Do looks matter to you?

[blackribbon]

You're basically saying it's extremely rare for a woman to reject a man because of his short height.. just wondering if the same applies for men rejecting fat women and the like. Maybe he's just saying it's her weight because they want to be nicer than telling her the real reason he's rejecting her.

I'm not worried about finding a spouse, I get interest from women.

I said I knew no woman who had ever rejected a man for that stupid reason. I also know plenty of men who will date heavier women...so I don't even given the ones who want a pencil thin woman a second thought. As for the rest of your statement, you are sort of ridiculous as well as the mean you claimed earlier. Fat women get married every day. So do short men. Life continuous. It is sort of a petty thing to get hung up on. It also sounds like a way to blame others rather than deal with living a good life.

 

[bèlla]

No. I did not do any partner dances for a long time after that. Although it might have helped me to develop a good sense of rhythm.

Dancing is a great skill to develop. Do you enjoy other styles besides salsa?

No. And the ones I've attended have always been very casual affairs with plenty of drinking. In that situation you can't expect very much coordination or intricate steps.

I’m hoping for a happy medium. I expect the Versailles ball to be over the top. But the others should be more restrained.

~Bella

 

[Citanul]

All those pictures look lovely to me.

I would agree. None of them appear fat to me, so I don't think the picture proved the point that was trying to be made.

 

[bèlla]

The woman in those images would not fit an industry size 12 garment. All women’s clothing uses vanity sizing. That measures:

Bust: 34
Waist: 26 1/2
Hips: 36

She looks closer to a 16. Which is plus-size. Someone with those measurements would look more like this.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I consider the woman to be chubby (fat) and not for me when it comes to whom I am attracted to. Many men are fine with chubby/fat, and many women will defend chubby/fat as the norm, which it has become.

THIS is more "fat/obsese" than the previously posted...

I was talking to a friend of mine that works at a gym. A married, petite, athletic woman was trying to set him up with her friend (who is single).

Keep in mind, he keeps in shape, but for some reason...the woman trying to set him up, for some reason, didn't keep that in mind when trying to set him up.

But...he's pretty sly when it comes to finding out an idea of what this unseen person looks like by asking this, "What would you say is her most attractive feature?"

She responds, "Her eyes!"

And he's telling me "Okay, that's the only part of the body you chose, and you chose the eyes...the part that never gets bigger?" And he says, "Okay, compare your waist to her's by putting your hands apart"

So she puts her hands to what she thought her friend's waistline would be...and it must've been 3 times her friend's size.

He goes, "That's a hockey puck!"

 

[ThisIsMe123]

View attachment 268564

Indeed....I may be better off finding a Filipino or some Asian woman, that way I am guaranteed to not have a woman that has a strict height requirement. lol

About the aformentioned posted thicker women...I don't mind that too much, believe or not...I was actually rejected by such a woman when a female friend set us up...via Facebook messenger. She was actually into the same geeky stuff that I'm into.

I sent her friend a message, introducing myself...telling her I know her friend that was going to introduce me to her.

"Read"...silence

Me: "Hello...you there?"

Her: "Silence"

I go back to her friend to find out what was up. She told me that she simply wasn't physically attracted...and I told her, "Wow, really? Has she looked in the mirror lately? Checked the bathroom scale lately?"

 

[bèlla]

I go back to her friend to find out what was up. She told me that she simply wasn't physically attracted...and I told her, "Wow, really? Has she looked in the mirror lately? Checked the bathroom scale lately?"

Attraction is innate and we are drawn to different things. Qualities that trip our switch and those that don’t. Some people can forgo them in deference to other benefits and some can’t. It doesn’t make them bad if they stick to their guns.

~Bella

 

[Mel2020]

All those pictures look lovely to me.

They are lovely.

I am a big women myself, and I totally understand that some men don’t prefer this type of frame or weight, just as some women don’t prefer a man who’s ugly or short. It all comes down to preference. People are drawn to different areas of attraction.

I just don’t mix well with those who are negative about it - if you don’t like a woman who’s too fat or too skinny then fine but no need to put them down. Just like women who don’t like a man who’s too ugly or too short or too tall, we all have flaws and if you know yourself in Christ, you know that you were made wonderfully and fairfully.

