Do looks matter to you?

[MehGuy]

I don’t understand the role they’ve had on your emotions. I value the opinions of those I love or I’m close to. But I pay little heed to feminists, SJW’s and the like. They’re strangers. I listen to feedback from those invested in my welfare and ignore the rest. Maybe you should do the same.

~Bella

Just my nature I guess.. I've always been extremely angry ever since I was a little kid.. besides these last few years.. but I think that's because of deep depression more than anything.

My mind can get very emotional and as a consequence black and white. The pure hatred can be thrilling. Although it's probably for the best that I'm more mellow now. Even if the reasons might not be the best.

 

[bèlla]

Just my nature I guess.. I've always been extremely angry ever since I was a little kid..

I’ve always been happy and upbeat. I don’t have much experience with depression. I had a friend who struggled with it long ago. But she overcame it. If you deal with mood swings and doldrums like she did you have my sympathy.

The pure hatred can be thrilling. Although it's probably for the best that I'm more mellow now. Even if the reasons might not be the best.

I can’t wrap my mind around that and won’t try.

Gloom isn’t my makeup. It has a negative effect on my psyche. Like you, I came to a similar realization. I’m wired for positivity and possibilities. The heavy stuff is out of my depth.

Its taken a while for me to recognize this and form connections that didn’t require me to operate outside of my comfort zone.

Hopefully, you’ll continue to relinquish the past and welcome the things to come.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

I’ve always been happy and upbeat. I don’t have much experience with depression. I had a friend who struggled with it long ago. But she overcame it. If you deal with mood swings and doldrums like she did you have my sympathy.

Certainly cannot relate to that, lol.

I can’t wrap my mind around that and won’t try.

Gloom isn’t my makeup. It has a negative effect on my psyche. Like you, I came to a similar realization. I’m wired for positivity and possibilities. The heavy stuff is out of my depth.

Part of the confusing psychology of someone with sadomasochistic tendencies.

This past year, I've tried to be a more positive and friendly person and it has only left me feeling more numb and depressed.

Its taken a while for me to recognize this and form connections that didn’t require me to operate outside of my comfort zone.

Hopefully, you’ll continue to relinquish the past and welcome the things to come.

~Bella

Nice to hear someone who's also self aware of themselves and others. It's a good trait that people at large should be practicing more often.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I’ve always been happy and upbeat. I don’t have much experience with depression. I had a friend who struggled with it long ago. But she overcame it. If you deal with mood swings and doldrums like she did you have my sympathy.



I can’t wrap my mind around that and won’t try.

Gloom isn’t my makeup. It has a negative effect on my psyche. Like you, I came to a similar realization. I’m wired for positivity and possibilities. The heavy stuff is out of my depth.

Its taken a while for me to recognize this and form connections that didn’t require me to operate outside of my comfort zone.

Hopefully, you’ll continue to relinquish the past and welcome the things to come.

~Bella

Think this hatred has anything to do with the atheism?

 

[MehGuy]

Think this hatred has anything to do with the atheism?

I was pretty hateful as a Christian too, lol.

I mean I know I'm suffering from "the atheism" but I can assure you, it hasn't made me any more angry than I normally am.. lol.

 

[bèlla]

Certainly cannot relate to that, lol.

I don’t believe we have the same makeup. There are nuances to our personality and experiences that make us unique.

Part of the confusing psychology of someone with sadomasochistic tendencies.

Gloom is found in all demographics. Including religious ones.

This past year, I've tried to be a more positive and friendly person and it has only left me feeling more numb and depressed.

I’ve had similar moments of unhappiness and unease. They were related to behavioral changes that seemed appropriate but opposed my personality and principles. The moment of truth arrived when I realized the futility putting of an apple in an orange grove. Its out of place.

I recollected the things that brought me joy and the pleasure I experienced in like-minded company. I recalled the laughter, support, sharing, and genuine regard we had for one another. And when I’m where I’m meant to be and doing the things placed on my heart, I’m fulfilled.

I remembered a passage that drove this home. “What fellowship does light have with darkness?”

