught me honesty is the best policy.

With online dating I have put most of non-negotiables, such as purity before marriage and not being able to relocate so there are no miscommunications about what two people are looking for. My medical information is private, and that is something I don't feel like I need to put in a public space. But by the third conversation I make sure to let the other person know of my long-term condition. I share this as it saves a lot of heartache for two parties in the long run.I

Again, I'm sorry for how things turned out. But blocking someone is pretty serious and there may be more to the story.

Thanks for your reply.

No, we only meet IRL a couple of times. But we did talk everyday on facebook and phone calls.

Yes, i should have said like it was right from the start. But i was afraid, because i have sterotypes that being as old as i am and still be a kissless virgin will scare away people, and i was right.

More to the story? I dont know. Maybe i said something that she interpreted as cruel. I hope not. Or she is just the blocking type.

Anyways, feels like its a dead end to even try anymore. I dont see any women accept a guy who is 30+ and still unkissed virgin. Its a gigantic turnoff. They will think someting is wrong etc. Which is understandable, im not mad about it.

Have a nice day!

 

[sampa]

Yes, i should have said like it was right from the start. But i was afraid, because i have sterotypes that being as old as i am and still be a kissless virgin will scare away people, and i was right.

Thanks for the clarification. Yes it is best to stay that from the start, and whatever happens happens. One thing you can always follow up with that, is your reasons why. If it's some kind of fear of rejection or something else that you're working on, let them know. If it was because you feel a kiss is more special then just anyone, let them know. One of the things that is someone could see as a red flag is if has been no kind of affectionate gestures, it could be an indicator for long-term.

Let me share a couple stories. One guy told me he knew of a girl that she had the traditional Christian view that with marriage you should wait. She was in a relationship for 5 years, her boyfriend kept persisting that they should break that commitment to the Lord, and she broke up with him. The guy that told me the story felt there was something wrong with the girl. That she should have done things with him that is usually reserved for marriage. My bigger question that I posed, is why they would be together so long and not get married. Personally myself I don't think it's going to take longer than 2 years to make that decision, hopefully even sooner. I told the guy there must be a lot more to the story.

A personal story of a guy I had started talking to through eHarmony, 12-year age difference and two states away. He had been married for 18 years and a lack of intimacy. He divorced. And remarried within 8 months with someone who gave him all the physical intimacy that he wanted. But he soon found out that she was not interested in him but just his money. He divorced. Some years later, a girl was very interested in him and she made the first move for a kiss. After 10 years off and on of a relationship and friendship, she got tired of waiting for him to make a commitment for marriage. So she broke it off. I only found this out after 6 months of correspondence and friendship as he called it, he was about to meet me for a date finally in my hometown. But I had found someone else. He was in shock, but I knew the right decision after he told me his story, because I would not want to be in a relationship for 10 years that goes nowhere.

I'm not saying this is your case, I just share these with you as the information that you give could be interpreted with hesitation. Myself I have been particular about who I might have a kiss with as I have always wanted to save it for the person I marry. I'm not saying I have a perfect record, but I also know that there are guys that question me with my lack of being in a relationships.

I think honesty is definitely the best policy, but you can always follow up with that you are a work in progress, what your convictions are, and expectations that there may be people who do not match with you and your convictions. I've had multiple conversations through online dating with people who could not understand that, they respected it and we went our separate ways for a more suitable partner.

Anyways, feels like its a dead end to even try anymore. I dont see any women accept a guy who is 30+ and still unkissed virgin.

This mentality will not help you and only keep you stuck. Keeping a mental picture that you are a work in progress, is the only way to move forward. How you go about accomplishing that work in progress is up to you. No one can do it for you but yourself. Prayers for you and I only share this with you as I want the best for you and your future.

 

[KJ91]

Thanks for the clarification. Yes it is best to stay that from the start, and whatever happens happens. One thing you can always follow up with that, is your reasons why. If it's some kind of fear of rejection or something else that you're working on, let them know. If it was because you feel a kiss is more special then just anyone, let them know. One of the things that is someone could see as a red flag is if has been no kind of affectionate gestures, it could be an indicator for long-term.

Let me share a couple stories. One guy told me he knew of a girl that she had the traditional Christian view that with marriage you should wait. She was in a relationship for 5 years, her boyfriend kept persisting that they should break that commitment to the Lord, and she broke up with him. The guy that told me the story felt there was something wrong with the girl. That she should have done things with him that is usually reserved for marriage. My bigger question that I posed, is why they would be together so long and not get married. Personally myself I don't think it's going to take longer than 2 years to make that decision, hopefully even sooner. I told the guy there must be a lot more to the story.

A personal story of a guy I had started talking to through eHarmony, 12-year age difference and two states away. He had been married for 18 years and a lack of intimacy. He divorced. And remarried within 8 months with someone who gave him all the physical intimacy that he wanted. But he soon found out that she was not interested in him but just his money. He divorced. Some years later, a girl was very interested in him and she made the first move for a kiss. After 10 years off and on of a relationship and friendship, she got tired of waiting for him to make a commitment for marriage. So she broke it off. I only found this out after 6 months of correspondence and friendship as he called it, he was about to meet me for a date finally in my hometown. But I had found someone else. He was in shock, but I knew the right decision after he told me his story, because I would not want to be in a relationship for 10 years that goes nowhere.

I'm not saying this is your case, I just share these with you as the information that you give could be interpreted with hesitation. Myself I have been particular about who I might have a kiss with as I have always wanted to save it for the person I marry. I'm not saying I have a perfect record, but I also know that there are guys that question me with my lack of being in a relationships.

I think honesty is definitely the best policy, but you can always follow up with that you are a work in progress, what your convictions are, and expectations that there may be people who do not match with you and your convictions. I've had multiple conversations through online dating with people who could not understand that, they respected it and we went our separate ways for a more suitable partner.

This mentality will not help you and only keep you stuck. Keeping a mental picture that you are a work in progress, is the only way to move forward. How you go about accomplishing that work in progress is up to you. No one can do it for you but yourself. Prayers for you and I only share this with you as I want the best for you and your future.

It should be said, she said goodbye and blocked just RIGHT away after i told her that i was 30 year old unkissed virgin. She never blocked me before that. She never complained about me behaving bad etc. So it must be that it was a turnoff for her that im still a unkissed virgin at this age. But its okay, i wish her nothing but the best. She is a born again christian by the way. Very friendly woman.


Well its a mentality of truth. I cant force anyone to accept the fact that im 30 and a unkissed virgin. Nobody has accepted it so far, so why would anyone in the future do it? Not realistic.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

 

[sampa]

Nobody has accepted it so far, so why would anyone in the future do it? Not realistic.

Again I'm sorry for This woman's actions and also the circumstances but I think you admitted what you should have done in the beginning. Please choose your words wisely but are you saying that every man or woman that is here on this forum over the age of 30 and never kissed and a virgin should give up any hope of finding a future mate?

There may even be some here that had no prospect like you did and going on a date.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Yes, a gigantic one. Never felt so strong for a woman before. She said she also never felt so strong for anybody before aswell. Daily contact for 6 months, 2-3 hours in phone everyday etc. But 3 days ago she lost interest in me and blocked me everywhere. It happend after i told her that i was still a kissless virgin at age 30. Im a honest man and dont want to hide things about me, but in hindsight, i should never have told her lol.

That's a very extreme reaction to something so trivial.

And I reckon if it wasn't that, she'd have found some other "fault" down the line, so get on...