 

[Mel2020]

Someone recently pointed that out, and triggered some people who brought up anorexia and bulimia, and reminded the world that they were bad, and these images were needed to fight it. Binge eating is just as bad.

I was going to say something similar, although I don’t get offended about being big, and I know it’s not healthy, but you could say the same about those who are underweight or have the average body mass but have underlying health issues.

But this thread isn’t about all that, I want to know do looks matter and clearly for most - they do, and that’s okay. For the minority that say looks don’t matter, that’s okay as well.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

My guess is if looks didn't matter then we would all be in relationships.

 

[Sketcher]

My guess is if looks didn't matter then we would all be in relationships.

I wouldn't be. Several others wouldn't be either.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I wouldn't be. Several others wouldn't be either.

Only 9% said that looks didnt matter so maybe only 91% of us.

 

[Mel2020]

For those who have commented or believe that looks DONT matter, what matters to you then? In terms of attraction?

 

[MehGuy]

I don’t believe we have the same makeup. There are nuances to our personality and experiences that make us unique.

Yeah but some are further off the spectrum than others.

Gloom is found in all demographics. Including religious ones.

A lot more than gloom.

I’ve had similar moments of unhappiness and unease. They were related to behavioral changes that seemed appropriate but opposed my personality and principles. The moment of truth arrived when I realized the futility putting of an apple in an orange grove. Its out of place.

I recollected the things that brought me joy and the pleasure I experienced in like-minded company. I recalled the laughter, support, sharing, and genuine regard we had for one another. And when I’m where I’m meant to be and doing the things placed on my heart, I’m fulfilled.

I remembered a passage that drove this home. “What fellowship does light have with darkness?”

None. We’re like oil and water. One common denominator won’t make us mesh because I’m not invested. Faith is not enough. I need more than that to bond, love, and support. To be all-in.

And that was liberating.

There comes a time when we need to stop trying..doing..juggling and just be. Be the person we were meant to be. Not the one the world suggests or people we know.

What if who you are is fundamentally bad? Maybe not fundamentally bad, but enjoying hatred and anger isn't very good.

Until you do, you’re going through the motions and walking in a zombie state like the rest. Embracing my makeup and the life I’ve been given meant saying no to everything that suggested otherwise.

There were no losses. I gained the peace I forsook by being where I didn’t belong. The ‘right thing’ was killing me. But I’m better now.

~Bella

Think I'm doomed to walk like a zombie.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah but some are further off the spectrum than others.

There’s latitude within that spectrum. You may find yourself in a different place later on. The important point is accepting yourself as is.

What if who you are is fundamentally bad? Maybe not fundamentally bad, but enjoying hatred and anger isn't very good.

The shadow is rarely pleasant but it’s often not as bleak as we suspect. Don’t get hung up on your enjoyment. Focus on what your anger is trying to reveal. It’s probably your subconscious at work.

Mine rears its head as annoyance.

Think I'm doomed to walk like a zombie.

You’re inquisitive. Keep digging. You’ll find the answers. Oftentimes they arrive unexpectedly.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

There’s latitude within that spectrum. You may find yourself in a different place later on. The important point is accepting yourself as is.

I know.. but after trying to find a good fit in a decade.. I'm starting to lose hope.

The shadow is rarely pleasant but it’s often not as bleak as we suspect. Don’t get hung up on your enjoyment. Focus on what your anger is trying to reveal. It’s probably your subconscious at work.

Mine rears its head as annoyance.

It is bleak.. I fundamentally enjoy being angry. Being hated and hating others. Ever since I was a kid, to a guy pushing 30.

You’re inquisitive. Keep digging. You’ll find the answers. Oftentimes they arrive unexpectedly.

~Bella

That's the problem.. I am inquisitive, and have a pretty good knowledge about my own psychology.. I can't see how I can really change. Either be myself and a bad person, or be a zombie for the rest of my life.

 

[bèlla]

I know.. but after trying to find a good fit in a decade.. I'm starting to lose hope.

Maybe that’s the problem. Stop trying and examining yourself. Leave the psychological scrutiny alone and try being instead. You can work a dough to the point where its ruined and I think you’ve done enough analysis for a while.

It is bleak.. I fundamentally enjoy being angry. Being hated and hating others. Ever since I was a kid, to a guy pushing 30.