None. We’re like oil and water. One common denominator won’t make us mesh because I’m not invested. Faith is not enough. I need more than that to bond, love, and support. To be all-in.

And that was liberating.

There comes a time when we need to stop trying..doing..juggling and just be. Be the person we were meant to be. Not the one the world suggests or people we know.

Until you do, you’re going through the motions and walking in a zombie state like the rest. Embracing my makeup and the life I’ve been given meant saying no to everything that suggested otherwise.

There were no losses. I gained the peace I forsook by being where I didn’t belong. The ‘right thing’ was killing me. But I’m better now.

~Bella

 

[blackribbon]

Honestly.. most men over the age of 25 place much more emphasis on youthfulness than weight. I know plenty of older men who prefer to date chubby younger chicks than thin ones their own age.

Feminism just wants to make it sound like a weight issue, because they want the easier burden that can be fixed with proper diet.. not the harsher reality of something they can't really change.

As a woman, i have only heard one woman reject a guy because he wasnt tall enough and she was 5 ft 11 in so i believe had a point. She didnt require her dates to be taller than her but wanted them to within a couple inches. I suggest that if the women you are asking out actually reject you related to height, you are hanging out with the wrong crowd or maybe they are saying this because they believe it is nicer than the real reason they are turning you down. Even if you are 5ft 6in, there are plenty of women that height or shorter. Start asking these women out.

 

[MehGuy]

As a woman, i have only heard one woman reject a guy because he wasnt tall enough and she was 5 ft 11 in so i believe had a point. She didnt require her dates to be taller than her but wanted them to within a couple inches. I suggest that if the women you are asking out actually reject you related to height, you are hanging out with the wrong crowd or maybe they are saying this because they believe it is nicer than the real reason they are turning you down. Even if you are 5ft 6in, there are plenty of women that height or shorter. Start asking these women out.

Does the same apply for men not really rejecting women based on their looks? Lol.

 

[blackribbon]

Does the same apply for men not really rejecting women based on their looks? Lol.

Not sure what you are saying? I do know men who have refused to date women because they aren't attractive enough for their tastes. However, I'd tell those women to ignore them and focus on men who weren't so shallow.

Women and men of all levels of attractiveness get married on a regular basis. Most married people I know aren't models and some are even sort of homely in my opinion. That didn't stop them from finding a spouse who finds them attractive and love them.

I'd say don't waste your time on the opinions of those who don't fine you attractive. It is sort of a waste of time and doesn't mean much anyway.

 

[MehGuy]

Not sure what you are saying? I do know men who have refused to date women because they aren't attractive enough for their tastes. However, I'd tell those women to ignore them and focus on men who weren't so shallow.

Women and men of all levels of attractiveness get married on a regular basis. Most married people I know aren't models and some are even sort of homely in my opinion. That didn't stop them from finding a spouse who finds them attractive and love them.

I'd say don't waste your time on the opinions of those who don't fine you attractive. It is sort of a waste of time and doesn't mean much anyway.

You're basically saying it's extremely rare for a woman to reject a man because of his short height.. just wondering if the same applies for men rejecting fat women and the like. Maybe he's just saying it's her weight because they want to be nicer than telling her the real reason he's rejecting her.

I'm not worried about finding a spouse, I get interest from women.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

View attachment 268487

LOL...such a double standard...

I'll do you one BETTER>..

A while ago, ON OKC upid...I met a woman. Got to the phone call and she revealed to me, over the phone...that her age ON the profile wasn't her real age. SHe was actually rather attractive for a woman her age...so I don't know why the need to hide it.

So obviously I asked, "SO...um...what IS your age?"

She gives me the, "A lady never tells" line. First of all, that's a line used by women of a different generation, obviously. lol

I said, "WEll, it isn't fair, since you know MY age, right?" Then she came back with some lame excuse or some "it's a lady's prerogative" or some dble standard BS stuff.

But you see, I let it slide and decided to go out with her anyway. I knew that I would be asking her lady, because ...well...THIS is someone you're dating. Right?

