Do looks matter to you?

[MehGuy]

I have "Bette Davis eyes" and grew up being called "bug eyes". Even my gynecologist looked at me and said she was going to run a thyroid test because of my "bug eyed" look. (Fired her pretty quick because of her lack of tack...and my thyroid is just fine). I never had any problems getting a date ... (well, until I got old and tired) in spite of those "bug eyes" which enough guys, including my husband, actually found attractive. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Who is "attractive" is also unique and individual.

I can see that. Maybe those people who call you "bug eyed" are just jealous? Is it usually more women than men who make such comments?

 

[bèlla]

My Man Godfrey, The Gold Diggers of 1933, Rope, Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, It Happened One night, To The Ends Of The Earth.

That’s a nice selection of films. Hopefully, you find a fellow movie buff who shares your passion.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

That’s a nice selection of films. Hopefully, you find a fellow movie buff who shares your passion.

~Bella

I got a lot more compatibility problems to worry about than that.. lol.

What films do you like?

 

[MehGuy]

I did want to ask you though...considering that some older women are hitting the gym, watching what they eat, etc. I have seen some head turning 40-somethings. Sometimes even 50 somethings. Basically, older women that have kept their figures looking young. Would you make an exception then? I know I sure would.

Sure. I think you're taking a little bit too much about the peak being 22. Doesn't mean once a woman hits 23 she's totally unattractive to men. Some 40 year old women are attractive. Maybe I'd date them.. I'm just trying to say that men like women have feminine and masculine concerns.. while women don't like shorter men.. many might give men like Tom Cruise a pass.

If a 40s something Phoebe Cates wanted to go out with me, I doubt I'd say no. Lol.

 

[Niels]

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Who is "attractive" is also unique and individual.

True.

Unfortunately, some of us like to zero in on one or two traits and wallow in self pity. Refusing to acknowledge that others see life from different perspectives than our own. I wonder what's less attractive; one's perceived deficiencies, or extreme self pity? Complaining about our own looks doesn't make us more attractive, that's for sure.

Sometimes looks, age, and height have nothing to do with why a person doesn't find that special someone. Sometimes "being a nice guy" or even a Christian doesn't make a person good spouse material.

It's also worth noting that not even finding a spouse makes a person good spouse material, either. As evidenced by so many broken hearts and broken homes.

Each and every person on this planet is flawed, of course, yet that doesn't stop marriages from happening. Sometimes, it's just harder to find a suitable companion.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

Looks matter of course but its the inside that counts.

 

[bèlla]

I got a lot more compatibility problems to worry about than that.. lol.

I’m sure they’re not that bad.

What films do you like?

I saw my share growing up. They were a popular feature Saturday on a local station. It was a precursor to the period reproductions I’d grow to love.

I don’t have a favorite. But I see their influence in other areas. Namely, style and mannerisms. That carried over to PBS airings of Masterpiece Theater and BBC’s productions. I really enjoyed them.

I was drawn to the films, costumes, and ambiance. Now that I’m delving into historical sewing and exploring interests like English country dance; the opportunity for similar experiences (including reenactment and costume balls) is a pleasant surprise.

I didn’t expect the things I watched to become life experiences. That’s pretty surreal.

~Bella

 

[blackribbon]

I can see that. Maybe those people who call you "bug eyed" are just jealous? Is it usually more women than men who make such comments?

It was little children...and probably boys. I don't remember being called names by girls.

I always have seen Bette Davis as being unattractive because of her eyes. Probably was shaped by the boys who made fun of me as a child. Over the years, people have always complemented my eyes (both men and women) but it was because of their color, a deep blue. I think they notice is because I tend to actually look people in the eyes and often make solid eye contact with even strangers.

 

[blackribbon]

True.

Unfortunately, some of us like to zero in on one or two traits and wallow in self pity. Refusing to acknowledge that others see life from different perspectives than our own. I wonder what's less attractive; one's perceived deficiencies, or extreme self pity? Complaining about our own looks doesn't make us more attractive, that's for sure.



It's also worth noting that not even finding a spouse makes a person good spouse material, either. As evidenced by so many broken hearts and broken homes.

Each and every person on this planet is flawed, of course, yet that doesn't stop marriages from happening. Sometimes, it's just harder to find a suitable companion.

In this case, the 'being alone is better than being in an unhappy marriage' is truth and not a cliche. The longer I am alone after being in a happy marriage convinces me that the so called the cliche is good advice...both from experience (being alone has some perks) and from the sadness I feel when I hear about other people talk about their unhappy marriages or watch people go through divorce.

 

[blackribbon]

Since I was young, I could recognize a physically "beautiful" person but I can't say I considered them attractive. I don't think I have ever been attracted to a picture of someone I didn't know. "Attractive" can't be separated from the personality. To be attractive, I have to know something about a person's personality. If a pic is "attractive" it is likely because they remind me of someone whom I do like their personality...so it is an assumed persona.

Beautiful and handsome...are not synonyms for attractive in my opinion.

 

[Coolbutclueless]

I think pretty much anyone has the capacity to be fairly attractive. Decent hygiene, not being super overweight, and wearing clothing that fits correctly isn't complicated stuff.