Your feelings haven’t compelled you to act on them inappropriately. That’s an important difference. Anything taken to an extreme can be harmful. Just because you don’t understand the reason you feel this way doesn’t mean you’re bad. Not knowing is okay.

You’re cognizant of your feelings and haven’t buried them. And you aren’t afraid to admit them openly. That’s brave. Most would rather save face.

I’ve learned to live the questions. I don’t overanalyze my behavior or emotions. Some things take time to discern and my efforts don’t always help. Things can get murkier. Taking my hands off is usually best.

The challenge in all of this is your willingness to put your attention on things that bring you joy and add value to your life. Stop finding fault and looking at the unpleasant aspects of your person. There’s more to you than that.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

Maybe that’s the problem. Stop trying and examining yourself. Leave the psychological scrutiny alone and try being instead. You can work a dough to the point where its ruined and I think you’ve done enough analysis for a while.



Your feelings haven’t compelled you to act on them inappropriately. That’s an important difference. Anything taken to an extreme can be harmful. Just because you don’t understand the reason you feel this way doesn’t mean you’re bad. Not knowing is okay.

You’re cognizant of your feelings and haven’t buried them. And you aren’t afraid to admit them openly. That’s brave. Most would rather save face.

I’ve learned to live the questions. I don’t overanalyze my behavior or emotions. Some things take time to discern and my efforts don’t always help. Things can get murkier. Taking my hands off is usually best.

The challenge in all of this is your willingness to put your attention on things that bring you joy and add value to your life. Stop finding fault and looking at the unpleasant aspects of your person. There’s more to you than that.

~Bella

I don't know.. my family on my mother's side lived their lives as themselves.. and they are some of the few people I'd call evil.

Despite never having met them, I can see their ability for incredible anger and hatred within myself.

 

[bèlla]

Despite never having met them, I can see their ability for incredible anger and hatred within myself.

The story isn’t finished. What you see within yourself isn’t the final word. And you’ve probably magnified its presence. Unpleasantness often looms larger than it is.

You need someone in your corner whose vision is unclouded. A person who sees beauty amidst the scars and brokenness. Someone who believes in you.

A person you can bare your soul to who won’t turn away in fear when they encounter the real you.

Someone who takes your hand and won’t let go. Nor do you. Belief is powerful. What you’re wrestling with is difficult to surmount alone. And random exchanges are not enough.

You need consistency. Daily nuggets that multiply over time and become tiny seeds of truth. You’ll refute them at first. But after a while you’ll begin to change. Little by little.

I’ve walked that path many times with others. I think you’ll be well served if she’s your partner. You may find your concept of love (and its absence) evolving.

This is your need. We all have one. You needn’t berate yourself or believe it’s hopeless. This has a bigger purpose. One that isn’t evident but you’ll understand later on.

There’s beauty in weakness and in need. But you can’t discover it without surrender. Until you realize you can’t fix what’s off or hurts. You’ve got to open and allow the help to find its way to you. Don’t reason it away or place stumbling blocks in its path.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

The story isn’t finished. What you see within yourself isn’t the final word. And you’ve probably magnified its presence. Unpleasantness often looms larger than it is.

You need someone in your corner whose vision is unclouded. A person who sees beauty amidst the scars and brokenness. Someone who believes in you.

A person you can bare your soul to who won’t turn away in fear when they encounter the real you.

Someone who takes your hand and won’t let go. Nor do you. Belief is powerful. What you’re wrestling with is difficult to surmount alone. And random exchanges are not enough.

You need consistency. Daily nuggets that multiply over time and become tiny seeds of truth. You’ll refute them at first. But after a while you’ll begin to change. Little by little.

I’ve walked that path many times with others. I think you’ll be well served if she’s your partner. You may find your concept of love (and its absence) evolving.

This is your need. We all have one. You needn’t berate yourself or believe it’s hopeless. This has a bigger purpose. One that isn’t evident but you’ll understand later on.

There’s beauty in weakness and in need. But you can’t discover it without surrender. Until you realize you can’t fix what’s off or hurts. You’ve got to open and allow the help to find its way to you. Don’t reason it away or place stumbling blocks in its path.

~Bella

I've been pondering about what you said these past few days.. I don't know.. maybe I should try to "being" for a while. I've tried it a little bit, and have felt some light/hope.