2 dates in, I asked her to come clean with her age....and she STILL would NOT tell me. No sir! Eventually, I kept pushing, and she ghosted me. Not sure what this woman's obsession with age was, but that's pretty vain of her.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I am 5'11, if women prefer taller, ok by me. I do not date overweight women. And since the average woman in the U.S. is now 5'4" and 170lbs, there are few for me to chose from.

Wow, they weigh as about as much as I do, and I'm taller.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Your average American woman and man are fat, overweight, obese. There is no nice way to put it.

Yep...and there are Netflix docs that prove this. There's even an obesity issue with young children.

Last woman I dated, I have to say...some women wear it well. Like, if they have a few extra on them....and they fill out proportionately, it accentuates their curves....and you cant really notice the weight too much.

Anyways, she was 5'6".5 and 145 lbs. That would be considered overweight by a nutritionist and it was all in the hips and caboose....and...let's just say...I wasn't disappointed. lol

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Now that I’m delving into historical sewing and exploring interests like English country dance; the opportunity for similar experiences (including reenactment and costume balls) is a pleasant surprise.

I didn’t expect the things I watched to become life experiences. That’s pretty surreal.

English country dance was a life experience I had regularly for a whole year at primary school. When I was about seven years old my teacher at the time was a lovely old lady with an unconventional approach to physical education. Once or twice a week the class would go to the gym, but instead of climbing the wall bars and using the other gymnasium equipment we did English country dancing. The teacher had a pile of records, and on the back of the sleeve was printed the instructions for the dance. So she would take a few minutes teaching us what to do, then the music would come on and all the children would dance together.

The music I danced to as a child was a higher tempo than this video clip, but the movements and patterns we did were similar. Lower tempo music is obviously desirable in some situations as it allows for long, smouldering gazes with your partner!

At the end of the year I moved on to another teacher, and I never did English country dance again, but I have attended a few Ceilidh dances which has some similarity to English country dance.

Now I am mostly just dancing Salsa. Like this, but without the close holds.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Do looks matter to you?

I voted for 'It's a balance', but I'm not overly concerned by prettiness or beauty.

The looks I'm most interested in are those that give away someone's interests, hobbies, and general approach to life, because for me those things are what determine compatibility.

For example, I'm unlikely to be very attracted to a lady who wears a lot of makeup and has acrylic nails and false eyelashes. But if a lady turns up riding a bicycle I'll be hoping that I can get to know her.

 

[bèlla]

English country dance was a life experience I had regularly for a whole year at primary school.

My grandparent’s Catholic parish hosted dances and social events. They wanted to provide wholesome entertainment for families. I attended them in grammar school and our high school had a dance component to PE classes. I participated in modern dance concerts in my youth.

But English country dance (along with ballroom and Latin dances) are my favorite forms. Though swing is pretty fun. You were fortunate to have an instructor who provided a good experience at an early age.

Do you attribute your current interests to her influence?

We have a local group that meets monthly. I’m looking forward to going. There are several Regency balls, costume, and historical events that accommodate that style of dance and attire. Being able to create my own ball gowns reignited my interest.

I love the video! The smoldering is evident but it’s kept in check. That bolsters the intrigue and allure.

Were the Ceilidh dances difficult? And that’s a great song for salsa! Very passionate.

~Bella

 

[Lost4words]

For me, its all about the smell. But i definitely wouldnt recommend humans to try the same thing!

 

[JustSomeBloke]

But I pay little heed to feminists, SJW’s and the like.

Same here. I only read The Guardian to get a different point of view, and because I sometimes find the op-eds and associated BTL comments to be entertaining.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Fat arms, fat legs, fat middle.......I am not attracted to fat.


View attachment 268492

All those pictures look lovely to me.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Do you attribute your current interests to her influence?

No. I did not do any partner dances for a long time after that. Although it might have helped me to develop a good sense of rhythm. Next time I tried partner dance was after being invited by a friend at work (his girlfriend wanted to go, and I think he wanted some moral support).

Were the Ceilidh dances difficult?

No. And the ones I've attended have always been very casual affairs with plenty of drinking. In that situation you can't expect very much coordination or intricate steps.

Very passionate.

That track is quite often played at salsa dances, but a puritanical DJ wouldn't play it, because it's not real salsa.