So, while someone might be super attractive, i'm also aware that the personality underneath the looks can make the person much more (or less) attractive.

 

[kittysbecute]

Re: OP
Character is a prerequisite, looks are a bonus.

 

[MehGuy]

It was little children...and probably boys. I don't remember being called names by girls.

I always have seen Bette Davis as being unattractive because of her eyes. Probably was shaped by the boys who made fun of me as a child. Over the years, people have always complemented my eyes (both men and women) but it was because of their color, a deep blue. I think they notice is because I tend to actually look people in the eyes and often make solid eye contact with even strangers.

Sorry to hear about that.

Apparently Bette Davis herself didn't think too highly about her looks.. which seems crazy. Even if they might seem buggy eyed at times, men love large eyes. Perhaps maybe you looked a little out of proportion as a kid with them.. but grew into them just fine?

 

[MehGuy]

I’m sure they’re not that bad.



I saw my share growing up. They were a popular feature Saturday on a local station. It was a precursor to the period reproductions I’d grow to love.

I don’t have a favorite. But I see their influence in other areas. Namely, style and mannerisms. That carried over to PBS airings of Masterpiece Theater and BBC’s productions. I really enjoyed them.

I was drawn to the films, costumes, and ambiance. Now that I’m delving into historical sewing and exploring interests like English country dance; the opportunity for similar experiences (including reenactment and costume balls) is a pleasant surprise.

I didn’t expect the things I watched to become life experiences. That’s pretty surreal.

~Bella

Cool. I used to hate old films as a kid (besides the odd one like The Wizard Of Oz).. but have grown to appreciate them. In fact I probably enjoy older films than the newer ones out today.

 

[blackribbon]

More likely that kids just like to make fun of other kids. I looked fine as a kid.

Anyway, the truth is that most people are attractive in one way or another to some other person. It isn't worth spending time focusing on those that don't find you attractive and is worth time investing in what can make you more attractive to more people...and this is more often best invested in building your character and not changing your looks.

 

[bèlla]

Cool. I used to hate old films as a kid (besides the odd one like The Wizard Of Oz).. but have grown to appreciate them. In fact I probably enjoy older films than the newer ones out today.

I watch few movies these days for similar reasons. I never tire of period films. There’s a wholesomeness and respect for the sexes that isn’t prevalent in modern films. Men are held in high esteem and so are women. Its a pleasant change from the norm.

~Bella

 

[MehGuy]

I watch few movies these days for similar reasons. I never tire of period films. There’s a wholesomeness and respect for the sexes that isn’t prevalent in modern films. Men are held in high esteem and so are women. Its a pleasant change from the norm.

~Bella

Hmm might not share the exact same sentiments.. but there is an honest quality you don't see in many films today.

 

[MehGuy]

More likely that kids just like to make fun of other kids. I looked fine as a kid.

That's good.. be grateful for those large eyes. Don't ever feel bad for them.

Anyway, the truth is that most people are attractive in one way or another to some other person. It isn't worth spending time focusing on those that don't find you attractive and is worth time investing in what can make you more attractive to more people...and this is more often best invested in building your character and not changing your looks.

Yeah.. but you still have to deal with doubt.. like the person you're with is not as satisfied with your appearance as she's letting on. What else am I supposed to feel when women constantly harp about height? Even more.. when I understand the psychology behind it?

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I’m not trying to sound vain or anything but I want honest answers.

Would you want someone who was appointed to be your spouse to be vain ? (empty)

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Looks often have a deeper psychological meaning behind them, such that having physical requirements is not as shallow as most assume.

For me looks certainly matter. If I do not find her attractive there is zero chance I'll ever be able to be romantic with her. She does not have to have perfect bone structure or anything, but she must hit a proper feminine target.

Just as women tend to highly value height, men highly value youthfulness. As someone who is hitting the age of 30 I tend to find most women around my age unappealing. Even if they have pleasing aesthetics its not the same. While women several years younger than me emit a more feminine attraction. As I said before looks have psychological underpinnings to them. Just as women report to finding taller men more attractive because it makes them feel more feminine and protected, men find younger women more attractive because they feel more masculine because they have a greater sense of being protective of her.

As a short man, I'm not going to be too sympathetic about forgoing my own attractions. Studies show shorter men marry later, but to younger women. That is certainly the case with the short men in my family. A several year age gap is the minimum from studying my family tree.

Meh Guy,

Speaking of which, I saw this recent inflammatory post on Twitter regarding Taylor Swift...by a right wing YouTuber. It was in response to said article:

For Women Who Want Kids, 'the Sooner the Better': 90 Percent of Eggs Gone By Age 30

Stefan Molyneux on Twitter

If you don't have Twitter, here's what was said....

I can’t believe Taylor Swift is about to turn 30 - she still looks so young! It’s strange to think that 90% of her eggs are already gone - 97% by the time she turns 40 - so I hope she thinks about having kids before it’s too late! She’d be a fun mom.

The response was met with total anger, someone called him "Creepy" for saying this and he said, "interesting how someone uses the word 'creepy' when it's a biological fact".

I was like "WOW!"